Segways
7 05 2008I was running near the south side of the White House yesterday when I was nearly run over by some fat fucking woman on a Segway. For those who don’t know what a Segway is, it’s a transportation device used by healthy people to mock the handicapped.
Figure 1: You have legs. USE EM!
Any person without a physical disability caught on one of these goddamn things should be arrested and punished by having his legs amputated, or at least be classified as legally retarded (as should anyone who feels the need to wear a helmet while traveling at walking speed).
For those who haven’t encountered them personally, there are two types of Segway douches:
1.) The Owner
This is the rare assfuck who shells out upwards of $5,000 for the privilege of pretending his legs don’t work. You’ll see a surprisingly large number of these motherfuckers careening around the streets of DC, barely or not at all avoiding running people over as they make their way from their Capitol Hill row house to whatever government building they’re going to sit in for eight hours avoiding real work and filling with acidic suck the lives of millions of Americans. The most infuriating part about the Segway owner is the fact that my tax dollars are subsidizing his laziness in a vicious conspiratorial circle of financial waste:
Figure 2: How the government uses your money
2.) The Tourist
Here’s how the typical American fatass winds up in my city on a Segway and ruins my day in ten easy steps:
- Asshole from Iowa finishes making love to his sister
- Sister/Wife (Swife) suggests “Woooo WHEE! I THANKS WE SHUUUD TAKE UH VACATION!”
- Husband and Swife pack up their four inbred children and hop in their 20 year old station wagon
- Along the way, they pick up standard white man tourist gear: neon ball cap with wide brim, extra large sunglasses, fannie pack, khaki shorts, high rise socks, and “rugged” leather hiking sandals
- The Clampetts arrive in DC, avoiding the SE quadrant of the city at all costs and arriving at the Mayflower Hotel
- The Clampetts are fat from decades of eating mayonnaise sandwiches, and are afraid their feet may explode if they walk too far. They sign up for a Segway tour.
- Ethiopian cab driver takes advantage of arcane zoning system to charge $12 dollars to take the Clampetts the 1/2 mile to downtown DC to join the tour
- The Clampetts plop down $100 per person to join 40 other lazy idiots just like themselves and roll down the sidewalk with them in unison like a platoon of overweight cyborgs, relishing in the envious looks they receive from pied-à-terre fatties and the looks of disgust from non-fatties who aren’t too lazy to walk
- The eldest daughter, Susie Clampett, is losing control of her Segway near the Old Executive Office Building because she is a.) a gastropod, and b.) an inbred retard. She yells to her father “Uncle Daddy! What’s wrong with this thang?!?!” as it turns violently to the right, makes a U turn, and nearly causes her to run over a nearby mulatto runner.
- Mulatto runner now has to increase pace significantly to stay ahead of the mobile death squad, because they are following his route. 2 miles later his body quits on him; vomits in front of confused/horrified children and their parents.
Oh well. At least I can take some comfort in this:
When it was launched in December 2001 the annual sales target was 40,000 units, and the company expected to sell 50,000 to 100,000 units in the first 13 months. Segway Inc’s investors were optimistic. Inventor Dean Kamen predicted that the Segway “will be to the car what the car was to the horse and buggy” and John Doerr, a venture capitalist who invested in the company, predicted that Segway Inc would be the fastest company to reach $1 billion in sales. In fact only about 30,000 Segways were sold from 2001 to 2007.
Critics point to Segway Inc’s silence over its financial performance as an indication that the company is still not profitable, as about $100 million was spent developing the Segway.
-from Wikipedia
Figure 3: Think about it…
A few weeks ago I was on The Mall area and out of nowhere, 3 segways crashed into each other! I’m not sure if anyone was injured or not, the tears from my laughter prevented me from caring.
i hate this creation…the rent a cops at the cambridge galleria mall uses this mode of transport to get around while they wear houseshoes and comminicate by walkie talkie…i’ve felt the wind of this contraption very near my ankles on more than obe occassion….
