Through no fault of my own, I’ve been going out and getting drunk pretty much every day since last Friday. Every single time I’ve gone out I’ve noticed something that’s enraged me: attractive black women standing around dancing with nobody and, in many cases, seeming not to be having fun even within their own groups. This enrages me because hot black women are standing around bored while marginally attractive white women and asian/indian women who are so short they can’t ride most rollercoasters have the time of their lives.
As an astute observer of human behavior, I’ve noticed (and in some cases even documented) the behavior of black women in particular that tends to make them less approachable than members of other races. The following are my tips for increasing your approachability based on what I’ve seen. Before you jump down my throat, please understand that I am aware of other factors that our ladies have no control over that cause people to ‘pass over’ black girls. These are just simple tips to stack the odds a little more in your favor.
1.) Avoid large groups. Black women tend to follow an “if you’re gonna do it, do it big” philosophy when it comes to going out. They call all their fucking girlfriends and wind up at the club 8 - 10 deep. Unlike guys, they don’t show up and split up - they just stay together. Even the most confident and arrogant bastard in the world isn’t going to approach an entire platoon of women no matter how good they look. If you’re looking to snag (Indian term for communing with the opposite sex), you should roll preferably 2 deep but no more than 3 deep because guys usually ‘hunt’ alone or with one other guy. If you do show up in a group, split up into pairs and reconvene later.
2.) Body language. The thing that sucks about being a woman is that smiling and otherwise appearing approachable means that you’re going to have about 10 bozos approaching you for every non-bozo. I imagine this gets tiresome. Nonetheless, unless you run into someone who views making a scowling woman smile as a challenge, the scowl, folded arms, hands on hips, weight on one leg, and other negative indicators are just telling guys “this girl is in ‘bitch’ mode, and I’d just be wasting my time.”
3.) No Crescent. I’ve noticed that large groups of black women will, instead of dancing, line up in a weird Crescent-shaped formation near the walls. In this formation, you can usually see them pointing and laughing at people on the dance floor, which is never a good sign. Like a girl with her arms folded, the Crescent Formation casts a ‘Bitch’ shadow over the entire group and puts out a strong Waiting to Exhale vibe. If you’re in a big group, circle up and dance together. That invites the opportunity for a guy to ‘accidentally’ bump into you.
That’s all I’ve got for now. I’m sure there are others, and I’m sure the ladies have advice for men. Enjoy.
-Chris
Sometimes the club is just the same old same old.
Bravo sir.
Smaller groups are workable (by the right guy) but large groups…you just know that someone in the group is likely to make fun of you (no matter what) and thus render you ineligible to the others in the group.
I have been known to work a small group, but my man was a pro…we used to sic him on small groups to get their info so we could chill with them at another time.
last Friday, a bunch of girlfriends went out to celebrate my sorors birthday. we were like 7-8 deep. we danced in a huge circle and had a ton of fun. but, at some point in the night, i got lost from everyone for like an hour, due to getting cute and tipsy. it was only when i was alone, in the wilds of the club, that i was approached by guys. its something i never really paid attention to, but now that i think about it, i get approached by guys way more when its just me and my homegirl than i do when we have “ladies’ night” going on. thanks for breaking it down Chris. it all makes sense now.
Good advice.
Nothing worse than a pack of women where 6/8 look like wildabeests and have the nerve to pick at other women. I am guilty of this in my early years.
Before I got married, me and my girls had a rule, no more than three to a car/pack/group. And we all were equally attractive. So, while we still stood around drinking, very rarely dancing, picking at marginal looking women, men, we were at least a wee bit more approachable. llllllllooooolll Thre wre times I went to the club by my damn self. Shit, you know everyone in there anyway.
go out have a good time and loosen up on the gang mentality.
I was thinking last night how I am tired of everything being so freaking complicated due to the fact that I am both Black and female. It’s even more frustrating that we have to go an extra mile to deal with our menfolk. And when we meet one, it’s like tightrope walking or being on “Afro-America’s Next Top Girlfriend”- audtioning, instead of being courted.
That aside, I think this is sound advice. I know I have been told to work on looking “so serious”. But unless I am engaged in a conversation, my brain is working 1000MPH and my thinking face is not a smiling one.
Chris- I love your word choices! Just a week ago, I remarked at a concert “There must have been a sale on marginal looking white women!” in front of a brother who had brought one with. He was PISSED, probably because he knew I was right.
Thre wre
Damn is my “e” stuck?
Sister,
you are not nice. Funny, but not nice. We could def. roll.
The wall is a safe place because then men can’t roll up on you and start grinding on your hind quarters. That way you can avoid awkward conversation and having to do the (Chappelle’s show) robot to escape.
