Stupid Fashion Trends
21 03 2008Fashion is getting more and more fucking ridiculous every goddamn day. We haven’t quite reached the acid-induced insanity that inspired the out-of-this-world fashion trends of the 1960’s, but I’ve concluded that at this point, we’re on a runaway freight train headed right in that direction.
So without further adieu, here is an abbreviated list of fashion trends that MUST STOP before humankind, as a species, is hopelessly lost.
Flats
Nothing has made me sadder in recent fashion history than the decline of the high heel shoe. Women everywhere of every age and race are taking up the feminist rallying cry “GOD AS MY WITNESS, MY FEET WILL NEVER GO SORE AGAIN!” and adopting flat shoes.
Figure 1: Yuck
All this is happening at a time when women are demanding their men to be more muscled, more educated, more intellectually curious, and more sensitive to their feelings (all of which make us VERY sore, especially the last one). We’re more than happy to do this, ladies, but at the very least you could throw on some fuck-me pumps that shape your legs and ass into that oh so beautiful contour that fills us with the sexual angst that drives us to throw up a few more bench presses.
Saggy Pants
This has been around for a long time. I’ll never forget when my dad was driving me home from school one day, and on the corner of Pennsylvania Ave and 26th Street SE - right in front of a police station - I spotted a young woman speaking to a young man…whose pants were literally around his ankles. That’s right, they weren’t just sagging and showing his boxers. THEY WERE AROUND HIS FUCKING ANKLES LIKE HE WAS GOING TO COP A SQUAT AT ANY MOMENT. I have never seen my father more angry than he was that day, and this is a guy who blew away a poisonous snake with a shotgun at point blank range to “teach me a lesson”.
Figure 2: Times are hard, and belts are expensive
White people became threatened by this, and many cities have passed controversial ordinances banning the sagging pants practice*. Then someone responded by making faux-saggy jeans. Have you seen this shit?
Some genius decided to get around these no-sag laws by making pants that actually have the boxers INTEGRATED with the jeans. So imagine figure 2, but with the boxers and the jeans being sewn together and, therefore, part of the same garment. They’re pants that pretend to be saggy. I said they’re pants that pretend to be saggy. Did you fucking hear what I just said? Let me reiterate: THEY’RE PANTS THAT PRETEND TO BE SAGGY! THEY’RE PANTS THAT PRETEND TO BE SAGGY!THEY’RE PANTS THAT PRETEND TO BE SAGGY!THEY’RE PANTS THAT PRETEND TO BE SAGGY!THEY’RE PANTS THAT PRETEND TO BE SAGGY!THEY’RE PANTS THAT PRETEND TO BE SAGGY!
There is no cause for optimism about anything, ever.
Bald Heads on Women (who don’t have cancer or some shit)
I’m going to get a lot of flak for this, but I don’t care. Ladies, yall need to grow at least a good 3 inches of hair. Don’t get me wrong - bald heads actually look decent on some women…from the front…in broad daylight. The problem arises when it comes to sexual relations.
If you look at the back of the head of a bald man and a bald woman, you can’t really tell the difference. As you know, black men love doing it doggy style and, well, when you’re going at it with a girl from the back and she has a shaved head, he can’t help but feel like he could just as easily be banging some brolic dude named Jerome.
A woman shaving her head is like a man wearing eye shadow.
Figure 3: Same fucking difference
Maternity Tops
I don’t know if these fucking things are actually styled after maternity dresses. All I know is that they make any girl look fat and/or pregnant.
Figure 4: No.
The two images above are fairly atrocious examples, but the concept applies to any top that cinches just below the boobs and lets the rest of the top fall loosely. These tops say one of three things to a guy: 1.) I’m pregnant, 2.) I wanna get pregnant real soon, 3.) I’m a fat fuck and I think this stupid top is fooling you. If you insist on wearing these tops, then you are dooming yourself to attracting the types of guys who wear…
Excessive Bling
Figure 5: Makes $10 an hour
Nothing makes me laugh** harder than when I see some moron roll up into a club covered in CZs and a bunch of stainless steel…except when I see women actually falling for their bullshit. Women never admit to falling for guys because they’re covered in FUBU and fake ice, but then again men never admit to watching porn, either. We’re all full of shit.
Women have no idea of the time, effort, and expense that men will go through to feign the appearance of wealth for the purposes of attracting women. I know a person who spent months saving thousands of dollars to rent a Ferrari for a weekend JUST to impress chicks at clubs. Women assume men won’t go to these lengths because…women don’t do it. Women are wrong.
Ladies, if you really wanna find out who the well-off men are in the clubs, I suggest the following: ‘accidentally’ spill a moderate amount of alcohol (preferably something that will stain permanently, like a cranberry mixer) on a man wearing a nice shirt, then take careful note of how pissed off he gets. The man’s anger is inversely proportional to his wealth.
For example, if you spill a drink on the dude in figure 5 and he loses it - it’s because he can’t afford to replace the shirt. This is probably a result of poor financial management and limited financial means. But if you spill a drink on him and he doesn’t care, or even laughs about it***, you’ve got yourself a guy who isn’t living paycheck to paycheck
I could go on all damn day about fashion trends, but I’ll end it here. Please feel free to add your fashion pet peeves to the comments section, and render this article complete.
*This and this, however, are perfectly acceptable to them
**This is a video of me in the unused chapel of an old palace in Portugal. The echo in the room was incredible, and I could not resist making as much noise as humanly possible
***He may be clinically insane
I have to agree with you on all of your grievances. But I have some additions:
LOGOS all over the place
Chocolate women with Platinum blond hair - That is never attractive
Men over 30 sporting jerseys when they are not at a sporting event
Gold fronts/Grills - YUCK!