Seeing people on those was like the first time Stewie saw Joe & his wheelchair.. I didn’t know what to do, a little scared, a little intrigued.. it just looks wrong.. there is no body movement involved at all… how lazy.. I’m glad they’re not selling.. what a waste
comminicate = communicate…breakfast hasn’t kicked in yet…grrr
i see another one of my typos…i’m stepping away…
LMAO @ “Uncle Daddy!”
Oh, Chris, as a fellow Terp, thought you might be interested to learn that the “auxiliary police” at Maryland now use Segways to “patrol the campus.”
@ Lindsey..as a present “Terp”…a few weeks ago, one of their own had an accident on campus…got the photos to prove it..lol
The first time I saw one of those things…I was both amazed and appalled at the complete stupidity of the contraption. How LAZY do you have to be to ride on one of them? Disabled people should protest this mockery…and BTW, I’m surprised that fat people can even stay up on them without toppling the fuck over from the sheer massiveness of their girth.
Swife! heeheehee
What is the point of the segway? I hate standing on my feet all day whether or not I’m moving. They swell and hurt and then I feel like I’m 55 but without the benefits of 10% off at the local Shoney’s breakfast buffet. If I’m going to be too lazy to walk, I’m damnit going to be all the ways lazy and sit my ass down. Get an electric wheelchair, a go-kart, shit hop on the damn bus. There’s no point to a segway.
A segway is like a man wearing heels. If you don’t have to why would you?
I have only seen the on Television, I do not think it is legal to drive one of those on British Streets. yet.
Do they use them on Pavements?
http://stuffgirlslike.wordpress.com
hahaha @ Swife, you shoulda followed it up w/ Brusband! lol
@ funkyblackchiq -
Good. I always thought they were a waste of students’ money…especially since I haven’t seen auxiliary police actually do anything…*shrug* maybe I just was in the right places at the right times.
What year are you? I graduated last year.
Bwhahaha @ Uncle Daddy - that just made my morning!
Oh, and here in Chicago, the male meter maids (Metermen? ha! alliteration) use them and routinely fall because of a crack in the sidewalk. It’s splendid.
there is a segway store right next to my office. its always packed with tourists and they teach them how to ride in the park across the street. i wish my job would pay for a segway tour
Do you really have to wear a helmet?
One of our local politicians is famous for using one to campaign door to door.
Which kind of defeats the whole grass roots notion of knocking on doors in the heat, rain, through grass, dirt, and running from dogs.
Of note: Another reason for me to hate P.Diddy. He has one and drives it through his office. I bet that asshole Bob Johnson has one too.
the security guards @ king of prussia mall have them too.
i always wondered how secure the mall actually is
i mean
a shoplifter can just…run faster and proceed to get away.
smh.
Ive only seen 1. Those things are so lame and I’m loving the tax diagram. Lazy asses
- http://www.anythingblack.net
Swife AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. In general, tourists refuse to move their feet. This is why they stand on the left side of Metro escalators. DC is small, certainly small enough to walk from the National Mall to the Air & Space Museum to the White House, since that’s where tourists go anyway.
Why do cops need Segways?
i wonder if anyone has a segway fetish…ya know like a crush fetish…instead of like getting stepped on your back with high-heels, ya get run over by a segway…
no?
Univ. of MD police bought some segways a couple years ago, ya know, to combat “crime” and such… If I was being chased by one of them, I would just run up a flight of stairs.
—http://hateonme.wordpress.com
omg I saw a security guard who was standing 7′30″ on one of these things in the mall. He had this “top flight security of the world” look on his face, like a proud thunder cat. Seeing it made my stomach hurt!
@ Lindsey….I haven’t been a student there in years…I have an office there.
————>SWIFE<—————
::WENT TO THE UPPER ROOM @ 8:34 AM CST::
Swife…LMAO!
I hate Segways. I used to work right off the mall and every tourist would cruise around on one of those. Just walk!
Somebody wanna tell me how someone found my site by typing:
“porn woman boy parts boobs”
into a search engine?
