I’ve gone pretty much my entire life thinking that baby showers were events for women only. This all changed when, for some reason, a buddy of mine whose wife is gonna drop a little Viet/Cambodian poop maker decided to invite me, Chicken Jon, Mandrew, and another friend (Landmine) to their baby shower last Sunday.
If you haven’t been to a baby shower, then let me say that it is without a doubt one of the most depressing events you will ever attend. If you are a man, there’s a good chance you’re not going to make it out alive if you aren’t extremely careful. So what I’m going to do now is provide a Man’s Guide to Surviving a Baby Shower for all the unfortunate penis-wielding souls out there who may find themselves at one of these things.
Step 1 – The Planner: The first thing you do is enter the house where you are greeted by the overzealous friend of the mom-to-be who planned this thing (usually against the mom’s will). You’ll recognize this woman by the crazed look in her eye, the fact that she’s holding a clipboard for some reason, and her constant yelling of shit like “OK PEOPLE, TIME FOR [insert inane game here]!!!!”
Figure 1: Avoid this woman, even if it kills you
You’ll see most people communicating with her by sighing, grunting, or rolling their eyes. When you first encounter her, it’s best to have your point man jump on the grenade and occupy her with a hug or loud small talk so the rest of your party can move past her into the center of the house.
Step 2 – The Party Room: If you live to get past the planner, you’ll immediately notice that you are surrounded on all sides by a ridiculous amount of femininity. There is pastel shit EVERYWHERE. Everything around you – cups, plates, plastic silverware, serving dishes, party favors, the cake, and possibly even the father-to-be are decorated in pale pinks, lilacs, and greens with pictures of teddy bears and balloons and other shit. The best place for you to be at this time is near the freezer, because you’ll notice after about five minutes that your testicles are beginning to melt and you will need to put them on ice.
Figure 2: Brace yourselves, gentlemen…
Your friend, the father to be, also notices his balls are beginning to melt. But don’t give him any ice, because he deserves melty balls for inviting you to this thing in the first place – and his melty balls may keep him from having more kids and inviting you to another one of these things.
Step 3 – Women: Do not, under any circumstances, hit on any of the women at a baby shower. This won’t be a problem in you’re at an asian baby shower like I was, because all asian women look like they’re 12 years old and they hate black people anyway. Otherwise, be advised that women at baby showers are in a very delicate emotional state much like they will be at their own weddings. They’re sitting around watching their pregnant friend get showered with attention and gifts – and as they sit there watching it, they slowly start to want it for themselves, even if it means having their own fucking baby. So when you go up to them and start chatting them up, you may find them inexplicably enthusiastic about taking you home and fucking your brains out. If you’re dumb enough to go home with them, make sure you know where your condoms are at all times lest the woman poke holes in them.
Figure 3: I recommend wearing one of these to any baby shower or wedding
Step 4 – Games: One of the worst parts of the baby shower is the series of idiotic games that the planner (see step 1) forces everyone to play. All of these games will be exceptionally lame, but you will almost certainly be required to participate in one. The best thing to do is to avoid the planner until she comes near the end of the list of games because that’s usually when she starts listing the ones that involve alcohol. Mandrew, Chicken Jon, and I wound up playing a game where everyone’s given a baby bottle filled with beer and the winner is the first person to drink it all*.
Figure 4: How come this asshole gets a real bottle?
I won this game (at the cost of my immortal soul) and received a candle as a prize. I asked Mandrew and Landmine to kill me, but they let me live just to spite me.
Step 5 – Gifts: This is unquestionably the worst part of the whole affair. Everyone gets in a big gay circle and watches the mother and father open a parade of increasingly depressing gifts for sixty fucking minutes. Though this is the worst part of the event, you’ll actually find it fairly easy to entertain yourself:
- Everytime a new gift is opened, gasp loudly in unison with your friends. When your buddy recognizes what the gift is, yell “dammit this sucks!” He will appreciate you vocalizing his internal monologue
- As your buddy unwraps each gift, say “c’moooooooooooon new set of balls!”
- Sneak offensive gag gifts into the pile. You can choose any end of the offensive spectrum, from the mildly offensive and fairly funny (e.g. a box of condoms) to the insanely offensive and downright hurtful (an appointment at a local abortion clinic)
You’re free to leave the baby shower once all the gifts have been opened, because that’s really all you were invited for anyway. Be sure to punch your buddy in the testicles on your way out just to let him know how you feel.
* Drinking out of a baby bottle is probably the most insanely difficult thing I’ve ever done
I also hate baby showers, bridal showers, housewarming parties and other gift shakedowns.
That said, isn’t that male chastity belt pretty…generous? I mean, it assumes a lot about the average man’s…size…in his…normal…state.
lol all showers= emotional gift extortion hate to go them………..loved all of mine tho!
The worst are the Noah’s Ark themed baby showers. Because nothing says cute little newborn life more than death, destruction and an angry God!
I’m surprised you didn’t have to play any of the stupid games. Drinking beer out of a baby bottle sounds fun! Usually you have to do gross things like what kind of candy bar was melted in a diaper.
about that chastity belt….. it’s gynormous….how the hell are you supposed to pack all that metal in a pair of 509′s????????
That’s “guess” what kind of candy bar was melted in a diaper by eating it.
Personally, if I ever decide to have children, instead of a Noah’s Ark baby shower, I want that other famous flood. Yes, I will have the Hurricane Katrina themed shower! Think about it, good food and good music . . . and you could throw beads at people!
I avoid babyshowers if possible! I don’t like the dumb ass games, I can deal without hearing a bunch of whiney women sharing pre-natal and post-natal stories. Even before we had our son, we opted out of the whole baby shower fiasco. If people wanted to buy something, send a gift card or paypal it..LOL!
Any excuse for a party. Look just imagine it is just a time to meet females round a theme of a baby.
Chris why curse a little guy like that?
http://stuffgirlslike.wordpress.com
maybe you mean a “Mardi Gras” theme
Katrina might be a lil depressing heh
Well in this case I am a “typical” woman because I love baby showers! lol But I didn’t invite any men to mine. For one thing I didn’t think they would show up! Sup with the drinking game at the shower?! I am so pissed because I have been to hundreds of showers and no drinking games!
I too am a girlie girl and I love baby showers! Yes, the games are corny, but it’s a good time to celebrate the little one and their parents. Chris, when you plant your seed you are going to want people to gift your child too!
BUT, while I love giving gifts at baby showers (kids clothes are soooo cute!), I hate people who ask for stuff after the baby shower. You got all that stuff at the baby shower and now you are asking for more. Don’t send out an email to all your friends when the baby is one talking about alright yall, she needs some more stuff. That’s you and your child’s father’s responsibility. You shouldn’t got knocked up if you couldn’t take care of her.
thank you for making my extra shitty day at work so much better
lmao at figure 3
another way to make presents fun: sneak in a big ol bottle of jack daniels, and when she opens it, snigger loudly as you take a swig of yours like, “yeah bitch, none of this for you for 9 motherfucking months…”
or maybe that’s just me who thinks that’s appropriate punishment for anyone who invites you to a baby shower.
As a girl, I probably will be forced to have one of these atrocities should I ever get knocked…but I WON’T like it, I’m telling y’all now.
aww, i detest baby showers. my LS had one and i sat in the corner the entire time. i refuse to ooh and ahh. its so lame. they had this game where the first person to eat a jar of baby food wins. i could do nothing more than laugh as the girls there gagged on pureed peas and turkey dinner, made by Gerber.
i think the best part about going to baby showers is seeing how uncomfortable the unfortunate male attendees are.
My baby needs to have a baby shower, free shit
http://www.thewhyblog.net
HAHAHAHA Figure 3 is so wrong. Men are included in these things? All showers are detestable – bridal, baby…never invite me, please. I hate weddings, too. “Celebrations” for children under five years old are a waste of time and money because they won’t remember.
I will say babyshowers suck… but DOminican baby showers are interesting. THey serve more alcohol at these things than a dive bar… I was DRUNK off my ASS, dancing salsa all night. THe mother just sits there in a circle while everyone else is getting completely trashed and dancing. This was in the basement of a catholic church.
THanks Chris this made me smile seeing how I am still pissed the NYPD pulled me other last night just as i was about to kick someone out my car…. I slammed on my emergency brake so i could kick someone out my car i but as i came to a screaching holt effing NYPD just happened to be pulling me over. REMOVE THE KEY FROM THE IGNITION AND PUT THE KEY ON THE ROOF AND STICK YOUR HANDS OUT THE WINDOW! ITS amazing how being an ANGRY black man comes to a quite calm when NYPD has flashlights in your eye… sigh…
“…sneak in a big ol bottle of jack daniels, and when she opens it, snigger loudly as you take a swig of yours like, “yeah bitch, none of this for you for 9 motherfucking months…”
HAHAHA
Luckily I’ve only been to one baby shower but the number of friends I have who are engaged/married/on the edge of being engaged continues to grow and I’ve been told recently that the age of 24 is the magic number for this, which means for me the number of engaged/married couples is going to explode next year. More baby showers are only inevitable.
If there is a baby shower can’t we have like a bachelor like party for the guy since even more of his freedom is now gone?
Like a weekend in vegas playing golf and poker? Wouldnt that make sense. The women can chave the baby shower… WE go to vegas and to sometype of sporting event tryign to determine what sport the child will play…
Baby showers are gay.
sidebar: is KOBE’s legacy for ever tainted now since he’s the one who got rid of Shaq and it shows he can’t win with out him? ? ?
I hate BOSTON but i was happy for KG and Jesus Shuttlesworth (aka Ray Allen) Paul Pierce to.
I’m with you Landon. I think Boston is a racist city, but I did want them to kick the Lakers ass (esp Kobe’s bitch ass). I HATE the Lakers.
And I wanted KG to get a ring before he retires! He was playing hard for it too this series.
I would say take it easy on your guy friend as it sucks for him to…but he should have taken the bullet instead of inviting friends.
Friends cannot save you, you’re only dragging them into your misery.
I wouldnt leave my boy hanging… If thats my BOY (meaning a REAL FRIEND who i have known for many years) I ll bite the bullet with him…
We Ride Together you Die together.
You go to Vegas or Brazil and wild out
means you also have to be there for him
when its a baby shower, engagment party and so on…
My girl had the best baby shower I’ve ever heard of because it wasn’t at all. Our classmates raised nearly $500 and that was the gift, she had a good DJ, it was in her inlaws backyard (in Queens thouhg, that sucked) and it was a big ole barbeque. We did get candles at the end but if you were sucking on a rib over on the patio you could avoid the stupid games. Actually there were enough black folk there to yell at the person who suggested stupid games. Only 8 or so people ended up playing 1 game. Kids were allowed to come so I got entertained by an over active pair of 8 year old boys who must have been Jamerican the way the were shaking it down for 60 minutes straight. Then they went away to play on the swingset. Exactly how kids should do. Dance for you and then go away. And her mama was drunk as shit and chatting everyone up. And she had some sort of lecherous drunk uncle there trying to hit on every female that showed up (far too many 20somethings for a drunk old man). At the end of the night everyone got a candle and a piece of cake. And the DJ never once played any sort of song that has “Slide” in its name. Rocked the good old school for an hour. Take note people take note.
@ landon
lemme know about the next dominican baby shower you hit up… getting crunk in the basement of a church = my ideal tuesday night.
p.s. i just found out kobe’s parents really did name him after some japanese beef. for that, celtics deserved to win.
Ah her inlaws were jamaican, so close to the dominican party. Man every house party full of latinos i went to was the shit. Overflow alcohol. Every generation in there is drunk and happy and dancing they ass off. And even though there’s always children running around they know how to fuck off and let the adults party. Just gotta check out before the inevitable knife fight between somebody’s cousins.
Kobe and the cut of meat are both named for the region in Japan.
Did anyone see the ‘South Caroline’ come out of Kevin Garnett, he was up there looking like big ol’ geechie, and I couldn’t understand a word he said. That’s my dude though.
Umm i like the Celtics but I wouldn’t set foot in the Irish part…
….which is like all of it.
I just got invited to a baby shower my cousins girl (her shower). I mocked her for doing so and thinking I would willingly go to such a thing. if I am forced to go to this I’m giving them a bottle of Crown. Fuck a baby gift
LOL @ Bailey! We were JUST talking about this!!!! If your baby shower is a cry for help because you can’t afford to buy things for your baby…..why are you having a baby?
I love baby showers too and I love girly things, but I don’t think they should be co-ed affairs. I’m all for gender inclusion, but I try to avoid making men do things that they just don’t really like. The father (or, as I would like to more often call him, the HUSBAND) is supposed to come for the last 30 mins, say hi and thank everyone as he packs the gifts up in the car.
Question to the ladies: are bridal showers and batchelorette parties the same thing? Like, I know one is afternoon and the other is night-apprapos, but can you have both? As a young African-American woman, sadly, I know more about baby-showers than weddings as I know more mothers than I know brides.
well at least the baby can put her baby teeth in the velvet purple crown bag! lol
@landon completely off track, but damn i didn’t know that nypd got gangster like that! take the key out the ignition AND put it on the hood!
speechless
LMAOOOO this shit is on point!. Every baby shower i went to was just like this..OMGGGG. My cousin’s 1st baby shower was the most annoying one i ever been to. The theme was Bratz because they knew they were having a girl. Ok at a baby shower what is the point of having a damn theme? The baby cant see that shit and even if she were there she’s a newborn so whats the damn point???!!! The next baby shower I went to was for my Mom’s 1st cousin my 2nd cousin’s son’s baby shower. I wanted to shoot myself. The Theme was Green leaves?? WTF…Every thing was some type of green color, the menu was nothing but salad that was btw nasty as shit with nasty ass vingerette gag.
The play these dumbass baby games with no point. like seriously what is the point of the drinking beer out of a bottle game? to show how good a man can suck?
Oh for the record there is nothing worse than a baby shower than a bridal shower..rolls eyes…
Well since my bestfriend is having a baby this september her baby shower is coming up.. Luckily for me i can give her the shit i bought last time for her baby before it died…waste not want not.
I feel soerry for the dad’s to be..its a sad sight how their wifes dress them like a gay easter bunny.
But my friends baby shower gonan be off the hook.. she’s trini and he’s dominican..so you know there will be liquor and good food.. liquor saves any party hands down.
I remember when my friend found out she was pregnant it was too funny…we were at a bar and she was only drinking juice…while my ass was tore up…she was like girl im pregnant! I look at her and bust out laughing and call the bartender over and ask for 2 shots of tequila. She was like “girl i cant drink”! and i said ” YEA no shit who said i was getting this shot for you…this was for me to celebrate my non-pregnant ass”! ahahah..she almost cried
damn didnt realize i wrote a book there opps..ok back to reading the other comments.
@ TNT
I was already pissed because my Inner IKE Turner was about to kick someone out my car (no i do not beat women or have ever hit a woman), but i was ready to kick her out. Slammed on the Hand Break was about to open the door when i saw.. FLASHING LIGHT LIGHTS LIGHTS…
THey said i was doing 60 (BS) and weaving like Beyonce lace front thru traffic (Possible) not using turn signals (feasabile) luckily for me some nigga decided to have a shoot out so the cops let me ride…
BUT MY INNER ANGRY BLACK MAN (CLEOPHUS) WAS COMING OUT LIKE THE HULK but when i saw the flashing lights lights lights he calmed down and I was landon once again.
TNT did know the NYPD was gangsta liek that… UM SEAN BELL????
50 shots!
and to clarify i know nypd get gangster…but i meant did theyhave to get that gangster just for a traffic stop…but even in light of their “reasons” for stopping you did they really have to tell you to take the keys out of the ignition and put them on top of the car?
sheesh…but i guess its straight since everything worked out for you.
Dead @ Beyonce’s lace front!!!!
shoot when i have a baby we having a baby shower.. then ppl can get the diapers, wipes, onesis, socks, bottles, blankets, bath time stuff,, all that shit cost money and if i throw a baby shower i can get it free!
My cousin’s baby shower was like WHOA…the baby had a full closet of designer baby clothes, nike, timberland, jordan shoes, i nice as stroller…crib sheet sets. and she wasnt even out the womb yet.
One thing i hate about black baby showers…
we but the stupidest shit.
why you buying a babby gucci choes? jordans? timbs? expensive ass baby clothes that the baby can wear for a month?
get things that matter, car seat, stroller, diapers, formula, start a small college fund for the child…. pre-pad health insurance card in cast the mother does not have health care. Baby Ta’Shaun or Aquinita (i know people with these names) does not need deigner clothes!
This is actually the first I’ve heard of a group of guys being invited to a baby shower. Is this common? Is this an Asian custom? Does this actually happen in other parts of the country (read: “anywhere thats not Pittsburgh”), and have I just been ignorant to this occurance until today?
