At a Kenneth Cole in Bethesda a few months back, I had the pleasure of meeting a very attractive young black woman working the sales floor. Very tall, very well-built, assertive yet soft-spoken, and ambitious enough to be pursuing an advanced degree without being a dick about it. I was damn near ready to marry this girl on the spot.
Then she told me her name. “La La.”
This was her actual fucking name. It wasn’t a nickname. It wasn’t her middle name. It wasn’t her name in Sanskrit. I’m sorry to say it, but the conversation pretty much ended there. Assuming things got serious, there’s no way I’m introducing to my mother a chick whose name doubles as a drug-induced slur. I’d rather be keelhauled.
Figure 1: Lala is a clam, not a name.
The incident got me thinking about all the ridiculous names of black people I’ve come across in my lifetime, and exactly why the fuck these childrens’ parents would do something so socially damning as to name their child something like ‘Sugar’ or ‘Heaven’ or ‘Knoshawn’.
Any parent who gives their child a ridiculous name is dooming that child to failure in more ways than they could possibly fathom. It will inhibit your life professionally, socially, romantically, and even physically*
* I have a cousin who, upon meeting people named after luxury cars (e.g. Mercedes, Lexus, etc.), takes a blood oath to ram them whilst driving their namesake automobile. He sincerely believes this will restore balance to the universe, and so do I.
In analyzing this cultural disease, it became apparent that stupid black names fall under four major categories (listed in decreasing order of popularity):
- Swahili Bastardizations
- Megalomaniacal Descriptors
- Luxury Latch-Ons
- The Unfathomably Ridiculous
I will address these in turn.
Swahili Bastardizations
During the waning years of the Civil Rights Movement, black people all over the country decided to rebel against the dominant society by rejecting typical white (slave) names and adopting names closer to our own roots. The natural choice was, then, to adopt African names – but it wasn’t quite that simple. African Americans have a natural distrust of actual Africans…so we wanted to give our children names that sounded like they were from the mother continent, but wouldn’t make people think our children were actually African. It all went downhill from here.
Swahili names (taken from eastern and central Africa and typically applied to girls) and Arabic names (taken from north Africa and typically applied to boys) became ferociously popular – but for some reason many parents felt the need to mutate the Swahili names. So while boys received unaltered Arabic names like Ahmad and Kareem, girls were nominally punched in the uterus with senseless names like Shanequa and Shaquan. Parents to this day insist on naming their girls this way, despite the knowledge that doing so dooms their child to being perceived thusly by the population at large.
Figure 2: Not one of them is named ‘Laquesha’
Megalomanical Descriptors
Again, girls were the ones who really took it up the ass when it suddenly became popular to name children shit like ‘Pleasure’, ‘Heaven’, and ‘Serenity’. I can only assume that the parents think they’ll be the only people who ever call the child by her first name – daddies all over the world call their little girls ‘Precious’ without a second thought. But this logic is horrendously flawed, and akin to a girl legally changing her name to ‘Baby’, ‘Sweetheart’, or ‘Boo’ because that’s how her boyfriend addresses her.
Note to all prospective parents: nothing makes people more uncomfortable than having to address a complete fucking stranger as ‘Precious’ – and yes, to 99.99999999999999% of the world, your kid will be a stranger with an insufferable fucking name. Call your child all the pet names you want, but please leave it off the goddamn birth certificate.
Figure 3: Less awkward than a kid named ‘Treasure’
Luxury Latch-Ons
For whatever reason, black parents all over the country decided that naming their children after expensive things would bode good fortune for them throughout their lives. Consequently, there are legions of unfortunate people (mostly girls, again) with names like Chanel, Mercedes, Chandelier, and even Prada (yes, I did meet a girl named Prada, and it was the worst day of my life.)
I have personally never met someone with an LL-O name that made more than $10 an hour – so all these parents are really doing is pigeon-holing their kids into careers that will always involve a name tag and the omnipresent threat of a grease fire. Take a look at the names of the richest people in North America, and you’ll quickly realize that simplicity is the key.
Kid Named ‘Lexus’ ∩ Success = ø
The Unfathomably Ridiculous
This is where the men finally get it…and as far as I’m concerned it makes up for the fact that girls bear the brunt of the first three categories. UR names span the gamut from gross misspellings of common names (e.g. Anfernee) to those that could only be the result of massive head trauma (e.g. Oranjello)
Interestingly, though, UR names seem to be the only ones that actually correlate with financial success in life. If you need proof, take a look at the roster for any team in the NBA and you’ll find at least half a dozen dudes with a UR name. So the names are stupid, but if it works….then hey….
Figure 4: Stupid name? Fuck it.
Aside: Asian People
Being friends with a lot of Asian people has taught me that Asians just LOVE to make fun of the names black people give to their children – which is about the worst case of the pot calling the kettle black that I could possibly imagine. Our names may be ridiculous, but your entire languages are fucked up. Give me enough milk and beans, and I can say any word in Vietnamese with my butt.
Figure 5: At least one of these people is named Long Truc Phuc
I will only add that I in fact do know a (first name):
“Nanyamka”,
and that she compliments me on my “Nantucket” shirt.
$
And THIS is why I named my daughters:
Morgan Elizabeth
Dorian
Khouri
Was LaLa really that fine? I work in Bethesda and might have to scoop her up for lunch. I think Lala is atleast a bit more tolerable than anything that ends in a “qua” OR “quisha”.
Looking at comment #3 makes me wonder where do the names that are basically regular names with a Ja, La, or De (like JaMarcus) fit in on this list?
Gots to weigh in real quick:
Don’t forget when:
-brothers have bastardized Greek names (Word? Darquavius?)
-Belizean girls having these weirdly fabulous and stuffy names (I knew a Shermandine once)
-naming your kids after the latest singer’s stage name (my ex named her son Omerion….yes)
My main thing, though, is this: if we’re gonna name our children and our world, let’s do so because of meaning, not because we think it’s pretty at the time. Basically the same type of thinking we should use when getting tattoos.
And we shouldn’t be short-sighted about the meaning either. Heaven is cool and respectable, but there was a porno star named Pleasure…don’t even have me go in on Peaches.
BTW, I’m loving the algebra references.
Don’t forget about the girls that are named ridiculous feminine versions of their dad’s names. I work with teens girls and I have met girls with names like (and this is no joke) Brieyoungna—->pronounced Brianna(dad’s name is Young) and Samunique(dad’s name is Sam).
My personal pet peeve is when people come up with bullshit and claim it’s a Swahili word that means “Peace” or some other bs. I speak Swahili..and please Me’Shell Ndegeochello ain’t a swahili word (and I don’t mean any disrespect, she’s a fine musician, just saddled with an unfortunate moniker, but she’s a great example of this phenomenon). East Africans everywhere encounter this and are too polite, but are inwardly rolling their eyes and saying mmm hmmm. My fav was a girl called “Farasi” which means Horse – but she was going around telling everyone it meant Blessing. Eish!
I grew up on the west side of Baltimore City, more specifically the Forest Park area, and I must admit that I’ve experienced my fair share of most ridiculous naming schemes in my lifetime. In fact, I must give thanks and praise to my parents for naming me something fairly common and utilizing the Bible to gain their inspiration. I do feel for those who were damned at birth when their parents named them Bonsheequa or Wednesday… yes I’ve known people named after both. I will also admit, I’ve met several white people by the name of Sunday… however never in my life have I ever met a girl named Wednesday other than the one that lived near Walbrook Junction. Bonsheequa… that name is shit plain terrible. I suppose her parents thought they knew French? Maybe they thought it was nice to make a French-Neo-Ghetto-Soul name? Not in my book… and considering that girl was a bitch on top of it, I’m almost certain she hated her life just because of her name.
Name Bastardization = Epic Fail.
Mercedes was a girls’ name before it was a luxury car (the car was named for one of the owner’s daughters) so I don’t think that name fits in the same category as Prada or Chanel.
Ok, this is the sixth goddamn comment/email I’ve gotten about this topic…
I was well aware before I wrote this post that Mercedes, Chanel, and Prada were actual names before they became attached to luxury goods. My beef with Luxury Latch On names lies in the motivation behind naming children with these names, not the names themselves.
The motivation for most idiots who name their daughters ‘Chanel’, ‘Prada’, and ‘Mercedes’ isn’t to honor the personality traits of Coco Chanel, Mario Prada, or Emil Jellinek’s 9 year old daughter. They give them these names because of the consumer brands they represent, which is fucking stupid.
Good God let this be the last I hear about it…
KJ~ I describe those names as having an “unnecessary prefix”.
My name is very old Anglo Saxon (white). If you can read English, you can pronounce it. However, as a black American female, I must say that other black Americans have the greatest struggle with my name. Ironically, it’s always Marveeta or Da’quairius that can’t say my name.
FTR: Keyshia is pronounced “kee-shee-ah” in English.
Worst.Names.Ever…
Utrinkle; Dijonnaise (girls). I’m not kidding.
I went to school with mostly noveau riche white kids, and I can assure you that the names I encountered were not any less ridiculous than LaLa or Shaquan. Some examples of names of white girls I went to school with:
Lakey
Petey
Buffy
Jennifa
Micole
Michelin
I think their parents were hoping for strippers.
Since the comments on this post seem to have degraded to making this running fucking joke (instead of a pontification on ridiculousness) I’d like to reiterate that other names deemed by other races are equal monstrosities as the topic at hand. To pull from the eloquent description that the original author here has stated, Asians and Indians name their children seemingly in reference to various bodily function noises during conception and birth. I find the irony of such belligerent individuals named Runjit or Bik joking and degrading Knoshawn for his name both hilarious and plain stupid. What the fuck is a Chi? How about we take this Indian name on for size (literally) RAMESH VENKATASUBRUMANIAN
My point is… yes we as black people have done some really stupid things when naming our children… but maybe its a sub culture? Maybe its not. But anyone who isn’t black poking fun at a black name, while their own is Felmaiboh Mohammed needs to simply shut the fuck up.
Oh and speaking of Mohammad (Mohamed or however you spell the shit)… considering the state of affairs in this country, I wouldn’t be surprised if Daekwon would get hired first.
We all know that asians get their name from throwing a pan down the stairs and listening to the sounds
ping pong pang motherfucka
naw j/p but niggas be trippen tho
I worked in child support enforcement and the names I encountered were ridiculous and Exhibit 1 in legislation to not allow crackheads to name their children without help. We had Beautifull (yes 2 lls) with a half sister SoFine. There was Dwaynesha; Na’ausha (father Nathaniel); interestingly Na’ausha was a twin with a brother Nathaniel, Jr, which blood tests revealed to not be in fact Nathaniel Jr, so the twins had different fathers — CLASSY.
My mother also works with ‘us’, specifically Katrina folks displaced to Houston. She came across a child named Blue Chip.
We.Need.Help.
No joke, I was just talking about someone who named their child Killer! WTH?
So my ex-step-cousin named his most recent child [with his most recent baby-mama] Dasani. Yes. Like the water.
My dad, having worked in community health, got to make a home visit one time, to a mother whose daughter’s name was Gonorrhea [pronounced Guh-NOR-ria]. So, really, I don’t think La La is that bad.
molecularshyness, are you from florida? my friend’s mother worked as a nurse in a public health clinic years back and helped deliver a baby girl who the mother named “gonorrhea” (coincidentally another woman tried to name her new baby “chlamydia”; the obstetrician on-call was able to dissuade her). same girl??
anywho, sometimes names that i thought may had been made up were not, particularly more obscure arabic names. but it doesn’t really matter whether they are legit or not, right? b/c to some random white dude reviewing job apps, there’s no distinction between a “kadeem” or a “ladamian”, or a “rashida” or a “shenaynay” –>he just reads “black”…next. that attitude MUST change. and to the author of this blog: you passed up an intelligent, beautiful, young black woman just b/c her name was “lala”? give me a damn break.