LMAO
thats because we have waaaaay to many convo’s about sex
so with that being said…
who’s starting it off today?
ALL THE REASONS I WILL NEVER RETURN TO THIS SITE :
Along the way, they pick up standard white man tourist gear: neon ball cap with wide brim, extra large sunglasses, fannie pack, khaki shorts, high rise socks, and “rugged” leather hiking sandals :
(why is this so true, they wera this get up and it never changes)
The Clampetts:(Perfect name) arrive in DC, ….
The Clampetts are fat from decades of eating mayonnaise sandwiches, and are afraid their feet may explode if they walk too far. They sign up for a Segway tour. ( came alive just to die again)
Ethiopian (why must I CRY?) cab driver takes advantage of arcane zoning system to charge $12 dollars to take the Clampetts the 1/2 mile to downtown DC to join the tour
The Clampetts plop down $100 per person to join 40 other lazy idiots
My favorite:
“Uncle Daddy! What’s wrong with this thang?!?!”
you made my morning!
@ chris…what search engine are you using? i went to google and your site didn’t come up for me…maybe i should try to search in booble…lol
http://cache.viewimages.com/xc/2696284.jpg?v=1&c=ViewImages&k=2&d=65DF17A14A6B244A8EF54A958C7758C1A55A1E4F32AD3138
for those of you who don’t know who the Clampetts are
‘The most infuriating part about the Segway owner is the fact that my tax dollars are subsidizing his laziness in a vicious conspiratorial circle of financial waste:’
True, true, and true. I’m a big boy and I wouldn’t even ride those things.
-Ed.
In defense of mall cops who ride around on Segways, by my estimate you need balls 10.5 times the normal size to use one of those things indoors with the knowledge that every single mall patron is laughing at you.
@Chris you should probably direct your attentions to my favorite sistas on this site Mrs. Epps and Sista Toldja for that search hit. Oh and also shabooty* of whom I have much love. Didn’t we spend all day yesterday throwing virtual panties at you and discussing how Mrs. Epps was going to put you in a sugar coma. In fact 5 points to the person who can turn a topic of lazy fat tourists on segways into sex and/or porn.
*Actually much more attention should be paid to shabooty for this.
What I really hate about Segways is that now parking cops use them instead of those old school Smartcar/ice cream truck buggies they used to drive. They can issue tickets about 5X faster in a Segway, since they don’t have to find a place to park their little buggy and get off their behinds and walk from car to car. Yup, your tax dollars at work.
HAPPY HUMP DAY.
I BROUGHT IN THE MORNING WITH SOME GOOD……..
i thought i already ’segwayed’ into perversion in my first comment…
i brought up the famed “crush fetish”
duhhh
crush porn:
so i was curious if anyone had the fetish of being crushed with a segway.
$$$$
I get the feeling that Shabooty will one day be my Jeremiah Wright.
Chris is a long-legged mac-daddy.
I heard about a guy here in Baltimore gettin robbed while he was on a segway once. He called himself trying to speed away but the dudes that were robbing him just threw rocks in front of the segway, causing him to crash. Needless to say they took his money and the segway. smh
Shabooty you can’t be in the competition. Otherwise you would win all the time. You have too many points.
In fact you can only score points if you say something that wont get blocked by a parent guard.
letinstar…your from the bean huh? cambridge side gally is a gully ass mall…segways suck. wish this post was funnier tho, good days and bad ehhh
lol… i ly in wait…. with a ball hanging out.
AHAHAHAHA @ brran, i would be sooooo ashamed to show my face around town if that happened.
Swife?!?!? Haha..thats so funny…thank god segways are not in india, otherwise there would be more road accidents due to the traffic but hey, that would also reduce the population(not much though)…anyway, great post
If my 87 year old grandmother can walk without assistance when we go on vacation, then some fat lazy fucktard on a Segway has no freaking excuse. I hate those things! This post reminds me why I appreciate living in Los Angeles. Fat people are shamed into staying indoors because all the skinny/fit folks will make them feel sub-human if they dare to show their face in public. A person riding around in a Segway in LA will definetly get clowned.