LMAO! I happen to love baby showers. I was the game coordinator at the shower of my god child a few months ago which is awesome because you don’t have to play the stupid games you just get to watch other people suffer through them…especially the one where they had to the taste the baby food and guess the flavor…..then I took pictures of the ugly faces they made bwahahahaha….but I do like the word unscramble games and cerebral stuff like that so I always attend other peoples showers just to play those….I think there is a trend of coed showers and I like it because guys bring better gifts than the lame frilly crap that girls tend to buy…one of the guys at my coworkers shower is a DJ so he gave a baby microphone. Plus it’s good to have some testosterone in the room to break up all that estrogen…as much as I like showers I’m not all that crazy about being in a room full of nothing but women for too long. There were no drinking games at my godchilds shower but there was copious amounts of food and liquor….(note to self add a drinking game next time)…incidentally my god childs mother also had copious amounts of liquor at her child’s christening “after party”.
http://www.mysixcents.wordpress.com
I wasn’t at my WIFE’s baby shower for 5 minutes, I dropped her of and me and the rest of the husbands hung out.
I have given my fair share of baby/bridal showers but I try not to be annoying (see figure 1). I always try to make the events as painless as possible for the guest of honor and her guests. Showers are fun when the guest of honor is not in full-on bitch mode. At the last two bridal showers I attended the brides were stressed out and thisclose to being Bridezillas.
Even though the point of showers are to give gifts, it shouldn’t be all about the gifts but about celebrating the occasion. I’ll probably won’t never have any type of shower for myself. When I told my mom and sister that I wasn’t having a housewarming they said they’d just plan/throw one for me. How they gonna do an Ambush Housewarming. I decided to have a cookout instead. There will be no formal invitations, gift tables, or corny games. Just good food, good music, and good drank.
People can bring gifts if they want but there will be no gay circle of ooohs and ahhhs.
ALso i must note I hate any and all types of party games. Charades tops my list. I will suffer through pictionary and only pictionary. I hate all bourghie ass black people and their Taboo. Hate you all. ALL OF YOU! In fact I hate bourghie ass black people who suggest any type of game at a party. Unlesss its Twister, something vaguely flirty/sexual or involves copious liquor and easy instructions shuddup and turn the music up.
Right Landon…im 15 sitting up at my cousin’s baby shower looking the baby’s closet amazed at how many designer things she had.. im like umm but baby’s grow out of this shit in like 3 days hahah whats the point…when i have mine we gonna be registered at Target plain and simple.. my baby dont need all that fancy shit…if you wanna buy some nikes and shit buy them joints for me not the baby. I rather get gift cards than actually gifts..What if i dont like the shit..
you just mad becaus eyoug et yoru ass handed to your in TABOO…
Twister and Patron was my 2007 theme
I will allow card games. but if you get all serious about spades, poker, or dominoes, go home. This is not a tournament. If you are playing games at a party, keep it to UNO. Or BS, something that involves a lot of shit talking and nearly no seriousness
At Sista Touldja’s question about bachelorette parties and bridal showers. No they’re not the same thing and yes many women do opt to have both. That’s when weddings get a little annoying because they expect you to come to the bridal shower, the bachelorette party and the wedding and bring gifts for all. And I won’t even get started on the bourgie set that likes to throw in extra stuff like tea parties (never been to one of those but i’ve heard about them). I hope that all the gifts I have sown over the years at all these gift shakedowns for others results in some hefty returns when I finally have an occasion for others to celebrate. Thinking about throwing a house reheating party or something since I don’t currently see any weddings or babies in the very near future for me.
See singlenappeen, I was going to call your ass out for being bourghie as fuck so many times before but its so official now. Golf, taboo, greek, columbia, private school. Were you in jack and jill too? Do you live in a gated community?
I was VP of my chapter!
no gated community
I can’t be the only one that likes baby showers.
will notbe televised:
asking black people not to get serious abotu spades is like asking Big WOrk “Al Sharpton” not to get his hair permed..
Baby showers make feel all girly and want a baby..so i try and avoid them..atleast i only have one this yr..hopefully! Unless one of my other friends says they are preggers too… last yr was worse it was like baby showers every other weekend and weddings almost every month! OYE only good thing was we got to drink at all of them..Open Bar is the best thing invented by man.
I know, i hate spades. I know how to play, but I’m not particularly interested in getting serious about it so i don’t play with blackpeople. Meaning, i don’t play spades. I ban spades at any and all events I hold
can I just say that I am I girlie girl and I flickin Hate, with a passion, baby showers!! The I went to my one and only one last summer and i wanted to pluck all my eyelashes out! I spent the entire time texting my friend about how stupid it how and avoiding this lil white baby in one of those lil pushers things. For some reason his dad kept calling him “barracuda” or some shit like that. “hey Barracuda, don’t eat that sand!” ughh!!! It was a Guyanese baby shower too! I was like since when we started doing this shit!!. At least they had some chicken curry and puri! yummm… the food was good. But the games!!! shit like, figure out what flavour of baby food this is… “bitch… if you dont stop shoving dat shit in my face… plum goop is not an appetizer!” and the gifts…. how many times can you see a dam onesie and go awwww… i especially hate the “homourous” ones dat say stupid shit like “tax write off” or the dam diaper cakes!
meant to say BIG WORM
Taboo is the s*^t. And I don’t care how bourgie that makes me.
willnotbetelevised: hates black people and is BOB JOHNSONS mistress
“The father (or, as I would like to more often call him, the HUSBAND)”
We would like to call him that…but WAY too often it’s the “baby daddy” or her mama packing the car up (if it ain’t at their house).
I’m saying, if I just HAD to have a baby shower (and I will do everything in my power to avoid it)…hubby can go and do whatever. If he wants a weekend getaway…he can have it…just not the same weekend as the baby shower…somebody gotta be there to put that shit away when we get to the house.
Yea, you gotta watch those baby urges. they start at about age 23. I saw my nephews today and i got a baby urge. Fucking hate that shit. B/c i actually hate babies. don’t mind kids once they can piss on a pot and talk but before that, fuckem. I like them once they can read and while they are still gullible. Warping children is a fun pastime. Once they hit middle school it sover. Dang, I forgot to warn my nephew today that I was going to start hating him in September and hate him deeply for at least the next 3 years. Fair warning
I hate bourghie black people. Passionately. be gone landon. Bob Johnson is included in that, also the old civil rights guard. I also hate greens. Bite me, nickel.
Ta’Shaun or Aquinita
Black people aren’t naming their kids these names anymore. At least the so called EBPs aren’t. In the last year, I have welcomed into the world: Gavin, Brayden, Ethan, Mariah (borderline), Kennedy, and Kendall (a girl). We are much more congnizant of the “resume test” these days.
However, I will still be giving my children African names. NOT African-American made up names, but truly African names. Ones that past the resume test. My (real) name falls in that category.
klysha, i hate you too,
Why do people keep bringing up taboo?! *leg shake* I freaking LOVE that game, but it can be dangerous. One of my friends accidentally outed another friend during it.
thats what i was sposed to do yesterday. look up yonnie on facebook to see if you really are my cousin. Dang keep forgetting.
Gavin, Brayden and Ethan are all names for someone’s inner gayman. I wish Patrice would change his name to Brayden. Or Dustin. where is my texas treat?
I’m defriending you doc.
Sista T – a Bridal Shower is generally a daytime affair that is held to “shower” the bride with the items and money (if you’re West Indian) that are necessary to set up a home and start a new life. Since your Nana and friends from work are invited this event generally should not involve alcohol or penis shaped cake.
A Bachelorette Party on the other hand is a nightime affair thrown by your girls (hopefully in a neighboring city) that involves all sorts of rowdy stuff that we will absolutely deny the next day. Cameras are not allowed.
The last two showers I went to weren’t too bad. One was my cousin’s who ended up going into labor that day (whoops) and it was just like a family/friend BBQ. My best friend’s baby shower was co-ed and was actually at a sports bar. The food was BOMB and everyone was drinking and having a good time (yeah, I *almost* felt bad waving my drinks around in my girl’s face the whole time, LOL). I hate the games at bridal and baby showers but even WORSE I just hate the whole parade of gifts like “Let me see who spent the most money on me!!!” Oooh-ing and aaah-ing over strollers and diaper genies is just fucktarded.
Fuck a baby shower. I’ve been to one and will never, EVER, go to another one. I was the only male there, and it was sixty minutes of fucking hell. The food wasn’t even good. If I’m ever again asked to attend one of these abominations, I will flat-out say “Hell, no.” I will give money, I will buy a gift card, I’ll even give money to start a college fund, but I will NEVER again be in the vicinity of so many inane humanoid life-forms squeeing over some goddamn parasitic lifeform.
Awww, don’t be that way WNBT! How about this, after every game of taboo I play I promise to head to the nearest local corner to shoot some dice. Will that balance things out?
…and that includes any and everthing having to do with Christmas. Christians piss me off with all that oohing and ahhing over baby fucking Jesus.
Who’s badmouthing Taboo!? I love that game.
My husband is on baby-notice. The next two yrs. (I will be 30 in 2010), he must impregnate me while my eggs are semi-fresh. And no, I will not be having a baby shower. Currently, two of my friends are pregnant and I hope to everything holy and just that they won’t have showers. Please!
@ work, can’t get back to this for a minute. But based on the title alone – HATE BAY SHOWERS WITH A PASSION! Specifically when it’s not the first baby. and then there’s wedding showers, bridal showers, engagement showers (three separate events and I have to buy you a wedding gift? – kiss my ass!), housewarmings…I hate any wack assed event that’s an excuse to shake me down for gifts for no reason. Dammit, off to a meeting.
lol yea Yonnie..my cousin named her 1st daughter Cassidy and her soon to be baby her name will be Alisa. My kida aint gonna get fucked up with names liek Ja’Quan and Laquisha hell no! My daughters name will be Marely…like bob marely the movie Iam Ledgend ruined that shit for me when that was the daughter’s name i had that idea way before the movie dammit..and my son will be Sean. simple as that they can still get jobs.
I love Taboo and Scattegories. I went to an HBCU and still haven’t mastered Spades or Dominos.
I guess I’m borderline bougie as I have attended a bridal tea. It’s actually the opposite of a shower. It was a “gift” to the bridesmaids/maid of honor complete with formal china, full place settings, and a three course lunch with baked chicken as the entre. Unfortunately it also featured those corny games. Everyone who “won” a prize was expected to give it to the bride at the end of the shower which was fine with me because it was some of the tackiest houseware items I’d ever seen.
I’ve never heard of gifts at a bachelorette party. That’s greedy in my opinion. The only bachelorette party I ever attended actually turned out to be an assembly line of bridesmaids folding programs and drinking lattes into the wee hours of the night/morning of the wedding.
the mother to- be doesn’t seem to enjoy these events either! they look uncomfortable as hell and just angry at everyone because unlike me, she has to participate in all the retarded games and forced to open all the presents and pretends she like them “oooooo woow I love it. a $25 walmart gift card!” heheheh this makes me happy! yea married and pregnant bitch… you thought you were better than me, but i can see my toes and wear stilletoes! YAHHH!
Spades and dominoes are like the Chinese language to me…they never made sense, and I refused to play them. I guess that makes me bougie too…though I went to a ghetto azz HBCU. People tried to tell me, “oh, they’re just counting games” and I was like, “Well, I’on like math, so miss me!” I had a guy once who tried to teach me how to play…cause he was trying to holla…it was too cute…i did end up dating him for a minute LOL.
My given first name is of Russian origin…and I thought it was some made up black people isht my mom gave me…until the internet came about and i researched. Then I found out quite a few common names given to some black girls (like LaTasha) are just variants of Russian names…and that there are white women who have my VERY uncommon first name. Go figure…
I HATE all names with a “Quan” in it.Who decided it was ok to make a million stupid names out of this one made up syllable.
Examples:
SeQuan
JeQuan
LaQuanda
SHaQUanda
Quanisha
RayQuan
LeeQuan
OctaQuan etc… etc…
a guy at a baby shower = you either gotta be masochistic or gay or a gay guy into S&M.
Chris/SBPH is gay.
“Chris/SBPH is gay.”
Getting there…
Indeed, baby showers are “gay” in the hetero-normative sense of the word.
When I’m ready to adopt my little Asian girl (or whatever’s quickest to get/buy at that time) s/he will, unfortunately, be adorned in fab gear.
Go Spurs, go! I’m glad the Lakers had their asses handed to them.
Knat and Chris are toying with my emotions.
Who said the baby shower at the sports bar..that has me written all over it!!!! because men could come too if they wanted and have a brew and watch the game…i refuse to have one of those themed pastel color baby showers hell no…..and as for gifts no pastel colors either.. i want bold hot pinks and purples, reds, oragnes, and nice bold greens blues and yellows..babies can see those colors better anyways than pale colors..dont ask how i know this…i read it in some baby mag at the doctor’s office lol
Dustin, that brings up a question for me (not trying to be ignorant or funny, honestly curious)…has anyone been to a baby shower for a couple who was adopting? Is there protocol for that?
This might be relevant information to me as I’ve talked so much crap about other people’s kids, karma will probably have any genetic offspring of mine looking like a gremlin…so I might need to go the adoption route to get right with God, LOL.
LMAOOO @ Dustin..umm thats the Celtics not Spurs boo…ya get a point for trying
I dont mind baby showers. I’ve been to way too many in the past year, and some of the people I dont even talk to anymore. I know their ass just invited me for a gift. That really makes me mad. When people you lost contact with invite you to an event where your expected to buy a gift (baby shower, wedding, housewarming, etc.) Like, f-you Beyotch. But Im a naturally nosy person, so Ill get the cheapest thing feasable and come to see ‘how your doin’*
*by that I mean talk shit on you.
Dont act you’ve never done this…
Ok, we can be friends as long as you never mention Taboo to me, ask me to play or bring it within my vicinity. The same thing goes for singlenappeen. And/or if you do, i get to punch you in your kidney. I don’t know how to play dice either. Man, why is it like nowadays to be black you either have to be ghetto or bourgoiuse. I’m also probably the only person who likes to play board games still. Not at a party though, small gatherings. Although monopoly has caused more deaths, property damage, injuries and broken homes than guns. But not as much as Bob Johnson.
The woman looks uncomfortable. Thats because she has something the size of a small watermelon trying to come out a hole the size of a lemon. I couldnt begin to understand what it feels like for something to be pushign and kicking inside of you. Any time a woman says i feel the baby kicking i get flashbacks of Alien(s) when the damn things pops out the stomach. I like to sleep on my stomach you can’t sleep on yoru stomach when you have a kid inside you…
I give you ladies props for dealing with that ish.
hmm i never thought about what it would be like to attend an adopting baby shower…hmm i would think it would be the same…its still celebrating a child in to the world of that family right?
1. Adoptive baby showers are the same. Just dont’ get the mom any prenatal flare. Find out how old the kid is. And the gender.
2. Mrs. Epps. Hahahaha. I know. But the Lakers beat the Spurs (my team), barely, in the Western Conference Finals so I was rooting for them to lose (since I don’t really care for the Celtics).
Mrs. Epps, yeah that was my best friend who had it at the sports bar, that’s clearly how we get down, LOL. The guys all seemed to be fine, everyone was just sitting around shooting the shit as per usual. We still did have the unfortunate games, but at least that was the last part when everyone was already heartily tipsy. It was funny random people kept coming over trying to join the party.
See this is why some of my friends called me out. b/c I don’t invite people to events that I don’t want to see show up, even on accident. They thought it was in bad taste that I didn’t invite this chic i hate to my birthday, even though she probably wasn’t going to come, just because she knew a lot of people who were invited. I’m like , i hate that bitch, what if she does show up. Then its my stupid fault for inviting her. Ug, If I don’t like you and you don’t like me we don’t even have to speak. We don’t have to give no fake smiles or say high or recognize the existence of one another.
I love Monopoly! Even though it takes three days to finish. And I’m a Spades queen, don’t test me.
*say hi.*
Ya kno, I would LOVE to go to an adoptive baby shower!! I adopting a child is great. I would prefer if black couples adopted black kids (what football player just adopted a caucasian baby? lemme check mediatakeout) But adoption is still wonderful.
I am straight up old school – plus I’m a girlie girl. I believe showers are for women only! When guys are there, it’s not fun anymore. Co-ed showere are not the business.
I would never force my husband to participate in any beacuse that’s just cruel and he would never forgive me LOL
knat, this is how we always end up not being friends and then friends again isn’t it. You gotta bring up Taboo, then I gotta punch you in the kidney, then we play monopoly for 3 days and its all good. Then you get mad at me for not taking spades seriously. Then we go make fun of prepubescent singlenappeen and we’re buddies again.