**and no, “timarasa” is just a handle (which does mean something) and not my actual name (which also means something)
There was someone in Baltimore who attempted to name their child Chlamydia and that mess made it on the radio… so a similar case in Florida comes as no surprise to me.
As a retort in reference to passing up on the girl named La La or Lala or whatever… I truly wonder if that was her real name in the first place. I’ve experienced plenty of women who lie about their name to me when I’ve tried to talk to them… and simply dismiss them once the smell of bullshit becomes overwhelming. On a second note… considering the girl was working at Kenneth Cole, yet was probably over the age of 25 or so… what would she truly have to offer an entrepreneur? Yes, it sounds wrong to say… but realistically, lets face the facts: if she took an interest in the author and attempted to build a relationship it might be fused by money (that is assuming the author has any… but he shops at Kenneth Cole so why not?) and second… if her full time job is working at Kenneth Cole while the author does whatever he does… what kind of relationship would that turn out to be?
I’m black, and have a very “regular” name. Some names of kids at the school that I teach: Kaswanna, Rommorzehia, Dantario, Myquan, Kiquan (pronounced Kee-won the qu is silent), Jacquis, Orlando, Miyoshi.
Black people have taken Miyoshi and they pronounce it Mee-yosh-a. I don’t know one Asian person named Miyoshi.
We also like to take traditional names and give them F’ed up spellings. For example, Tiffany becomes Tiphanie.
Jessica becomes Jesyka.
Jalen can be spelled Jaylen, Jalin, Jaelin, Jaylin, and Jaylinne.
Naming a person all comes down to the language. (This is just a ridiculous example of a “Chinese Name” that most Americnas will tell you exists) Ching Chong may sound funny to you in America, but atleast in Chinese it has a meaning that isn’t something stupid. Laquesha has no meaning in the english language and just doesn’t belong at all. I have a friend who has an arabic name but her last name is arabic as well so it does make a difference rather than someone with an arabic first names and an english last name, who will be pointed out immediately as black.
Kenneth should have not been so narrow and snotty,LaLa did not nameherself and to hate on her because of her name is not cool. He may have missed out on a lovely, intelligent, caring, kind sexy, loving person because his dumbass, can’t get past her name. I hope she turns out to be the most fabulous person ever and then he can slap himself for being narrow minded, and judgemental.
Now
got a girlfriend name Cindy (father is Sidney-they thought she would be a boy)
ex-husband, Anthony, twin brother Antonio (scrambled for a name, thought brother would be a girl)
the worst I heard was a girl in Atlanta who was watching the news during labor and delivery and named her girl “Ayatollah” because there was a news story on the Ayatollah Khomeni and she thought that name was pretty.
School child in Atlanta whose name is pronounced Shi-teed, spelled “shithead”
I have met a Deontrinese. FYI, as an attorney, I can tell you that legalname changes are pretty easy to do and inexpensive. In MD they run from $80-100.
bdsista, I have a regular ass name and when I would go to my granny’s house in the South as a kid (Montgomery, Alabama) during the summer, I would be surrounded with cousins, neighborhood kids, and their cousins with these questionable ass names. I was always made fun of because I didn’t have a fucked up name, they felt that my name was too white. So what’s the difference.
My pet peeve though is people who have a regular name and they try to make it fucked up. Example, I met a girl who pronounced her name “DE-BOAR-A”. But, what is her name, uh…Deborah. I was like yeah, Debbie, whatever…
It’s just going to get worse, I wonderhow many little girls are being names Beyonce right now…
My parents are Chinese and they named me after the jewelry store so that I’d get a husband “who can afford me”. Huge WTF there, but at least it’s relatively common and normal and racially ambiguous.
You forgot another category: Liquor. I know of people who named their child Courvosier (sp). *shaking my head*
Others include: Alize and Remy
the ones that really get me are the theme names…my father was an elementary school principal in Baltimore City and he encountered:
triplets: yesterday, today, and tomorrow
twins: audacious and bodacious (unfortunately, bodacious was the boy)
*smh*
Swahili Bastardizations
Megalomaniacal Descriptors
Luxury Latch-Ons
The Unfathomably Ridiculous
Brilliant! I love this post. Just watch Maury Povitch for a week and see the names fall into place.
MY number one favorite…
Abcde (pronounced Ab-seh-dee)
I’m so glad to read that I am not the only one who has concerns about what names are given to children. I still can’t believe what Chelle wrote, but hey why would she lie? When I was in undergrad, I attended a conference in Virginia and befriended a very nice young lady. She was smart and funny, but there was one thing that she felt held her back…her name. Reluctantly, she told me her real name after an hour of conversation: Shardonnay.
Someone pronounce these names for me:
Xyquavious and Xyshanae.
Save the creativeness for the middle name and go with a regular name for the first name. I CRINGE when I see some of these names my clients give their kids. NO long term thought goes into them at all. I thought about my daughter’s name for 6 months before I settled on one.
My first name is unusual, but not uncommon, if that makes sense. My middle name is common. My nickname, which is what I prefer to be called, is very common. Mommy.
I literally laughed out loud. I know people right lol all the time – myself included – but I actually laughed out loud. This is hilarious.
You’ve got a new reader!
..i meant ‘write’ not right. whoops
laughing too hard.
So far this is the most interesting post I’ve read this week.
Swahili Bastardizations
Megalomaniacal Descriptors
Luxury Latch-Ons
The Unfathomably Ridiculous…….If you live or lived in the Tri-State area you truely understand this post!
Actually, “Rashida” or “Rashidah” is not an obscure Arabic name by any stretch of the imagination. Its more ghettoized versions may be. I attended Spelman and graduated with no less than 5 ladies with this name. There were many more who graduated before us. My last name is an English name, but most believe that I am from the Middle East, or at minimum a practicing Muslim more than African American… and they are quite surprised when I show up.
Mercedes was a name before it became a car, I think it was named for the owner of the companies daughter or something like that.
Sorry I had to be an ass.
When I went to name my daughter, someone suggested I name her Levitra. I was like “yeah, after the ED medication? I think not.”
So glad I gave her a resume name…
I have a name that is considered “white,” but I would rather be called Alison then Ar’janee any day!
I love this one. I’m black and have a virtue name (see http://www.namenerds.com/uucn/virtue.html for a list) and people act like they can’t pronounce or spell my name, though it’s a regular English word. People assume I/my family must be European, African, or Caribbean since Black Americans couldn’t possibly give their children normal or ‘white’ names. Out of the categories you mentioned, the Swahili Bastardizations and URs are THE WORST. I hate the thought that when I’m 80 years old, they’ll be a bunch of Zeshauns and Quaneshas complaining about teenagers and pushing walkers.
The thing that bothers me the most would be naming your child (girls), after there fathers in rediculous fashion. I have read other responding about this subject in the sma regard, but fuck it i’m putting my two cents in. for example:
Johnny= johnay
Robert= Roberta
Freddrick= Fredderik’
worst of all has to be… George= Georgetta!
Common now, lets find a better way to honor the father of a child… possibly by becoming successful and making Roland proud (that he didn’t name you Rolanda)
i’m just sayin’…
knatural~ I took a second look…. MY NAME IS ON THE LIST!!!! LMBAO.
No, I’m not Quintesessence.
I can say now, “I have a virtue name”.
I’m so glad it’s not Quintessence! That’s automatically Black.
You probably still get the bewildered looks and questions – “why they name you that?”
I just noticed that Serenity is on the virtue names list and under Megalomaniacal Descriptors, so what does that mean?
wow…what a post!
My name is definately deemed “white” and ppl claim they’re never met a Black girl with my name, even though I happen to know several girls with my name as well…and when I tell people what my name is, I get an incredulous look of non-belief every.single.time or a “your name is what?!“. My name is Chelsea…its actually pronounced (according to my mom) as Chel-see-uh, but when the average person reads it on paper, they just say “Chel-see” and usually i don’t correct them. Very few ppl actually come up with “Chel-see-uh” on their own without any help from me, but when I introduce myself as “Chel-see-uh” I find that most ppl complain that it’s hard to pronounce (wtf?) or hard to remember (are u kidding me?)
I once had a teacher is high school…an elderly-almost white man from upstate New York who couldn’t remember my name for the first 3-4 months of school! I told him it was “Chel-see” from day 1 just to make his life easier. Do u know that this man told me he couldn’t remember my name becuz it didn’t “fit” me? He said I look like I should have a more “exotic” name…exotic meaning GHETTO! But my friend Kenyetta that sat behind me never got her name forgotten. The names of all the Black ppl in the class:
Chelsea
Kenyetta
Amanda
Christian
Charlotte
Brandon
And he couldn’t remember mine??
My first and last names read very “white” and it doesn’t help that I speak correct English and have a wide vocabulary either and sound “white” on the phone. Whenever sumone (ie jobs, doctors seting up appointments, interviews, etc) speaks to me over the phone and learns my name they expect a white chick. When I show up…dark-skinned Black chick, long colorful nails, very, very short styled hair and a Monroe piercing…they’re shocked every time! Lol…My future kids name? Bryant Kendall and Jayla Simone. Shoo-in for high-profile jobs right?
No one ever truly believes that my birth name is Chelsea! They say I look like I should have sum UR name probably…I don’t know. i love my name. I always get an interview! lol…my mom did well with us…Robert, Kenneth and Chelsea. Our middle names are pretty Black tho!
The etymology of Mercedes as a female name:
Mercedes is a character from Alexandre Dumas’ novel, The Count of Monte Cristo. As the betrothed of Edmond Dantes, she is the embodiment of pure love and pure womanhood, although when Dantes is imprisoned she quickly marries another.
Mercedes next appears in James Joyce’s novel, A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man as an imaginary charater in the mind of the main charater Stephen. Stephen imagines her as the ideal woman he longs to meet in reality.
That said, I KNOW at least 99.9% of the Mercedes running around didn’t get their names from either of these books!
I have a niece whose daughter named her son…get this
prince suleem aleem zupreem and get that last name…jones…
needless to say, most of the family wonders what drugs she was on
In the rush to get African-sounding names, we actually are throwing away names that are African. Effie and Essie are West African Names that we now consider old-timey. The irony is those names are directly from West Africa. I think the point is that we need to study and read more. Here’s another thing, plenty of Blacks elsewhere, specifically Africa and the Caribbean, have European names since they were colonized. How many us of know West Indians named Ethan and Nigel? Or how about Africans named Pierre, Dieudonne, Guy, and Francois? Ultimately, the more global we become the less the distinctions we cling to really remain relevant. I did teach a girl whose name was “Reminisce” and her sister who was a year or two ahead had the name “Perhaps.” So, I don’t know what in the hell their mother was thinking.
why is everyone hung up on the name mercedes…
same group as britney..
please read spbh comment about this at 03:19:41 before enlightening us again…
i know someone who named her son otis as she was in the lift/elevator when he started enter this world… luckily she was not on the bus or at the zoo or in the supermarket or something… heinz, lion, trafalgar, anybody?
the names ‘perhaps’ and reminisce’ kill me… the kids better be a good runners or good fighters.. kids are cruel…
ooh ooh, not like it matters, but in colloquial mandarin “lala” means lesbian or engaging in acts of lesbianism… (in reference to first segment)
And this is why people with legitimate African names catch it worst of all. WP look at you as just another “qwa” and BP think your mama made up your name and want to name their baby your last name!