This reminds me of college. You knew who the freshmen girls were cuz they all danced together in a big ass circle. It could be difficult to infiltrate the group.
Me and my man, who is good to sic on groups, used to go to this reggae night. There would be a bunch of fine women dancing…the dudes (rastas, semi-rastas and I-just-want-to-fuck-a-girl-with-dreads-dudes) would be in the place holding up the wall. So we would have our routine of a shot of hennessy and a Stout…then we would jump right in the middle and start dancing…with basically every woman in the place.
So while this advice is good, it does bring down the numbers of dudes like my friend and I who would take advantage of the situation and thereby make the rest of the dudes look like Johnny-come-latelies as they try to ease their way to the floor.
the only time i roll in a group of more than 4 is when it’s a big mixed group for someones bday or something. no way in hell am i bout to go to the club with 8 of my homegirls.
I must admit, Idk “HOW” you dance…but a dancing man is a turn off for me…unless his name is Chris Brown..
POP IT AND LOCK IT AND GET YOU SOME RIHANNA.
As for advice for men, I would say:
-Stop sucking.
-Stop thinking you are God’s gift to the world because you went to college.
-Stop acting like mark-ass bitches.
-Stop being “flossy” to attract women. The money you spent on a $300 bottle of Grey Goose could have been put towards a gun that you should have used to kill yourself.
-Act like a fucking gentleman and not a rapper.
-Stop having rigid physical standards if you look like an old puppy. and stop getting mad when a pretty woman doesn’t want you. You know what the fuck you look like. At least try to be charming if you are lacking in looks.
-If a woman says “I have a man”, that means “I don’t want to talk to you”. This isn’t up for discussion, leave.
I am guilty of all of these things from time to time and I do them mostly because I am afraid of men who are strangers.
The only time I go out with me and just one girlfriend is if we go to the Gay Bar or the White Club.
But, I have to admit, I have never gone to a club or bar with the intention of meeting a man.
Esquire-
I am the nicest mean person in the world. 95% of the time, I am sweet as pie. But I when I flip it, I FLIP IT. We’d probably have a blast!
I don’t approach Black women because they always have something to prove. They can’t reject a dude on the low they try and do that lip thing and then look at their friends and say ” did you hear what he just said??” etc etc
- http://www.anythingblack.net/forums << holla
Well as you alluded to Chris mainly the unapproachable attitude is a defense mechanism. This is especially so in ethnically mixed environments. But men should know that, generally speaking, if a woman wants you to ask her to dance/ talk to her, she will give you signals. Sometimes though, like with me, those signals might be very subtle and easy to miss. Ultimately there is no easy solution to the problem because most women aren’t going to go to a club/ party without their crew and most importantly clubs really aren’t the best place to meet people.
He could use your advice ST
Yeah…taking my handle back to normal.
“Stop having rigid physical standards if you look like an old puppy. and stop getting mad when a pretty woman doesn’t want you. You know what the fuck you look like. At least try to be charming if you are lacking in looks.”
AMEN! I witnessed my gf talking to a male acquaintance, an obese and below-average-looking Black man, about how much men care about weight. He starts going to town on “big” Black women and how he is not trying to date one. My friend had to hit him with that good “You need to be grateful for any attention you GET, my brotha.” Because my God…in many situations it is so true.
This is good advice. However I don’t really go out. Because on the weekends I work “Out” And I have the stank face on because
1) I don’t want to be picked up. I’m working. And the people who come to my lounge are all douchebags who stunt.
2) For some reason guys like the stank face at my job, and the cocktail servers who offer the most resistance make the most money. Weird.
Plus, I feel like I will not meet my husband in the club, so why go? If I do go out it is just to dance, and sometimes I’ll dance with guys, but men seem to not be able to just “dance” they have to feel you up, pull up on your skirt/dress, try to hold your hand. Just DANCE!
Gaggles of girls…lol.
Advice for guys in the club:
1. NEVER EVER approach a woman on some “Hi baby/boo/hoe/sexy” shit because you WILL get shot down. Instead introduce yourself like you got some fucking sense.
2. If you dress thugged out in the club, you will be treated as if you are thugged out. Simply put, dress to impress.
3. Do not pull our hair, grab our ass, or play touchy feely when dancing, or even just passing by. That automatically gets us calling you dog to every girl in the club. Surefire way of not getting laid.
4. Don’t pull out wads of cash unless you’re looking to attract groupie golddigging hoe. Trust, the decent women will be turned off by your gesture.
Um yea, thats all I can think of.