I’ll stop there
BTW: I hate flats, now those suckers make the feet hurt. Try walking in NYC with some flats…your feet will never forgive you. I can’t wait to break out more 4 inchers… the folks may not be ready… Have a happy holiday if that’s your thing lol
Hmm… where did you get the pics of the two tops? I think i would like to hit up that website and purchase.
I looove those clothes that are loose from the boobs on down (empire waist) hahahah almost all my dresses are like that, cos i can eat as much as I want, it’s easy to hike up for a good pee or a lil somefin somefin …AND I do not have to worry about buttons or seams popping or the dress outlining the shape of the food I just ate … and u know i loves my food in large quantities at a sitting….and lots and lots of sittings.
Feminist, my cinnamon colored ass…Those flat shoes are actually bad for your feet and they hurt a lot of folks who actually require arch support.
Empire waist tops? I would do an empire waist evening gown-but not a top. I think it does make a body look chunky in shirt form; however, a dress can flow and drape in a flattering way.
The Saggy Pants Syndrome (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sagging_%28fashion%29) is something that must MUST MUST die…
Nothing infuriates me more than the sight of that gaudy looking shit hanging from the necks of young black men (and women for that matter) who have so much potential to be professional. I mean, COME ON… that “bling” doesn’t even look all that great. Dammit, this makes me so mad, I can’t think straight. At the same time, it makes me remember the Dave Chapelle skit (ironically enough) where he made fun of MTV cribs. He was putting ICE (diamonds) in his dinosaur eggs just to make his dookey twinkle. LMFAO!!!
Anyhow… platinum fronts are the absolute WORST. They look atrocious and what good is it if you can’t eat with them in?
At the same time, I think back to when I was a kid and I realize that this “bling” factor is just a metamorphasis of the gold chain and brass/gold knuckles era during the mid to late 80s into the early 90s. (sigh) Do ya’ll remember that?
I don’t know what those dresses are called that women wear…. that essentially makes them look fat… but whoever designed them should be taken on a cruise ship and thrown over the bow. They look… AWFUL. Ladies please do not wear them. You know what they are… they accentuate the boobs… but then fall almost strait down (possibly with a bow or other material hanging in front) thus making the most slender and beautifully shaped woman look disfigured.
As for the HIIIIIHEEEELSHEWWS…. I agree with the author. The flats trend is fine… but dammit please put on some pumps/stilettos and accentuate the shapes of your legs. Calf muscles are sexy.
Man fashions I dislike:
1. X-tra Long, X-tra large Shapeless Tshirts that hang to their knees… sometimes accompanied by an ugly-ass Hoodie of the same or longer length.
2. Over-trimmed facial hair. I do not want to play find the cheese in that intricate maze you’ve got designed out of your stubble. Nor do I want to stare at that thin strip and wonder if it was drawn on with an eyebrow pencil.
3. Hanes-his-way draws. Nothing like a sea of loose gray or off-white material staring me in the face when a dude bends over.
Chick fashions I dislike:
1. X-tra Long, X-tra fake over-accessorized nails. Seriously…. how do you wash yourself down there with those talons?
2. Huge belts. Leave those for the boxing and wrestling federations
3. HUGE Gaudy gold hoops you could light on fire and send a leaping tiger through.
Very nice empire waist dresses:
-http://www.bridalwave.tv/Eugenia%204April.JPG
-http://www.chicbynature.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/07/empire-dress.jpg
-http://www.seenonstyle.com/img/product/cats/00023207-038753.jpg
CrazeeAssed empire waist dresses:
-http://www.chicagomag.com/galleries/148/0603Fash_Pale6.jpg
-http://www.inhabitat.com/wp-content/uploads/baharshahpar1.jpg
-http://www.bananarepublic.com/Asset_Archive/BRWeb/Assets/Product/513/513956/main/br513956-00p01v01.jpg
Gentlemen please stop:
-White deorderant balls in your underarm hair
-Wearing your pants beneath your beer belly as if said beer belly will be rendered invisible by this act.
-Thinking that women actually notice your expensive sneakers
-Visible nose or ear hair
Thanks!
lol how about tall tees lookin like u wearing nightgowns, matching ten colors at once, buying 100+ dollar shoes weekly. and yeah
Machete I have to agree with you on the empire waist tops. I refer to them as all you can eat tops lol.
Oh… and the pants hanging halfway down your ass thing has been a horrid epidemic since the beginning of the 90s. Since its been almost 2 decades since its inception, I fail to see any hope of that trend suddenly dying off.
BELTS AND SUSPENDERS GOD DAMMIT! SUSPENDERS IF YOU’RE FAT!
AND THE 100+ DOLLAR SNEAKERS IS COMPLETELY RIDICULOUS!!!!!!!!!! I WON’T EVEN GET STARTED ON THAT sokfgnbseoilguslrgknsoeiflgunsdkfg HOW IS IT THAT DUDES WILL SIT UP HERE AND COMPLAIN ABOUT BEING BROKE, BUT JUST GOT THE NEW: Jordans, Kobe Bryants, etc etc etc… and then complain about not having any shoes to wear? What sense does that make? These are the same dudes that refuse to wear the shoe for what it’s designed for (playing basketball… but I even question that) but then bitch about not being allowed into a club for inappropriate footwear. There aren’t enough words, symbols, Hieroglyphs or characters in the English, Spanish, Latin, Arabic, or whatever the fuck languages that can describe how much I venomously detest this attitude. Its just plain stupidity. And as bad as this will sound… Ladies are not exempt from this theory… but I will get to you in a second.
Dudes… shave your fucking armpits or don’t wear wife beaters. (I actually agree with Uhura… go figure)
Dudes… cut your MOTHER FUCKING HAIR! Bushes and wild afros that are completely unkept make you look like an abonination. OH and don’t think about putting that shit in corn rows because (to me) those make you look like the predator or a wild beast along those lines. Whatever happened to the clean cut look of the 90s? FUCK!