My friend is an OB-GYN, he says one of his patients named her daughter Placenta.
Random Comments:
Mr. Smith – I’ve also met an Ab-seh-dee, but spelled Abcd instead of Abcde.
I was in middle school with a Brandy, who had a brother named KaVazee-A.
How many people know girls named Akwanett/Aquanetta? I went to college with at least six, all with different spellings.
I went to college in New Orleans, and when I did orientation for my volunteers for a youth outreach program, I always told them to make a conscious effort not to laugh when the kids introduced themselves.
Roll call: Ty-Qyeeshaa, LaDaisyyyah, JoTayja, Sulfuaytah (Yes, Sulfur-8. WTF???), Morkwosa, EtCetraa. I didn’t misspell et cetera, that was a name.
But seriously, white people- Whisper? MaidenDust? MoonStar? Daydream? May they’ll grow up to be psychics.
Now, with this i agree…. i hate pointless names, i really think everyone should.
My nieces and nephews has Hawaiian and “white” names and thank God they aren’t ghetto; except one of them has a country name (Lilyanna) which isn’t that bad — she can still get a job. But I know some people with some terrible and ghetto names that you can’t do anything but shake your head at.
Tajay
Pili (Swahili name but He can’t even speak Swahili)
Jowanna
Diamond
De’Arieus
Shikiriah
Shikimia
Ikimia
Precious
Nadiyah
Princess
Jelela
Nitajo (mixture of Anita & Joseph)
And those talking about the luxury names — these are usually last names and the not first names — Chanel is the last name and not a first name of the person who started the brand. It makes a different. I know a Chanel and I don’t think its that bad but still. Yeah, white people got some off the wall names too but they will still get by because they have privilege. We are not so fortunate as a group of people to have that; I have a regular name and ‘Pat’ ain’t it.
re “Black people have taken Miyoshi and they pronounce it Mee-yosh-a. I don’t know one Asian person named Miyoshi”
Miyoshi (mee-yoh-shee) is a surname in Japan
My parents named me Deva (pronounced like Diva). It’s a little ridiculous and I absolutely hate the questions (is that your REAL name? how do you spell it? is it short for something?…) but it’s totally not my fault I have this crazy uncommon name. I’m not sure if it qualifies as a stupid name or not, though.
don’t hate on LaLa for her parent’s doing. but i agree with most of the blog. i especially hate when people name their child a common name but spell it hella different (a set up for failure) such as Lisa, but spell it “Lee-Sah”. WTH?
I especially hate naming your child after:
liquor: hennesey
cars: lexus
designer clothing: armani (but then spell it ugly, like: R’Moni or Aurmoney. Eww!
feeling: “nicely done”
nickname: “misstuesday” (that’s the worse, sorry girl)
i don’t mind being original, but damn.
A few years ago, I taught at a correctional institution for teenage girls. The number of girls with made-up names (especially Swahili bastardizations) was amazing. I now teach at a college and find that a much lower percentage of students have those types of made-up names. If there is a correlation, it probably has more to do with the parental state of mind and consequent upbringing than with the effect of going through life with an unusual and possibly unfortunate name.
For most of my adult life I used the name “Hakeem” before returning a few years ago to “Lester” – the name my parents had given me. I am still the same person, and I have not noticed any difference in the way people respond to me.
my mom was a teacher, so i’ve heard plenty of craziness over the years.
for the record, i’d like to say that i’ve met plenty of africans with names like “harmony”, “mercy”, etc… of course, they’ve been giving children the equivalent of “virtue” names in yoruba, twi, etc for centuries, but colonization & religious conversion took it to a whole other level.
i’ve also noticed that a lot of the “bastardized swahili” and quasi-african names are REALLY close to sanskrit/hindu ones. don’t ask me why, but if you start looking thru a list, you’ll see what i mean…
i’m with the person who said that if we’re gonna make the names unusual, at least let’s make sure they have true meaning behind them.
Preach!! And may the congregation say, AMEN!
I went to school with girls who were actually born with the names: Startisha, Quiesha,Linquitta and of course bet the 9th – 12th grades you had your Shaniqua’s (9 of them to be exact)!
I know a black guy named Aswad. The day I met him was the greatest day of my life
This hurts to admit… My mother name my brother Shongo LeCarr (WHAT THE FUCK) and Javari DeJuan (although I like the Javari part). Somehow, I was named Jasmine (thankfully). The ghettotrocities do not end there…
My brother wants to name his future seed (if it is a boy) “Partion” pronounced “Party On.” YEAH.
WAIT! Children my father had that are not my mother’s: Tarica (sp.), LaContio (sp.), Vatara, and other shit I forgot how to spell/pronounce.
It does not end! I have a cousin named Tremanica Tremell (sp.) and another named Cassonya Cazette and Datrion. WHY.
I know a girl named “Shacrowsha” who was named after her father’s nickname, “Crow.” She looks like how a Shacrowsha sounds too.
I have another named Kelvaris (a girl.)
I COULD GO ON FOR DAYS.
Just to add to the melting pot of ridiculous and shamefully ebonic names, I used to know a woman by the name of Skynetta Sunkista. That’s her first and middle name. I never found out what her last name was. She went by the name Sky and she was a stripper. Hmm. Makes you wonder.
Lisaturtle….I had to calm myself down after a full two minutes of LMAO!
Oh my God….. Your family takes the cake! I wouldn’t be able to call out anybody’s name at a family get together without busting out laughing!!! I’d be disowned QUICK!
But my family has its own dumb ass name hall of shame:
I have a niece named Mercedes
another one Dejenae
her brother Deyshawn
we also have a Shandu
oh, and a Shandalyn
One of the little girls in the hood is named Tusheera
my nephew Keyon, not to be confused with my cousin Kenya (which is at least a country).
But my cousin Danita took the cake when she went WAY out the box and named her only son Mario. Mario can rest assured that he is the only black boy in North Carolina with that Italian name. Gotta at least give her points for non ghetto conformist originality on THAT tip!
Love the word “ghettotrocities”. I’m stealing it!
Another thing….Black Brits and Jamaicans with these ridiculously stuffy English names:
A dude named Wadsworth
Ellington
Regisford
Audwin
Billingsley
Codrington
Windsor
Wallingford
Chauncey
Queenly (one for the girls. And she didn’t look that queenly to me)
These are the names of black brits and caribbean men (and one girl) that I know of.
Ridiculous to see a big, strong, black man walking around with the name Billingsley or Wadsworth!!! Okay??? By the way, that last one can inspire quite a low minded joke or two….
Fitness Diva -
I am one of the folks you’re talking about. As a descendant of Jamaicans, my brood includes Barrington, Kingsley and Ellsworth. I am expecting a Lola any day now.
a cautionary tale..there was a kid murdered over here last year called jesse james..
my mum said that poor child was doomed from day one…
she was horrified at the stupidity of the parents…. and said nothing good could come of having a name like that..
there is a lot of truth there…
Please don’t forget the nature names: River, Stone, Forrest.
Soap Opera names: Brock, Ridge.
The title type of names: Sir, Mister, Bishop, Prince, Duke, Reverend, Doctor.
And my all time fav: Epidural. Just like the shot.
I for one applaud your use of set theory.
Although I was and remain a big fan of Frank’s, I can never completely forgive him for “Moonunit” and “Dweezil.” WTF was he thinking?
hey erica c.
thats my name exactly! its good to hear about another girl named morgan, there’s not that many.
the other day while at work i noticed a form that was signed by a woman named “epifanie”
*sigh*
Ken: I know you said Effie was a West African name, but does it have any North African influence? I knew an Israeli girl named Effie (and a lot of Arabic and Hebrew words share similar roots, so I’m curious if it has any tie to Semetic language).
Also, as a young female professional, I’m a bit amazed that LaLa has not changed her name legally (or adopted a “professional” name that is not her legal one)–we get enough crap from sexist middle-aged men without having to overcome extra hurdles like “unprofessional” names!
I don’t recall who said it, but I agree that changing the spellings of traditional names makes me twitch a bit. I once met a woman with my name (which, as I understand it, is a Greek derivative of Catherine) and spelled it Kharah. I admit I kind of stared at her for a bit after she spelled it for me.
Also–it’s odd how some virtue names are considered “traditional” and some aren’t, to the point where some similar names are considered acceptable. I don’t think too many people look askance at a Harmony, Hope, or Faith, but Charity is outdated, Chastity is frankly insulting, and Patience or Serenity get counted as Meglomaniacal Descriptors. At least on this site, that is.
Also: “I’d rather be keelhauled” made me smile.
N,
interesting that you mention the soap opera names. i have to admit, i’ve always associated those w/ broke whitefolk. lol.
i kinda like the “sir”, “king”, etc idea…i wouldn’t do it, but i understand it. kind of a slap in the face to anyone who would disrespect because they’re black and/or a reminder of when blk folk weren’t allowed those titles in most social situations. plus, they typically have a “regular” middle name and will mainly go by that, e.g., Sir Charles Johnson would probably just be Charles to most folks.
my grandfather’s name was Earl Major now that i think of it. two titles. didn’t help him in the army, but that’s another story.
that’s a quirk i can accept on some level.
I must say that I have been saddled with a name that is consistently jacked-up and should be listed under a ‘ghettotrocity’. It’s spelled La Shunna, but pronounced la-shaw-na. How you get the ‘a’ out the ‘u’ is beyond my understanding, but I’m rolling with it. Unfortunately, my name is more frequently pronounced the way it’s spelled, la-shun-na, or la-shoe-na (retarded) and what I’m finding more frequent is la-shawn-da (I have no idea where that d comes from). I must also state that i frequently get compliments from white people regarding my name, especially white women but I ‘ve had other black women laugh at my name (trifflin heffas!!)
Now that I have two children, I’ve decided that I would do them a great justice by not giving them a ghetto-fabulous name (plus, since my husband is spanish, I don’t think he nor his crew could roll with that). My daugher is Jolie, and no not for the crazy actress. Jolie is actually the french word for pretty and my little girl is most definitely that times 10. She’s 7 and already has little boys trying to holla at her. Thank GOD that she still thinks boys are yucky. My son’s name is Xavier. His name doesn’t mean anything special, but it’s neither common or unfathomably ridiculous. Unfortunately, whenever he goes somewhere where his name has to be called out, it’s always pronounced Javier (he has a spanish last name) and when the person sees me with him, they give me the crazy side-eye like I stole the boy. Nw you know we as black folks don’t like children (i personally think my kids are ok since I’m not afraid to beat the snot out of them when they act up, but I can’t stand other people’s children and I absolutely loathe teenagers).
Cut Carmello some slack. His name’s Latin and he is part Puerto Rican. Anfernee is on point. LaDanian, JeMarcus, Antwone — WTH?
No, I’m not from FL. My father met the Gonorrhea girl’s mother in NJ. (And I’ve also heard that Chlamydia is becoming popular.) But wow – I had no idea ‘Abcde’ was that popular. That’s gotta be the laziest name I’ve ever heard.
Still laughing about Epidural. [I wonder how many have been named directly after the anesthesiologist.]
I totally agree with this post. I was just talking to my friend about this the other day. I was saying that what you name your child really does determine their fate in the future. I said imagine your childs name on a business card, would it look good? I highly doubt Alazay Jones would look good or, Sugar Johnson. I would think it was a business card for a stripper. LOL I told myself I might just go ahead and name my child something unisex such as Terry, or Casey or something so people wouldn’t even know their SEX. LOL
LOL I cant believe how many people actually researched names and lineage to post a comment. This site is now official one of my favorites! LMAO
sorry I was crying from laughter and cheap mascara and forgot the “ly” on official….