@Vanita, I HAAAAAATTTE that mess. People I’m only marginally cool with inviting me to stuff just for presents. I actually love getting gifts for my real friends and family, but if we’re not cool enough that I can’t immediately think of something fabulous/ridiculous/offensiveyethilarious for you, I’m not wasting my time visiting your registry and going to your party. I don’t even want to go to be nosy, I can get updated and laugh at how fat you got during your pregnancy and how short and bald your husband is on facebook (LOL, hater much?!)
monopoly has caused friendships to change
i ve seen taboo ruin relationships…
the girlfriend gives her boyfriend a hint that he should get like its the same date as our anniversary and he couldnt get the right answer… YEAH… not pretty.
Drunk Twister causes more physical injuries.
Cadnyland, life, shutes and ladders, hungry hungry hippo will still get things cracking… http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.com/2008/06/02/102-childrens-games-as-adults/
The Doc-Mrs. Epps, yeah that was my best friend who had it at the sports bar, that’s clearly how we get down, LOL. The guys all seemed to be fine, everyone was just sitting around shooting the shit as per usual. We still did have the unfortunate games, but at least that was the last part when everyone was already heartily tipsy. It was funny random people kept coming over trying to join the party.
HELLL YEAA…i like that!
hahah ima have my baby shower at The Park lmaooo
Dustin ok i was about to say ummm sweetie your confused..yea Celtics arent my tema either…but I hate the Lakers with a passion.
Inviting ppl you hate to parties is dumb…if i dont like the bitch they wont be invited…but it was funny one time when i invited this girl’s boyfriend to my partie and not her..and he actuslly came with her and when i opened the door i let him in and closed the door in her face…he was like “why you do that you know she’s my girlfriend” i said ” umm you know i dont like that bitch so why bring her.. she aint comign up in here drink all my liquor up hell naw”..tell me why he didnt go back out to her.. he stayed at the party for a good 4 hrs hahah
the faher of the baby should totally be made to suffer through a shower too!!! its his fault too for this damed event happening in the first place! and i want to hear “awwww” from him too when he opens my non-descript plain white onesie! if i gotta be there then he should too!
yoooooooooooooooooooooooooo,
I just gave a baby shower in january and another last saturday. Between people calling to RSVP and people calling for directions, I WILL NOT do another baby shower for at least 6 more years. Being at a baby shower drives me insane. All of the annoying noises women make, the mother to be’s bad ass fat nose attitude, the dumb ass games, and the food everyone has touched. If my BFF gets pregnant I am going to shoot myself!
YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY BOSTON!
the thing i cant stand is a motherfucker i aint seen in a year (and only see maybe once a year tops) keeps pestering me for my address to send his wedding invite…. def trying to glaum a gift off me.
lol
I can’t play dice either but me and my boo love our Monopoly nights. He always wants to change the rules to make it more interesting . This fool has gone so far as saying “Give me some head and I’ll let you slide on the rent for landing on my Boardwalk with two hotels!” And this man will be dead serious.
Inviting ppl you hate to parties is dumb…if i dont like the bitch they wont be invited…but it was funny one time when i invited this girl’s boyfriend to my partie and not her..and he actuslly came with her and when i opened the door i let him in and closed the door in her face…he was like “why you do that you know she’s my girlfriend” i said ” umm you know i dont like that bitch so why bring her.. she aint comign up in here drink all my liquor up hell naw”..tell me why he didnt go back out to her.. he stayed at the party for a good 4 hrs hahah
Dayum you nickels are gangsta. Seriously though. I would do the same shit. If you show up where I live and I hate you. You are not crossing the threshold. And you bett’n not eat or drink or break nothing of mine. Don’t get into my car neither. But especially bettn’ waste no food or drink on you (I’ll sic Debra on your ass).
I LOST MY VOICE YELLING AT THE GAME.
Drunk twister? Only if you’re single… A game of Taboo is how my husband realized how unlovely my competitive side can be. I’ve seen toned it way down.
WNBT – it’s cool, you socking me in the kidney is messed up though.
Yes, one month ’til Dark Knight!
@ ishoudlbeworking
“Give me some head and I’ll let you slide on the rent for landing on my Boardwalk with two hotels!” And this man will be dead serious.
I THINK I WILL BE PLAYING MONOPOLY this week, thank you..
“awww baby you landed on Park Place with a hotel. Look you dont have a lil money so why dont you just give me a lil head and we call it even”… LOVE IT
singlenappeen, i understand completely why Muse hates you.
I’ve seen = I’ve since.
Drunk twister is fun but you have to be 1. single 2. reasonably flexible. 3. around the same heft. Don’t have one big person in there (male female fat muscular, doesnt matter) b.c. that is the one who is inevitablly going to fall and break your ankle. also keep the little ones out too b.c. they’re the ones that get really injured and ruin the fun with some sort of midnight trip to the hospital for concussions or fractures.
Damn, its so sad how Monopoly can lead people into turning tricks and panhandling. But so true to life.
Landon, it took me a minute to get used to the idea of getting down for Monopoly money but he is my man and it’s all in fun. The first time he suggested it I got all sensitive about it but it’s not like I don’t do it for free so why not. Plus once it gets to that point its not even about the game anymore. I didn’t mention that sometimes we do other ignorant stuff like Cuervo shots for landing on Free Parking so we’re pretty much gone by the time the other activities coming into play. The money is all messed anyway up because we’re too drunk to count properly.
lol @ “…make sure you know where your condoms are at all times lest the woman poke holes in them”
Being a woman, I can’t say that I wouldn’t enjoy having a baby shower thrown for me (I mean, who doesn’t want free stuff?) But until it’s my turn, I completely agree with you, they are a fucking waste of goddamn time…
@ creativecat – “Usually you have to do gross things like what kind of candy bar was melted in a diaper.”
WTF?! What kind of sadistic people do you associate with?!
Dayum you nickels are gangsta. Seriously though. I would do the same shit. If you show up where I live and I hate you. You are not crossing the threshold. And you bett’n not eat or drink or break nothing of mine. Don’t get into my car neither. But especially bettn’ waste no food or drink on you (I’ll sic Debra on your ass
shit we dont play when it come to our house parites…you wanna fight take yo ass out side and if the cops come dont come knockin on my door..and if the cops came knocking on my door about you..”officer i dont know that nigga” with a straight ass face hahaha
Has anyone ever played Twister and someone farted?
Will not be televised:
what did i do to you? All i said is if my girl landed on park place and didnt have the money she could pay me in other ways. Is that so wrong?
You are right about not playing DRUNK twister with a big girl…. a flexible big girl at that. Damm Heffa was using her triple DDD as a weapon. Bullying people off the mat… but it was cool i just took my time on the spins, her Fat ass couldnt hold one position long enough. she became tired and lost. Her damn Jenny Craig Drop out ASS… effin fell down making my whole living room shake.
everyone knows when they play monpoly certain people can not be the banker…
with their non counting ass
I played naked drunk twister with my man once..that went bad after ” right had on red”
i played strip twister with my roomates and friends at a party a girl fart close to my face i was pissed and dismissed myself from the game.. i wanted to knock the bitch over…and it was one of those silent but deadly ones that no one heard or smelled but me! grrr
“I can’t play dice either but me and my boo love our Monopoly nights. He always wants to change the rules to make it more interesting . This fool has gone so far as saying “Give me some head and I’ll let you slide on the rent for landing on my Boardwalk with two hotels!” And this man will be dead serious.”
LMAO!!! This shit is hilarious!
pissed off yall going out side to throw rocks at lil kids… be back in 30
@ Bailey Blues “BUT, while I love giving gifts at baby showers (kids clothes are soooo cute!), I hate people who ask for stuff after the baby shower. You got all that stuff at the baby shower and now you are asking for more. Don’t send out an email to all your friends when the baby is one talking about alright yall, she needs some more stuff. That’s you and your child’s father’s responsibility. You shouldn’t got knocked up if you couldn’t take care of her.”
What! I’ve never heard of anyone doing that. I would tell their bold, broke asses exactly what you wrote – keep your damn legs closed if you can’t take care of your kids. But what pisses me off the most is when they want you to take care of the kids physically (babysit, etc). Uh, I didn’t have a kid, you did. If you can’t afford a sitter, keep your legs closed.
Mrs. Epps:
hahaha caught you with your mouth open, lol
What’s worse than having a planner at these things is when the mom-to-be throws her own shower. You get to see two kinds of crazy in action.
@ Knatural – “”Celebrations” for children under five years old are a waste of time and money because they won’t remember.”
EXACTLY – I just shake my head at these parents who have all these elaborate parties for their baby’s 1st birthday. These parties are really for the parents, so they can feel like a good mother/father. Uh, I know I’m a good parent – he’s healthy & thriving. A family BBQ at the house is all that’s needed.
“Give me some head and I’ll let you slide on the rent for landing on my Boardwalk with two hotels!” And this man will be dead serious.
I fucking DIED.
Landon lol that shit was not funny at all hahaha girl seriosuly looked back and smiled im like motherfuckingbitch no you didnt just fart near my face!!
Yea, but not since i was a kid. Thats why we stopped playing twister as kids, b/c gassy mofos were always getting in there and ruining the game. In fact it was used as a weapon b.c. everyone would quit when someone farted. But as an adult… thats in poor taste. I would be loud about it too.
landon, it was more the saying i was bob johnsons’ mistress and then the link you posted when i said i like board games. Not your pimping of monopoly. But its all love.
Anyone who wants to be banker at monopoly is automatically the one you know is going to cheat. Also anyone who picks the car is a cheater too. But if you don’t cheat in monopoly you lose. I like to sit near free parking and steal the money out of there when nobody’s looking.
Baby’s 1st Birthday should be no more than a BBQ well depending on when the bday is..can be BBQ in the middle of winter..but i nice pizza party for the kids and then a nice cake for the little shitter to throw his or her face and hands in…thats about it.. at 1st bday’s parents shouldnt expect gifts cuz by the time the kid is one they should have everything they need. well Grandma and Grandpa might get something but your friends should have to…
@ Angel30 – yeah people have some nerve
cant not can
Ok baby’s first birthday should be a cake from the grocery store after dinner. Thats it. No invitations necessary. One, hat for the kid and a picture to put in the albulm.
and damn shouldnt not should lol
because nobody but you and gramps care that its that childs birthday.
It is impossible for a new mom to give a rinky dink 1st Birthday party. We gave a BIG first B-day party for my little man.
I don’t know what it is about this blog that gives me the e-balls to share TMI with strangers. I almost joined the Facebook group yesterday but I’m glad I didn’t.
And Landon, I’m always the banker in Monopoly. It’s my boyfriends strategy. He knows that I can’t possibly come up with a good strategy while keeping the bank’s money and my money straight. That’s why I always end up broke, drunk and having to resort to other measures to stay in the game. Regualar monopoly just isn’t the same after doing it our way unless we’re playing with other people then we just make eyes at each other or flirt under the table while thinking about how we do it at the house.
You guys MUSt not have any kids.
yea your right Ne…since i dont have kids yet.. i would probably do some outlandish 1st birthday just because i wanted my childs 1st bday to be special..even thought i dont even remember my 1st bday hahaha
My son does not remember ANYTHING from his first b-day. It was more for me to give him a big celebration, like an appreciation for him being in my life.
My son does not remember ANYTHING from his first b-day. It was more for me to give him a big celebration, like an appreciation for him being in my life.
awwwwww….tear*
I have the cutest picture from my neice’s first B-day party. She was barely walking and in the pic she’s kind of hiding behind a chair while using it to hold herself up with the most innocent WTF face I’ve ever seen. It’s totally obivious that she has no idea what’s going on nor does she want any part of it.
ishouldbeworking
“Give me some head and I’ll let you slide on the rent for landing on my Boardwalk with two hotels!” And this man will be dead serious.
Girl Im bout to whoop ya ass because I know your cheating with my man! LMAO!!! But why are men ALWAYS tryna get head for something?!?!
I almost fell out my damn chair@ishouldbeworkin… This blog and comments are gonna get me fired…
I want to play monopoly with Landon.
LMAOOO@ Dustin….
I want a baby too, but like I said in the Teenagers post I DON’T WANT TEENAGERS! My biological clock is ticking so loud right now I’m afraid other people can hear it.
Vanita, where do you live? Let me find out we been messing with the same dude!
@ Sista…Dont worry, I look @ my left hand and DIE all the time. Esp when some of my hood rat friends decided to ‘do the damn thing’ and marry they baby fathers. LOL Dont get me wrong tho, I would prefer to get married and then have kids, but Im not knocking people that wanna do it their way. Just hatin that I aint the one with a ring. And it doesnt help I know EXACTLY what I want my ring to look like…
*sigh*
LMAO @ isbw…My man in in Philly, and I know he aint doin ish. I can call him anytime of the day and he WILL pick up his phone and let me kno what hes doin. Dont worry, ya man is faithful too, I declined the head offer and wen home bankrupt last night
And Ms. Epps, I’m gonna have to get a new nail shop because the owners two-year-old loves to see me coming. She clings to me the entire time I’m in the shop and asks me to read magazines to her and she gives me candy from the candy dish at the register.
The last time I was there she grabbed onto my index fingers and started screaming “You stay here!” Talk about creepy. She melted my heart so much that I almost didn’t realize that she nearly destroyed my white tips.
ST – not all married folks wear rings, I don’t.
My “baby fever” started about a year or so ago…when I turned 30…before then, it was “whatever” or “I’ll adopt when I’m 40″. I have a friend who SWEARS I need to be his baby mama…but that’s all, cause he has “issues with marriage”. I’m with ST…no babies before rings and vows exchanged…so I keep telling this mofo no go…find someone else to fall for that bullisht.
Easy Dustin! EASY…….
My girl is dominican SHE’LL CUT YOU if give her the SIGN!
Sista Toldja, I’m ringless and dying too. Every. Single. Day. What makes it so bad today is that my pregnant happily married white picket fence having roommate from college just e-mailed me the link to another friend from college’s wedding website. Mind you her fiancee popped the question less than a month ago and this chick already has the date, venue, and bridal party picked out. She also has links to her registry at Target and a honeymoon registry (I hate those things). Dude just asked her like 5 minutes ago and she’s got everything on lock.
I’m happy for her but was crying on the inside because of my ringless finger.
Yea..i dont have a ring..before we got engaged i told him that i want him to wait til after we got the house and got established in it and stuff and then go ring shopping.. We went ring shopping/ browsing last weekend and was pointing out the rings i really liked…I want a bridal set instead of the “engagment ring” so while we are still engaged i can sport part of the ring and then at the ceremony he just has to put on the other 1/2
…but for now i wear this ring my mom gave me and him that to her represents untiy…we both wear it everyday…
but ever since i was likr 13 i knew what kind of ring i wanted..dbl band bridal set 2 cart Princess cut three stoned diamond.. sigh..
FOR THE LOVE OF GOD NO MARRIAGE TALK!
ishouldbeworking-Sista Toldja, I’m ringless and dying too. Every. Single. Day. What makes it so bad today is that my pregnant happily married white picket fence having roommate from college just e-mailed me the link to another friend from college’s wedding website. Mind you her fiancee popped the question less than a month ago and this chick already has the date, venue, and bridal party picked out. She also has links to her registry at Target and a honeymoon registry (I hate those things). Dude just asked her like 5 minutes ago and she’s got everything on lock.
aww
“tri-stone half-bevel tiffany etoile in platinum”
English? This is like that Fritalian latte-talk. Soooo, it’s shiny?
Shoot mrs. epps, I’m a baby magnet too. I don’t know why they all stare at me and want to touch me. (little baby hands are extremely creepy if unexpected-or sleeping). ANd I don’t like babies!.
Baby fever/baby urges same dif.
I have gone to all of one baby shower and it was at work in a small room because I didn’t want to work that day. You are right, I nearly died and had to leave early.
Do you ever talk to your Asian friends about racism? I did it once when one of my Asian friends made a comment I should hit on one of her Asian friends. When I told her, “she won’t like me Asians hate black people.” She got quiet. LOL
http://daily.nysun.com/Repository/ml.asp?Ref=TllTLzIwMDgvMDYvMTIjQXIwMDkwMg==&Mode=HTML&Locale=english-skin-custom
to change the topic a lil bit tell me what you think about this?