Meanwhile, ladies, once again, I’m sorry… I love you all to death, but I’m very sorry about what I’m going to say. My beautiful black women… you are a gift to this earth… but the empire waist tops are not. Only obesity (or pregnancy) is accentuated by those god awful over garments… and I can think of nothing more than turns me off. HOWEVER… I do think that the black woman can wear them better than whites and asians can… and thats for damn sure. But if you absolutely MUST wear them would you at least accompany with some high heel shoes with them, instead of those flats?
THEN THERE IS THE GOLD/PLATINUM/ANY OTHER RIDICULOUS COLOR THAT WOMEN DYE THEIR HAIR. Baltimore City has some of the worst offending women under this category, thus ranking near or at the top of the list in the nation. I’ve seen weaves containing ridiculousness ranging from one end of the ROYGBIV specturum to the other, and even including the odd pastel colors that normally are found in neon lighting that sullies the streets of Las Vegas, New York and LA. The thing that eventually got me was when a friend of mine (god I cannot believe I’m admitting that she’s a friend) styled her shit in a rat-tail formation and then had the color pattern designed to match her (you ready for this?) leopard: skirt, top, jacket and boots. I damn near sent my lunch to the floor upon setting my eyes on it.
Back to shoes. What is the obsession with overly expensive footwear? WHY is there a need for getting 600 dollar pumps that were made by Jimmy Choo (oh wait, I’m sorry, the underground Chinese sweat shop just outside of Beijing) that physically last maybe 5 months of continuous wear, yet has a stylistic half life of two weeks before they become obsolete? Dudes are not exempt from this either because 100-200 dollars for sneakers makes me want to send my freshly ingested lunch to the floor. On top of that… whats with the 900 dollars for a Louis Vitton clutch purse… which possibly is 1/4-1/5 of many women’s salary? If the ratio of expenditure to earning is above 1/4th… you’re a complete moron. I have a cousin who fits this category: 850 for a clutch purse, yet pulls 38 grand before taxes. She lives in LA.
Stupidity makes me madder than shit.
OMG empire waist dresses!!!
Don’t even get me started on these.
Chicks in the D.C. area just frigging LOVE these things…why? ’cause most of em are fat cunties with big titties, so they accentuate their top heavy-ness and try to play off their, middle-heavy-ness.
That’s why when [you're out, and] there is the TOKEN [hot] chick with a flat tummy, and she’s showing it off, you’re like got damn, that broad is dope-fly-fresh.
Where there’s an “empire waist dress” there’s a FUPA-mess.
FAT UPPER PUSSY AREA/FANNY-POUCH/GUNT (GUT+CUNT).
Spare me, biatchez!
$
Oh boy…..
Wow-I did not realize that biatchez in the DC area like to wear empire waist tops & dresses. (Maybe I need to be more observant.) And, I did not realize that it was for that very wrong reason.
But honestly-a properly cut empire waist dress does NOT conceal the fact that the wearer is heavy in the middle…no more than a big T shirt or wearing pants and jeans below the tummy conceal a man’s beer gut.
What I do notice is that women and girls in the DC area like to wear low rise jeans and have their love handles and out of shape bellies hanging out. The men seem to love it all nonetheless…
Oh…and MAN TEATS must die!
Uhura - the Soul Food Detester
I agree with Admiral Furious on just about every point. I hate and do not wear flats but occasionally strap on some heels. As for critiquing dudes, Uhura and Machete are on point; the over abundance of hair - underarm, nose and ear!! - and over-sized clothes/wearing a wife-beater as a regular shirt (it is primarily considered underwear, but then again it would match the draws hangin’ out). It’s not too much to ask for a dude to be at least some what put together.
AHAHAHA! I was just about to mention the love handles/muffin top syndrome. Some women just wont quit with those super-tight low rider jeans paired with a cropped top that shows off the love handles, or the lack of waist …seriously girl… do you not have real friends or a mirror to tell you your skin spilleth over?
Also I cringe at the too tight bras that cut up the torso and display the rolls in the back - and make you look like the michellin tire mascot.
I just bought a top that is SO COMFORTABLE but unfortunately, has some weird pleats right below the bustline that didn’t show up in the catalog picture.
Today I am inspired by this column. Today, I will return this top for something else. Why look pregnant when I can enjoy my invisible baby named “10 hours of sleep a night”? That’s what I say!
Also, for those about to purchase expensive ‘flat’ wear, be aware that high heels strengthen one’s pelvic muscles. No really…. [see: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/7225828.stm ].
There is nothing wrong with an empire waist shirt or dress. I am not fat nor am I pregnant and I wear them quite often. And I will say that I look good in them. To the previous blog responder, please don’t take your shirt back if you feel comfortable in it. You are basing your decision on whether or not to keep the shirt from a complete strangers on a blog site. Who knows how they dress??
Yo what the fuck!?! What is this ignorance? The Women’s movement is dead dying and gone and you motherfuckers have prooved it to me today. Shabooty came through saying some really misogynistic shit. Audre Lorde is rolling over in her grave as you try to convince this fool that you don’t wear empire dresses to hide your belly, Get some self respect.
You know I think it became ok for men to talk to women like that, ( cunties and titties) right before Nigga became a popular catch phrase in the media. There was a time when a man might get the shit smacked out of him for referring to women as “biatchez!”, but he definiately wouldn’t get backed up on the shit.
LOL! I hate empire waist tops. I bought one to be “trendy” and I never wear it because I think it makes me look pregnant, so it was hilarious that you made that comparison. I’m a heel wearing girl, basically because I’m short, and I will wear them with everything, no matter how casual. Most people just look at me like i’m crazy because DC is filled with flat shoes, which create flat feet.
You hit it right on the nose with the big faux bling that men wear. The more “diamonds” the faker it is. I just roll my eyes and look the other direction whenever I see anybody with that. Don’t get me started on grills LOL, I’ll just stop before my blood pressure goes up.