“mark-ass bithces”? lol…. its like i’m in Cali back in ‘93….;-)
ladies i kinda get how you feel tho… i HATE to see a bunch of dudes holding up the walls while women dance alone… i’ll NEVER understand it…
i don’t like approaching packs, but after a few dranks i hit “fuck it” mode anyway and i’ll approach Stella’s family reunion with a smile….
not much of a dancer these days like i used to be… i got a drink and a two-step and i’m just inviting you to join in!
…with that being said: if you’re cute, and you smile at me, chances are, I’m going to grab you to go dance.
@ChaoticDiva
Men throwing money at women.
OH GOD.
I once attended one of those atrocious First Friday events. Some man comes up to me and goes “OOOH, GIRL. I will pay yo TUITION.”
I smiled and said jokingly, “You may want to rethink that offer. My tuition is considerably higher than you think it is because I’m not in undergrad.”
He responded, “I don’t give a DAMN. I STILL got more money than you.”
I was a little shocked. So, I ran away back to my gaggle of girlfriends. This man HUNTED ME DOWN to give me his number on a $100 bill and told me to let him “make this happen.”
I am still not exactly sure what “this” is, but I promptly whipped out my compact to see if somebody had stealthily written “goldiggerous ho” on my forehead.
@ Esquire
Me and my peoples would clean up getting on the dance floor first while everyone else acted shy. All it takes is a few people to get everyone else comfortable and even if you aren’t a great dancer you props lay in sparking it off for everyone for the night.
if all men headed sister toldja’s advice, the world would be a better place. numbers two and three are the most important:
-Stop thinking you are God’s gift to the world because you went to college.
-Stop acting like mark-ass bitches.
CHUCH!!!
dayum, I am gonna miss this blog. Chris, you hit the nail on the issue so precisely.
@amadeo
I feel you b/c I usually think that these music videos acting dudes are really playing themselves trying to be “too-tough tony” in the clubs. Go to the block w/ that nonsense. I am a dancer in a club (same ol’ two step) so it is annoying going to the club and having to suffer the residual of other dudes kicking it too hard on the ladies.
I was having this discussion with a co-worker and she told me this jewel that I always think about…
Girls go to clubs to impress other girls. Not in the sexual way, but meaning that girls gets dolled up and make sure to have the freak-um dress b/c they want to one-up each other. Sure, they are getting attention from men and men flock to them but they want the attention of men so that they can let the other females in the place know that they got it like that. From what I have seen girls have maintained that competitive edge against each other a lot more than guys with each other.
Guys go to clubs to find women…PERIOD!!! Guys could roll deep to a club but the goal is to each find a female or two to holla at.
So, b/c there are two different missions btw the two races, the never-ending cat and mouse game will always exist, similar to how they say men want sex, woman want relationship, etc.
lmao @ Jen…
Funny thing…thats how I met one of my guy friends who’s like a brother to me. He was throwing $20’s at my girl at some house party. Its hilarious though. When he’s drunk, he’s always like that. Hell, he has a different name when drunk (he calls himself Javier…his name is John). LMAO!
You know, he still does that shit, come to think of it…
Jen- I wish every asshole who approached me at least offered me $100 bucks. Like a convienience fee for having to deal with him. I bet my ass would start smiling in the club then!
“The money you spent on a $300 bottle of Grey Goose could have been put towards a gun that you should have used to kill yourself.”
@sista- lmfao- that’s funny right there, I don’t care who you are
Another tip for the ladies…if a dude is conducting himself properly and approaches a woman you KNOW is crazy. Warn him. Nothing ruins a good man faster then putting effort into someone who will eventually slash your tires and kill your dog because of something her last man did.
@ aceklub. So true. I admit to being guilty of it. But I do it so well! (lmao)
…I forgot what I was about to type. Shit.
@ Jen- did you keep the $100 bill??
“I was a little shocked. So, I ran away back to my gaggle of girlfriends. This man HUNTED ME DOWN to give me his number on a $100 bill and told me to let him “make this happen.”"
Holy fucking shit.
I am going to The Park tonight to see off my buddy Mandrew back to FL. My goal for the night: repeat the $100 bill scenario with Monopoly money.
Good God, 10pm cannot come fast enough.
Sistah Toldja,
You’re basically describing the burlesque of “the black guy at the club.” That’s just a small fraction of guys at the club. Chris is describing what many, if not *most* women do at the blub, and suggesting ways to help improve everybody’s experience there.
And as to your earlier reply, it seems backwards to suggest that on average the woman is the one interviewing with the man. It’s usually the other way around *in the beginning.* Now, past the first couple of dates/1st few sexual encounters, the “interview process” does tend to become more equitable and balanced in terms of who holds the power. But in the beginning? Y’all run tings.