LOL, I feel you Knat. I have no idea what those words mean. I’ve never been big into jewelry. People have given up on giving me stuff (especially expensive) because I either never wear it or lose/break it. I guess I’ll do the ring thing, but I dunno, I’d almost rather having matching tattoos (no names!)
i am going to start workign again at 1:30…. (this is what i tell my self)..
i just wanna win the lottery and move to bora bora
dang, you guys are pressed on this marriage thingie. I want to be married before 30 and pop out some babies but i don’t give 2 diddlydumpkins about rings much like i don’t about the actual wedding. And i’m conflicted on the showers thing, i want the presents but i don’t want the pastels or games or BS. Though I will be having a bachelorette party. Sigh… another sign that i’m not girly enough??
I came back over after a stint at VSB b.c. they were too serious today and now you guys are on about marriage. Its too much for a humpday.
“You know asking for a Tiffany’s ring excludes like 90% of the men in America, I don’t even want to think about the statistics for black men.”
Yea, that pretty much spells the end of me. I had a good run.
Tiffany rings are awaste of money… they are the same diamonds and jewlery you can get at the diamond district in NY at about 40% less… you paying for the name and that damn lil light blue box… he would be better off buying you the same ring, then goign to tiffanys purchase some earings for like $100… and put the ring in the blue box, you’ll never know the difference.
At the same time i am the same guy who sneaks bottles in to the club because i refuse to spend $300 on a bottle of liquor thats cost $30 dollars… 1000% mark up are EFFING KIDDING ME!
Thank you WNBT! (we are friends again right? LOL)
30 is actually my time frame for when I *might* want to start thinking about settling down, lol. I’m not adverse to anything happening before then, but I’m loving life as it is. I must have too much testosterone running through my blood or something, I don’t get baby or marriage pains. Maybe it’s because most of my close friends aren’t really on that track either, except my best friend, but she’s like five years older.
lol Omar…my man has Tiffany’s on his list’s of places of where we could get rings..because his grandmother and grandfather had Tiffany’s wedding rings. soo umm yea
“People have given up on giving me stuff (especially expensive) because I either never wear it or lose/break it. I guess I’ll do the ring thing, but I dunno, I’d almost rather having matching tattoos (no names!)”
I officially love Doc, she is going to make some lucky man very happy and nott milk him dry.
puff (13:01:46) :
another way to make presents fun: sneak in a big ol bottle of jack daniels, and when she opens it, snigger loudly as you take a swig of yours like, “yeah bitch, none of this for you for 9 motherfucking months…”
LOL! I did something (sorta) like this at a baby shower. But it was coffee (cuz we were in high school…but that’s a separate story.) My friend was a Starbucks junkie, so i’m sippin my latte like, “so, how long are you going to breastfeed? No caffeine while nursing, hahahahaha!” That’s what she gets for inviting my broke teenaged butt to her baby shower. I think the latte cost more than the gift.
Doc, i’ll meet you and dustin in the city for fleet week in october while everyone else is in tiffanys or at showers. I’ll be the one in the wig calling myself LaFakewa. Who wants to be Fakeisha?
Platinum is soft. Diamonds come from impoverished countries. And the likelihood of me ACTUALLY wearing it – slim to nil. I’ll pass. I love jewelry, just not drawn to diamonds and precious jewels. I considered tattooing my left ring finger, but my husband won’t do it. Loser.
i am a fan of brilliant cut diamonds
@ Mrs. Epps – He better ask los abuelos to pass those rings down. A tiffany’s ring could be down payment on a second house.
True Knat. I worked in a jewelry store as a teenager and I learned that platinum isn’t all that. White gold is a better option.
The timeliness of this post is scary. I’ll be attending a shower next weekend and I just don’t want to be there and I’m a woman. I don’t like showers or weddings for that matter. Lots of contrived b-s that I could care less about. It’s my friend and I love her, but it’s bullshit. Period.
knatural thats because he can take off the ring… what is he going to do put makeup over the tatto?
WNBT: I wanna be Fakeisha!
Baby showers are depressing when the woman got knocked up and/or had a baby out of wedlock and can’t afford essentials for their child.
A few months ago I found out that a young girl who dropped out of a college prep program I mentor for was knocked up. She was only 15. I attended the baby shower because I wanted to give my support. Anyway at the baby shower the mom, grandmother and great-grandmother were present. Get this the mom was 28 years old and the great-grandmother was only 52 FUCKING YEARS OLD!
I was too disgusted at the ghetto shit. The gifts were even ridiculous. Her family was buying the baby some expensive =designer cloths instead of essentials like diapers, cradle, bottles etc. I ended up getting her the car seat but then I realized that my gift was stupid since in CA no one under the age of 18 can drive with someone under 18 in the car.
Another baby shower I attended as that one of my stupid ass friends got knocked up by a married man and was celebrating that shit. Mind you this chick went to Stanford Law but I guess common sense isn’t common to everyone. She was also wearing her pseudo engagement ring. Needless to say that the baby is now 6 months old and the guy is still with his wife.
Yea, people think its cute to get a girl named Tiffany stuff from that store. Dont get me wrong, its nice, but my ring is coming from Christian Bernards. It the Princess Engagement ring, feat. a princess cut semin mount diamond with 56 invidual diamonds…oh wee! I dont remember html, so here the link!
http://www.christianbernardusa.com/index.php?page=shop.product_details&flypage=shop.flypage&product_id=113&category_id=33&manufacturer_id=0&option=com_virtuemart&Itemid=200
Landon – the article was interesting. I’m not sure how much hip hop the author listens to though. I think he would’ve dug a little deeper. I do wish more hip hop artists would also be activists. Russell’s whole Hip Hop Action Network sounded like a good idea…but I’m not sure what they actually do outside of holding seminars. When I looked up the author on The Google, I came across a blog hiphoprepublican.com. It looked….interesting. I’ll have to look at it more when I’m not on The Man’s dime though.
Oh yeah…princess cut
There’s a general rule that the ring should cost 3 months salary (yes, this is bullshit promoted by the diamond industry, but hear me out).
I believe that women should reciprocate with a similar value of blow jobs. At my current income, that equates to about 600 hummers based on what I believe to be the value of a well-executed fellating. That would make me insanely happy, and may even prompt me to buy her more jewelry just for the hell of it.
With that said: gentlemen, what do we suppose is the monetary value of a well-done blow job?
Knat- I was talking about MY left hand. I personally wish all married men wore rings, just because I’d like to know you are off the market. I realize there are, of course, engaged or LTR men, who wouldn’t have rings but are off the market. But still. Fuck, they should wear them too.
Tiffany rings are boring to me. The design, imo, is too blah. I just want a beautiful ring that suits my style. I love large, ostentatious jewlery. If a man got me a huge rock of cubic zirconia (in a good setting, of course) and that joint was hot to death, I’d be happy. If he bought me a ring with pearls or ambers and it fit my style, I’d be happy. For me, the fact that he took the time to find a ring that was my style would mean more to me than the cost. I hate tiny “where is it?” rings, but I have also seen reasonably priced diamond rings that were big enough to make me scream.
This is one of the reasons it’s for the best I don’t have many white female friends. Even if they look like pig knuckles, they seem to always find a moderately-to-riduclously good looking man to marry them and guarantee them a reasonably good life.
Omar..they are both dead and were burried with their rings…but i told him that he didnt have to go all out for some ring from Tiffany’s..i mean it is a girls dream to have a ring from Tiffany’s or Harry Winston’s but i’m cool with Kay’s hahah
yea im not big on Platinum ut i love me some white gold…but i still want my 2 carats even if its not the ring i wanted hahah.. getting the left ring finger tattooed is an option for us as well..but honestly i love diamonds..its a girls bestfriend…and yes i would be one of those bitches flinging my ring in womens faces at work hahahah they did that to me so i’ll return the favor
I’m not a fan of diamonds but I want a ring! I actually want amethyst stones (purple is my favorite color) or a single pearl with tiny insignificanty teeny weeny diamonds (that hopefully no one had to die for) on the side in my engagement ring. I’m just weird like that.
Now I’m off to treat my inner fat girl, Ro-berta, to a huge burger and onion rings, sweet tea, and a strawberry cheesecake shake to cure myself of my wedding/marriage/baby blues.
My cousin received a 25k ring from Tiffany’s as her engagement ring. Needless to say all of her friends were jealous. But her husband can afford it. In turn she brought him a sports car as a wedding gift and season tickets to the Mets.
Interestingly enough she could have gotten he exact same cut and quality ring from a private jeweler for half the price. The 50% of the Tiffany’s price has to do with the brand.
I like jewelry and if my future fiancée who does not exist yet (LOL) can afford it then I would like a nice engagement ring. It’s my father’s fault for giving me a nice piece of jewerly every year for my birthday and xmas. There is nothing wrong with liking nice things LOL. In fact I will be willing to skip the whole ceremony and get married at the courthouse for a nice ring and a fabulous house. (if i had to choose LOL)
Okay, you’re probably all gonna hate me for this, but this kis is funny. When they tell him to say “Hillary” he won’t.
http://video.msn.com/video.aspx?mkt=en-US&brand=&vid=7b9ac7df-b763-426b-8e9d-37044f19e699
@Muse – that kind of reminds of a time I was tutoring this kid and he pulled out his wallet to get something and his 15 yr old behind had a condom in it. No sooner than I was about to ask what he was doing so young with condoms a pregnant 16 yr old walks by… I’m like never mind maybe I’ll buy you some more.
Omar (14:33:40) :
I wasn’t at my WIFE’s baby shower for 5 minutes, I dropped her of and me and the rest of the husbands hung out.
Side note – love the baby’s pic in the MySpace photo! AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!
ST I prefer Harry Winston. Tiffany’s is too commercial for me.
Chris- I swear on my life, if I found a man who loved me and I loved him and we was really looking at a life together…..no, SCRATCH THAT, if I found a man who was good and I WANTED him to propose to me eventually, I would give the head of life to him each and every chance I could, within reason. And when he married me, I would keep it going (along with the sex) because 1) why would I marry you if I didn’t want to do that every day and 2) so some gut bucket bitch out here won’t do it for me.
. . . and speaking of Obama (hopefully this link works). There’s a pause at the end of the video & you think it’s over, but it’s not, so be patient.
Click here: Dipdive
Baby showers: I love them because I love children unlike apparently most of the women commenting on this site. The only one I’ve been to was for a Mexican friend of mine and it was super fun. Kids running around, everyone over 15 got Corona and limes and NO STUPID GAMES. I just sat around with my friends and chatted and drank Corona. They also had a moon bounce like all Mexicans do at any gathering.
I can’t have a diamond ring; Blood Diamond traumatized me and I can’t see myself wearing a diamond unless it was certified to have been mined in the US. Otherwise I want a single round-cut aquamarine which is my birth stone.
Wait, here you go.
http://www.dipdive.com/dip-politics/wato/
ST your mouth will start to hurt. Based on all the men I know they will probably want blow jobs at least three times a day.
I have eno problem being my husband’s personal slut except during that time of the mouth. I can’t deal with people for the three days i’m bleeding and my reproductive system is kicking my ass.
“I don’t have a penis, but given the ease with which it can be executed, I would say a good blow job is worth not more than twenty dollars.”
In that case, make it 1,500 blowjobs.
Sorry ST – I totally skimmed your statement.
And of course this one
http://www.dipdive.com/dip-politics/ywc/
About half of yall need to go back and watch Blood Diamond…
… How yo gonna do ‘giveusfreedude’ like that cause you like shiny stuff. LOL
Thanks Merri Lee.
Hi Ro-Berta!
TH you are invited as well. I think you would look good in a red wig. I like kiddies, me no likey babies. In fact i only like halfhumans between the ages of 2 and 12. Then you need to be full human or some kinda special.
Né (16:27:06) :
My son does not remember ANYTHING from his first b-day. It was more for me to give him a big celebration, like an appreciation for him being in my life.
I’m not for elaborate parties for kids, but they should have something. I don’t remember my early birthdays or my first trip to Disneyland, but when I look at the pictures, I look like the happiest kid in the world. And my parents fondly remember those times too.
$17,000 for a fucking ring? For shame…*wags finger*
It’s a shiny loop made with shiny rocks one wears on their finger. Wow. I guess there’s no price-tag on the “meaning”.
Omar I’ve seen Blood Diamonds. I’m probably wearing some little African kid on my ears and wrist today. I also eat meat, I wear leather, and I’ve probably contributed to pollution at some point. I also have stocks and other investment in technology companies that make weapons. I’ve profitted from the raising oil prices.
But if it makes you feel better I make sure that I purchase conflict free diamonds.
Is there a shortage on getting blow jobs?
I am confused. If you are in a ,relationship, sex, blow jobs and eating should be apart of the daily routine. Unless tabitha is visiting.
Knat I wouldn’t mind wearing a 17k ring LOL. Fuck it if my fiancee that doesn’t exist at this point doens’t believe in engagement rings, I’ll buy it my damn self. Problem solved.
$10 for that bs licking it like you never done it blow job
giveusfree! I need another pic of him up here today! All this diamond talk is making me queasy. Are you serious. I don’t even want to wear the few pieces of good jewelry i have b.c. i’m afraid i’m going to fuck around and 1. lose it 2. damage it 3. get it stole. Sigh. i’m a junk jewelry queen and someone did me right by introducing me to the wholesale district in NYC. $20 can get me a whole bag full of goodies and at least 1 of which i can wear down to the courthouse. And when it turns green I can afford to go back and get another one.
@ST – +++
@Chris – Ur right about the Asian women hating all black men (outside of athletes). The ones in my office always seem to notice something on the floor in the corner when I walk by…
ne there is a shortage of blow jobs for single men. Why the fuck would I suck some guy’s dick if I’m not in a relationship with him? Sorry my ego won’t allow me to do that.
Ne,
your man get daily blow jobs?
WNBT, I’ll see you in October! I’ll be going by “Ivana Humpalot”
Here is the deal: The amount of dick sucking a guy receives dependson how much my pussy gets licked. Fair is fair.
“$10 for that bs licking it like you never done it blow job”
No way, dude. A chick should pay ME for a bad BJ.
You gotta give to recieve right??
WNBT get insurance. One time someone jacked my jewels at USC and the insurance company paid for everything.
Landon (17:22:02) :
http://daily.nysun.com/Repository/ml.asp?Ref=TllTLzIwMDgvMDYvMTIjQXIwMDkwMg==&Mode=HTML&Locale=english-skin-custom
to change the topic a lil bit tell me what you think about this?
Embarrassed to admit I spent 3 hrs of a Saturday morning watching him do Q&A on his book Authentically Black on C-Span 2/Book TV. Yes, he has a white wife. The interview was OK, but since for every one very intelligent call, 9 dumbasses get past CSPAN’s call screeners, it wasn’t too enlightening. But RE the article – ZZZZZZZZZZ
Back to work…
Word Muse! I’m on a moratorium now until my CI gets his stuff together. No I’m not counting but I just realized its been awhile. And I need to go print out those instructions y’all came up with a while back and email them to him…. sigh. Teaching is hard work.
and if you nut, pay up.
Well yes it’s apart of sex. I mean there are days when getting it on is more important and we are just tired but for the most part yes.
Ne’ – “Is there a shortage on getting blow jobs?
I am confused. If you are in a ,relationship, sex, blow jobs and eating should be apart of the daily routine. Unless tabitha is visiting.”
Chuuuuuuuurch!
what is a bad blow job?
My price for a blow job is $659.67 taxes included.
We have it worst…
ours is like an extension of skin or a limb no different really then the skin that is on a finger…
Yours an open wound with mucus glands that bleeds… FAIR IS NOT FAIR…
but we still dive down into the abyss…
guy eating a girl out right is worth at least 100 times more what a good blowjob is worth.
Haha! I love the topic! My homegirl from college JUST had her baby this morning, and she’s the first friend of mine to enter the “wonderful world of motherhood.” Luckily, I live about 7 states away and wasn’t required to go to the baby shower.
I’m also glad that I didnt have to be there for the birth, UGH, and I wont see the bay until he’s at least a month old.
Ladies don’t fall for the okie doke. If a guy ask for a blow job, makes sure he gives you some licking FIRST. Some men are selfish and won’t return the favor so get yours if he wants his bad enough. Hehehe.
Muse, thats irritatting. I know i need insurance for many things, and i appreciate it when i get to use it (love you state farm!). But its like constantly paying for something i already own. And they don’t help if i drop it down the drain. well unless i lie. well they don’t help if a stone falls out or i get cheese stuck in it cuz i forgot to take it off.
As for the article, read it but you can pull quotes from anyone and anywhere to support whatever you want. Don’t think its worth the paper or th 5 minutes I took to read it.
lol muse! I use to be in a relationship like that. He wanted head soooo bad but he wasn’t licking. I was like I don’t dew blow jobs homie unless you are going down.
He learned!
Landon – you just compared pus to an open wound? Wow!
Is it weird that my now-ex boyfriend never really minded having sex when tabitha came to visit?
TMI!