I can’t stand the extreme colored sneakers that guys wear and try to match with their extreme colored hoodie, XXXX-Long T-shirt mandresses, and the wrestling/flat boot that chicks wear, oh yeah and UGGS. Can’t f*cks with those.
Oh right thanks Alex, said alot more calmly that i was able to. Man people are always talking about race but women have ways to go in fighting this self hatred, insecurity and internalized sexism. Ethel I can;t see you but if you’re not fat then you probably don’t look it just cause your shirt changed, Be sexy when you want but hell be comfortable when you want too.
In Ethel’s defence, I know what a few pleats can do to an empire waist top… she did mention that was the reason the top was going back. I own and actively wear lots of these and I agree that a well made empire waist top (or dress) will not instantly make you fatter…but those darn pleats in the wrong place can make you look preggers. So you can still be comfy in a well made empire top without looking preggers. Nothing anti-feminist with wanting that.
Alex:
“There is nothing wrong with an empire waist shirt or dress.”
Incorrect. Everything is wrong with an empire waist shirt or dress. They represent all that is soulless and wrong.
“I am not fat nor am I pregnant and I wear them quite often.”
This is akin to a perfectly healthy person riding around in a wheelchair because they think it’s cute. Wearing an empire is mockery of the disabled, the pregnant, and the morbidly obese. Wearing empire dresses says “I steal crutches from children with bone cancer.”
“And I will say that I look good in them.”
You may look good in general, but nobody looks good in an Empire, just like nobody looks good with third degree burns. Shit, just look at the name - “Empire.” It’s anti-democratic and un-American. Wearing an empire says “Stalin is my Homeboy.”
“To the previous blog responder, please don’t take your shirt back if you feel comfortable in it.”
She’s right, don’t take it back. BURN IT! Preferably in front of other women.
“You are basing your decision on whether or not to keep the shirt from a complete strangers on a blog site.”
So? At least that way the opinion is unbiased, as opposed to a bunch of so-called friends blowing sunshine up her ass telling her everything looks good on her.
“Who knows how they dress??”
Are you saying there’s something wrong with me being a stripper clown?
You are an ASS!
I can’t deny that.
LOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!! HA! Alex don’t listen to him, he justing being difficult.
“Wearing empire dresses says “I steal crutches from children with bone cancer.”
This is the funniest thing I’ve read in a long time.
OR: *He’s just being difficult as they say in english.
So correct me if I am wrong Mr. Author… you want women to only wear skin-tight clothing that leave nothing to the imagination?
I’m gonna buy Machete an Office Space “Jump to Conclusions” board.
I, too am a fan of the empire waist, but unfortunately, I have also been mistaken for a prego, and because of such, you will discover a mass grave in my back yard, full of anything with an empire waist. . . But hey! If it looks good on you, I say go for it. . .
On with my rant -
Nothing spits in the face of professionalism quite like a tattoo on one’s neck. This is a permanent beacon, a flashing light that says, “I NEVER intend to do more than flip burgers/fry chicken/wash cars.” Much like the name Anfernee, one can only pray that the recipient of such a tattoo will also be the recipient of some sort of athletic/recording contract. Everybody can’t be Lil Wayne though, and I work in HR for a Fortune 100 company. I WILL NOT hire you, so think twice about getting your kid’s names tatted on your jugular. . . or wrist, knuckles, breasts . . .
I think I’m going to have to agree with The Author on this one…yeah those baby-doll/empire/maternity/fat shirts make you women look like you’re either pregnant, trying to get like that, or fat as hell and thinking that it’s somehow fooling me into thinking you aren’t packing a 55-gallon drum sized gut under that shirt - REGARDLESS of how thin you are. 110 lbs soaking wet? Fat shirts make you look like a fatass, fatty mcfattyshirt.
Okay, may I just say something for the record:
I am a black man who grew up on the West Side of Baltimore City and the last time I checked, I am indeed a heterosexual male who enjoys the sight of attractive women roaming about. I’d also like to point out that despite the fact that I fall into the category of the fashionably hopeless, I do know that my body reacts positively to certain clothing that women wear and negatively to others. Empire Waist Tops makes me soft… why? Because to me and probably every other man out there… it makes women look fat. Pardon me that I find humor in the irony that these garments are named after something that is usually associated with something thats rather large. But thats beside the point.
Now, I will simply say… if you ladies enjoy the Empire State… I mean waist tops, thats fine… if thats your thing… thats your thing. Fine. However, I would like to point out a question for the ladies that wear it because its the latest fashion: “Are you wearing this because its the latest fashion and you want to be hip with what people on TV and magazines are selling to you in a feeble attempt to try and roll like the high rollers?” or “Are you buying them because it’s actually comfortable?” Why do I ask the same question twice? Because it’s valid…
And I also question… why is it that women take other women’s advice on what’s cute and what’s not? I know I’m really getting my ass in boiling hot water, and I truly mean no disrespect… but seriously… who are you trying to impress? Other women… or the men who have a natural attraction to you? Why not ask a man for advice on what he likes? Practicality normally wins with us… while some of the outfits out there (TO A MAN) look down right foolish. We can start with the Empire State… (dammit, I’m sorry) Waist Tops.
I have a shaved head, and I have to say it’s impossible to confuse me with a man from behind. I don’t know what kind of narrow-hipped, assless bald chicks you’ve been fucking from behind, but I have had no complaints. Quite the opposite, actually.
Shaved heads on women, minus cancer or other medically-based reasons, are not the standard. The last thing I want to see is someone with a low fade and a line-up like me.
Yeah, I tend to be attracted to people who are not attracted to the standard. I find “the standard” boring, and it generally makes for a good relationship if my lover does as well.
Personal preference: I don’t like bald heads or even short hair on a woman. But thats just me.