“Me and my peoples would clean up getting on the dance floor first while everyone else acted shy. All it takes is a few people to get everyone else comfortable and even if you aren’t a great dancer you props lay in sparking it off for everyone for the night.”
That’s too true. It’s always the same routine. First half hour is that awkward phase where no one is dancing is only mingling with their own. Get those drinks in the system and there are shaking asses galore.
As far as approachability, I’m probably not “as approchable” when I first roll up in there, but when I get that vodka cranberry up in me, I’m a dancing fool. I LOVE to dance so the club is like someone turning on the dance switch in me. I never sit the hell down and I sweat like a whore in church. I probably lose about 15 Mary-Kate Olsens when I’m good and done. Thank GOD for an exercise that doesn’t feel like exercise.
@ amadeo…thats how I ended up with so many guy friends and a handful of girls that want to murder me.
Thank goodness these hoes are from Ann Arbor…easy to scrap with girly girls if it comes down to it, although I frown upon unnecessary violence against people who are less than worth it. I just let them get roasted by my “entourage”. lol.
I admit, I am a mean one when in the club. But I have a good time!
“Girls go to clubs to impress other girls. Not in the sexual way, but meaning that girls gets dolled up and make sure to have the freak-um dress b/c they want to one-up each other.”
No, no, HELL NO.
Wait, this is actually true for many women who obsess over shoes and bag choices. Not me though. I don’t dress for women. I could give TWO FUCKS what another woman thinks of how I look. I dress for 1) myself and 2) men. When other girls are obsessing over ‘do my shoes match my toenail polish”, I’m like “Am I showing enough leg? Too much cleavage? Does my dress flatter my shape?” I want to be enticing. Fuck these other girls! They are competition! I go to clubs and bars to have a good time, and to me meeting men is a good time! I came to flirt, drink and dance, not to get a gold star from some other chick for my outfit.
“I am going to The Park tonight to see off my buddy Mandrew back to FL. My goal for the night: repeat the $100 bill scenario with Monopoly money.”
ROFL!! Bonus points if you throw in a Boardwalk property card.
“I am going to The Park tonight to see off my buddy Mandrew back to FL. My goal for the night: repeat the $100 bill scenario with Monopoly money.”
Now that’s player… and hilarious
lol@Monopoly money.
I very hollowly told him that I couldn’t keep his money, but he would not take it back so I kept it and got some of those good, organic groceries from Whole Foods.
HAAAAYYYYYY!!!
Scorpus- Minus the “acting like a rapper” part, I just described 99.8% of Black men who went to college.
Also, I think the music has something to do with how people dance b/c the only way that you can dance to certain songs is to dry hump. You can’t two-step to “Love in the Club” or “Wipe Me Down” so when those songs come on, you usually have to revert back to the campus house parties.
“Girls go to clubs to impress other girls.”
I NEVER understood this horseshit. SOMEone explain this to me, Wikipedia style. I’ve seen examples of this claim run all kinds of rampant, but never fully understood WHY. Where does this mess come from?!
Chris me and my sorors (SKEE-WEE), along withe my sisters, cousins and other friends always go out in large groups-there are so many of us! It’s fun because, yeah, we spend a couple hours getting ready and may buy a new outfit and put on our 5 inch “do-me” pumps, but really we are going out for US. We are all pretty like-minded, and none of us are really out to catch a man, we are out to have fun, dance, look good, and get free drinks & food. Men still will approach us and the rest usually laugh at whoever is getting approached cuz the guy is 95.63% of the time a mess. Fact: when you see a group of attractive, sexy and confident women, trust that they are confident enough to approach you if they are interested! Men in the club is usually a no no…i mean, men go to the club, recycle the same line, overdraft their debit card and make a fool of themselves at least 38 consecutive times in conquest of club coochie-AND WE KNOW THIS!!!! If you are intriguing enough that we actually want to talk to you, then you will get a smile, sexy squint or maybe even the innocent lip lick (female LL Cool J)…BTW Chris, too bad I missed you while i was in DC last month-you need to get at this Boricua-Morena chica papi;)
If you want to avoid the dry hump…do not go to a club in Bmore that plays “Club” Music. House is cool. Club is like sex on the dance floor…I used to sit back and watch to see if I could point out someone having an orgasm.
@ st. Trust. I used to run with the supposed “it” girl click, and they got mad b/c I outed their trifling behavior b/c they were running their mouthes about lying ass bullshit.
But that was freshman year. Now I just go out looking good because it makes me feel good. I have grown up.
But tonight I’m going to the club, and hoping to get photos out of it since I got stood up last night. Then I’m posting those bitches on facebook. I hope he sees every last one of them. And I WILL find the hottest guy in the club to take a photo with (shit, may have to call in a favor…lmao).