@shabooty
I’m always in the mood for crushed nuts.
I’d cry if I saw anyone in NYC riding on Segway. You’re asking to get your ass kicked.
…then again some idiot might try to be cool and put some rims on the thing.
People who ride on Segways are just as irritating as the folks who take the elevator to the second floor of the building. You mean to tell me that you waited a good 10-15 minutes for an elevator when you could’ve already been where you needed to go by going up a flight of stairs? Do steps scare you?
Jamming on the elevator button doesn’t make it go faster either. Unless your hands were blessed by the power of Otis, cut the shit out.
@slyph, you only get 1 point because you segued offa shabooty. Yay I got to use the real segue.
i didn’t think these things were real… let alone have a name…
i thought it was a legend type april fool’s day thing..
i have never seen one…
maybe it’s just your lot who buy them?
you would be pelted with bottles in london riding one of those things…
it would be akin to those people who ride those bikes lying on their backs…
tossers…
Those things are incredibly dumb. Just another advocate for a sedentary lifestyle. smh.
^^^^^^^^^Sylph, I am crying.
@ Slyph
I used the elevator every goddamned day when I was pregnant to go to the 2nd floor. But then again, I held my stomach when I was 4 weeks, and pretended to be stressed out a lot. lol. Im upsurd.
ahhh motherhood.
“I get the feeling that Shabooty will one day be my Jeremiah Wright.”
That is the understatement of the century…
As for the Segway, I was at a resturaunt and I saw an older (regular sized)gentleman who was walking with a cane get on a segway and zip on out….that made my day…they do have a purpose they’re just abused….kinda like sizzurp
I tried searching “Clampetts and crush porn” but search was too varied.
The police on my campus ride segways. I’m waiting for the day some kid is running away from the cops while they’re him on one saying “stop! freeze!”
How slow are those things?
If there is no spped, why do people bother?
London I did not know what those things were called.
i have seen police officers/ security guard(robo cops) on these things…with a helmet!!! they dont need the segway, they all need short buses!!!
SWIFE??????
True story- One of my best friends and I were walking in DC and see a guy on a segway. This fool tells me “I’m gonna invent a segway with a chair”. He was dead serious. I’m like “A wheelchair?”
Ever the comedian, the next time we saw a guy in a wheelchair he shouts and him and waves his fists: “YOU STOLE MY IDEA!”
A segway goes about 12mph (almost the speed of sound) so that’s why they wear helmets. And the folks who refuse to climb one flight of stairs, pure laziness. I love when people show their frustration of broken escalators, especially the shorter 14ft ones. Just walk, it’s ok, nothing bad will happen to you, promise.
@Esquire, you are absurd
I thought walking during pregnancy was good.
@Esquire
Pregnant women are exempt, especially when you’re nearing the last trimester. I should’ve stated that. But if your legs are working and you’re able to walk to push the button, you can take the stairs.
I’m so stealing ’swife’.
Yeah, those things are weird. I don’t understand the need for them at all — I guess except for the mall cops.
benjie,
i’ve seen those cops at KOP on segways. i never really understood what their purpose was, and always figured they had a gauge that allowed for increased speed. lie to you not, i saw one fool making figure 8s with it.
The cops use Segways here in Boston, but then again they also use horses to patrol the hood so Im not really surprised.
As annoying as Segways are, its even more annoying seeing lazy ass people using those damn Hover-Rounds and electric wheelchairs. Where I went to school in NC it was like they gave one to every freaking house.
I love when people show their frustration of broken escalators, especially the shorter 14ft ones. Just walk, it’s ok, nothing bad will happen to you, promise.
the escalators were broken coming out of my station this morning and the line at the usually deserted elevators was incredibly long. i just shook my head.
@sylph
yes, but I had no right during the first and second.
@knatural
Walking during pregnancy IS good. But so is having people open doors and carry things you are perfectly able to handle and complaining about your back and (non existent) swollen ankles when there aint a damn thing wrong.