Merri Lee I disagree with you. Why can’t I have all that now? If I work hard, make good money, and I’m a good person, why should I wait 25 years to have the nice things in life? No disrespect to your mother but if I work hard, I expect to play hard. I pay my dues by paying taxes and not being a burden to society. If I’m living great now, why get with a man who can’t bring the same to the table?
@WNBT – that type of insurance is good because good jewelry retains value, now my car insurance I hate that shit. I have a $500 deductible and I have never gotten in an accident that cost more than that.
I will agree that guys have it worse on the oral but i think women get the shitty end of the stick on regular. B/c sex is over when he’s done, not when i am. And even though i could get it multiple times in one go, its much more likely that i’m not going to get it. Plus you can still get something (if i feel like it) when marthas in town, whereas i’m just twitching. So i think overall it works out fairly even.
Am i the only one who gets extra horny when martha comes to visit. Thats my PMS, when i want to jump bones baddd i know i’m bout to not be able to.
Omar – “I officially love Doc, she is going to make some lucky man very happy and nott milk him dry.”
Ahh, thanks pookie! Agreed, the only “milking it dry” should be done in the bedroom (*rimshot*) LOL
On my birthday’s I want SHOES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Heels, massages, shoes.
On Christmas day I WANT…wedges, maybe some tickets to see the kings play the cavaliers, some shoes, or a massage.
etc for mother’s day, and anniversaries.
Oh and I have never understood the blow job thing. If I have time to give a guy a blow job, then we have time to have sex. And any guy who prefers a blow job over sex is gay.
Merri Lee-I’m not for elaborate parties for kids, but they should have something. I don’t remember my early birthdays or my first trip to Disneyland, but when I look at the pictures, I look like the happiest kid in the world. And my parents fondly remember those times too.
me too.. my parents have a gaggle of pics of me with Mickey Mouse and Minnie and all that jazz i dont remeber it at all but i looke dvery happy..I have been to Cali more than 50 times when i was younger but dont remember any of that shit hahah…
but make on the baby subject..my mom has all these pics of me bieng born and i wanted to freaking pass out! Giving birth is beautiful but it aint a pretty sight…and I want three kids total and damn i feel for my cooch foreal..it will never be the same Tear* Perosnally i will not look forward to when my children become pre-teens to teenagers..because i know how i was at that age and damn i drove my mom crazy and my mother told that when i have kids karma is a bitch..FUCK im cursed im gonna have demon children ahhaha….hmm i wonder if i add my step-daughter to the tree kids that woudl count haahaha
Oh i never saw blood diamond but i know the story..and its sad..but i still want some f-effin diamonds…since i wa slittle i was attracted to shiney things hahaha I would get my birthstone instead of a diamond but i hate November birthstone for some reason..
http://christophersjewelry.com/images/november.gif
but it’s not that bad i guess..
“Is it weird that my now-ex boyfriend never really minded having sex when tabitha came to visit?”
You DAMN right thats weird!!!!
bad blow job or whats needed for a good one
The Ten Head Commandments
1. NO teeth
2. no energy please put some effort into it
3. dry mouth
4. no rythm
5. does not use her hands with mouth while doing it (bad hand eye coordination)
6. Please focus on more then just the shaft and head..
7. mix it up, suck, lick kiss spell your name with your tongue i dont care
8. have glass of cold water near by take some sips once in a while to make your tongue and mouth cold..
9. be careful how hard you grab or what angle you grab the shaft with your hand… (hence why i NEVER want a girl to jerk me off, its like yall trying to break it off, reverse the hand angle)…
10. if yoru not gong to swallow please get up and get a towel or something to clean up the mess… THANK YOU..
I love my car insurance b.c. my parents pay for it b.c. my car is in my dads name still. Its based in VA which means i have more options, my car is ancient but i live in brick city which means i get it broken into twice a year. When they stole my radio (didn’t really make sense) state farm not only paid for it but replaced my stereo. And since my stereo was an old model they gave me an upgraded one. And I didn’t have to pay out of pocket. And I got rental coverage and the rental car is always full size. My deductible on accidents was 100$ if i’m not at fault. In fact, remind me to go hug my parents today for this. and go hug my state farm person.
lol thanks landon!
“Yours an open wound with mucus glands that bleeds… FAIR IS NOT FAIR…”
It might not be a good idea to imply that you don’t like women when Dustin is paying attention.
Mrs. Epps, when in November is your birthday? It would explain soooo much if you were a Scorpio like me, LOL
co-sign. My mom got a gorgeous diamond Tiffany ring and wedding band…for their 25th anniversary. Seriously, why do chicks want all this stuff up front? Big wedding, huge ring, a new bar, house in the burbs, etc. Pay some dues, have some kids, earn yo sh!t. Quit asking brothas to pay the mortgage AND buy you diamonds every birthday, mother’s day, Christmas and Valentine’s Day.
I agree..i dont need all that at once…if you wanna get me a gift take me to a nice dinner at a fancy place…or run me a damn bubble bath and lite some candles…but i wouldnt mind the shiney gifts.. i give my man shiney things too like these white gold cufflings for his bday last year with his initials engraved in them…and then father’s day i gave him a bottle of cuervo then on our anniversary this yr i got him a GPS for his car, then this father’s day i got his daughter tho draw him a huge fathers day card on my parents driveway and asix pack, and then for his bday he’s getting a ps3 and grand theft auto 4..so he’s a happy man. and i pay 1/2 the mortgage and bills and buy grocries and cook…so dmamit i want my shiney shit!
Mrs. Epps: If you watch blood diamond you will never want to look at diamonds again in your life. All you’ll see are little african kids with guns chopping off other kid’s limbs.
this is my birthstone and I lubs it: http://www.gasserjewelers.com/images/aquamarine.jpg
@WNBT – must be nice, I actually pay my mother’s car insurance.
figure #3 WHAT IN THEEEE FUCCCKKK IS THAT THING. …and i’m not putting my member in it.
…and ohhh didn’t you already know that baby showers are gay? come on Chris be for real.
next time just send a gift in your place and a note that tells the gay ass man father to grow some nuts. …the fuuck.
im appauled.
I have no problem giving head…just please have the courtesy to sit on my face so I don’t have to crane my neck at some weird angle.
Dammit.
I already gave the Blow Job Manifesto Landon.
Omar:
I think i am proving without a doubt THAT I LOVE WOMEN… because if had an doubt i wouldnt go thru with that… but I LOVE WOMEN… i like how they make me feel. i love pleasing a woman and how much fun they can be when thigns click… but when it comes to SEX, men have a much harder job…
The Doc im a Sag baby very end of nov on the 29th lol…Scorpio’s are cool ppls though..1/2 my fam is born in November woohoo!
TomatoHead your birhtstone is purdy i’d wear it.
“Oh and I have never understood the blow job thing. If I have time to give a guy a blow job, then we have time to have sex. And any guy who prefers a blow job over sex is gay.” HAHAHAHAHAH Agreed. BJs just get me riled up. Bring on the real thing, I say.
lolololol @ omar
I have always wanted to cover-up the head tight with my thumb when my man is cumming. I always forget. I wonder what would happen.
Landon – any man that compares pus to an open wound has questionable heterosexuality. An open wound? Really?
Né – this would happen.
LOL @Ne. I think it’d just end up oozing out as soon as you moved your thumb. My now-ex used to do that to keep it from getting in my face (I do not to the porn money-shot bs).
I agree knat…Blow jobs are a sure fire way to get me horny.
::crosses legs::
Mrs. Epps you are the shizzznitttt but i bet the gifts you expect from him are bigger and shinier. respect though for the shit you said you did. creative, simple and even shiny sometimes. be sure to fullfill his sexual fantasies by becoming an uberwhore dressed up like something he’s never seen with an attitude to match (naaaaaasssssssttttttyyyyyy) and dont just wait for holidays neither. overall, bloody fucking great job.
Knat I’ve been questioning Landon’s sexuality for awhile now. Men were born to love pussy. Pussy should be worshiped, loved, licked, kissed, played with, poked etc…
Guy who don’t eat, don’t get fed.
Ok wait a min..now if you live together giving bj’s on a reg is just dumb.. i rather get down to the get down…but i will say giving head does help get me all hot in bothered and make me wanna jump my man hahaha
Muse – I disagree. If both of you are contributing to the bills, etc, telling him to buy all that sh!t is asking him to contribute MORE than his fair share.One point i forgot from that post was that if he gives you all that stuff, and you divorce tomorrow, you can keep it and he’s SOL.* Yes, you’re in love, or at least you think you are when you get married. You’ve earned it 10 years in, but supporting 3 kids is not cheap. 25 year later my mom got the Tiff diamonds, new car and some Chanel and St. John’s. She earned that and more.
*You know Marc Anthony bought JLo a wedding ring for their first anniversary? He knows who he married. LOL!
@Ne – For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. Either he gets knocked backward or your thumb gets blown off and we will have to refer to you as Nubs.
Ne. “I have always wanted to cover-up the head tight with my thumb when my man is cumming. I always forget. I wonder what would happen.”
try it, and if you get really close and look at the opening at the end of the dizzznick, then let go, you will see sights you have never seen.
lemmeknow.
Yea no pushing during BJs, dude did that once to me, i gagged and ended up accidentally vomiting on his dick. Thats what you get. Also man, dont tell me you’re selfish Chris, you want to be laid out relaxed while your giving head and when your getting head? I thought head implies odd neck poistions or sore knees. Sigh
MerriLee I’m not expecting my husband to contribute more than me at all. In fact I love giving the man I’m involved with little tokens of affection. I also get what you are saying about raising kids etc…However I think people should hold off on having children until their finances are in order. Life is complicated enough without money problems. I also don’t think people should live beyond their means. So if I can afford to splurge then I’m going to do so but not before I take care of the essentials.
I get scrubs from the hospital I work in, the stethoscope, Blood pressure cuffs…yadda yadda. When my man get’s off work I open the door in a secretary type outfit and tell him to wait in the waiting room the doctor wil see you shortly.( he is cheesing from ear to ear)
I then come out in the full on doctor “uniform” with my lab coat and call him to my room. I ask him all kinds of provocative questions…FUN FUN FUN!
Why are reg BJs dumb? BJs are just like part of the sex package, really gets everything heated up. And it doesn’t necessarily have to be a preface to something else, sometimes you just feel like giving one. Especially the “sneak attack” while he’s playing video games or watching tv. It all get rewarded later, LOL.
Prime-Mrs. Epps you are the shizzznitttt but i bet the gifts you expect from him are bigger and shinier. respect though for the shit you said you did. creative, simple and even shiny sometimes. be sure to fullfill his sexual fantasies by becoming an uberwhore dressed up like something he’s never seen with an attitude to match (naaaaaasssssssttttttyyyyyy) and dont just wait for holidays neither. overall, bloody fucking great job.
ahhaha well yea i expect shiny big things but if it doesnt happen liek that im cool with that because i know those things come in time anyways…BUt sometimes i give him gifts just because just how he would order me flowers sometimes when i was sick at home and they would be at the door step when i went to check the mail box…hahah
as for fullfilling his fantasies HA…i think sometimes he’s a little shocked and speechless at the things he sees when he gets home from work…he’ll be like WHOA yeaaaaaaa..really for me?!!! giggty giggty goo!
I try to keep him guessing….im not predictable lol
Oh I also made an oath a long time ago that any man who voluntarily gives me a foot rub- a good one- i will have all of his love children. whatever you want, you got it. Sigh… one day.
lmaooo pmc! cute
A man who gives good head is hard to find. Most guys have difficulty navigating the vagina.
lmaoo doc. I like to do it when he is talking to his mother on the phone.
Yea no pushing during BJs, dude did that once to me, i gagged and ended up accidentally vomiting on his dick. DAMN. and EWWWWWWWWWWW. Poor thing (literally).
BJs are great!, and once you get to know your man, they’re easier and shorter. I hate waiting forever the climax. I got shit to do, WRAP IT UP!.
LMAAAAOOOOO@WNBT’s vomit story.
willnotbetelevised, you just made me appreciate my man even more!
Ne is a naughty naughty doctor! ahha girl i love the role play and costumes its sooo much fun!
WNBT you vomit on a guy’s dick…WOW..that’s something right there. Work on your gag reflex girl! LOL.
“I have no problem giving head…just please have the courtesy to sit on my
face so I don’t have to crane my neck at some weird angle.”
Dont say that…Im still @ work!
I can totally see SBPH punching a broad in the back of her head if she did the following:
Bit his dick
Threw up on his dick
Ne’ that’s awful! See, I feel like I’m not doing it right if he can still hold a normal conversation, LOL. He’d have to hurry up and hang up on her azz!
“I have no problem giving head…just please have the courtesy to sit on my face so I don’t have to crane my neck at some weird angle.”
…Holy fuck
lmaoo doc. I like to do it when he is talking to his mother on the phone.
mannn thats not cool… my man does that shit to me all the time.. i would be talking to my mom or dad and he would start playing with me and shit…once i actually hung up on my mom with no explaination lol and she called back and asked if i was having sex! I had the case od mumble mouth on that convo..
Muse – he’d probably also knee her in the sternum and make her ass walk home barefoot.
Muse – interesting point about kids. Since I take it all of us were born during the Regan administration, that completely effed up family planning. Pre-Regan and his diabolical plot to eliminate the Department of Education, college was fairly cheap. You could work part-time at the Piggly Wiggly and still pay for your education at State U in full. Now, that’s obviously not the case. That’s why mama had to wait for the gifts – as the 90s rolled around and daddy realized he couldn’t just whip out his checkbook and pay out up front, he pushed back all the luxuries she earned by working part time and putting up with bad assed kids. Anyway…wasn’t I supposed to be working. Damn, another meeting…
bwahahahahahhaha muse!!!!!!!!
Yes Mrs. Epps role playing is the SHIZZNITT! You get to be someone different. I have a freaky cleaning lady named Francesca, she hardly speaks english but she is off the hook.
tmi I know, so I am done.
Oh. My. God.
Mrs. Epps – me too! Or when he’s teleconferencing or doing some business transaction. That is the best.
Sorry Ne said that.
1. Yo soy Dominicano tambien!
2. Not really.
3. I love Tiffany’s. Drake has a Tiffany’s dog tag on his coach collar. 3a. It’s not as gay as it sounds. 3b. The dog tag wasn’t that expensive. Don’t buy a cheap ring.
4. “Open wound!?!?” Really? Damn. While that characterization is extreme, I wholeheartedly agree. So gross! It’s open and wet all the time.
5. I have a friend who makes “deals” with her husband. Her Gucci sunglasses cost her 15 blow jobs. Her MJ purse cost 15 as well. They have a happy marriage. He lost his wedding band the exact same day she lost her gucci glasses. They left each other alone and were considered even.
“i would be talking to my mom or dad and he would start playing with me and shit…once i actually hung up on my mom with no explaination lol and she called back and asked if i was having sex! ”
…I would die if my mother asked me that. And then I would tell her to mind her business!!
lol doc, He is like:
“What……..(long pause) Diii i id you say”
“Hold on….huh?”
“OH!… wow umm mama, mama imma call you riiight right back, ok”
Dustin, I think I can make a happier marriage. I buy my own Gucci sunglasses and will give the BJs for free (shit I enjoy them too).
*raises hand*
Head while driving, anyone?
ahhaha Ne i have a Stripper, doctor, cop, vampire, latin maid.
Knat the business call ones are the best too esp when he’s on the phone with his boss to fucking hilarious…one time he was talking to her about some important shit and i started messing with him and he started talking jibberish in different tones..he’ll go talking normal to a laugh to a yell to speedy talk to get off the phone..i love it
lol @ blowjobs being a payment or stipulation. It’s sex man!
Knat dont get me started on head while driving…girlllllllllllllllllllllllllll lol good times…i got some outlandish sex stories..but i have been guilty of sharing to much on here as it is…
Knat – Me or him?
**high fives knat**
Although it is VERY dangerous, My guy is always up for this. I think it’s one of his favorites. I do it when we drive out of town. The first time his eyes jumped out of his head and landed on the hood of the car.
BJ are the BEST form of payment.
*raises hand with Knat* DANGEROUS as heck…but certainly part of the fun.
Knat the business call ones are the best too esp when he’s on the phone with his boss to fucking hilarious…one time he was talking to her about some important shit and i started messing with him and he started talking jibberish in different tones..he’ll go talking normal to a laugh to a yell to speedy talk to get off the phone..i love it
Lmaoo. THE DIFFERENT TONES ARE HA-LARRY-US!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sooo Landon’s “girl” friend is dominican and Dustin is Dominican…hmmm…
Ok, ok maybe it’s a coincidence.