I’m also hoping that my girl wants to drive so I can have more than one pineapple and vodka…Jenn’s gonna get loose!
Sorry. It’s the competitiveness coming out.
But yes, I like to show off my legs/abs to whatever female wants to go there, simply because I’m in shape.
Sistren Told-thou,
We really REALLY need to work on your cynicism towards black men. The kind of dude who thinks he’s Gog’s gift because he has B.A. may very well be the first dude in his family to attend college or something. Quality cats know that having a college education is not particularly special. Stop going to the colored clubs that charge $30 at the door. Don’t you know there’s an inverse relationship between how much you pay to get into a place and how low-brow it is?
Aceklub,
I think you’re onto something with this: “You can’t two-step to “Love in the Club” or “Wipe Me Down” so when those songs come on, you usually have to revert back to the campus house parties.”
Black American music has been largely undanceable since the death of New Jack Swing. I propose we promote an infusion of Cuban music and Salsa into the black consciousness, just like they did in the two Congos in the 40’s and 50’s to come up with their own spin for rhumba and later Soukouss.
@ scipio: you have a point. i would definitely rather be dancing to macossa or soukouss than Lollipop…
@ Cheekie:
Here’s the wiki version:
Girls that go to the club to compete with/impress other girls usually fall under these categories:
1. Ex nerdy girls that developed later in life.
2. Models (and they run in selective groups: maxim/king type girls, club promoter girls that are on flyers, and girls that do traditional high fashion).
3. Gaggles/Cliques (typically these girls aren’t in college, or are at community colleges, with maybe one intellect, that work at the mall and are wannabe models).
Type 1 girls usually travel alone, with a close friend (who’s usually not very attractive), or with Type 3 girls. You can tell them apart from Type 3 girls because they don’t walk around super arrogant, and are usually the approachable girls in the club.
Type 2 girls are pretty much out for publicity. They hang out with fellow models, and they usually group themselves by 1. A fashion show they did together, 2. A local modeling “agency”, or 3. Whatever entertainment company they work with. They usually act as if they are celebrities, although they are local girls, everyone knows their names, and girls love to hate them. Consider them untouchables, because they typically won’t talk to you unless you’re popular, or at least a local celebrity or college athlete, if not a national/global celebrity or pro athlete.
Type 3 girls go to the club because they think they’re as hot as, or hotter than Type 2 girls, despite them getting rejected from modeling gigs and pretty much getting passed over and rejected by decent men. These girls usually end up with potheads or wannabe rappers as boyfriends, and they talk to anything in the club that is over 6′ tall, looks like they have money, and is at least cute. They usually are the ones that flirt with guys in attempts to score free drinks across the board for all their girlfriends.
Been there, done that. Will never go there again. And yes, I’ve fallen under all 3 categories in my first 3 years of college.
I now fly solo with one good friend, and usually don’t even wear makeup or dress up much for the club. Unless I’m in the mode like today (i.e. revenge for standing me up mode).
Sister Toldja (16:09:54) :
As for advice for men, I would say:
-Stop sucking.
-Stop thinking you are God’s gift to the world because you went to college.
-Stop acting like mark-ass bitches.
-Stop being “flossy” to attract women. The money you spent on a $300 bottle of Grey Goose could have been put towards a gun that you should have used to kill yourself.
-Act like a fucking gentleman and not a rapper.
-Stop having rigid physical standards if you look like an old puppy. and stop getting mad when a pretty woman doesn’t want you. You know what the fuck you look like. At least try to be charming if you are lacking in looks.
-If a woman says “I have a man”, that means “I don’t want to talk to you”. This isn’t up for discussion, leave.
LMAO@This.
My absolute favorite: “Stop having rigid physical standards if you look like an old puppy. and stop getting mad when a pretty woman doesn’t want you. You know what the fuck you look like. At least try to be charming if you are lacking in looks.”
I have to agree with a lot of it though cuz she’s right. I’m married but I was always too frugal to waste money at the club. Shit I had a club budget. If I couldnt converse with you over two drinks and find something meaningful enough to get your phone number and maybe talk later, then I was done. Fuck that flossing in the club shit. Ladies, if you see dudes buying expensive liquors in the club please drink up and walk away. This dude can’t manage his money very well and if you enter a relationship he will probably attempt to waste all your money as well as his. People who really have money don’t have to show it.
WHOO HOO @ Cuban Salsa!!! I say a bit of Celia to get em going, and then get some Bachata going!
Sorry, I LOVE the Latin club. And I’m an overly proud Cuban. Only on the web. lol.