Wow, as a large-breasted feminist this has been eye-opening to say the least! To shed some light on this for the men: those of us chicks with big tits (larger than a C cup) have the WORST time trying to find bras that fit (and don’t look like grandma lingerie), button down shirts that actually button without that fuckin gap, and even a Tshirt is warped on the busty; the empire waist was created for us! It is one of the very few options we have to not “look slutty” in a more form fitting top, not necessarily indicative of a spare tire/muffin top sitch, but who wants to see that shit anyway, cover it and look cute! You mean to tell me guys would prefer to see tighter shirts with rolls, instead of empire waists where you don’t see it, you ASSUME a chick is “hiding her fat”, which may or may not be the case, which way do you want it gentlemen, b/c we’re not going to stop squeezing our big, luscious asses into jeans that were NOT cut for our shapely forms, necessitating the empire waist. (And if you say buy Nelly’s Apple Bottoms, I will refer you to my above “feminist” label, accompanied by forthcoming eye rolling and teeth sucking!)
You know the problem now a days is that women (men too - how ungreatful) forget who has the vagina.
“Why not ask a man for advice on what he likes? Practicality normally wins with us… while some of the outfits out there (TO A MAN) look down right foolish. We can start with the Empire State… (dammit, I’m sorry) Waist Tops.”
–Who cares we have the vagina
“The last thing I want to see is someone with a low fade and a line-up like me.”
–Ah who cares we have the vagina
“…you ASSUME a chick is “hiding her fat”, which may or may not be the case, which way do you want it gentlemen, …”
–WE HAVE THE VAGINA!
Anmarie: “Who cares, we have the vagina”
Apparently it’s women that should care…since these people seem to have ALL the vagina, and then some: http://www.fleshlight.com/ (**Warning: NSFW**)
I don’t see a single one of these things with an empire waist.
I wonder if it wants to cuddle after you’re done with it…
i agree. i hate the flat shoes as well, especially the round toe. i love heels and will wear them all day.
maternity type tops-eww! they are not flattering to those who are not expecting.
My apologies… but I fail to see the validity and the logic surrounding the statement “We have the vagina” in this opinionated, yet gender unifying discussion. Yes you do have a vagina… and I… have a penis. I asked for a logical answer to my question and got an illogical answer.
lol! I knew you’d go there! Predictable.
Ha I bet these babies aren’t full of wise guy remarks:
(bet you can tell what’s in here) http://www.adameve.com/vibrators-ch-3.aspx?sc=SEMAJS&cm_mmc=AJS-_-Vibrators-_-Vibrators-_-the%20rabbit%20sex%20toy%20exact
And they don’t need you to stroke their ego after…
(you know what i watched the demo video for the fleshlight the girl looks like she’s slightly laughing at you, all in all I bet if we dressed it in an empire waist it would look at bit more friendly than all that steely black)
Figure 4, Empire-waist tops and dresses are one of my favorite summer staples and this comes from a woman that isn’t pregnant, looking to get knocked up or fat. I think you’ll find that when the summer breeze hits one of these on the right person, you will be in for a pleasant surprise.
Ok, SBPH, I just read your comment on empire-waist shirts and dresses to another commenter and I get it. What’s tragic is that I am the type–in my mind–to kick a Chinese delivery man off of his bike, so I guess that means I can still wear the top, right?
congrats man ur blog is blowing up - http://www.anythingblack.wordpress.com
:-O…Then you really DON’T mind if we wear empire waist after all. lol
I knew you’d go there! Predictable
This one here doesn’t talk back:
http://www.adameve.com/vibrators-ch-3.aspx?sc=SEMAJS&cm_mmc=AJS-_-Vibrators-_-Vibrators-_-the%20rabbit%20sex%20toy%20exact
And you don’t have to stroke it’s ego when you’re done…
Chris! :-O … Then you really don’t care if we wear empire after all. lol
Hey I know of a few “women friendly tools” that don’t talk back and… You don’t have to stroke their egos after…
BTW I should’ve known you go there, Dang you! D a n g y o u . . .
Admiral i said because it was a joke. “Lighten up it’s just fashion, Lighten Up it’s just faaaaashion!” - Santino Rice, Project Runway II
But to quote an old reggae song “you nah worry bout man cause dem ya feed ya mout” meaning who cares because if you base your self esteem on what other people think about you’ll end up cutting a wrist, or God forbid trying to please everyone (a common illness amoung women), or more appropriately in this case hacking your meals into the tiolet, because men thinkyou look fat in an empire waist. Please who cares.
Hell yeah, there is a lot of misogyny going on here.
That said, all matching must go away.
Uggs are horrible, period. Stop tucking your boots into your jeans, it looks dumb.
Skinny jeans - the operative word being skinny - don’t look good on anyone but really skinny women.
The much debated empire waist shirts/blouses look ok on some but honestly I hated those in the eighties and the leggings must die die die.
Wear high heels when you want, screw these fools, if they’re lusting they don’t give a good goddamn about your footwear, yeah right dudes are like “yeah she was kinda fine but i was turned off by her tunic and flats”
Imma wear what I want - except of course for the aforementioned items.
DAMN RIGHT that’s what i’m talking about!
P.S. Ladies f what ya heard men are gonna be warm and comfortable. But I’m always shocked by how comfortable they are coming up into the lounge/club with big ass fuffly fur coats. I’m going dancing now but i’m hiding some red paint in my clutch purse in case I see any fur coat flossing dudes.
Oh that would be my addition to the list fur coats on the dance floor, especially on dudes. geese
How about we all settle on this…
a) burn your Empire-waisted atrocities
b) wear pumps
c) wear a blouse with a low top button, v-neck, or otherwise cleavage accentuating feature
The world will be a better place…and we won’t have to wonder if you really are hiding a keg fit for a St. Patty’s Day frat party under that fatshirt.