Check out this article i just came upon:
http://thepeoplesnews.wordpress.com/2008/03/02/federal-judge-enough-with-the-stupid-names/
Lets not forget all the girls named after their parents choice of alcohol
Brandy
Sherry
Moet (was a business major @ my school back in undergrad)
Alize
Kijafa (as in Cherry Kijafa)
Mercedes is a legit name. The car company borrowed it from the people but I agree with you that this modern tread would argue that it’s the reverse.
I went to high school with a girl named Toshiba-like the tvs……..hmmmm……I also went to school with a guy named Roach (last name, but still it’s not like he’s Marvin Gaye and can just add an “e”). I would legally change my name.
At my former college there are two people who bear the name “Sweetmeat.” I am not even lying. There’s also a woman named Velvetta.
Let’s not forgot the name Hennessey, although I think that is better than naming your child Crown Royal.
I also have to add that I hate the name Chastity. It’s just a stupid name.
Which set of names sucks more:
A)
Daughter-Peyton or Harlem
Son- Kyan
OR
B)
Daughter-Leelah or Valentina
Son- Solomon
…I’m pretty sure if somone doesn’t answer this question, a child is going to be running around with either one or all of these names–as one word.
My brother has two bi-racial sons, Jameson and Jarrod (pronounced like Jared, not Juh-Rod…it’s my bro’s middle name…but, yeah) the oldest of whom is in pre-K.
When he started school, he was sent home with a list of names of the kids that rode with him on the school bus. My brother showed me this list and I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry (there were two kids named La’Quavious and D’antravius). Some months later, I accompanied my brother to pick Jameson up from school. We arrived earlier than normal and his teacher told us we could hang around for the remaining few minutes of class. After the bell rang, my brother approached the teacher and we introduced ourselves. The subject of the list came up and the teacher shook his head and said that the biggest problem with these “unique” names was the fact that the kids couldn’t spell them. It’s a Pre-K requirement in my state for the kids to be able to write their names. The teacher asked how in the world a 4 year old child is supposed to learn to spell a name with 3 apostrophes and two Q’s. He said it was heartbreaking to see a child staring at a sheet of paper, unable to spell his or her name and that it instills an early apathy towards even trying to complete other tasks. After all, if everyone knows you can’t even spell your own name, what use is it to try to do other schoolwork?
Fucking tragic.
White people are neck in neck w/ black people in the race of giving the shittiest names on the planet to their wee ones.
Ex:
Queen Messiah Jesus Christ
Legend
Gypsy
Ice Key
Xoi Phantasia
Loyalti
Saviour
Miracle Divine
A’Risin Starr
Kimberly Elise… the star of “Diary of a Mad Black Woman” and “The Manchurian Candidate” also hails in the ranks of the idiot parents giving their children stupid names.
Please navigate to the following:
http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0253708/bio
Her children are AjaBleu, 14 and Butterfly, 6
completely unacceptable.
Quanshay Shetory….I shit you not.
OH, NO YOU DID-INT! *swaying head from side to side*
My nephews name is Qeontice (pronounced Keontise) Romique Jordan. I also have a cousin named Quaquasha. What is it with these Q’s? Is that like some kind of magical letter that the rest of us havn’t yet unlocked the key to? And yes, I spelled my nephews name correct. I also thought that U always comes after Q. But not when youre tryin to be “unique”.
See today’s post!
http://stuffebplike.com
My mom was a teacher. Most of them badasses so I heard my share of messed up names. One of my personal faves:
Lo’re’al.
The cosmetics company with apostrophes thrown to make it pretty.
Did not see a mention of the 19 year old charged with murder of the DC area music producer last year:
Neiman Marcus Reynolds
Let us bow our heads…
It is definitely tragic when a child can’t even spell their own name (piggy backing off Dr. Pickle’s post). When will it end?
I’m fortunate that there isn’t a lot of craziness in my family. One of my cousins named her child, NaShay, a combination of the father’s name (Nathaniel) and the mother’s name (Shanay). Her other two children are named Tia and Dailus (pronounced Dallas).
My son’s name is unique but acceptable, Colden (named after the protaganist in, “The Catcher in the Rye”, Holden Caulfied. His middle name is Avery.
I know very “white” of me, but I wanted to ensure that his resume wouldn’t be put to the bottom of the pack!
Subway- set theory is aways useful.
Omi- your Granddad’s name is not weird or unusual. I once dated a hot guy named Earl.
I do understand the respect thing but these days, “Sir Johnson” is not exactly cutting it.
Thank God my parents saved me the embarrassment of being named after an unknown pile of shit found at the bottom of a porta-potty, although being a black woman named Christine isnt all that great either….so i am pretty much fucking stuck.
Oh HELL no. Just like Nic Cage, the chick from the Steve Harvey Show named her son Kal’El, Superman’s birth name. Why?
Ehthiopian and Eritrean names have meaning, and many are wonderful, especially the girls–”Aregua” she entwines my heart “Mintuab” how could she be ornamented? (she is so perfect), Fana, glorious dawn. Boyd have names like “Sheferra” he caused them to fear or “Asfawossen” he expanded the empire. Now, those are names!
Obviously you are unaware that Mercedes is an old, traditional Catholic name.
“Obviously you are unaware that Mercedes is an old, traditional Catholic name.”
Obviously you are too fucking stupid to realize that I never said Mercedes wasn’t a real name.
A smart person would’ve read the other comments and seen my explanation behind ‘Mercedes’ before making the obvious assertion that Mercedes is a real name – since with nearly 100 comments on this post someone was bound to be as dumb as you and point out the flaws in an argument I didn’t even make.
I wonder if you and all the idiots like you that are coming after me RE: Mercedes realize that Prada and Chanel are also real names…because I mention them in the same sentence yet you fail to mention them in your argument.
How’s that false sense of intelligence working out for you, by the way?
Moron.
Chris you kill me!
Wait I’m confused now. Are we just talking about names because they’re stupid or if the “exist”? If someone has a ridiculous name that is indeed their name, doesn’t that make it real? We had to get it from somewhere correct? I don’t know, Chris or AF point me in the right direction please.
I work in an elementary school and I have run across some absolutely horrendous names of the children in my school. I feel so bad for them as they go through life:
Germareya (pronounced just like it’s spelled at least)
Kedar (pronounced Kee-dare, I kid you not) (oh and this is a girl’s name)
Davine (pronounced like divine- and it’s the name of a boy)
Kai (like kite without the -te. Another BOY. poor child)
Wrandii (Randy. Another boy. No lie. Spelled like this because his older brother was already named Randy and if you have the same name you can’t spell it the same now, can you?)
Jermiah (a girl who will be called Jeremiah her whole life no doubt)
Heaven (a white girl no less)
Chanse (spelled wrong, of course because that will make having an idiotic name easier on him)
Lulu (seriously on her birth certificate)
Chiquita (Like the banana)
And my favorite…
Concepceon (french but looks like the word conception, which is what he forever will be called on rosters in school)
But you can’t leave out the names of celebrities’ children who just give parents more encouragement to name their children something ridiculous. At least Hollywood babies are Hollywood royalty. You’re just some shmuck working at the dry cleaners in Georgia!
I saw a little girl named BEYONCE the other day. I wanted to fight her parents on the spot. There are a lot of Aaliyah’s named for the late singer, but at least that is a beautiful, Muslim name that existed far before R.Kelly’s young prey was born. Beyonce is a ghetto-ass fake Creole name that her parents created from her mother’s maiden name. It only works because she is famous. Beyonce Jenkins from Brooklyn, NY is gonna have a rough road ahead of her.
@Wrandii (Randy. Another boy. No lie. Spelled like this because his older brother was already named Randy and if you have the same name you can’t spell it the same now, can you?)
Are kidding me?!
Equally annoying are the self-aggrandizing people who insist you call them by both thier mother and fathers family names, like Joe Smith-Simpson, or Mary Jones-Davidson. As if we can’t figure it out that they have both a mother and a father.
Another mostly white people name stupidity are those who insist they be referred to with both thier given first name and thier nickname like “Bob” William Davis.
Peole just love to annoy others with thier names.
If you dumped a perfectly fine girl because her name is La La, I think you’re an idiot. Sure, it’s not the most intelligent-sounding name, but if you like the girl, who cares what your mother or your friends think?
The worst naming that I ever heard was done by a tenant of mine. She was white but her children were mixed race and apparently she, very poorly, wanted to fit in by naming her children weird names. Her oldest daughter was named Tyranny. I am sure there are worse things that one could name a child but that is pretty much scraping the bottom of the barrel.
In my home town a girl was named ka9drah. With the number 9 actually in her name! It was not a typo in announcement in the paper, the paper included a caption below it saying “yes, you it is spelling like that.” Poor kid is screwed for life!
“But anyone who isn’t black poking fun at a black name, while their own is Felmaiboh Mohammed needs to simply shut the fuck up.”
First, you’re saying people who ARE NOT making fun of black names should shut the fuck up. Very nice.
Second, I suppose it’s easy for you to hate on names with real cultural significance and meaning when ignorant black folk are throwing syllables into their childrens’ names in an attempt to disguise their lack of cultural knowledge. Jealous much? or are you just ignorant too?
Last, how thin must your skin be, to be able to dish out without being able to take back? It’s okay to make fun of ‘Abdul Mohammed Jihad Turban-head’ or ‘Ping Pong Ting Tong’, but if they raise their voice once, you gotta play the victim don’t you?
Being Vietnamese myself, I know firsthand how ridiculous our names sound to outsiders and I didn’t even take any personal offense as a Vietnamese, but I take it in stride hoping that others won’t be sensitive about their shit when I poke fun at them. Good job, you proved me wrong.
Why don’t you try manning up and stop being a lil bitch?
@Lee – that’s like that Russell Peters joke where he met a guy with an exclamation mark in his name AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. How do you even pronounce that? Ka-nine-drah?
Serena (14:55:37) :
The worst naming that I ever heard was done by a tenant of mine. She was white but her children were mixed race and apparently she, very poorly, wanted to fit in by naming her children weird names. Her oldest daughter was named Tyranny. I am sure there are worse things that one could name a child but that is pretty much scraping the bottom of the barrel.
TYRANNY???? Oh HEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLL no. Maybe she’ll grow up to rule Cuba.
La la is better off without you
My my… had I not noticed that this topic was still being written to… I would have never seen this one.
Chris.. thats your name? Riiiight. Okay, allow me to retort.
First: some words of advice: http://stuffblackpeoplehate.com/why-you-shouldnt-read-this-blog/
Now onto your statements…
Your first point: please read asshole. Read and read very hard. Use your intelligent mind to figure out what was said… then revisit what you were about to comment on it.
Second, I never hated on anyone’s names with culture significance, I simply stated the oddness of them. I never mentioned a peep of demise towards any culture at all… so where do you come off with that statement you fucktard? Now… you know absolutely nothing about black culture and their naming convention and I know nothing about your culture and your naming convention. Yet I have seem more assholes like yourself making fun of someone who’s name is Kian (which may have some cultural influence) while their name stands as Kohmol. Are you trying to give justification you racist prick? I wonder what your stance is on black people; perhaps one that believes that we are of no culture? You’re Vietnamese right? You said so yourself.
Your third point… my skin is fine… however yours obviously isn’t. Or rather its your skull thats thick since you can’t seem to comprehend anything thats being said. Other races look down upon and poke fun at the demise of black people far more than vice versa… but is that because we want to play victim? Maybe you do.