Hey, I RODE that pregnancy wave. I actually had a blissful, easy, pain free pregnancy. My nose didnt get fat and my boobs didnt swell to look like watermelons. I didnt really gain any weight or have terrible cravings. I had to make up reasons to get sympathy. (sigh)
ooh no I just remembered those electric grocery store carts. I have NEVER seen an old person, disabled or injured person use one. Its always some morbidly obese person blocking up the ice cream aisle. And then still has the nerve to send childrent to run up other aisles to look for some chocolate sauce.
Dom,
Dont fuck with a cop on a horse. They are more dangerous that the ones in cars.
A horse will KICK YOUR ASS if the smell of that little bag of shit attached to thier booties doesnt kill you first.
“horses to patrol the hood”, like a plantation overseer?
@Sarah, I shake my head, too. Why ride in a small, stinky, box-of-death when you can walk.
i love horses…
i used to ride..
cops on horses are all around the financial district over here…
the horses love me…
the cops… ‘not so much’ but at least i am not of arab extraction or my ass would be slung in jail…
it’s the way you approach them….
i dream of unicorns too… very deep stuff
and i am not sure why i am telling you that… it may be the pink spritzers i have had…
*hears scythes sharpening but thinks you can all fuck off with your comments about it - bovvered!…*
@ shine - and don’t you love it when fatty on the scooter asks you to get something on the shelf that s/he can’t reach? No, I will NOT pass you the Honey Buns
maya- i used to work @ KOP (who didn’t?) i swear the security guards there are all retarded. have you ever seen the young black dude who screams “STOP” and “GO” at people like he’s a real policeman?
the police here
(at whom btw i am extremely pissed with cause of that beating the other day. don’t get me started. one of the men in the car has no priors, yet his bail is 300,000. wtf??)
they use the mounted patrol during the greek weekend. which to me adds to the crowd control problem, b/c of instead of just squeezing through the crowd, i have to squeeze through and pass a horse.
that makes no sense.
AHAHAHAHA…remember when Bush fell off his Segway; that shows the kind of individual who rides these things. Idiot.
knatural “DC is small, certainly small enough to walk from the National Mall to the Air & Space Museum to the White House, since that’s where tourists go anyway. ”
Ok I work in SW (right around all the museums) and have to cross through the Mall to get home and everyday F’IN day at 5:25pm this damn Sedgeway tour crosses my path and it’s always the Clampetts but from Wisconsin!!! I hate them because they stop me from making a right on red cuz I have to wait for their slow asses to pass! But the pedistrians on foot move faster than their asses.
And they use those Sedgeways at Pentagon City Mall too!!
@Merri Lee
and don’t you love it when fatty on the scooter asks you to get something on the shelf that s/he can’t reach? No, I will NOT pass you the Honey Buns.
Thats just wrong.
benjie -
yes, i def. worked @ KOP, too. don’t get me started.
yes, i’ve seen that guy! i’m always the jackass who honks my horn at him when i’m waiting. i have no respect.
re: Phila. Police - don’t wanna have that convo, either. i’m wondering why the effective police work implimented to find cop killers isn’t used more consistently across the board. i dont like being murder capital.
I daydream of being able to trigger a malfunction on a herd of Segway riding Clampetts. ::zzzzzzzzooooooooooomcrasssshhhh!!::
Someone needs to get on that, right now.
maya-
every time i see him i burst into uncontrollable giggle fits
sometimes i even point.
he’s just so… serious.
and it doesn’t help that he’s like 240 and his pants fit as if he should be 140.
he knows his balls can’t breathe.
it’s gonna be a crazy summer.
they’re already stopping people who “resemble” floyd (the suspect). pretty soon its gonna be stop & frisk…
I appreciate the Segway fuh a numbah a reasons
Numbah 1: It allows cuntry white folk to get wheah they need ta go without walkin on they precious feets.