And to caveat - you don’t even have to wear pumps…wedges or something else that is not the “ballet slipper” shoe will suffice. I happen to believe that a woman in a pair of Pumas or other sneaker that says “I’m athletic, yet sexy” is quite a looker.
AND to comment on the excessive bling, the next guy that I find out hits on my woman in the mall while working at one of those “Buy These Bullshit-ass Cell Phone Accessories” stands while making $5.25/hr is getting his testes removed by Middle Ages rack torture.
The real reason for the empire waist cut? It’s so white parent mothers who are obsessed with their weight can survive yet another fashion cycle without having to feel guilty about not losing those extra pounds of baby fat. It’s the closest they can get to wearing a muu-muu, which of course a stylish white parent mother would NEVER do. Unless it was called a fashionable empire waist top.
http://stuffwhiteparentslike.wordpress.com/
This is the best discussion ever.
Anmarie: “Hey I know of a few “women friendly tools” that don’t talk back and… You don’t have to stroke their egos after…”
I predict that in 10 years, men and women with stop fucking each other out of spite. I will start a corporate empire based solely vibrator/fleshlight products. I will become a mega-billionaire, only to be disappointed by the fact that no one will have sex with me.
VoodooBooty: “Hell yeah, there is a lot of misogyny going on here.”
Voodoo, I love you girl, but I’m gonna need both you and Machete to send me your home addresses so I can send you Office Space “Jump to Conclusions” mats.
With the exception of Shabooty’s, none of our comments have directed hostility towards women (unless you count the bone cancer/Stalin thing, which was [I hope] obviously a joke). The hostility is toward the clothing and the way it makes you look.
Women never have qualms about pointing out when men look stupid. Yall will tell a dude in a HEARTBEAT that he’s too short or too skinny, or that his shapeup is effedup, or that his cologne makes him smell like New Jersey. When this happens, we don’t declare the male equivalent of misogyny (misterogyny?). Instead, we eat and workout more (thank God I’m 6′ 3″), change barbers, and throw away the Sex Panther (http://www.sex-panther.com/).
But when a man is honest with a woman and tells her that some of her fashion statements are…unflattering…suddenly the same woman that told the 5′ 7″ dude at the club “buh-bye, little man” and stuck her hand in his face is crying foul because another guy just said her empire waist is making her waist look like…an empire.
I’m sorry ladies, but unless you’re already a full-figured woman who naturally fills out an empire top, the thing makes you look 20 lbs heavier. It’s a genuine optical illusion, but unlike the Wonderbra, this one works against you. It doesn’t mean you’re unattractive, it just means that it’s a bad choice of clothing - just like those extra-huge tshirts and grills make men look fucking retarded. Like women with the empire waists, the grills are popular among men, the men who wear them think they look good, and their friends usually encourage them to wear them.
We all know they are wrong.
The following statements apply only to women in situations where they’re trying to attract men. If you’re just chillin with your girlfriends on the patio, wear a burlap sack for all I care:
As Anmarie implied, most women think their trump card for being able to get away with anything (fashion or otherwise) is the fact that they have ‘the vagina’, which is a valid argument - but only if you’re interested in attracting men that are, for lack of a better term, bottom feeders. High quality men, however, will expect women to have their shit together just as much as you expect us to have our shit together. You will need to come at them with more than just the vagina, just like they’ll have to come at you with more than just the penis.
Fashion sense is one of these domains in which both high quality women and high quality men expect each other to be on point. Be honest with yourself, ladies - you expect men to know how YOU want us to look. I’m not pulling this out of my ass; I’ve had multiple women tell me this. You want this because a.) it turns you on, and b.) you know that being with a man who looks good to other women makes YOU look good, too. There’s nothing wrong with this. It’s completely natural.
But it goes both ways. Grimey dudes won’t care what you look like, because they’re only after one thing: the vagina. Quality men, however, have the same expectation that women have of men: they want to be personally turned on by a woman’s threads, and they want the woman to turn the heads of other men because it makes them look good.
The empire waist fails to serve this need, just like fake platinum grills fail to serve the same need in women.
So g’head. Wear the empire waist. Just don’t be so surprised next time when the dude in the fur coat is the one pursuing you the most aggressively.
I hate uggs - particularly when women wear them in 70 degree weather with shorts! Also crocs, (those ugly plastic sandals you’ll find running rampant on people’s feet in the south - particularly Florida). I wish I could melt them all. http://www.crocs.com/
stuffblackpeoplehate,
Sir, this was well-stated…and thusly one of the main reasons I retired from “tail-chasing” at clubs.
Bravo. Keep up the fire.
Uggs must go. THANK YOU! If you’re in Alaska during the winter time, I understand the logic and reasoning for wearing them… but 85 degrees in Los Angeles does not make a damn bit of sense.
I’d like to also point out that I do not mind women that wear ballet flats… but I’d rather see some pumps on a woman any day.
Ballet flats > Uggs
Some trends I hate:
Females that wear rainboots when its not raining. (I believe that trend started down in PG County.)
People that choose not to wear matching clothes…on purpose.
Females that leave their weave in so long to the point where they look like a giant frizzball.
People that go anywhere looking any kinda way (ex: chillin at home in a beater & hoopin shorts is cool. Maybe even running to the supermarket is cool too. But coming to a concert with a beater & hoopin shorts on is a definite NO GO)
Females that rock the ever so popular pair of “leaning stilletos”
I could go on for days with all the crap I see while walking around at Morgan State…
Anmarie this goes out to you and all the ladies! :
My Pussy is magic
http://youtube.com/watch?v=sFKd54Ijg7I
This discussion is too hilarious, i had to chime in! I suggest all men go the Prince route and wear high heels everyday and see if you don’t want to retire them suckers by day 3! Oh and short/low hair on females is awesome! If a man can’t get past that you have the same haircut as them or don’t have that much hair on your head they aren’t as “high quality” as they would like to think. Boo bitch boo!!