So with that said… please do us all a favor and go jump off a bridge. It will leave us with one less street stupid person on this planet.
Speaking of thin skinned…
@ Chris (the self proclaimed vietnamese guy)
http://stuffblackpeoplehate.com/why-you-shouldnt-read-this-blog/
Damn AF, you beat me to it!
Redundancy is good in some cases. Thanks for the backup homie.
wow@ chris
bwhahahahah is it me or is he Emma’s from the other post boyfriend? hahah
If so… she can jump off a bridge too.
God I love this blog. I can be as angry about the fucking flawed world as I want to be, and there are still seven angrier “muh fuckuz” on here than me!
LMAO@ AF & Mr. Smith. I was surprised Chris didnt comment on Chris(laundry mat owner) comment..
“Your first point: please read asshole. Read and read very hard. Use your intelligent mind to figure out what was said…”
I am CRYING right now.
Who are Emma and Chris? How did they find this site? I’m sure when they heard about it, someone was like, “The blacks are putting together cognitive sentences…fuck, we’re doomed!”
“The blacks are putting together cognitive sentences…fuck, we’re doomed!”
OMFG LOLLERSKATES RTGUERABG?OUOU#$HGFOU#$%HGOUERHHRU4HREGUYFERIOUGVE
ERJVEIUHBVOERUHWBVOIUERBVIRTE
EIBHVIRTUNVERUNBVE
G[EUHNVOIH-G983459GE
\G84598HGIUYERBG89H45G
[VUGHF985H49F8H549GHVR
EVPHHTVY8RTB
RTBHTIUYBG87HRW8945
VTSUVH598HWV954HGBRT]BRTSGHB9U45HNB87RTS’BRB
BNITURNB9U89546BGRTUBGH9RBIRTB
RPIUHGR5HGB98RT
RTHB987HBG5
RTPUBH9TRUBH9URTHWU8BHRTUBNRTBN9URTNBHTUSHBGU8RTWHBUHRTUBHRTUNBUIDGNSBJUDGJBHLHDXGHURNDBFOUYGHEUSGHEROIHG8ERUBVU8RTHGPBIFDVLIDTPIBUNFDIUNVPIUERTHJGU45HWGH458HG87H45WTY457H45YT4384587HT4587H5678H457BGTRYHG7GH8B
VTRUIBVUTBOUTOIUBNIORTUBNRTUBNIORTBNRTB
VNRTUBS
Look on the bright side. If your parents were retarded enough to give you one of those names, you’ll probably wind up being one of those assholes with the gigantic thumping speakers in their cars, so you’ll be deaf by the time you’re twenty, and you won’t be able to hear the howls of laughter.
WHO IN THE HELL LEFT THE GATE OPEN???
Who are Emma and Chris? How did they find this site? I’m sure when they heard about it, someone was like, “The blacks are putting together cognitive sentences…fuck, we’re doomed!”
*****************
maya – you made Jesus cry.
Randomly.. My name is Jessica (and I’m white).. but I hated that name because it was so common. So in high school I went by Jennica (Jenn eh ka). Most people shorten it to Jenny though.
bein american indian all i can tell you is this. fight the white man , lose. act stupid, lose harder and faster. i cant throw rocks at names , but id settle for folks pullin their pants up
“Randomly.. My name is Jessica (and I’m white).. but I hated that name because it was so common. So in high school I went by Jennica (Jenn eh ka). Most people shorten it to Jenny though”.
What The Flying Fuck?
First of all… what in the world is a cognitive sentence?
Second, I can understand why Chris got defensive. The article is making fun of ridiculous names that are either nonsensical or absurd because of their cultural meaning or complete lack of meaning. These names make life unnecessarily hard for the kid because, as rightly pointed out, someone looks at the resume and says, “next.” I am in medical school and have a classmate who is a very bright and accomplished person, but has one of those megalomaniacal names. I’ve always wondered why she didn’t change it or use a nickname.
The Asian names do have cultural meaning, and so are analogous to a real Swahili name, which is perfectly respectable.
I have also wondered why people of all ethnicities would choose to name their child after a flash-in-the-pan pop star rather than finding a name that has an enduring meaning.
Oh- the necessary disclaimer- I am white and that is my real name.
and not forgetting condoleeza is one of the most made-up-ghetto-stupid-fucking-names i have ever heard…. and look where she is… she gives hope to a whole new generation of these people… and how many little condoleeza’s will there be in the next few years…
London… you have a very very very GOOD point.
Why didn’t this come up earlier?
So having looked up “Condoleezza” for the meaning…apparently even rising to the post of Secretary of State doesn’t make one immune to the virtue name. To add insult to injury, it’s a bastardization of the Italian phrase “con dolcezza”, meaning “with sweetness.” I often lamented to my mother about why she gave me the name that I have. My cousins all have very ordinary (white) names. The latest of these ordinary names? Kendall Allie. As a subset, her parents live in Atlanta, both are lawyers and she will probably grow up to be as dry as unbuttered toast.
But I digress – Why the weirdo name?
Because my name (that’s it up top) is an actual Swahili name, it means “desire”. I was a wanted child – my parents desired to have me. And no, it’s not a Swahili bastardization. Many Kenyans have been delighted to hear my name and comment on its meaning. Also, it’s a very common name in the Middle Eastern region – my friend George from Lebanon knows of at least one other Tamani- and let’s not forget the luxury Tamani resort complex in Dubai.
That being said, I hate it when I get lumped in with every Shaneesha, LeeLee and Marquan who submits a resume.
@ furious… oprah..tyreese…tyra….they are all sitting there..
we as a people have loved to do this shit from time…
and yes.. beyonce.. think that’s been mentioned before..
lets do well known fucked up names….
they hide in plain sight…
My name is a fairly common name, Melinda, I hated it as a young girl. As a young girl I desperately wanted a common name such as Keisha, or Tamika. I soooo love my name now. You should see the faces of white people when they realize not all black mothers feel the need to make up stupid names for their children!!
(yes, the same self-proclaimed Vietnamese Chris)
Admiral Furious:
I seem to have misread your sentence and omitted a word as I was reading, so I apologize if I may have insulted your intelligence. In fact, I feel now that almost what I have written before was, perhaps, created with a blinding passion, so to speak.
However, I believe your original intent seems to have twisted itself in defense. Calling an artifact of someone’s heritage a “monstrosity” and comparing it to bodily function is not merely pointing out an oddity. That, sir, is purposeful ignorance.
I do not want to paint you as an ignorant person, however, because your writing certainly disproves that. I also do not want to antagonize each other because there is nothing gained from a screaming match; but I do hope that your intention was not to imply a special exception in the satire of a group of people without allowing the satire of ones own group.
I noticed you wrote that (to paraphrase) “the demise of black people has been ridiculed more than that of any other” which further leads me to believe you do see yourself as a victim, which is wholly independent of whether I see myself as a victim or not.
Frankly, I do not believe in the merit of this point of view, and the one-sided picture you paint of “Kohmol” making fun of “Kian” when I know kids named “D’Quan” who made fun of kids named “Phuc.” And don’t get me wrong, I made fun of that kid named Phuc, and I had black friends (don’t be so surprised) named Jeff who made fun of D’Quan. Which puzzles me further as to why you seem to imply that ridicule is, in certain cases, a one-way street.
If you believe in equal rights for yourself, at least, how do you justify your implications that non-blacks should not have the right to make fun of the same things you do?
Perhaps this is more serious discussion than the author intended, but having read his other articles and growing up in the same area with the same issues, I just thought I’d point out something I’d always wanted to ask about since no one is ever really open to discussing something as sensitive as this in real life.
Feel free to spew all the profanity you want, though, if you don’t feel the need to respond in a constructive manner.
I also do not think I will be jumping off any bridges soon, as my kung-fu flying skills seem to have gotten a little rusty.
Okay Viet-Chris.
Dang, Chris needs to be featured as the next Current Angry Asian Man. Lighten up- It’s all in fun.
More stupid names to add:
Sen’Derrick
Knowshon
Vontae
LeSean
Ciron
Vance
Cafeteria
Beeshonette
Cam’Ron (some kid’s name, not even the rapper. I frowned)
Dontarrius
This list could go on…
Working with kids in inner city schools makes me so sad. To list
Multiple Alizes
Uniqua
Maakee
Dee-End!!! THIS IS THE POOR CHILDS ACTUAL FIRST NAME, with a hyphen in it.
And I feel Chris on the stupid names make everyone around you sound stupid too. I was in a club and as soon as I walked in I saw a cute guy who looked familiar. We were both eyeing each other so I though I had to know this guy. So he walks up and says he thinks he knows me and says is my name mumblemumble-tricia. And I’m damn, where do I know you from I am Tricia. He says ‘naw you’re not RayTricia.’ I was like, you damn right I’m not and I just had to walk away.
My friend also tried to convince me that her friend Tequila was really smart in her advanced polysci class in college. I had to respond if the the girl was so damn smart she should’ve changed her name. Or at least go by something different. This is the same friend who cannot see the what’s wrong with her cousin being named Fuschia.
i have an interesting story which i will need some help on from my peeps here for verification
the company i work for was launching a new product. i was called over to look at the finished campaign artwork for my thoughts..
the first thing my eyes alighted on was that they had named the black woman model in the picture ’sarah’..
before i could think about what i was saying i blurted out that black people do not name their daughters ’sarah’…. they looked at me as though i had 2 heads.. i backed it up saying it’s a cultural thing – sort of a..’you would not understand….’
i don’t know where it came from… it just is… that woman right there would never be called sarah…
i asked my mother and my homies later that evening about it and they all agreed it is ‘one of those names’… it’s in our conciousness…
can someone shed some light on this please? where did this come from? is sarah a yt only name?
i think it has something to do with slavery.. but what is the story?
i do not know a single black woman named sarah… do any of you?
I actually do know a Black Woman named Sarah. I also know Black women named Amy and Chloe.
LMAO!!!! This site is killing me! This really is an epidemic. My heart goes out to the poor children who are given no choice but to grow up with these outrageous names. Unfortunately, a name can decide one’s destiny…
First things first, the bastardization of African and Arabic names MUST STOP! If you want to give your child the honor of having an African/Arabic name, then do just that, do not desecrate (”ghetto-ize”) meaningful names and words.
Secondly, don’t make something up and CLAIM it means something in some foreign language.
Abuse of the letter Q (whether or not followed by a “u”… or even a “w”) must stop. (e.g. Qwanell, Shaqita, Shaniqua etc)
Enough with all the unnecessary apostrophes (e.g. Ra’Mone, Je’Rome, La’Kee’ta, De’Shaun’da etc)
Just because you put é (e with an accent) and the end of a name you made up, or give it a French-sounding pronunciation DOES NOT MAKE IT FRENCH!! (e.g. Beyoncé, Solange, De’Londré etc)
Don’t unnecessarily complicate the spelling of otherwise “regular” names (LaToyeea, Kevvyn, Ra’fayell, Antwaun etc) (Anfernee tops them all though LOL!!!)
As for naming children after luxury goods, liquor, diseases, or any other senseless long word (real or made up)… I’m lost for words. Still laughing my ass off at the stuff I’ve read.
ignore the emoticons. supposed to show as …’)
@ stop- the-epidemic, AMEN.
Mercedes (no, she wasn’t spanish in any way), Champagne, Brie, Breneè, Moèt, Merlot, Chamay ~ all are white girls I have met with these as their given names, none of them strippers, as far as I know. I’ve also met a five year old boy whose name is Mister. My ex was an attending at Children’s Oakland and had the pleasure of examining the baby who was named Master of the Universe.