Mrs. Epps: I have worked the secretary, nurse and virgin. For some reason, the dude I was with looooves the “virgin”.
umm getting your cooter played with while driving? anyone **Raises hand**
Vanita – him. The mechanics of a girl receiving (in a left-hand drive vehicle) are too complex. Unless cruise-control is activated, right? I don’t know. True, it’s dangerous, but so exhilirating. Especially on a windy road.
yea i have done the virgin too Tomatohead and my man loved it.. but he loves the hell out of Maria the maid…
*raising hand again* (and giggling at cooter)
TomatoHead, that doesn’t surprise me. All guys really want that mystical “virgin slut”
How do you give a woman head while driving??? That shit don’t look physically possible without her leg being on the dash board and that is a crash waiting to happen.
HAHAHAHA. Anything with an accent, and guys are all over it.
I forgot Fifi, the Parisian ingenue. I can speak like 6 words of French and he was all over it. Oui Oui monsieur…je vous aime
**RAISES HAND**
there was a trucker who was watching and tryingfto keep up, to keep watching. It was kind of gross but weirdly exciting trying to elude him.
*Raises hand! Twice.
I’ve given and received road-head to and from both guys and girls. Giving to a girl who is driving is by far the hardest thing I’ve ever done.
Realmente, no soy Dominicano.
virgin slut-oxymoron lol but i love the term…
The Doc ahhaha girl that shit will get some killed! I will put on the gas and be weaving in and out of traffic tryna get home faster lol
but nothing beats the time when i got head infront of our old apt building at like 4 am…and this lady in opur building came out and was like” OH shit you get it girl and gave me a high five” i kid you fucking not…thats one of those stories you never forget…damn there i go again TMI i know sorry..but i love that story..
Yea, I like giving a girl oral pleasure when she is on the phone. I want to get her to a point that she 1.) slips up and the other person knows what is going on 2.) she hangs up phone…
She always hangs up the phone.
What is it about this thin veil of internet protection that makes it soooooooo easy to over-share?
Dustin!
I’m tellin’
lol ace.
I always hang up.
I have never gotten head while driving.
Until there was a Facebook group, no one knew who anyone was. Oversharing on the internet is like breathing.
And omg, creepy hoodrat was outside my work today. He didn’t come in, he was just sitting on a bench outside and watched me walk by.
AND this total douche just came up to the desk. He lays out 15 books that he wants to check out, gives me his card, and then stands there tapping his fingers like its taking -forever- for me to scan 15 fucking books. I can’t stand that shit. I can’t possibly scan, demagnitize and stamp 15 books in a few seconds, dipshit.
I leave to do some work and all kaos breaks loose.
Sorry to dissapoint you MUse & Dustin – as much as i dont like how it looks, i love women and having sex with women… and striclty Heterosexual.
However how in the hell did you give a girl head while she was driving? That sounds like a terrible accident about to happen.
you can critize and love something at the same time… My description of calling it a wound is accurate, its a HOLE and BLEEDS? AM i wrong on this one? and i laugh when girls ask if they taste good, its taste like PUSSY. If Pussy taste and smelled good their would be Air Freshners Called Pussy… someone gets in your car and says its smell like Pudussy up in here… thats not a compliment.
If someone says damn i can smell your Pussy (they are not saying it smells like Roses)…
LOL@ TomatoHead…i use to hate that when i worked at Giant when i was 16..this dude would come in every friday and always come in my line because he liked how i bagged the food…but would tap his foot like i was slow even thought i was the fastest cashier working there..
ACE:
good call on the phone “Head”. THey are trying their damnest to keep their cool… they always hang up and just drop the phone, lol…
Ladies, i mean understand you like head, but why does a situation like that turn you on even more?
not all pussy stinks LANDON!
Landon-If someone says damn i can smell your Pussy (they are not saying it smells like Roses)…
DEAD….too funnnnnnnnnnyyyyy my man says that too me everytime he gets home and then gets the shit eatting grin on his face and says “you missed me didnt you”..lol
Landon I’m not talking about having fun with some stank pussy. If a girl smells like rotten meat and shit in her vagina then that is someone you couldn’t be dealing with. Bad hygiene is a deal breaker regardless of how great the person is.
The thing is, when you are recieving head while on the phone, you can’t express or even think. It’s like the thrill of having sex in public, there is a possibilty that people are going to find out.
Not saying it stinks… it has a destinctive smell…
As much as you would like to believe it does not smell like Roses or Milk and honey. It has a destinctive smell… Not saying its bad or good… i never confused sweet potato pie & “SWEET POTATO PIE”…
Ne: the best smelling pussy is pussy that barley has any smell.
@ Landon – the “getting caught” aspect or the “ooh, someone knows we’re doing something naughty” thought is the turn on. That’s why it’s fun to do it in semi-public places as well.
Oh, and what if you’ve never asked a guy, but they’ve offered up that “damn, you taste good”. Maybe there just are freaks out there that like Eau d’ poosay?
Ladies, i mean understand you like head, but why does a situation like that turn you on even more?
because it happens out of no where we dont expect it thats why its more arousing..well thats just my opinion
Im so late today, but I had to truly do some lawyering. I stop in for a quick laugh and to breeze through the comment section.
Suprise!!! You all are talking about sex. I will cosign with you Ne. What kind of stank girls do YOU deal with Landon? Snatch might not smell like roses, but it should NOT stink.
“My description of calling it a wound is accurate, its a HOLE and BLEEDS”
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ok question…
true or false is a man lying when he says your (|) taste sweet?
The now-ex loved the smell of the poosay. And loved the taste of the poosay. he’d be down there for a half hour or just randomly lick it when I got up to go do something. Perhaps I have a good smelling poosay oooooor he’s a guy who just enjoys the scent.
Landon – you are so gay. Not gay like Chris/SBPH, but gay like…gay.
Né (19:18:44) :
The thing is, when you are recieving head while on the phone, you can’t express or even think. It’s like the thrill of having sex in public, there is a possibilty that people are going to find out.
Disagreed. Because now, when other people find out, it’s on YouTube. One of my old dormmates just got busted because someone posted a video of her in the dorm laundry room, supposedly from freshman orientation. I really didn’t know her, but thanks to all my folks sending me the video, I know too much of her.
MUSE:
Its like collard greens – if collards tasted how they smell when you are cooking them people wouldn’t eat collards… they dont smell bad when cookign them but at the same time you wouldnt want your car smelling like collard greens.
…why does Knatural have beef with me?
“true or false is a man lying when he says your (|) taste sweet?”
It’s never sweet, but it’s damned delicious. At least some of yall, anyway. I fucking hate San Fransisco.
“The now-ex loved the smell of the poosay. And loved the taste of the poosay. he’d be down there for a half hour or just randomly lick it when I got up to go do something. Perhaps I have a good smelling poosay oooooor he’s a guy who just enjoys the scent”.
right..i have that right now.. my man loves the tatse and smell he’ll make jokes like “Man I’m hungry” and then look at me and smile and lick the air and do the “Rock” eyebrown thingy. But he’s a freak soo maybe most men arent like that ahha
Landon you are seriously just digging yourself into a deeper and deeper hole. I would suggest just zipping it.
I love that name TomatoHead.
Anywhoo, MUSE!!!! Whats up girl???
“…why does Knatural have beef with me?” – SBPH
Awwww never. I just like calling you gay, that’s all. I heart you. Now stop being gay.
lol mrs. epps.
I guess my man says it has a sweet taste. lol he is a freak sooooooo who knows.
San Francisco isn’t that bad ya know! They have great food!
LOL. And why does SBPH hate San Francisco all of a sudden?
Chris-It’s never sweet, but it’s damned delicious. At least some of yall, anyway. I fucking hate San Fransisco.
lolllllllll….i use to work with this indian woman and she smelled like nasty stank ass rotten pussy.. i would hate when she would come in my office..everytime she left their would be this lingering smell of her so i started bring air freshner to work…
Ne’, I don’t think it has to be a lie. I’ve heard that a few times as well, guess I’m blessed to have had guys that enjoy it (or it’s just that irresistible, ha ha). What would be the motivation for lying (especially if I didn’t ask)?
Plus, the composition/smell of bodily secretions can be affected by what you put in your body. If you’re messing with a chick that eats Taco Bell every day, of course her south of the border ain’t gonna taste too nice.
And guys need to be aware that jizz has different tastes too.
Esquire, I am formerly NotBlonde. TomatoHead took effect after the Panda Bears comments
I think when Kant refers to Chris ass gay she means retarded? and when she says it about Landon she means a doodoo chaser…i think lol
fyi for both men and women what you eat has an effect on smell/taste
e.g. asparagus makes vaginal secretions, sperm, and urine smell RANK but if fruit, and/or certain types of alcohol makes ‘em taste/smell sweet.
you beat me to the punch doc
Mrs. Epps: All indian people smell weird. I suspect it is the fact that they eat and cook food that is like, highly concentrated in terms of scent. When all those scents mix together, it creates the awful permeating stank pussy scent.
maybe it taste sweet cause I eat LOTS of fruit everyday and lemon bars once a week! That and the soap I use.
Sidebar because Im too lazy to go to the correct section on the blog to post this.
Chris,
I meant to post to you yesterday Good Luck with “THE PROJECT” I can’t wait to see? read? participate in? it. You are a very talented writer. As funny as this blog is, I have learned some really cool things on here. aka the truth about Carbon Trading. I hope you do well.You have a lot of loyal readers and it fucking awesome that you are writing the blog without all the advertisers on here. Even if you had them, I will still come back for my daily dose.
Okay, back to nasty snatch
Yea foreal TomatoeHead its something cuz that bitch would ruin my office lovely scent just like how some smelly ass food ruins the taste of your yummy lunch..i hate that…
I never implied Landon was anything other than hetero. Hope and implication are different things.
In convenience stores in the ghettos of Houston, one CAN find air fresheners (and incense) called “Pussy.” It’s spicy and musky. I want to buy some now. Incense, not actual pussy.
Dammit!!! “It’s open and wet” got no response from anyone, but “it’s a hole and it bleeds” was blessed with SBPH approval. Same sentiment. I need to go work on my material.
TNT: You bring up a good point.
Tomato/Not Blonde Head, what happened during Panda Bear. You Pussy.
I dont know WHY thats so funny to me.
Just how you gals say our name and yes DADDY, or answer us when we say who’s pussy is this is the same reason we say.. damn i am hungry damn you taste sweet, its part of the sex game … we like eating you out because its a part of sex WE LIKE SEX!
There is nothing delightful (tastewise) if you cum while we eating you out…For instance do you really like the taste of sperm? Or do you do it because it turns your man on? Mentally we love eating you out because its usually the easiest way to make you cum. Making you cum is empowering to us, our emoitions and our EGO.
if Pussy really taste good why are eadable Painties not PUSSY FLAVORED? Riddle me this Batman.
If pussy tasted like red koolaid we would eat you gals out till you were dehydrated! … Personally when i eat a girl out its not so much the taste i enjoy, its PLEASING the girl i enjoy. There is nothing more mentally satisfying then making a girl Bust or if you do it right multiple times… (Hell i am jealous of yall because when yall bust that shit is like an episode… when I bust its like a commerical short and to the point)…
to think i am going to BS yall and make it sound like pussy taste like SWEET TEA is misjustice to truth… IF PUSSY TASTED that damn good nickles would eat that shit like a two piece from popeyes.
.
Now I feel bad.
I have never given, got head in public.. . I guess because i was young and we didnt even start experimenting with the forbidden act until a couple of years ago….that might be something to suprise him with.. Our anniversary is tomorrow.. I might get him on the way from the restaurant
idk landon, not to put all my bidness out there, but i have run across sperm that tasted like hot nastyness, but i’ve also run across sprem that tasted “sweet” (for lack of a better description). dude with the “sweet” sperm could get head without even asking, dude with the nasty sperm had desert dick
i don’t go around craving it, but i do have a preference for its taste.
Well my man eats it like it’s a 7 piece with 9 biscuits from popeyes.
My man says it has a sweet taste, not it taste like chocolate chip cookies or sweet tea. Just a sweet taste he can not describe.
LMAOOLMAOOO ESQUIRE….”YOU PUSSY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
Esquire: We were talking about cutting our hair and I mentioned that my sister called me tomatohead when we were little because I have chubby cheeks, dimples and rather small eyes. Knat thought the term tomatohead was funny so I was like, cha, changing my name to that because it was infinitely funnier than NotBlonde.
LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Riddle me this Batman.. omg i use that line daily when i have debates with co-workers and friends and family tooo funnnny
but i get your point Landon..just suck the fun out of everything why dont you! lol…but then again i nnever said pussy tasted good but i have gotten the you got that sweet pussy line as well numerous times with out giving the guy anything in return hahah
I heard my jizz tastes like chicken
(NSFW): http://www.smellmeand.com/index_2.html
I am totally bottling my snatch juice and cornering the US market for this.
Landon: edible panties are disgusting.
@ Landon
As a fellow male, LET the Church SAY AMEN!!!
“that boy GOOOD”
well now that you descrbie the tomatohead, you are REALLY on my most hated list. For some reason, everything you type is funny. I am envisioning that tomato from VeggieTales.
Well my man eats it like it’s a 7 piece with 9 biscuits from popeyes.
I’ve heard Popeyes has some good chicken. I just cant make myself eat there. I think its the mascot.
yea my man eat it like it’s a full course meal!! out the blue he’ll be like man i wanna lick you..he’ll call me from work and be like man i wanna lick you dammit hahhaha but like i said he a freak so maybe its different hahah
Oh and Ne, lemon bars are the shit. I seriously cannot go into the pastry aisle at Andronico’s because I WILL pick up a $10 box of those things.
No MrsEpps,
He is either a freak or just madly in love with you. My husband used to not be quite so nasty, but has gotten that way. Even if I truly dont want him to, its like he he just HAS to or HE is satisfied.
Nice problem to have
@Ne pussy wise it might be sweet…compared to other pussy but its not sweet like sugar…. He’s is basically saying otu of all the women he dated your is the sweetest, congrats – you get the Sweet COokie pussy award…
its like when mutha fuckjas taste wine talking about they taste waermelon, spices and plum NO BITCHES THATS JUST FERMENTED GRAPES! theres no watermleon in that or PLUM just grapes that fermented differently.
tomato head have you eaten ediable panties before? WHY????
lmaooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ace, I love a coming to america quote.
“Just how you gals say our name and yes DADDY, or answer us when we say who’s pussy is this is the same reason we say.. damn i am hungry damn you taste sweet, its part of the sex game … we like eating you out because its a part of sex WE LIKE SEX”
The things I say during sex are uncontrollable. I am usually so into it, it feels like utopia or I am high. Just like when I have an orgasm I make a god awful corky face and my eyes go crossed.
Tomatohead! Your inner fat girls likes the lemon bars too huh?
Esquire-No MrsEpps,
He is either a freak or just madly in love with you. My husband used to not be quite so nasty, but has gotten that way. Even if I truly dont want him to, its like he he just HAS to or HE is satisfied.
Right! i be like babe..not NOWW damnnnn he be like a damn crackhead for pussy ahahha its kinda sweet and it is a nice problem to have no complaints here
And for those who would like to keep their jobs and can’t access the link:
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• The phial is shaken gently, … only a tiny amount of the precious,
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irresistible smell that exudes from a sensuous vagina immediately
intensifies your erotic fantasies and starts the film rolling in your head…
• VULVA Original is not a perfume. It is a beguiling vaginal scent which is
purely a substance for your own smelling pleasure.
• Breathe in and enjoy, anytime, anywhere, the odour of a beautiful woman.
Gotta love the Europeans (sometimes).
Side note – Shout out to ST for being cited on Racialicious, my other blog addiction (DListed fills the trinity of time wasting)
its the homrones that drvies a man crazy fermones? what ever they are called… that is what makes a man want to attack the pussy… its like it triggers something in our brain… you can’t smell fermemones or recongize them certain recpetors in your body does though…
WOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWW@Vulva Original
LMAO ohhhh Landon… not the “yes, daddy”
why, oh, WHY do guys like to be called “Daddy”?!
i have no idea HC & V… my girls says papi since she’s Spanish…
maybe its due to the miseducation caused by pornos… i have no idea…
lol I say Papi too@ Landon
miseducation caused by pornos? please elaborate.
Why *some people* probably don’t like the Eau d’ poosay:
http://www.nytimes.com/2005/05/09/science/09cnd-smell.html?_r=1&oref=slogin
(LOL)
Are you serious??? Someone bottled that shit up? Is nothing sacred. lol
Chris my heart hurts. I was born in San Francisco. It’s not that bad..just stay away from Castro Street. Hehehe
BTW women douching will cause bad vagina odor. Douching washing out the good bacteria and can cause constant yeast infections. If you want your vagina smelling nice, stay away from the perfumes, sleep without underwear, and wash down there with mild soap and water.