“If you want to avoid the dry hump…do not go to a club in Bmore that plays “Club” Music. House is cool. Club is like sex on the dance floor…I used to sit back and watch to see if I could point out someone having an orgasm.”
I think I saw that at Club Choices a few months back…
Hey SBPH Fam - I’ve been out the loop for a minute. Started a new role at work and I didn’t want to start off slacking. Now that I’ve been here a whole 2 weeks…let the slacking begin.
Then I come back to some ole Final 10 Posts Bullshit! I new that damn….Project was bad news the first time I ever heard of it. Christopher, I appreciate the good times we’ve had, but I knew your heart just wasn’t in it anymore. Hopefully we all can get together on the Facebook page from time to time and hate on stuff for old time’s sake.
I love my ATL Fam, but they are just a little too “cool” for my blood. I gotta wait for my silly college fam to come in town in order to really have fun at the club. My ATL Fam is too busy tryna be cute and cool. Not my stiz. We went to a wedding once, and these heiffers were too cool to even catch the bouquet. At least get up there and do a Sex and the City move. I like getting tipsy and talking to strangers - male and female (no homo). When I’m with the silly crew, by the end of the night, we’re best friends with half the people at the bar and all of the bartenders. In the words of the great 3000, Baby Take Off Your Cool.
Oh yeah - I hate guys with tricked out cars b/c I automatically thing they’re irresponsible with money and that’s a major turn off for me. And porn makes me feel dirty.
“Fact: when you see a group of attractive, sexy and confident women, trust that they are confident enough to approach you if they are interested!”
I cannot cosign on this. A Southern lady never chases a man.
Chaoticdiva,
I say as soon as the Castros die, US-Cuba relations improve and they’re finally allowed to start playing Communist-era Cuban artists on American radio, they should just innundate black radio with tons of Timba and Songo. Los Van Van, Isaac Delgado, Irakere, NG La Banda, Orquesta de Manzanillo, Pedrito Calvo - basically all the stuff from teh last 35 years folks up here haven’t been able to hear.
This is why I don’t go to clubs unless it is a special occasion. I go to bars–who needs music and dancing to get in the way of drinking?
crap. I just read a skee wee.
@ Scipio…we’re pre-Castro Cubans, so Casto is the good guy to us…
*Sigh* I hate explaining this always to anti-Castro people:
Batista was the devil. Castro came in and overthrew Batista because the U.S. Government paid him to do so since Batista was fucking with the U.S. investments down there. Once they got Castro in office, Castro stripped the U.S. and all the wealthy people of private property and split it amongst everybody to keep out class systems (which is what is fucking up India). The U.S. was pissed that they were capitalistic, was unsuccessful at killing Fidel, and just put up an Embargo like a big child slamming the door. When they pulled out, Cuba’s economy suffered a long recession which has been reversed by the efforts of Hugo Chavez investing in Cuba’s tourism industry, which is why Bush hates Chavez so much.
Info came from CIA’s website. Yes, our country is full of shit, and I’ll be the first to say it.
@ Jen “a Southern lady never chases a man”
I’ve heard this many times and I don’t quite get it…
to me “chase” would imply someone is running from you…
@ cheekie
There are many of girls out there who will consider this a good time…
- Go to the club, get that first shot of Patron
- Each get a rainbow colored martini
- Find a couch/chairs and laugh at people the whole night, guys and GIRLS, commenting on their dress, hair, mannerism, etc.
- Go to the dance floor and continue to mock people
- After a few bathrooms breaks, call it a night
I have never been to a club and pointed out to my boy, “Yo dawg, you see the FUBU shirt that dude is wearing, what was he thinking” Our goal is holla at GIRLS, PERIOD so we make sure that we are looking alright, not worrying about the next dude.
@TheChad - if a man wants to talk to me, he will call me. Period. If he wants my number badly enough, he will ask for it. There is a very fine line between initiating contact and chasing a man. Sometimes he can’t tell the difference, and sometimes she can’t. Better to retain the traditional gender roles than to end up chasing a man.
…but yea. Trust, Cuban music is here…
Populars: Ceila Cruz, Buena Vista Social Club, Ibrahim Ferrir, and Orishas…
(yea, I’m a bit behind on most new music.)
A Southern lady never chases a man.
Awwww. Jen, I’m sorry to hear you say this. Men should be persued, too. Or at least women can make the first move/introduction. This is how I met my husband (sorry to keep mentioning him). But, I was at a bar, saw an attractive man, went up to him, smiled and said hi, broke the ice somehow, and the rest is history.
chaotic,
I know all about that. I don’t really care about Raul. I actually find Fidel to be charismatic. He seems like the cat who would have the after-work happy hour crew rolling as everyone lets loose. I’m just saying, they’ll be dead soon enough, and things *will* change. (as an aside, it’ll be fascinating seeing the white Miami exiles try to come back and run shit. As far as I can tell the black folks in Cuba are NOT trying to have that if they can help it.) As far as culture goes, it’ll be good for us up here to be able to freely discover it and not have to settle on just reading books, watching documentaries, and risking going down there illegally.