Good Afternoon! I had a great night and a lovely brunch.
Misterogyny - Speaking of last night (Chris this all to Chris) I danced almost the whole time with a dude that was 5’7”/ 8”. I’m only 5’4” with the right pair of heels I have the rare opportunity to feel statuesque next to a short dude. And for that matter I have never ever complained to a man about how wrinklely his balls are, so why should he be telling me what to wear?
Quality, quality! - Dude come on you’re a smart man, I know you look for more than constant high heels and an empire-less closet, that’s hardly an indication of character. (Fellas you might stop getting jacked for your cash or running into women that hate themselves so much they drive YOU crazy if you learned to look for more.) And you know what, fine I’ll be honest here I hate shirts that cut off under my breast they look bad on me, but I’ve seen women look good in them. And being broke and filling your mouth with gold and diamonds (being a fucktard who needs post traumatic slave syndrome therapy) is hardly the same thing as wearing an unflattering top (needing to have taken a second glance in mirror). In any case, ultimately I have the Vagina, so don’t tell me what to do. You know I first started the Vagina Monologue as a joke (although most jokes are peppered with a bit of truth, well not Chris’s jokes “Stalin’s my freakin homey” goodness lol) but judging by the fellas reaction of angst and severity I think indeed all things sexist and discriminatory and misogynistic come from an age old anger and bitterness deeply imbedded in the male psyche. You’re all frustrated because we have the vagina in our possession and you want it. :-O …epiphany!!! Epiphany!
(btw lol that prediction is a hell no, take me up on that Tiny Food Blog offer I made if that foolishness ever goes down)
High Heels - Very Sexy but everyday of my life, fuck you. Any woman that does this to herself is committing a vile act of self hatred. Have you ever read “How to Lie with Statistics”? Yeah, well you picked the ugliest freaking pair of flat shoes on this planet to illustrate your point. People just saw those flats and jumped on the we hate flats band wagon, yeah well every one hates THOSE flats, the guy who made them threw up in the prototype I’m sure. But I’m supposed to walk to the grocery and the post office in pumps. The only reason to do that would be if were expecting to run into you, Shabooty and Angry ver. 3.2 and kick you in the knee caps for talking all that shit last night. Especially Mr. booty. I didn’t see any fur coats good hard working people last night.
Kim Kam: word up girl! I’m gonna put that on a t-shirt. Do you live in NYC we should be friends we can go shoe shopping.
Anmarie has the same about of sarcasm and cynicism as we do. I love it.
Anmarie is now one of my favorite people.
“Speaking of last night (Chris this all to Chris) I danced almost the whole time with a dude that was 5’7”/ 8”. I’m only 5’4” with the right pair of heels I have the rare opportunity to feel statuesque next to a short dude.”
I love tiny women.
“And for that matter I have never ever complained to a man about how wrinklely his balls are, so why should he be telling me what to wear?”
If dudes could iron their balls, and women asked us to, we would.
“Quality, quality! - Dude come on you’re a smart man, I know you look for more than constant high heels and an empire-less closet, that’s hardly an indication of character.”
I never said high heel shoooezes and and empire-free closets were an indication of character. I said they were an indication of fashion sense.
“And you know what, fine I’ll be honest here I hate shirts that cut off under my breast they look bad on me, but I’ve seen women look good in them.”
No you haven’t. You’ve been lied to. Probably by Viacom.
“You know I first started the Vagina Monologue as a joke (although most jokes are peppered with a bit of truth, well not Chris’s jokes “Stalin’s my freakin homey” goodness lol) but judging by the fellas reaction of angst and severity I think indeed all things sexist and discriminatory and misogynistic come from an age old anger and bitterness deeply imbedded in the male psyche.”
…what?
“High Heels - Very Sexy but everyday of my life, fuck you.”
I never said women should wear high heels everyday. I said flats are evil, and that I’m disappointed that heels are being worn less - especially at mixed-gender social events where the sexiness (for both men and women) should be on point. In all honesty, black women usually aren’t guilty of this (I rarely see black girls in the clubs wearing flats…this is more of a white/asian girl thing), and this comment was really directed at them. But hey…the thing I love about this blog the most is the wildly unexpected comments I get from people.
“Any woman that does this to herself is committing a vile act of self hatred.”
I’m probably not the best person for a woman to complain to about the pain involved in wearing heels, or any other clothing, and here’s why: if you go over to the “Author” page (http://stuffblackpeoplehate.com/about/) and scroll to the bottom, you’ll see a picture of me in full native dance regalia. This outfit weighs 39 lbs, which includes a 12lb feather bustle whose entire weight is supported by my throat. I wear this outfit while dancing (this style of dance requires about the same physical effort as a 400m sprint) in up to 100 degree heat for 8 - 10 hours a day for as many as four days straight. I do this about every other weekend from the beginning of spring to the end of fall. So the pain of heels? Yawn.
“Yeah, well you picked the ugliest freaking pair of flat shoes on this planet to illustrate your point.”
Since you made mention of the male psyche earlier, lemme clue you in on exactly how it works: all flats look the same to heterosexual men. Unlike women, men don’t (and physically can’t) make the distinction between an ugly shoe, and an uglier shoe. All flats are just ugly, and there are no varying degrees thereof. You might as well hollow out two giant potatoes and wear them on your feet. Men would find this attractive because, if you withhold the vagina, there’s always the possibility of stealing, frying, and eating your shoes.
“The only reason to do that would be if were expecting to run into you, Shabooty and Angry ver. 3.2 and kick you in the knee caps for talking all that shit last night.”
I love spicy women, too.
stuffblackpeoplehate thank you SO much for bringing up the dance regalia!!!