What the hell has happened here?
@The Doc Is in:
what was your first social experience with sex. For me it was watching a porno. Because in our community the sex talk is always a lil taboo were do young people get their information from.
First time i had sex i thought it was going to be like porno i watched (how was i to know better)? Thought it was going to be really physical, slapping talking shit profanity a lot of screaming and so on. I didnt know that they are ACTING a lil extra in pornos. People were always saying things like big daddy and so on… i tried imitating that, lets just say it didnt go to well, lol… Porno’s desensatized us to what sex really is. It took time to learn it was about passion and emoitions tranfering between her and I to truly understand how great sex really can be. Granted there are times for FUCK Sessions and times for making love. BUt on a young mind (just how rap and videos have ruined our kids) porno can mislead a young person on how to approach and react during sex. If life was a porno that means every girl swallows, does anal, multiple guys and women, i dont think thats the case.
“BTW women douching will cause bad vagina odor. Douching washing out the good bacteria and can cause constant yeast infections. If you want your vagina smelling nice, stay away from the perfumes, sleep without underwear, and wash down there with mild soap and water.”
Muse, I heart you. Women should listen to this advice. No bubble baths. No douche. No drawers (while asleep). So true. My husband thinks I’m “teasing” him by opting the sleep nude, but I’m not. I’m justing taking care of Her.
opting to*
Yea Muse thats what my mom told me..say no to the douche and say no to perfume bady washes. I use Suave body wash the sandalwood and cinnamon one and Vaseline total moister conditioning…
I use shea butter as a moisterizer. I don’t want no ashy vaginal lips LOL
Mild soap and a cotton wash cloth will is a sufficient way to have a clean vagina.
@MUSE
LMAO not ashy vaginal lips, lol….
that reminds me, ladies please mositurize your nipples also… nothing worst then kissing soem chapped Nipples.. fuck around and cut my lip, LMAO…
AWWWWWWW ::::TEAR:: Real women are on sbph!
Not everyone knows about the effects of a douche. Some women I know use hexol, Yes hexol a cleaning agent…smh. I never use different soaps down there.
@landon what’s worst chapped nipples or the taste of lotion on said nipples?
Right on Muse. The vagina cleans itself and mild regular soap and water can handle the rest. The Ob/Gyn board specifically advises AGAINST douching as it can increase risk of infections and not just yeast infections. It also can further spread any existing infection
Knat I sleep in the nude as well…it allows the peach to breath and stay fresh. Im not much of a bath taker only on occasion and thats rarely any ways… gotta keep it fresh ladies.
maybe im really young, but it seems like im googling terms and references
every 5 seconds…
My mom’s ob/gyn says she air drys or uses a blow dryer to dry her Vag after a bath/shower.
@Landon….gotcha on the porn thing. I think I read ur first comment too quickly, I know what u mean now.
@TNT —
a yes my friend that is a dilema however some scented body oil on the tities cant go wrong. you wanna go real natural a lil olive oil is always good for yoru skin.
Is she blowing out her Pubic Hair also…
a blow dryer, thats a new one, lol…
@landon thanks for clearing that up…i may be weird but i have ALWAYS wondered about that…
Chapped Nipples omgggggggg if thats the case some doesnt know how to use lotion correctly..and most black women i know bath in lotion i know i do..gotta keep everything soft…
TNT if i had to choose i rather taste lotion than a ruff nipple..but i dont have that problem
question…can anyone hear lick their own nipple?
chapped nips? Landon – go sit down, please.
And olive oil is the most perfect substance in nature. You can cook with it, wash with it (castile soap), it even helps with childbirth I heard.
lol tnt you will learn a lot here.
Moisturizing your body is SO important. It helps with the elasticity and also helps when you are pregnant. I have not one strech mark on my belly or breast post baby, because I was already use to lotioning and moisturizing my skin. So when I got pregnant I did it 2x’s a day. Eucerin cream is the best!
A blow dryer?! LOL, wow, that’s extra. A dab with a towel for excess moisture and then a couple minutes to air dry should do ya fine.
it also works wonders on natural hair
Thanks for the shout Merri Lee, I hadn’t seen that yet. It’s nice to be recognized for my contributions to society other than doing hoodrat stuff.
Congrats on turning ” Baby Showers” to “the tastes of ejaculate”. I guess there wouldn’t be a baby shower without someone fucking, though, would there? I have overshared enough on the internet for the next 5 years, so I am two-stepping out. Besides, my life is gonna be dry for the next few months, as Mr. Moderator and others have stated previously that fucking a woman with less than 3 inches of hair from the back is akin to fucking a man. So, as of yesterday, I guess I am a man. So it’s time for me to go and ruin a woman’s day now, cause that’s what us mens do best. Holla!
I have been lurking for the past few days but felt compelled to speak out today.
Landon, I like you and all but please do not think that Parfum de Musty Nuts is the best smell out there.
Alcoholic beverages + talking shit while giving head (e.g. “Fuck my mouth”) = DISASTER! You have been warned.
$1000 blow job=sound effects+attention to the nuts+talking shit
That is all.
mrs. epps-no comment
Blow dry the vag? wow never heard that one…woudlnt that dry out the natrual juices?
Mrs Epps- wait, there are people who CAN’T lick their own nipple?
LOL. Ditto what Ne’ said.
I dunno Sister Toldja, maybe if they had scoliosis and a barely A cup…but otherwise, yeah, it’s not hard at all.
Landon why are you fucking with broads with ashy nipples? I need to school you man. That’s like fucking a bitch with train tracks in her panties…just unacceptable. How does one get ashy ass nipples…Come on ladies, do better.
“Men were born to love pussy. ”
I sure as hell wasn’t.
she is an old white woman who prob has whitemeat curtains. Therefore her cunt is harder to airdry.
Meka:
see i know when my nuts are salty from lets say playing ball all afternoon that they aint going to smell liek roses…
Thankfully since they are external it is easy to wash, dry and pat some baby powder on…
The Wound is not as easy to clean. As stated before its a self cleaning unit… It is obivous some girls need a tune up because their SELF CLEANING mechanism does not work as well as some others… thankfully the females on here self Cleaning UNIT works well… And us fellas thank you for that
hahahahahhahahha Ne and Sister…yea i can lick my nipple too…
lmaooooooooo muse I know right. I am like why is there ashy nipples exsisting. Real definition of hoodrat stuff.
You should also be cleaning the nips with your towel.
MUSE:
with respect to that one lady i am thinking about. We were skiing so the high altitude and hard ass water i am sure didn’t help… PUT YOu are RIGHT, lol… LMAO..
but your right! i meant to say, lol
see you and i can be Friends, lol
If a woman’s vagina has a bad smell after taking a bath/shower, then she probably has an undiagnosed STD or infection. Either way smelly pussy is the first warning sign to a man that he shouldn’t dip his ding dong in the hole.
mrs. epps I ♥ you!
@landon
http://crankyprof.blogspot.com/2008/05/men-puzzle-me.html
i absolutely had to post this since you made the comment about baby powder…some army men made a video about gold bond medicated powder
Landon I can be in fucking ALASKA in the dead of winter and I guarantee you that my tits will not be ashy.
Mre. Spps:
i have a feeling you can’t pass the nickle test if you can lick your tities!
Haitian baby/wedding showers are even worse. The mothers of the bride/mom-to-be always goes on a spiel in broken/ heavily english (even though damn near everyone in there is haitian) about how “appy” (Haitians think all h’s are silent) they are for their daughter. I saw my friend’s mom in the store whiile I was buying her gift and the mom was telling me my intended gift wasn’t good, that I should get her daughter a bassinet or car seat. WTF, I was thinking to myself “greedy ass Haitians, shit I didn’t knock her up! God forbid if the family is “Christian” they will keep telling the crowd that this is a Christian family affair, and we should behave as such.
Not being funny…I have never seen an ashy tit before. I mean is that real?
Who’s nipples git dry and cracked? Mine didnt even do that after breastfeeding. WTF?
Landon, seriously, who are these women you deal with
ahahha i know you said no comment Ne but no comment almost always means yes ;- ) love ya too girl..
as for ashy nipples that should never happen even in high altitude..lotion them nips up aint nothign cute about an ashy nipples or butt…man in th winter i gotta wear olive oil based lotions and creams because my ass.. well the top of the hips get dry dry dry…i hate that…
one thing i cant stand is an ashy man.. why do men insist on not wearing lotion in the places it needs to be like the ass and chest…grr
So you women have had ashy nipples before? ARE YOU SERIOUS? Im in the itty bitty club, so maybe thats why…?
Something my ol’ school uncle taught me…
Its a test to see if your girl has perky tities.
SHe takes her bra off and you get a Nickle (just the right weight) a dime or penny might stick to your skin no matter what, so you use a nickle)…
lift up one of your breast plce the nickle at the bottom of the base where it meets the top of stomach or lower chest whatever. Let go of the breast….if you have saggy tities the breast will flop down and hold the nickle in place, if they are firm and perky they will not go low enough to hold the nickle up and it will fall…
i have a feeling you can’t pass the nickle test if you can lick your tities!
que?
esquire, let me re-phase that… the nipple was just harder then i was use to…
another nugget of info…
the guys might get mad at me for sharing this…
But women aren’t the only ones who have FAKED before. lol…
Landon messes with some grimey ass females…Ashy titties…I’m dead. That’s like having an ashy dick.
ummm my breast are perky sweetie…and i rarely wear a bra anymore too…just a built in bra lace front cami’s..no droopy boobs here but i will try this “nickle” trick when i get home a post the results
ewwwwwwwwwwwwwww @ ashy dicks
Have you ever skiied before in high altitued? All the cocobutter in the world wont help you… Your skin just dries out… Esp once you get above the tree line… Your lips get so ashy there is nothing you can do about it… one weekend of skiing i go thru a tub of vasline and i am still ashy…
Someone here who is a Skiier can confirm this…
Preach, Pastor Landon (jumping on feet while clutching the sex bible)
This has got to be the funniest shit I have read in quite a while. Ashy titties, nickel test, etc.. where are you guys from?
Landon, good God.
Why couldnt your uncle just LOOK at her breasts to see if they were perky?
Is the coinage really necessary?
ACEKlub
you talking about Faking on a female…
first time we told our female friends that their JAWS hit the ground…
I was like What…. its not hard to fake, lol
Yes Esquire YES IT IS…
I dont know why they did it… when i play golf with my Dad, Godfather and Uncle i crack up at their stories…
as they put it SEX before AIDS and the spread of other deadly STDS sound like a GRAND ol Time…
Landon women dont allow themselves to get ashy esp black women..
Landon, what woman is letting you preform these tests? I mean if I got to pass a test to get some I would pass…..
Dude my breast aren’t exposed when I’m skiing LOL.
ture landon if you are using vaseline. You have to use eucerin…no lotion use a cream and carmex vaseline will NOT help with the chapped lips. Your lips will bleed from being in such a high altitude. So carmex and eucerin or a cream will be a better option next time landon!
ok so you can “appear” to have perky breasts, hence, the need for the test?
Mine are so little, no test needed. lol. Oh well. My husband says more than a mouthful is too much. I suspect, this is just to make me feel better.
Shay,
Im not truly getting the test either. Who DOES this stuff? and if you got her bra off, at that point are you going to walk away if she can hold that nickel? Im just wondering. This test is new to me.
what is a pencil test…and who has time for all these test eh?
Mrs. Epps you are right.. I remember I got my ass “tow up” for coming in from outside being ashy and “motley”… ever since then I am a habitual “lotioner”.. right now I got 3 types of lotion in my purse.
Landon yea man some men so fake it… my man was telling my the story about him and one of his ex’s and her shit was just horrible..this was when the 1sty had sex to so the relatonship didnt last long..well girls shit stayed dry even after licking all that jazz..and she was big girl who always wanted to get on top..and my baby is a lil 5’8 man and cant handle all that weight like that…and she wanted him to fuck her in the ass yada and he wasnt feleing it som he faked it until she came and put his clothes on like asap girl was like “you want me to suck it” my man was like if the puss was like that i know the head gotta be just as bad and he dipped..broke up a week later..she stalked him until we started dating hahah
yeah vaseline just shines up the ash.. it does not make it go away
You have clothes on Muse but that high up it does not matter… When i go skiing esp. glade skiing when i am really high up… i have to lotion three times a day to keep from getting dry. at the height the air is so dry the moisture in yoru skin just gets sucked right out…
but Ne i will try that out… thank you…
I mean you ladies make us jump thru hoops all the time.. its not like i am going to be like naaaa i can’t fuck you, you failed the test… to be honest i do it as a joke…
Esquire, your Husband is not lying esp in a LOOONGGGG term relationship because that girl who is 20-30 now with 36 Double Ds will be 36 LONGS by the time she gets older…
@ Landon,
Yes, I am talking about Guys faking on females. Like just b/c we “bust” doesn’t me that we enjoyed it or “we got ours” After hours of attention or friction, if you don’t bust then a dude need to check their package b/c there is a malfunction. Girls try to use that line that if you bust then you got yours.
well landon you have made my 34B day!
You dont do it the first time you mess with a girl, well maybe they did back in the day… and i wouldnt use it on a girl i knew was going to FAIL… lol…
but if i knew a girl woudl pass its an EGO booster i guess…
hmmm.. Guys faking it… I never thought about it but really whats the point of that?
@ Landon – skiier – yes. Confirm – no. If you coveryourself in bagbalm and wear a gaitor/ski mask/long turtleneck, it’s all good.
amen Shay…gotta keep the lotion handy, i got four in the bedroom,two inmy purse, one in the car and two in my office…
Isnt ejaculation after the orgasm? I guess women dont “bust” unless we truly have an orgasm.
I didnt know about the men faking. And what are you doing? screaming and carrying on like the exorcist? Cause that WOULD make me suspicious. All Im expecting are some grunts and maybe some oh shits.
guys faking it=scary
LMAO@ esquire.. exactly I cant stand a screamer!
Esquire – your husband is right. More than a mouthful is cool, but unnecessary (sorry ladies) AHAHAHAHAHAH.
Landon – you’re officially an idiot. If you ski, regularly, maybe you need better undergarments, like silk thermals or Capilenes.
men= terrible liars
women=best liars
Our fake’um’s are better!
Bagbalm…?
see i am learning here, i thought my lotion would cut it but it doesnt…
Shay-d-lady: this might be a shock but just like different men you been with some are good some are bad… same thing with women some are good some are bad… sadly a lot of women think they got platnium status when in reality they got silver. SOmetimes you just get bored and you want to go to sleep, play x box or hell read a book. Even if the sex is usually really good sometimes you are just not into it or bored (maybe yall been messing around to long)… It happens. Just like yall fake on us…
The number sign the guy faked… as he finishes he quickly leaves the room to get rid of the condom… like quicker then usual.
RE keeping the girls perky – in Persepolis, Marjane (the author) asked her grandmother how she stayed perky at her age. Gramma said she soaked them in ice water for 10 minutes a day. FYI.
well I dont beleive in “pity pussy” so I hope my husband feels the same way… if you tired and not in to it.. please dont do me any favors…..
I ve been skiing my whole life… when i skiied out east i didnt have that problem, lower mountains. WHen i go out east or up to the big mountins in VT is where i saw these problems. Altitude makes a difference… undergarments you want them to be breathable so you dont sweat and catch frostbite… so due to that moisture escapes… Its like people who go skiing and dont put on sun tan lotion (even black folks) and wonder why they got bruned!
Hey aint nothing wrong with having more than a mouthful!
The number sign the guy faked… as he finishes he quickly leaves the room to get rid of the condom… like quicker then usual.
Quicker than usual?
LMAO…damn how fast are YOU trying to get out of there. Thats why I love being married. No condoms and if there is a wetspot we just act like it aint there and go to sleep. ahhhh.
no condoms and rolling over to go to sleep ignoring the wetspot… the sign of true happiness.. all you need to add to that equation is some chickenwings… !
Not the WET SPOT… there is nothing worst than the wet spot… its all cold by the end of the night..
the worst is when its right in the middle, my girl and i be huddled up on one side of the bed, lol…
If your tits are bigger than a B, you typically don’t pass the nickel or pencil tests. And it isn’t because they are particularly saggy, it’s because (at least in my case) they don’t sit on my chest like fake bolt-on boobs. They have a slight natural “sag” that i will get yanked the fuck up once I have kids and they reaaaally start drooping.
If i am faking, :does not have happen often: but the times it did i was trying to get out ASAP like Mrs. Epps man did…
for gor to close italics after “Persepolis.” oop.s
i fucking hate this time difference that means i miss out on all the good/plain freaky shit that goes on on this site… damn you chris, for being like crack.