Numbah 2: Dahkies can’t afford um
Numbah 3: They allow white folks to get around much easieah than the minorities in this cuntry
Numbah 5: Um…got to be sumthin…ah yea: The white cops can get around fastuh, allowin them to catch you dahkies who ah no doubt up to no good..stealing tvs and strangling white women and such. Neveahmind that they only go a about 12 miles per hour and the average dahkie can run twice that. They used to it, aftuh all they always in trouble with the law.
All Praise the Lord White Jesus
Amen
Oh the segway..I have a professor here who is like a million years old and he flies down this super steep hill on it on campus. I keep wondering when, not if, he will totally wipe out on it.
And about the fatties on the hoverarounds: my mom was asked by a fatty if she could get, not even kidding, some Ho-Hos down from the top shelf. My mom looked at her, then at her basket of chips, soda and various “meat” products, shook her head and then kept walking. My mom does not play that shit.
Here we go… :cT
Man, Imma get me a segway. I’ll roll up to all da shorties and holla at em. They gone be like, “Damn, I aight know you could put 22s on a segway!” I’m gon be like, “Yeah bitch, that’s how I roll.”
Oh, and Ruckus. Learn ta count nigga.
I’m still trying to figure out why supermarkets have those. If you ARE disabled, you already have one. I guess their profits go up 10X since fatties aren’t forced to walk around the store.
oh btw when i was living at my parent’s house –despite most commenters assumptions this was in the past not present –our next door neighbor had a segway …their excuse was ‘ohhh this one was the one on the show room flooor soo oooh we got a nice discount on it’ —the only time i got to ride it was drunk after a block party bbq…. that mother f-er is a bitch to ride drunk for your first time….i’ll tell ya waht!
benjie -
i am related to at least 3 people who resemble floyd.
it’s gonna be a long summer.
have you seen the new “enhanced photo” released by the police where they take his facial hair off?
stop and frisk - it’s just a matter of time. one day we’re in philadelphia, the next it’s soweto.
5 points shabooty. And are you masquerading as the cast of the boondocks?
@Merri Lee, yea I get mad when the people in the carts ask me to move out of the way like I’m the one who’s blocking up the aisle. The grocery thing is useful if you’re walking around on crutches or you’ve got emphysema or mad old or something and pushing the cart and walking around all day is difficult.
I am going to use one of the Grocery cart Wheelchairs today. Consider me doing a Tyra Banks investigation on the life of a fatty.
I will report back on how useful it really is and how many people looked at me nasty. This should be interesting. May change my life forever.
I’m going to invent something for people traveling distances too far to walk but too short to drive. It’ll have two wheels. I’m thinking of calling it a “bicycle.”
Sorry I am NOT wearing a fat suit
damn. i laughed through this entire post.
that cycle graphic of your taxes at work is a classic!
on to the comments…
Good Lord…people on Segways make me want to destroy them with the cleansing power of fire. Ugh! Just how lazy have we gotten?
The douches in DC gotta step their game up! the new nerd/douche ish is the Powerbocks
Yeah, but at least with PowerBocks you’re moving your legs/feet. Segways are logy, ugly, and perpetuate laziness. And I know lazy.
Houseshoes in public, lol.
Presidential Fail.
@ Merri Lee~
Brilliant on the bicycle idea. I was thinking more of a two-wheeled foldable contraption I could take on the train…I’d call it a razor or something similar
How apropos.
Just last Sunday, while doing an 8mile charity walk, a friend was telling me how much he wish he had a Segway. How cool it’d be to have one. How he’d prefer a Segway to a car. How he’d be finished with the walk by now if he had a Segway. Yadda yadda yadda. I laughed and mentioned how the Segway was supposed to be the transpo of the future, but clearly it tanked.
He’s still pining away for one.
It’s so great you wrote this because I think Segways suck as well as helmets (generally).
Jesus, Gawd I hate them AND the hover-rounds and grocery store things. It’s always some fatass in them that wouldn’t be nearly as fat if they walked somewhere.*
These are also the same assholes fighting over the parking spots closest to the entrance of wherever they’re going. I never understood that. You still have to walk to the entrance, with your dumb, lazy ass. A few extra yards will not matter.