I know I little named Lord Seven Justice Allah- of couse his parents are Five Percenters.
Opps, A little BOY.
Master of the Universe…. nice…
what was his surname pray tell?
i have a friend surnamed walker and a star wars freak… he is listed as a follower of the jedi religion on the census.. hmmmn… i am not ever going to be listed as a klingon, borg or romulan as much as i love star trek by the way…..
one evening we were discussing names of his soon-to-be-born baby and drunkenly came up with ……anakin sky… annie if a girl…
we thought it was inspired.. a stroke of genius… so fitting… and fucking awesome..
unfortunately his wife heard me and gave me the most evil scowl… she took my mate home very soon after… boooo…
it was a natural choice… no… really…
better than ‘moon’ or ’street’ or ‘baby’ anyway…
LOL! As far as giving a child a title for a name (Majesty, Sirr, Lord etc) so they are always “addressed with respect”, irony has never been crueler than to ensure someone with a name like that ends up with a very menial job. Just picture a toilet cleaner’s boss yelling “Yo! Majesty, you missed a spot. Clean than shit up or your royal ass is gonna be out of a job!”
Something that really gets under my skin is white folk, usually country types, who randomly stick ‘lynne’ on the end of perfectly good names –
Emmalyn
Coralynne
Aimeelyn
Anyalynne
Or when they name girls after their fathers and do the same –
Jamielyn
Peterlyn
Michaellynne
Danniellyn
I have come across real people with all of these names. It irritates the hell outta me to see perfectly good names butchered!
I vaguely recall that Master of the Universe’s last name was Johnson or something equally mundane.
Speaking of sad nerdery, I so wanted to name my son Xavier but noooooo. DENIED ::sniff::
The “best” name I ever heard was on an edition of Maury Povich
Trayveoughshay, even Maury had a hard time pronouncing that one.
@ Nice- There is a kid in Brooklyn named Royal Highness Prince Allah. He wore a crown to school in kindergarten and his parents wanted him to be called Royal Highness for short. The school was like, um, hell no. I think they settled on Prince and got his family to realise that the crown violated the uniform code. You KNOW they were Fives. Lord, have mercy.
Seriously, does it matter? Wow, can we say assimilation? I dont care what white people think about my name and I will be able to get a job. Oprah is fine and at some point I will be too. I feel no need make my name or my future children’s names into some generic remnant moniker of white culture. They dont even know what their names mean anymore, and originally they did mean things as equally eyebrow raising as any black person’s name. You can buy into if u want, I feel no such obligation.
Down right stupid
Beyonce… Solange- is she a dessert, a fabric?
Venus… Tiger (Woods)- Seriously…Shaquil, vivica
Ro-wa-nda- WTF! suggest Zim-ba-bwe…Lucinda
Brandy? Brandy? y not jus let loose ey! Larger-ette…Vowdcar…Barcardette…Shandy…beer goggles…Smirny…shaken…Vineyard(vinnie)… Merlot..Stout…carlifonian… 12 percent… err..distilled…hic…!
Shiloh, Zahara, Maddox,Pax, Brooklyn, Romeo, 50 cent, Apple,sand, Bluebell, rocco, lourdes, volskwagon, Twinkle. Please never your child Amy of Pete.
J- It’s not about assimilation, it’s about ridiculous ass made up names, or naming your child after a product or inanimate object! I personally am all for African, Arabic or Biblical names. But Beyonce? Henessey? Come on people!
Teresa- Solange is actually a real name. I think the fact that her sisters name is so ghettois brings down it’s credentials. I also think that Zahara and Pax were named before being adopted and those names are reflective of their native lands. Zahara is a pretty name, you bugging! LOL.
J – you’re right, but it isn’t about assimilating or mimicking White culture. One’s name is extremely important; it’s they’re title and a huge contributor to identity. I agree with Sister Toldja, some Arabic & Hebrew names are beautiful. And it goes both ways. I have an “unusual” name and people assume things about me based on it, but my name isn’t ShaTaundra or anything ridiculously made-up like that. I don’t have a problem with weird names – they build character. But what kind of character?
@Lolo – I love the name Xavier.
And Beyonce? I heard it’s a bastardization of her mother’s Creole maiden name. And Solange is French, means ’solitude’ I think.
“Lala” is the name of a character in the play “The Colored Museum.” If you ever get an opportunity to see (or read) it, Id say go for it – its really good.
L
I dare ANYONE to top the name “Terra Hyman.” Not only is she white, her parents are doctors.
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA….Terra Hyman???!!!! ewwww.
@ lolo… nope cannot..
the parents are evil…
do however know a sharon hagger… whose nickname has always been shagger…
she cannot wait to get married next year..
@london…I know this is way late but yes, I do know of a black woman named Sarah – the late, famous jazz singer Sarah Vaughan.
I am black and named Sara…………got it from my grandma and Bible
I have yet to meet antoher Sara that is black and is not from my country. LOL at all the funny names……
This guy has it hard. Hard, hahaha
This naming issue is a pet peeve of mine. I can take anything that can be explained to me, so if your baby’s name means “gazelle grazing in the savannah at sunset” in Farsi or Yoruba, it’s all good.
But what’s with bashing Asian names? You better believe those names mean something in THEIR language even if they seem funny in English and YOU don’t understand them. But – tell me now – what the iced blueberry ripple h*ll does ‘Boomquisha’ or “D’noufius” mean in English or any other living language on this planet?
I am still not finished reading all the posts, but had to add these two comments before I forget:
1.) re the British names. Some British people are still stuck on naming their own kids ‘traditional’ names. Jasper Conran or Jemima Goldsmith Khan anyone?
2.) my contribution to the list of names from alcoholic beverages: Tequila. I’m sorry to say my cousin’s daughter thought this name was appropriate for her child.
@dawn
kai is an actual name. an alternative to the name kay. in some places it is considered unisexual. in germany, for example, there are some states that require you to hyphenate it with a name that is clearly feminine or masculine; e.g. kai-michael versus kai-maria.
@london
i have at least one relative named sara. she is admittedly older, though.
My name is made up of a welsh/irish, Portuguese/Spanish and French name. As far as job applications go they really have no idea who is going to walk through the door. Sometimes I think they just call me just to see who has this ridiculous name. My first name is Conway by the way.
Seen on the morning news today: Symfonee (yep, pronounced just like the thing you dress up for and go downtown to see).
Heard on the morning news today: Symfonee (yep, pronounced just like the thing you dress up for and go downtown to see).
Did the brothers come up with Tercel before Toyota, or after?
Great blog…
For folks who haven’t read it check out the book “Freakonomics”. The author actually has a chapter devoted to the discussion of the economic impact of “Black” names.
Oh and I once had a student named Master.
What made it worse was that his middle name was Keye.
http://snltranscripts.jt.org/94/94qdaycamp.phtml
“Sorry, kids! Bus to Hampstat’s here! Let’s have.. Genitalia, Rubik’s Cube, K-Tel, Placebo and Karma Karma Karma Karma Karma Karma Chameleon!”
Ever have another black person tell you that you think you’re white because your name is Anglo? Believe it or not, it happened to me when I was 8 or 9 on the playground (yes, I had my first tastes of racism within the black community that young), and because I did not have a “Stupid Name” I obviously thought I was better than the girl accusing me of being too white. I believe her name had “niqua” in it.
Dang, I see this all the time. Being from Brooklyn, i thought it was an east coast thing. But out here in San Diego, the craziness continues, only blackas and hispanics now join in the fun! Yeah for every Shanequa, there are quite a few Selena’s too. And dont forget the many Jesus’ (Hay-soos) and Dominican names like Crismelly (girl) Jury (girl) and Zoraida and Rosinin (girls).
Now I actually was overseas and met and married a South African woman named …Sherilyn. Not Qua’Shenna or La’philecia. Her sisters? Hildegarde, Genoniva, Elsabe (Elsa-bee) nieces Bianca, Roshan, Rowena, Louise, brothers Rene, Woodrow, Morne (Mor-nay) etc. NOTHING starting or ending in Sha, La, Qua, or isha, or ette. These are real African names.
So what did we name our daughter of African and American parents?
Haley Renee. Haley, after Alex Haley who chronicled the journey of an African to America, (just like her mom) and Renee as a link between the two families. I had a sister named Renee, and she has a brother named Rene. I believe she will be able to get a job in America.
Thats how you name a child, with foresight and purpose, not based on the medication that inspired conception (Levitra) or dooming her to be mistaken for a tranny. Yes in Baltimore there is a girl named Shemale (pronounced
She-malli).
She has my deepest sympathies…
Shemale!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!! oh my goodness
This is SO funny!
Which (white) celeb named his daughter Moxy Crimefighter? Guy oughta be shot!
BTW–Quite a few of the above-mentioned names DO have meanings. Xavier means “brilliant,” Mercedes means “mercies,” Lulu is Arabic for “pearl.”
This blog is quite funny! In fact that people apparently like to ridicule other races and their cultural names.
Why do we have to go to the ground of making fun of other people’s race? We don’t like to be teased, so why tease someone else’s race?
Some of the names that people say tend to have a reason or meaning, not just because they want to have the most unique name out there…. Although some are ridiculous!!!
Why does it always have to be about white people making fun of black people? I’ve seen all races make fun of one another, but yet most black people point out that it’s only white people that make fun of them.
I’ve been teased by all races…. so it’s not just about white people on black people. Every culture and nationality has their own “quirks’”, which allows them to be teased by anyone!
Why do we have to go to the point of making fun of other people’s race? We don’t like to be teased, so why tease someone else’s race?
Some of the names that people say tend to have a reason or meaning, not just because they want to have the most unique name out there…. Although some are ridiculous!!!
Why does it always have to be about white people making fun of black people? I’ve seen all races make fun of one another, but yet most black people point out that it’s only white people that make fun of them.
I’ve been teased by all races…. so it’s not just about white people on black people. Every culture and nationality has their own “quirks’”, which allows them to be teased by anyone!
You may want to see The Utah Baby Namer. It’s a whole website, around since forever, dedicated to the crazy, and many would say “black-sounding” names Utahns give their children. The site originated as a couple who worked at a bank and kept a list of all the weird names they came across. Since then has been a slough of Masters theses written on the topic. Anyway, check it out and holler…
no disrespect ernest, but neither your wife nor her sisters have african names. i’m south african myself, and from their names, it’s obvious that they are ’so called coloured’ – mixed race, for those who arent’ familiar with South African racial classifications, who were separated from indigenous black people by apartheid. although we all got it in the neck from the white man, the divide and conquer strategy worked quite well, and we don’t necessarily think of each other as one people – it’s getting better tho – but back to my point… ernest, my man, you know and i know that south african names go more along the lines of thandiwe (beloved), sindile (saved), lebogang (give thanks), makgotso (mother of peace) etc…
inasmuch as coloured people are a mix of black, asian and white, the sad truth is that there is real shame about the black side of their heritage, and it is RARE to find a coloured child with an African name…. only the very politically aware do that, generally.
funny enough, the same way that you guys are talking about strange names black folks give their kids, so called coloured people are the ones who bear that stereotype too- but more for picking outlandish exotic names for their kids…. i went to school with sisters – raquelle, adelle, chantelle…i’ve also known coloured ursula’s, monique, yolette, rynette… and it goes on.
but then even black people go kinda crazy this side – as a result of the xenophobic violence that’s recently broken out in south africa – one woman named her baby, born during the unrest – Xeno… short for xenophobia. zimbabweans are stereotypically the worst about this kinda thing – i have met a lot of zimbabweans called lovemore, goodenough, greatmore (???), democracy, election (believe it), there’s even a guy named hitler, success, strategy…i could go on and on and on.
other times, instead of just naming the child the word in the original african language, it’s translated into english to be more ‘posh’, i guess…. so you regularly get names like ‘happy’, instead of jabulani, lucky instead nhlanhla, precious is a very common name here, blessing instead of ntsikelelo…. *sigh* so unnecessary, really – the names are gorgeous in our own languages
You know what? I don’t see anyone talking about how white women are now naming their children effed up names. So it’s okay to call your child sunshine, and sky? White women are just as guilty for naming their children after cars. I agree to a certain extent with names, but at the same time, we should not be the only ones in this article. What about the couple naming their kid superman??? On top of that, if you do have a messed up name as an adult, their is no reason why we can’t use a nickname, middle name instead. I write resumes for black professionals all of the time and they always have the option to opt for a more “socially acceptable” name. So not getting an interview based on a name is a bunch of bull. So please, don’t generalize black people. Ignorant people (could be any race) name their children crazy names all of the time. Of course it is easy to recognize black peoplem but this happens all over the world.