Partying in ATL is hard though. The men don’t really dance. They too crowd up in their cliques with their stunna shades on holding a bottle of Moet. They all want to offer to spend some stupid amount of money on you and when you decline you are labeled a bitch. Then there are the “groupies” who are in there trying sooo hard to not move their head or their weave will fall out of place, and the models who are in their trying to get their pics taken by ATLpics, NightLifeLink, whoever all night long. It truly is a circus.
chaotic,
There a TOOOOONNNNNNN of stuff that EGREM (the state run record label/industry there) has not decided to re-print. Lots of gems from the 60’s - 90’s. As soon as things become privatized, that kind of thing is going to explode. For better or worse, Cuba is going to have the equivalent of a belly ache from eating to much when the full fury of US tourism and private enetrprise jump in there full throttle.
Knatural - you can SPEAK, but there’s a difference between a) smiling and saying hi and b) flirting and asking for his number. You should always be kind to strangers, but when you pursue a man, I think a certain dynamic is lost.
To me, it has a lot to do with men seeing things they value in a woman and treasuring those things. There are plenty of lazy men who will take whatever comes their way, but I think a man typically needs to feel like he has invested something in a woman for a woman to be treated as she should be in a relationship.
Jen,
I hear you. As long as you’re not one of those girls who will never pick up the phone to dial… then when I call you, you say “why haven’t you called”…
I think your philosophy should only last until a mutual friendship is formed… at that point its not chasing because I WANT you to call me as i do you…
@ Chaotic and Scipio - though I hate to change from a topic that’s hilarious….what are your thoughts on Che?
@ Jen…here’s how to pursue a man without chasing:
Brush up against him, and turn to see if he notices. If he notices, smile, wink, and turn back around strutting slowly, occasionally looking back at him directly in the eye.
If he doesn’t notice, wait a few minutes, then take a spot next to him. If he’s at the bar, ask him if the seat is taken. If its standing room, act as if you’re not paying attention and bump into him, then apologize while touching his arm (initiating physical contact).
Now smile, and let him make his move.
@ scipio…I <3 you!!! Raul is a tool…Fidel is my “homie”…lol
@ Amadeo…Che is a hero. Yea, he was a renegade that created mass chaos, but he was for the people. Anybody that stands and dies for what they believe in to help other people, especially those suffering/less fortunate is a hero in my books.
I just hate loser 2520’s that wear him on t-shirts as if he’s a fucking pop icon. They dont’ know shit about Che. Trust, I always ask.
TheChad. I AM. Once I tried the “we both call” thing–this year actually–and I didn’t like it. I would just rather be called. If I miss your call, I’ll call you back. If you TELL ME to call at a certain time, I will. If I need something, I’ll also call. But I just can’t do the “I’m just calling to say hi” thing.
@ Scipio…by chance are you Afro-Cuban?
And yes…I hate those pasty white, de-culturalized cubans. With a passion.
I know I am about to break a man law code so fellas don’t rip me too hard but since we are all about helping the SBPH community, I figure I can let it go.
Guys are guilty for attending the larger, mainstream clubs b/c they want to have options meaning if you go to a smaller lounge, guys have less options and/or more people are watching the guy kicking it to multiple girls and thus his “game” gets shut down a lot quicker. At a big club, you can kick it to more girls without being caught out there as a player.
Finally…I’m in here before it hits 100. I give men the evil eye all the time. Sometimes chicks just don’t want to be bothered, esp. if the drinks are all watered down n’shit.
damn Jen makes it hard on a pimp…
I must say I don’t mind initiating but it gets old pretty quick when the lady isn’t showing the same interest.
Amadeo,
I’m ashamed to admit that I’m still not well versed enough in Che’s history. I tackled Cuba from the cultural (music) angle first, and I’m working my way backwards timewise as far as politics. Actually, that’s not true. I tackled the easier aspects first: Colonial history, the huge slave society there, the Special Period (the years immediatly after the fall of the Soviet Union), and the prospects for Cuba post-Castro(s). There’ sso much wrapped up in the years of, say 1940 - 1975 or so, that I’ve decided to put all that off. From what I have read so far he seemed to be a fairly sincere man in his beliefs regarding revolution and socialism/communism. For that matter, I feel the same way about Fidel, too.