The possiblity of eating my p o t a t o shoes is attractive,… unbelievable, who thinks of that? Impressive LMAO
Let me take this opportunity to illustrate the difference between typical men and women. We wouldn’t ask you to iron your genitals we want you to wash the dishes without the head ache when we ask.
So thank you Admiral, I enjoy your input as well, well not on this topic all you men were getting on my nerves on this one . But you know how it is with fam we fight we move on.
OH MY GOSH THIS IS SO SEXY
“…me in full native dance regalia. This outfit weighs 39 lbs, which includes a 12lb feather bustle whose entire weight is supported by my throat. I wear this outfit while dancing (this style of dance requires about the same physical effort as a 400m sprint) in up to 100 degree heat for 8 - 10 hours a day for as many as four days straight.”
Don’t worry about ironing your balls homey, I’m gonna make you marry me and dance in my knee high, high heel boots for my own personal enjoyment.
Yea this was fun!
The thought of a woman coming to “kick me in my kneecaps” gives me a stiffy. Unfortunately for you, I happen to like it rough.
That’s because you’re guilty:
… all things sexist and discriminatory and misogynistic come from an age old anger and bitterness deeply imbedded in the male psyche. You’re all frustrated because we have the vagina in our possession and you want it…
So, the thought of punishment turns you on, like a long sought release.
Whatev — My empire waist shirts get me mad seats on the Metro! Boo-Yaaa!
@Anmarie: “Don’t worry about ironing your balls homey, I’m gonna make you marry me and dance in my knee high, high heel boots for my own personal enjoyment.”
Fair enough.
@Whatev
I had such a delightfully smartassed response all ready for you…but now it’s late, I’m tired, and I am very very drunk. Maybe I’ll remember it tomorrow
For Anmarie: … all things sexist and discriminatory and misogynistic come from an age old anger and bitterness deeply imbedded in the male psyche. You’re all frustrated because we have the vagina in our possession and you want it…
- Fortunately for me, I already have a lady of my own. Therefore you are incorrect madame, I DO NOT want your vagina…if, of course, you actually have one.
For Whatev: My empire waist shirts get me mad seats on the Metro! Boo-Yaaa!
- Ah, good. I’m glad you measure your street value by whether or not you get a seat on the Metro. Did you realize that disabled persons as well as the elderly or people with children also are offered seats on the Metro on a regular basis? I think you juuust might be missing something…
What do you have when you have 2 little green balls in your hand?????
…..KEMIT’S UNDIVIDED ATTENTION!!! ba dum dum ching!
*pssst= yes you do
Those are some of the best horrible fashions trends.
However ,I wear Empire waist tops cause I am pregnant.
The regular maternity tops make me look like a huge tent.
And I still get whistled at and hit on.
So either men have become extremely perverted or I am seen as being a hot fat chick.
happy easter from anythingblack man
i hate those little ballet slipper looking shoes!
and ugg boots!
and i know this topic has been overblogged to death, but those fools wearing a bluetooth earpiece as a fashion accessory…that shit has got to go! i just wanna punch those idiots in the throat.
What the hell?
We’re supposed to be the people that like our women big, thick and juicy! Boy, I tell you what I’ve noticed: the higher the class of black man, the thinner he likes his women.
Proof that empire waistbands are da bomb:
http://images.honewatson.com/baby-phat-fashions/wp-content/uploads/2006/03/Empire-Batwing-Sweater.jpg
http://images2.nordstrom.com/ImageGallery/store/Product/MediumLarge/5/_5418205.jpg
http://www.newplussizeeveningdresses.com/Sexy-Plus-Dresses/Sexy-Plus-Size-Siren-Dress-Red.jpg
http://images2.nordstrom.com/ImageGallery/store/Product/MediumLarge/3/_5370523.jpg
Oh god DAMN:
http://www.plussizeplum.com/babydolls.html
NSFW, SON!
Any man that hates women’s natural thickness is a misogynist, for he hates that which is most feminine.
How about dark sunglasses Jeezy style in the club at night in the winter. Makes me wanna slap those glasses off.
the prob with droopy drawers legislation is that there’s not a single old white male legislator who’s doing anything about young women showing off their shit.
“How about dark sunglasses Jeezy style in the club at night in the winter. Makes me wanna slap those glasses off.”
Accompanied with the fur coat, do rag and the hottest pic up line “I’m a producer, you could be in my video” makes me laugh so hard I vomit.
Just give me a pair of clean jeans, a nice button up shirt with a causal jacket and shoes thanks. No fake $4.89 ice, grillz, or really anything from stores that sound like you’re about to face the greatest ass whoopin ever seen (Up against the wall, against all odds, etc)
trends i hate:
extra smedium tshirts on men
(for some reason this is THE trend for young men in philly. there is no reason for me being able to see your heart beating. go up a size)
someone already said uggs. and i have to co-sign. girls…you know your feet are sweating enough to hydrate the sahara. stank feet aren’t cute.
bedazzling: this applies to both men and women. but seriously dude, if i can see your hoodie from across the room, and the design is shinier than everything i have on… yeah, you’re def not getting my number
@ Har-D-Har:
1. Bless you, sir.
2. What is it about “NSFW” that makes me click a link everytime, knowing I will then be like “oh, sh!t, it’s really NSFW” and be panicking trying to close it?
3. As a large chested woman who used to be built like the women in the first few pics, and is now closer to the size of the NSFW ladies….I kinda have to disagree about the empire waist thing. When your bosom is significantly bigger than your waist, the empire shirt can create a deceptive bubble that looks like a baby bump. I have a few empire waisted items and some of which make kick myself each time I wear them. It’s not an impossible look to pull off, just a challenfing one. Actually, even non empire-waisted clothes do this for busty chicks. Tis the gift and the curse…..
I went to Abercrombie on Staurday and almost bought the cute pink top you piture above. For small-framed women like myself, empire waist tops accentuate the bustline, making the girls look bigger.