One more thing, LaLa is not a made up name. It’s a armenian/persian female name that means tulip in english. So before bashing someone’s name, maybe you should do some research, but I guess that is was ignorant people don’t do.
I was thinking of naming my first son Osiris….what do you think…?
In Egyptian mythology, Osiris loses his penis, so…yeah.
the last line is CLASSIC!!!
@ grace
great point… WF name their children Apple, Orange, Turquoise and shit too… I mean, what other job is Apple Paltrow or Kingston ____ gonna get other then a weird rockstar or actress?
@ stuffblackpeoplehate
grace sounds kinda mad at you about the LaLa thing…LMAO!!!
I went to school with a girl named Bontika …… She curently works at the Red Lobster or was it I-Hop … either one is not good when your 30+ not unless your the manager. Not hating on her choice of occupation just trying to connect the name with the story!
And yes I know my name is a Tad Bit Ghetto and what! LOL .
I do not let my name hold me up or down. I’m in charge of my own destiny.
At least my name aint Condelezza!!!! LOL LOL
“some folk fall on bad times, and some just do make their time good”
I workfor a community agency and I saw some twin boys with hella ghetto names, however that didn’t matter b/c their middle names were Wu and Tang respectively. I mean, I love the WU and all, but come on now.
I remember during my senior year of high school, I was taking a spychology class. This huge, masculine looking chick was named “Jeffrica.” I kid you not. Obviously her father wanted a boy but didn’t get one, so “plan B” was to name his daughter after himself while still keeping it “feminine.” Not.
It’s just my personal style, but “hippy names” (i.e. Star, Moonbeam) and “ghetto names” are not my bag. On the same token, anything passe, “plain jane”, or just been around for the past 10,000 years… bores me to tears (i.e. Mary, John, Jane, bob, Jill…) And how many more women need to be named Maria??
@ bella – you didn’t take it far enough. The British LOVE fruit names. Apple, Plum, Strawberry, Pear, Peaches, Peachie…I think Gwyneth Paltrow’s daughter will be OK in the UK, but if they move to the USA, not so much.
You can’t top Shannyn Sossamon who named her son Audio Science Clayton. Somebody? Anybody? Didn’t think so.
I just came back from partying with a grown ass man named Treasure.
Yes. You read that correctly.
Megalomanical Descriptors…..
I knew a girl that named her daughter Areia Sunshine (get it? a-ray-a sunshine.)
WTF???? YOU’RE WRONG!!!!!
more fucked up namery:
twins> Malikaneisha and Marthakayada (this is so ture… only in new orleans)
two times the fucked up fun> Jovannesha (met her in college)
stipper names>Cinnamon, CoCo (these are real people i went to high school with)
and then there are some names that are seemingly wrong… but only because you don’t know more like…. Tekakwitha…. which is a native american name…
please. the list can go on for days…..
Allen Iverson has a brother is named Mister Allen and a sister named Weinbrand…
I served a 2 year mission for my church in Florida and I met a lot of folks with ridiculous names. Some of the worst were:
Shakeydra
LaShayvia Flucker
Princess
Khayyyan (yes that’s three y’s)
and the reigning champeen… Terikaka
My mom worked with someone by the name of Shithead (the III, mind you). Its pronounced Sha-theed.
I have also seen Pringle, Female (pronounced fe-mal-ee), LaChina, Indonesia (nicknamed Inda), Damariea (I can’t spell that, but it sounds like De-mari-aay).
All I can wonder is why they still allow the Hash Bash every year.
..and I thought it was bad when I saw a white lady named Keisha on the news…
Does anyone think that some people name their children after luxury items maybe just because they like the name? I mean could this be possible?
Instead of constantly bashing the individuals that choose to name their children these odd and hard to pronounce names maybe we try to educate them on the importance of selecting a proper name for them. Educate them so that they will know and understand that you are what you are called. All proper names have meaning and naming your child Bonquisha, Anfernee and Shaquan is not going to get it in the real world.
I’m a new reader and I have to say I absolutely love this site. I belong to a group of people with some fairly common and not so common names and we’ve had this discussion numerous times. Crazy names DEFINITELY affect your ability to get a job – I don’t care how confident you are with yours. One of my friends works in HR for the fed gov’t and has continuously clowned the hell out of some of the applicants (and probably denied them a chance) just for their names. Wachovia Jenkins? Come on now, who will take her seriously.
I also know a Candida (like the itchy infection) and a Revolution Washington. Seriously, what reserved white folk are going to be comfy hiring him? One would expect him to come in wearing a dashiki, an afro jumping and fist pumping.
I was once told by an Arab man (several) that my my name was too white and that it should be Keisha or the like. Most of the women in my family have “normal” names. Reading our names on a list you would swear we were a bunch of white chicks – Monica, Chrissy, Jacqueline, Melinda, and Tina – all we’re missing is a Becky!
And yes, Sarah is very common – it’s Biblical and I know at least 5, related to three.
There’s a woman who let her brotha name her newborn twin babies:
Denise
and
Denephew
My Name is Shakia and sometimes I am embarrased to acctually tell people what my name is because most of the time they dont even say it right. I know that that name is a little more commom than other names mentioned here but it’s still GHETTO as shit to me. I am going to give my kids very common names so that when they submit a resume they wont already know there race. Why do people do this to there kids? It’s so stupid!
Then my family had the nerve to nickname me punkin….WTF!
White, black or Purple…
Here are the worst names.
Zelda, Dweezil, Elmer, Edna, Gomer, Opie, Henrietta, Percy, Gertrude, Hymen
Orville, Purvis, Abner, Jethro, Elmo, Spanky, Homer, Beaver, Weiner, Adolph
Icabod, Elvira, Myron, Herman, Cleo, Blythe, Harry, Sydney, Dick, Seymore, Melvin, Herbert, Gretchen, Gilbert, Fannie, Gaylene, Egbert, Leroy, Martha, Rufus
Ogden, Herschel, iggy, Bubba, Minerva, Brunhilda, Guy, Ervin, Edgar, Ferris, Marge,Newton, Priscilla, Mervin, Thurston, Gaye, Doyle, Chester, Hester, Lester,
Nestor, Giselle, Arvin, Edwin, McCain, Obama, Hillary and Bush.
I have cousins named Luetica (La -tisha), Charmaine, Thomas, Angela, A’mir, Amir’e, Te’Vion (not sure where the apostrophes actually are), Nicola (after my uncle Nichols – who was named after his dad).
Other people I know…Loreal, Paradise (for real), Myeesha (Dad Mike and Mom Ayeesha), and Mikeesha (same family as Myeesha).
I’m sure there’s tons I’m forgetting.
My name is Genevieve AnnMarie. Very normal, very white, and named after both my grandmothers (Genevieve and Ann Marie). Why my mom had to kind of ghettoize it by putting them together with two capital letters, I will never know. And my sister’s name is Genesis, brother’s name is Dean, and mom’s name is Bernadette.
Um, most people think that Letitia (pronounced Lay-tisha) is ghetto, but it is a french name…it was actually my white great grandmother’s name.
@ Hugh…are you deliberately trying to start someone on a tirade by listing people’s last names (i.e. the politicians?)
…and I like the name Gisele.
Bad Names: Gaye (a poor childhood), Minerva, Floyd (sounds snaggletoothed…no offense to those who have the name), Arvella (yes, I knew someone with that name)….
Sounds like you dropped the ball, bro… La La was a perfect ten and you let her go because of some old racial taboo… oh well, that makes one more flawless, beautiful black woman turned down for no reason. If she were asian and named Li Li you would have married her on the spot. Wake up, black men.
My black people… what will become of us? It disturbs me that so many blacks are proud of their names simply because they are european. Be proud of your name whether it is Sarah or Shaquita (like mine). I hate when people say that certain African American names can ruin a child’s life… why? Names are arbitrary and for the most part unchosen by the bearer. Reguardless, I love my name as I love myself. No amount of hate (even disguised as jest) could ever change that. =)
Awwwww, how suite!*
*if you read carefully, you’ll know that’s not a typo.
wtf to the above.
Im not African American, But some people feel comfortable naming their child such outrageous names. What do you expect them to name their child Amber, Anna or Jenny-lee? No, African Americans have their own way of a name. My friend’s name is Marquita. Her Mother could have just named her Mary, but she would have felt uncomfortable. Really Interesting names Date back all the way in Africa. You cant just say that is ghetto people or Blacks. Trust me I’ve seen some white girls with ghetto names. Thats Very disrespectful to judge by someones name. You should judge them by character.
@ Merri Lee – DYSLEXIA SPIDERBITE??? HECKS NAW!!!
@ Someone Offended – http://stuffblackpeoplehate.com/why-you-shouldnt-read-this-blog/
Um Marquita is not the kind of ghetto name they mean. They mean like Tykwondeisha (I’ve heard that name, can’t spell it for shit).
Traditional African names vs Hot Ghetto Mess names….no hay igual.
@Tina
Have a white friend who named her daughter Candida (Candy for short). Probably before the infection was common knowledge.
Worked for a wonderful Black lady with a La name. A (rude) colleague in another office, who didn’t know her, said, Hahahaha — that name — she must be Black!
f
london (07:25:24) :
i have an interesting story which i will need some help on from my peeps here for verification
the company i work for was launching a new product. i was called over to look at the finished campaign artwork for my thoughts..
the first thing my eyes alighted on was that they had named the black woman model in the picture ’sarah’..
before i could think about what i was saying i blurted out that black people do not name their daughters ’sarah’…. they looked at me as though i had 2 heads.. i backed it up saying it’s a cultural thing – sort of a..’you would not understand….’
i don’t know where it came from… it just is… that woman right there would never be called sarah…
i asked my mother and my homies later that evening about it and they all agreed it is ‘one of those names’… it’s in our conciousness…
can someone shed some light on this please? where did this come from? is sarah a yt only name?
i think it has something to do with slavery.. but what is the story?
i do not know a single black woman named sarah… do any of you?
Yes I know a ton of black girls named Sarah as well as sara. They are all Ethiopian . Rachel is another ethio-name.
WhenI went to the 2008 hs graduation in June
I was looking thru the program at all the names
There was one girl whose middle name was “Chinese”
At first I pronounced it as it looks
But when the speaker read it,
She said it as “Shanice”
Explanation of “La” names. Back in the late sixties/early seventies, Black folks in south (French influenced) Louisiana began adding “La” prefix to girls name with a vengence. Why? Because it sounds french, that’s why. Also LaToya Jackson inspired many to name their dauthers likewise.