Tomato:
i use to agree with you but i know a couple C’s and one D who passed…
a DOUBLE DD pased but she was using enhancers (implants), i didnt know at first… she dont count.
Landon puhlease. We are knocked the hell out so I dont know if its cold or not. But you and your girl huddled up on one side of the bed is hilarious. We did this before we lived together and really started seeing how gross we were.
embrace the wetspot.
well I dont beleive in “pity pussy” so I hope my husband feels the same way… if you tired and not in to it.. please dont do me any favors…..
shit me in my man had this convo the 1st time we had sex jsut to keep it clear and in mind..i dont wanna have sex every damn day and neither does he but i will say this..i have found myslef not wantting to have sex when he does and then give even after he does some arousing shit to me and i cant resist vice versa… i remember when he told me that there will be a time when he doesnt wanna have sex for weeks…umm that shit hasnt happened yet thought ahhah
I don’t fake. If a guy didn’t do his job he will know. In fact women who fake should be killed, you are doing the women after you a huge disservice by faking.
Let’s try this again – I forgot to close the italics after “Persepolis.”
And Shay,
aint nothin better than doin the nasty, eatin chicken wings, and killing off the rest of the beer. THEN being nasty and going to sleep in the wetspot.
Hey, Im a cheap date
I’ve had friends who were larger than B and their boobs passed the pencil test but they looked really fake I couldn’t tell what was going on with them. (don’t ask how I know this).
The point is, large, natural breasts don’t stick straight out.
LMAO@ esquire you know its love if you can embrace the wetspot
LOL we are a lot alot Esquire.. that is my perfect date!
So i need to embrace the wet spot… hmmmmmm
lol… while eating chicken in the bed…
do you have the Texas Pete hot sauce in the night stand, lol.
LMAO…damn how fast are YOU trying to get out of there. Thats why I love being married. No condoms and if there is a wetspot we just act like it aint there and go to sleep. ahhhh.
Dont you just love it? I do..man but it always seems that the wet spot ends up on my side off the bed so when my man goes to the bathroom i turn the sheet to make it be on his side ahahha im evil…
TomatoHead- yea i got those 36 C’s and they sag maybe a tad but not a lot…ppl never know i dont wear a bra because it doesnt look like it.
UH I am from the south…we dont play with Texas Peete, its Louisianna all the way!
Muse:
you are right a disservice like a guy lying about what he has down there… like DUDE if yall have sex she is going to find out what you really got, why lie…
@ merri lee
cheers for the tip on the girls. will def come in handy about 40 years (i hope it’s that long) from now.
I can’t stand the wet spot. Maybe I am not in Love yet or something.
Also, having more than a mouthful is a requirement for me. If “throws some D’s on it” relates to you, then you are good in my book
Esquire-And Shay,
aint nothin better than doin the nasty, eatin chicken wings, and killing off the rest of the beer. THEN being nasty and going to sleep in the wetspot.
you are my older twin foreal..this sounds like a daily occurance at our house.
And there is NEVER a wet spot with me. I didn’t get the concept until me and the boyfriend stopped using condoms (went on BC) and figured out that his um…business practically floods out afterward. After that I usually went to the bathroom and yea…got rid of it.
I wear a 36D. A good quality bra will prevent national geographic sagging. My mom taught me at an early age how to purchase the a good bra.
now see a man after my own heart… no offense to the itty bitties but cmon now.. I aint got no guinness book joints but aint nothing wrong with a handful!
TOmato:
when you bust you dont leave a wet spot? the spot to me was always the girl not the guy… the male nut shouldnt cause that big of a wet spot… where as when a female nuts my god its like the levees broke.
LOL Shay. I hook it up with Guinness Book joints: biggest natural boobs on a small woman.
lol TomatoHead our wet spot sure aint from him..if you get my drift..
Tomatohead knows all too well the pains of big boobs. Also large breast are not going to be super perky unless they are implants. BTW nice round breasts might have a little sag to them. Halle Berry’s breast have a natural sag but I bet 99.9% of the men out there think she has some nice tits.
No…I don’t leave a giant wet spot…are you talking about female ejaculation? I’m terrified of that happening because it really looks like, as you say, the levees breaking.
DOnt get it twisted we know its natural we just don t want no damn KNEE KNOCKERs, lol…
and the WET SPOT should be you TOmato… sorry.
Well you go then Tomato… I recently came in to mine (childbirth) I am still learning how to manuever them. I went from a B to a DD during birth and they settled as a D……The only downfall has been the v-necks.. what use to be appropriate business attire has me running around looking like Jessica Rabbit at work….LMAO
According to many of my male friends, female ejeculation can be very tramatic. I heard it’s like a rush of water comes out of the vagina.
Ok. Ro-Berta and I had a great lunch and I stayed away from the blog to get over my blues and I return only to find that I’m gonna have to dip Asia and Tasia in ice water for ten minutes each day to keep them perky? That blows.
I will say a female is messier than a male. We have no way to really control it. Men can at least point and shoot that thing in different directions. lol
And yes, we have Texas Pete everywhere. I have a little bottle in my office. I dont let YT see me though cause that is sooooo black. There is bottle in my glove compartment that I put in my purse when we go out because my coon husband HAS to have it on everything.
I know the wetspot is mine.. if it aint then my husband has a lot more work to do!
Since Somali Queen isn’t here to be the morality police, I will bring this to a screeching halt (I’m mean)
Muse: really? THat ish makes me go wild, its like hitting OIL… when you make a girl just go NUTS like that… ah well people..
I am out i have to cook dinner tonight for the folks.
Everyone please get home safely…
Peace, Luv & Nappiness
LMAO of @ Asia and Tasia
EEEEEEEWWWW, Merri!
THAT IS DEPRESSING HAVE NO HAD SEX TOGETHER IN A WHOLE YEAR OR STOPPED HAVING SEX ALL TOGETHER!!!
WOW
And I don’t know about y’all, but I don’t really let out anything when I cum. Sure there is some because it makes a wet sorta noise but I’m usually on top when it happens…maybe that’s why i don’t leave one…
Merri Lee,
I just threw up a little in my mouth. On that note, Im out
omg my boss just pooted! White man poots are soooo funny!
I’ve always known the wetspot to be a combination of the guy and girl’s secretions/ejaculatory fluid
(_)_)===========D -__-__–_____________
Muse, do you have a preference in brands? Asia and Tasia sit up pretty high on their own right now (36DDs and I’m 27) but I’m willing to invest in some positive reinforcement to prevent future sagging.
I hate the wetspot. I don’t care whose it is I’m not laying in that! I’d rather sleep on the towel .
I have squirted in my mans nose…tmi I know but he was traumatized. I don’t know how it happened but he had it all over his nose, mouth and chin.
LOL, I really don’t care about the wetspot, just another natural part of bumping uglies.
Am I the only one that gets a giggle/kick out of when the guy pulls out and there’s a long jizz trail. Like when you’re taking a slice of pizza out the box and there’s that long piece of cheese on the end that just won’t break? LOL!
I actually have a list at home of good brands. What’s your budget like? When I get home I can give you a list. Are you on FB. You can drop me a line and send me a reminder.
Muse, I just joined the FB group. Thanks for the info.
eww at old ppl porn…
Side note – check out the new Us Weekly
Just hit me up. My name is Kia.
Am I the only one that gets a giggle/kick out of when the guy pulls out and there’s a long jizz trail. Like when you’re taking a slice of pizza out the box and there’s that long piece of cheese on the end that just won’t break? LOL!
like i said Doc new bestfriend
btw http://tv.yahoo.com/the-view/show/253/videos/8378445
I so heart ♥ doc too!
Me, The Doc, Ne, Muse,Knat, Sister T, Esquire,TomatoHead, Merri Lee, Maya and WNBT need to have a girls night out one day..
and for real need a a SBPH house party ASAP…its sad that i talk to you guys more than my now wack ass friends that are stuck in freshman yr in college,clubbin,smoking ganja,loser boyfriend mode lol…that was a mouthful haha
quittin time toodles hommies i’ll drink some wine for ya’ll
I hate baby showers and every other excuse for people to get together and kiss you that you don’t really like.
Mrs. Epps there is a chance I might be in DC during july 4th weekend. I will so be down to getting dranks!
tnt pay attention. this is a hint for all you less experienced fux. my e-wife turned me on to drinking pineapple juice to make my cum taste sweet. so you really are what you eat give it a try and lemmeknow. btw, i love all you cum thiefs out there. keep up the good work.
ahhh that would be ex wife not e-wife for my last post on sweet cum
Shit, I’m a woman and I don’t even like baby showers. Hell, I don’t like babies. I’m totally going to give the abortion clinic appointment as a gift at my next one!
I had a baby shower before, and I hated it. I smiled and grinned, but on the inside, I was counting the moments until it was over. I hated the gift opening time, because I had to force out fake”Oooohhs, Aaahs” over plain ass Onsies and baby overalls…
So boring…
LOL @ felicia I didnt even want a baby shower with my child, that is until his family decided they were going to give him one..sans me and mine and I was like he-ll to the naw.. if I aint having one and I am carrying this big ass baby for more than 40 weeks I know his ass aint havin one! also Prime minister.. my friend and her bf went on a fruit and water fast for a week.. they lost a lot of weight but she also said that he tasted a lot sweeter and her boyfriend had the same report. I also had a friend that steamed her self with honey.. LOL turned on the shower slathered her self in honey and waited for 5 minutes and then washed it off…. thats a little to much for me but hey if it works for you…
bubbly I feel you about the ooohs and ahhhs.. I got a portable play pen.. it was nothing more than a small ass carrier with a mosquito net, some real BS.. and I had to smile and take pictures with it, while wearing a plastic ass grass skirt and fake ass luau flowers in 103 degree heat.
Babyshowers have gotten so wild. My best friend had her shower at a hall with open bar and all- you would have thought it was a wedding reception if it wasnt for the big ass table full of presents and the decorations. My sister had strippers at her babyshower, but she didn’t know about them. I was a “gift” from the babys godmother.
@Shay-d-lady: It is proven that the sweetness or saltiness of what a man eats determines how sweet or salty his cum is.
Never though of baby shower crashing…I can see the movie with Vince Vaughn now – “Baby Shower Crashers”.
Can you imagine? Vince and Owen smashing the guts of pregnant women with big, firm, preggo titties. De-fucking-licious.
Huh, when are we getting drinks. I was out. Will Chris/SBPH be there? I’m in the fbook group…
Angry IV -”Can you imagine? Vince and Owen smashing the guts of pregnant women with big, firm, preggo titties. De-fucking-licious.”
What is it with men and pregnant pussy? lololol
if u’re in town the july 4th weekend, you gotta meet Tom Harkin… he’s ready for a farkin’
=)
and you bitchez got holes ready for cramminn….=)
Awwww, (((HUGS))) to all my new friends! Yo, I am so down with the house partay. Just let me know when and where…I’ll bring the stripper pole, LOL!
I know I’m late but I’m chiming in anyway. I threw a co-ed baby shower for my friend and her husband. We had it during a Ohio State football game so the men could watch and women do whatever. We played games at half-time and we only had two games: “guess the white powder” (10 ziploc bags of various powders – formula, baby powder, sugar….) which everyone enjoyed and let the men re-enact Scarface. The other was the standard word scramble and all the prizes were unisex….gift cards to Target, men’s shave kit, women’s lotion set. The only thing missing was liquor cause the mom-to-be would have been pissed watching everyone else drink. The father was excited about the gift opening. He kept saying “Yes! Now I don’t have to buy that!”
Men can have fun at baby shower if it’s done right.
http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=22610714807
anywhere but ultrabar plz –even park b4 there
All the women saying they don’t like Baby/Wedding showers make me laugh so hard. When have women ever refused to be the center of attention? Ahahahaha.
Try again.
I have to kinda agree with you Somali Queen. I have never met a woman who didnt like babyshowers until I read some of the comments on this blog. Or it could be I just don’t get out much.
I don’t like ghetto baby showers or situation where the woman made a bad/ questionable life choice. I never said I disliked babyshowers. However going to a babyshower of a 15 year old or a friend who got knocked up by a married man is depressing.
erm situations…
*falls out of chair*
*hyperventilates in utter shock*
Wow Muse, is this your good deed of the day? You actually responding to me without swearing at me or calling me genitalia names.
*feels lightheaded*
Muse, true. Well at least you have never been to a babyshower that no one knew who the baby daddy was. Now thats sad.
Also late chiming in but Chris, brilliant as usual.
We still dont know who he is and that baby will be 6.
I dont like baby showers.. and I did not want one. You normally have them when you are in your last month. You are big as a house. the baby is sitting on your bladder making you have to pee every 5 minutes. You are not sleeping good because the baby is on a diffent schedule then you so you sleep deprived and (probably going through caffiene withdrawal since everyone says its so bad for the baby). y ou are hormonal wreck and if your baby is due in the summer and the south it is 1000 degrees outside. Your nose is also as big as your face and you are 10 shades darker than normal (nothing against dark skin) and people want you to smile, take pictures, and play dumb ass games? PLease I could sincerely do without it
NIce.. hell I been to several of those.. I graduated from a inner city highschool and got extra ghetto kinfolks.
Shay-d-lady , don’t we all. I can go into some even sadder senarios, but I don’t want to frighten folks. I had my baby shower 3 wks before I gave birth, so you know I looked a hot mess. I would not let ANYBODY take a picture of me.
I dont know about being frightened. I have seen some really ridiculous shit in my day. Yeah I only have a hand full of pictures floating around from my shower and I am systematically trying to find them and destroy them.
LOL @ Nice and Shay. My cousin took the extra long mile to get out of her baby shower…she went into labor that day!
Ok Shay, Do you know of relatives having babies by their pimps- no seriously. And proud about it cause she’s carrying his 1st son.
Y’all just nasty. LMAO
The Doc Is In, my friend went into labor the day before her babyshower- lucky girl.
UH Yes.. My cousin is a pimp for real in real life with real hoes and I have a couple of ‘stripper” cousins that have been in that situation
I mean if she the bottom bitch and she having the 1st born son? shit she hit the jackpot! LMAO
What, what LMAO too- glad you can relate. That shit is sad and funny at the same time. Hahahaha. On everything, that is hilarious.
sometimes you have to laugh to keep from crying….but a lot of times that shit is just ri dayum diculous
I feel ya. Especially when their extra young and havent got a clue. They think that its normal. They even think its cute.
by bad, they’re
Yeah I have a young cosin that just had a baby..he posted pics on his page with the comments…many more to come.. he hasnt even graduated yet
and by graduated I mean highschool
LOL NIce I think its time for you to turn it in….
Please believe there will be chicken heads lined up ready for him to plant his seed. Then they will complain that he aint takin care of his shorty, but shit, he got five more kids to feed. I can never understand the mindstate and thought process of the 3rd and 4th babymamma.
I know, Its late. Deuces -until 2morrow. I mean today.
chris i feel for you on this..
men should have nothing to do with the process between insemination and the actual birth..
men are far too involved with all this these days..
just go to work, make the cash and rub the woman’s back or feet etc when you get home.. yes you can make your good lady dinner..
stay away from the hospital… it is not natural for men to be around…
you all just get in the way.. and the mystery of a woman is gone for ever once you see the birth process…
you men have been suckered into this by breeder feminists that once knocked up want you to feel everything they do in some kind of equality drive sharing my pain fuckery
you are not ‘the new men’ there is no such thing..
you all cared for the family & kids before all this.. yt feminists have convinced you otherwise..
black feminists would not have done it this way..
yes they would want children but their men would still be their men and not have to pussy up.. we know being pregnant is not an illness or a disease which yt people thought in 1500′s and still do to some extent today..
black feminists know the real meaning of sisterhood and know that this is women’s work…
need my coffee – hope you get my meaning..
Goodness. I went to some baby showers in my teen years, but this is ridiculous.
“The best place for you to be at this time is near the freezer, because you’ll notice after about five minutes that your testicles are beginning to melt and you will need to put them on ice”
I just died…
I have just started to come to this site DUDE you are a Fucking Idiot!!!!! I should be working but I’m going to read the rest of this foolishness you have on here! LMAO
Baby showers were made to give married men a warning sign that their balls and masculintity went away as soon as they said “I do” and stopped using birth control.
I’m a female and the thought of a baby shower emasculates my inner, sexist black man. I can’t do it.
the babys so cool!
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My friend has more male friends then female friends. I am rule1. I am trying to come up with some things to do that are not lame. As I am excited for games and want them to be enjoyable for the people that don’t really enjoy these things. If anyone has any ideas I would greatly appreciate them.
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20090720132855AAZzug6