*I am fat. But not as fat as the people I’m talking about. Nonetheless, being fat qualifies me to rail on other fatties w/o as much bias, LOL.
Merri Lee, ooh ooh ooh, may I PLEASE be a participant in the focus group for this new thing your gonna make? What’d you call it? A BICYCLE? I promise to ride it everywhere, honest!
I also solemnly swear to run into Segway users. Several times apiece.
A dickhead (literally) on a segway with a helmet on, behind a curtain would look like the silhouette of a penis.
yelow bus helmet=head
the body= the shaft
the wheels=nuts
I hate Segways thats the laziest shit I have ever seen.. ONLY IN AMERICA.. There’s this kid on campus that rolls around on that shit like he was VAn Wilder in his golfcart minus the Indian assistant. Im waiting for his ass to fall down some stairs. Who ever invented that thing should get his legs chopped off. You might as well get a damn Scooter. Uncle Daddy bwhahahahha classic!
man that was harsh…Are you sure they weren’t from another state? I ask because the inbred folks from Iowa would not be able to afford the gas to drive to D.C. and would have NO inclination whatsoever to visit a city that will not accomidate them with water parks or NASCAR. They tend to get their culture in Branson, Missouri.
I heard “Floyd” was in Brick CIty. They had helicopters and massive cop cars around my job Monday. Luckily, I was chilling at home in Brooklyn.
OMG, powerbocks! BWHAHAHAHA! Low key, I would like to try them. At least its excercisey, right?
You know what I REALLY want? Heelys. I can even fit the largest child size ones, but when I tried them on two years ago, I couldn’t figure out how to move! I would be so raw with em though! Picture me ROLLIN!
Why i didn’t know that Usher had them on in that video? What a disappointment, I just thought that man had moves.
@ cease…if by “gully” you mean nasty, then yes, the cambridge galleria mall is dirty mall, but it’s the closest mall to get to by public transportation if you live in boston…
I don’t know why I have yet to see a kid wearing those “Heelys” fall flat on their asses or lose control and fly into a busy parking lot and I have been patiently waiting for the past year and a half for this to happen. My dream of seeing them take out an entire fruit stand is now shot to shit because they’ve since banned Heely use in supermarkets =(
ST-
that’s the rumor.
it was all in the papers that they stopped a train for an hour in newark to search for him. all I keep thinking about is how pissed I would’ve been if I were on that train.
my friends and I have a theory that he is already long gone somewhere. but then again they found the last dude in a homeless shelter so who knows.
“lol… i ly in wait…. with a ball hanging out” hehehehehee that’s funny
Man I wanted heelys too. Although I am much slower on the uptake because I saw them online first and tried ordering them in boys (note: men’s) sizes and they were sold out. And I was wondering why they didn’t come in women’s sizes past 6. Tells you my maturity level that I though they would make sneakers with wheels in them for adults…
Hey Natalie!
ROTF as tears are flowing down my face!!!!
Great post! And can you PLEASE do a post on DC cabbies??? I’ve been screwed by that d@mn zoning system way too many times! WTF! And I can’t stand tourists either which is why I stay my behind in PG County LOL
Oh and I’m a Terp for life too and NEVER understood what those auxilliary police do…. *scratching my head*
Hey Lindsay!
Wow it is definitely Terp Nation on this message board. Haha.
once u go terp -ull kno what dat azz is really worthfe
First of all, LMBAO at “Uncle Daddy”
Believe me, I feel your pain when it comes to tourists. I used to live in that tourist trap hell known as Florida. I used to hate when Snowbird season would come, cause all those old mofos come down driving all slow as hell in their minivans lost and confused as hell. Going to seafood restaurants and ordering stupid ass fish from the midwest that was nowhere on the menu. Ugh, if I saw them traveling around on Segways, I would’ve tried to trip them on general principle
Oh, and the security guards at the malls on Segways. They get under my gotdamn skin too…Really, do you feel secure when you see them?