One of the unfortunate charactersitics of Leninism is the idea that creating the New Man is paramount above all else. I think Marx said that representative democracy was a sham freedom. I think these guys sincerely believed, at least after they decided to embrace the USSR, that this philosophy would work. Marxism has the veneer of legit social science purporting to back it up. It seems kind of understandable that millions around the world would have bought into it, and EVERYTHING that comes with it, even the unfun stuff, at one point in time.
LOL I also hate that some guys don’t know they are ugly. Some girls don’t either, but I blame that on sucky friends.
Jen:
I didn’t men chase or “sweat” as us Northern girls say, lol…I don’t think I even know how to do that! I mean we (99.99% of women) have a way to let a man know that we are interested-it’s as classic as the “southern belle” thing: a simple smile, bat the lashes type of approach, not going to sit on a ninja’s lap or grab him up like some desparate she-woman!
Why do people continue to romanticize Castro and Che? They are both megalomaniacs.
….on a lighter note, I was born on the day Cuba became independent (May 20).
It explains my crazed pride. That and the rice and beans.
@ aceklub
LOL, yeah. Like I said, I see plenty of examples but have always wondered where that mentality came from. Why do so many girls care about their competition so much to the point where it’s not even about the guy any more, it’s just about the competition? I get “sizing up” your competition, but not to the point where all attention is 100% “that bitch over there who thinks she’s all that”. Waste of time.
@ Jen
So how do you show that you are mutually interested in the dude b/c to me, if I am always calling the girl, then I am telling myself, she ain’t really interested and just passing time. Yea, you answering the call could be enough to say “I’m interested” but I would think they should be more give and receive.
Jen - thanks for clarifying. I’m still of the school of thought that mutual pursuit is possible. As close to balanced and equal as can be.
Chaotic,
No, I’m African American, but a good friend of mine (Black and Puerto Rican) is getting her Ph.D in Latin American politics and is in one of the few remaining abroad programs in Havana through a US University. She picqued my interest in Cuba throughout the last year.
eye contact…gets them every time…
Damnit I”m late but sheeit. I go to the club to dance and to flirt with mens. And when I was broke I assumed no one would see my ugly shoes if I danced really well.
As far as getting male attention. Being international party starter helps. Also dancing to your song* just like you would if you were cleaning house on saturday morning helps. Always surprised by ridiculoutae of men that attracts. And ya know me likes to have them line up so i can pick and choose. And I’m showing my ass but dancing with 3 men never works. Its just awkward after the the hilarious first 10 seconds. If you are that 3rd wheel you need to back off. You can rotate through, believe you me nobody wants to dance with 2 guys for longer than 2 minutes.
*not every song just that one you love. also hopefully you’ll be wearing pants and minus the rollers in your hair and mop.
@ aceklub…how to tell a girl is interested: she asks questions. If a girl isn’t that into you and you’re on the phone with her, she’ll most likely come of as a bit distracted and half heartedly be paying attention.
@ Aceklub
I don’t think that’s a violation. Sometimes women act a certain way when a dude tries to get at more than one woman. Frankly thought we gotta play the odds. Plus you don’t know if you have a fake number or a real one. On top of that…how many women give out their number and then shut it down for the night? Plus as a rule when I was really hitting the town with my peoples our goal was to hook up with groups of women so we could have them in reserve to get up with later. Instead of sitting aroung with a bunch of dudes or having to always go to a club let’s call some girls we met last week. Or see if one has friends she can get together.
@ scipio…that’s awesome. Too many people don’t take the time to learn about other cultures…
Um. Willnotbetelevised, where the hell you been?
ditto @aceklub…
I don’t mind calling either but if it’s not reciprocated I start to think she ain’t really about me… and I don’t wanna be a bug…
usually, if i go out to one of these over priced clubs in atlanta and see the same people, hear the same music, and deal with the same lame dudes, i will have my arms crossed and appear very unapproachable. to avoid this, i just stopped going. why pay $20 just to get in somewhere when that same $20 can buy me a few drinks in the highlands….
i’ll go out to a club MAYBE for someone’s birthday, but other than that, it’s a lounge, a bar, or my sofa, which trumps all.
@aceklub, if I am interested in a man, he has to be dumb not to know.
I am big on compliments and asking if you need help with things that are stressful and nice little notes and, of course, gifts of food: baking cookies, bringing by homemade soup if you are ill, etc.
I just don’t call or try to make dates or do things like that (unless you count inviting somebody over for dinner as making a date).
Jen, that’s exactly what i mean. If you are interested in a guy he should know by the non-obvious things you do-it’s simple, and if he doesn’t get it, well he’s simple
@ cheekie