Most of the black girls born in 1968 had traditional “white” names like Mildred, Melissa, Valerie, Yvette, Marion, Karen, Jeannette, Dawn, Elizabeth, Ruth, etc. Some had real African middle names but most of us had Anne as a middle name. By 1970, we starting hearing names like LaQuanda, LaTaundra, LaTavia, LaTasha, LaRonda, LaDonna, etc…..These girls usually had “normal” middle names though.
One of my sisters has a side business where she prints the meaning of peoples’ name on paper with beautiful graphics. From her I learned that it is not enough to to give your child a known name but it must have the original spelling to convey the full blessing of what the name means. Each letter has a numerical value and a vibration. Alter the spelling, alter the value and full meaning.
I also believe that we could be naming our children after demons when we choose names that do not have a meaning. LOL!
Something to think about….
LOL! ridiculous names kill me..i mean,why would a parent single-handedly ruin their childs future? International? someone named their kid International…ive seen “Vote” as well…what tha hell??..
and we dont even need to look that far..who has seen the horror that is cheetah girls??
Aquanetta
Dorinda
Chanel
Galleria
Galleria?? Mall? an effin Gallery!!..need i say more?
Regarding your aside about Asian people (you seem to have a hateful aside for Asian people in most of your blogs): However odd Vietnamese or Chinese names may sound to your ignorant ears (it doesn’t matter how many Asian friends you have, you are still ignorant), they are still culturally specific and relevant. We make fun of black names because they are utterly and completely unanchored from concept of nomenclature, and as such, are utterly ridiculous. I rather be called Phuc Phoo than Laquisa. The former has cultural meaning and heritage in my language, the latter is gibberish.
my husband works as a nurse in an emergency room and treats patients with “strange” names all the time. my two favorites of the names he’s told me about are: LANCELOT KNIGHT, and SMURFETTE. yes, someone named their poor daughter after a smurf. so sad. i mean, i get enough grief about the spelling of my own name (pretty “normal” name, if you ask me), but even when i spell it for people, they still insist on putting an extra “L” in there. but thank the good lord my parents didn’t name me SMURFETTE!!!
very funny post…
p.s. regarding TheIceQueen’s post…AQUANETTA?!? are you kidding me? was that girl named after AQUA NET hair styling products???
oh, and regarding asian names…i love the name PHUC DAT…too fun to say…
I went to MSU wiith Lady-Elizabeth (I think thats pretty though…she said she was named after a grandmother), and Sir Darean (yes, his mother named him sir, and yes he played football. It was a regular occurrence to hear the announcers at Spartan stadium make fun of his name. Nice guy…kind of slow, but very nice).
I went to high school with a boy whose last name was Martin… his first name was Remy.
At the time, I didn’t realize the unfortunate card this boy’s parents delt him since I didn’t know the brand names of any alcoholic beverages.
African Americans might be the main abusers but celebrities of all races take the cake. Pilot Inspektor!?
http://www.divinecaroline.com/article/22099/43904-jermajesty-banjo–wacky-celebrity-baby
Don’t forget the subset of Megalomaniacal Descriptors that involves naming a child a title — they range from borderline acceptable — Prince, Princess, Duchess, Duke — to kinda out there — Chancellor, King, President.
OK i have been working with priveleged white children for a week and some of their names have been pissing me off.
1. to kill a mocking bird must be big shit in australia b.c. the 2 australian born boys in my class are Atticus and Harper
2. If I see another child named Aiden, Jack or Oscar I will scream
3. Naming children after herbs, spices, seasons, or food is pretty dumb. I used to like the name Summer.
4. Saskia sounds and looks retarded as a name.
5. I saw a 3 year old being fussed at called Beethoven. Damn dumbass name. Even Beethoven wasn’t named Beethoven, his name was Ludwig.
Ok most of the names haven’t pissed me off except that damn Beethoven. The repitiveness of all these names. They were cute until there’s 3 Summers, Sage, Ava or Eve, or Tobias pronounced Toe-bee-us in every class and every 3rd boy is called either Luka, Oscar, Aiden or Jack. And every time I have to hear Aiden i want to scream (stop watching sex in the city women dammit!) All the Aidens are the same age.
It makes me laugh when black people try to act as if they are better than other black people. Anyway, some of the white last names are almost impossible to pronounce without breaking them down into syllables. Their surnames reveal information about their heritage and it makes them unique. I’ll never blast them for that. It’s also unfathomable to me that you would disrespect the names of Asians. I guess that’s why I’m not surprised that you would “tease” black people about the names we select.
I have a very white name, but my nickname is one of the names you used in your article. My husband also has an unusual nickname that’s used at his workplace (they found out about his nickname from his references). Our sons have unique names. One shares the name of one of Brangelina’s children (our son was born many years before their child) and one is named after a European city. Almost all of our friends and neighbors are white; my husband is very successful at his job.
My point is, most white people do not care what you’re named. The main things they care about are that you speak the English language properly, you have a job – any job and that you keep your grass cut.
Take it from me – a black woman who is well-assimilate into the white world because she understands them, yet she can still be a person with a funny nickname and have children with unique names.
Live by faith and not by sight…or name!
Lala (AKA: Black Suburbanite) – please point out to me where in this post the perception of white people is the central factor in determining the atrociousness of you and your family’s RIDICULOUS FUCKING NAMES? Everything about your post made me want to vomit, beginning with your handle and ending with your completely irrelevant biblical reference. Who loves cooning for white people so much that they make it central to their identity?? What sort of Black person brags about their level of assimilation with white people? I pray to God in heaven that you never have a female child for fear that you’d name her after a vehicle and begin relaxing her hair before she is out of diapers. You are truly delusional, and you need to be shot out back for defending the minority use of ridiculous, culturally irrelevant names within the black community because, believe me, EVERYBODY IN THE COUNTRY is making fun of children named TaRainbow and LaDavidius but their poor, misled mothers.
Why do we have to make fun of our names only. I mentioned the assimilation into the white world because I read somewhere on this post that HR will overlook anyone with a different name. Give white people some credit. They won’t. Assimilation is OK. Isn’t that what we’ve been working for all of these years; desegregation, equality, the color of our skin doesn’t matter.
By the way, my daughter’s name is Lauren, you idiot.
Oh yeah – my name is Beth and my nickname is Sugar and people have the freedom to name their children anything they want. They are not breaking the law. Do you realize that some of the women naming their children have almost no freedom to make any choice in their lives – nowhere to express their creativity. Sometimes naming their children is the only way to express their creativity.
Also, although I’ve assimilated into white society, I haven’t forgotten my roots and the people from my own culture. No matter where life takes me, I’ll never diss my own people – even if they name their children unique names. We have enough people treating us wrong for us to treat eachother wrong.
Also, I was not quoting the Bible otherwise, I would have given it it’s proper reference.
And, sorry dear, no one will ever have to take me out back to shoot me. Do you have children? If you do, I feel sorry that they are being raised by a violent, bitter woman like you. If you don’t have children – do us all a favor, don’t bring any more of your type into this world.
You read somewhere on this post?? Shouldn’t you have read that before on the news or in school or somewhere? I am not going to pick on you too much because you are clearly ignorant and averse to reading. But, Black Suburbanite, whether you realized it or not, you both quoted the Bible and attempted to contradict studied evidence based on an anecdote.
No, Black people ought not be fighting for assimilation. WE OUGHT TO BE FIGHTING FOR EQUITY. There is a difference, and I assure you that you have accomplished neither by whitewashing yourself and your children. By the way, in case you haven’t guessed, I would take my Black social organizations, churches, schools, culture, food, history and communities over “assimilation” any day of the week. Your prescribed lifestyle of tokenism does not, in any way, indicate that you have somehow “made it.”
Also, a lack of freedom in one’s own personal life does not give anybody the license to cripple one’s children with a stupid name. WTF kind of sense does that even make??
Yes I say that a mother. And, guess what? My child will be taught to be outraged when outrage is appropriate (such as, when she hears coonery such as you’ve uttered here). Furthermore, I would take MYSELF out back and put a gun to my own head before I saw my child end up as fucked up and severely misoriented as you.
EQUITY or equality, dummy? I want you to know something; the last black person who tipped a server well, sent well-behaved/mannered children to school, said please and thank you and didn’t yell at my white co-workers or slack off at work was probably me and others who understand. As a result, those white people will think of me when they encounter another black person and they will treat them well, regardless of their name.
Oh, and my children go to black inner city schools – I took them out of the white suburban schools. Guess what, my kids can assimilate with everyone. They know to welcome Africans as brothers and sisters, not to think of Asians, Hispanics and Europeans as different, they treat all black Americans with respect and the can hold their own as equals with white people (unlike many of their peers).
They did not need a Black social organization to teach them these things, I taught them.
I also taught them how to make the foods of my Louisianan parents and eat sushi as well.
Who will succeed more in life – your isolated children who have not learned how to deal with all cultures and classes or my well-rounded children who have a mother who wouldn’t even think about killing herself (talk about who is f’ed up and “misoriented”).
I may not have the time to read much or research like I used to, but oh, I forgot, I’m too busy raising my children to not become an angry black person like you.
Oh yeah, when was the last time a person from your Black social organizations, churches and communities gave you a good rate on a mortage loan, hired you, gave you a promotion along with a huge raise or gave you a great reference for your next job, approved your car loan at a good rate with or without good credit or a down payment? How many times have they done this for you? How many times has someone from another race done this for you? ALL PEOPLE NEED EACHOTHER. Names do not make a difference – character and a positive, pleasant attitude do.
Yes, I am angry. And if you weren’t braindead, you’d be angry, too.
You don’t want me to answer your questions, because not only would my responses throw your trite, pre-planned arguments off, but they would also probably require you to do some reading. And…you clearly do not read; if you did, you would realize my use of the word “equity” is intentional.
So, I’m afraid this exchange will have to come to a close.
P.S. Consider taking up reading. You’d do better to expose your children to literature than to sushi. And I say that as someone who is well-traveled, well-cultured AND well-read.
For those whining about SPBH talking about Asian names, especially Vietnamese names: GET OVER YOURSELVES. “Phuc” in any name sounds hilarious in English. I’m sorry. So does the name Dick or the last name Faget. It’s not like ALL Asian names sound like body parts/ways to have sex. The ones that do, however, are funny.
And people whining about SPBH talking about black people naming their children ridiculous things: i bet you all have kids named LaWanda and Treasure and Master Shequean DaLoindo. You don’t have to make up some nonsensical bullshit name to be “creative”. There is nothing wrong with being creative, but try to think first about how your child is going to go through life with that name. My father wanted a boy and wanted to name him Lance. When my sister came out of my mom, they decided on Lancya, which is creative without being obnoxious.
@ Black Suburbanite
“I mentioned the assimilation into the white world because I read somewhere on this post that HR will overlook anyone with a different name. Give white people some credit. They won’t.”
You actually believe that? What prescription drugs are you borrowing from the soccer moms? People in power do that all the time. I should know. I am African and people have butchered or made fun of my non-English since preschool. And I know I have been overlooked in some areas because it’s different.
name after non-english
I can understand what your saying, but I have two words for you – Barack Obama. Who would have ever thought that the name of the first potential black president, or any president in this country, would be named that. Things are changing and are going to change for the good. With every generation, we come closer and closer. Just be ready.
My city has a large Somalian and Western African population and they are treated poorly by African Americans as well. I don’t think it’s only because of the name. It’s something else that’s hard to put a finger on.
Just remember that this is your country too – forge ahead despite what people say about your name.
I am not a soccer mom and I reject that philosophy. But I want you to know that most of the soccer moms I’ve encounter are some of the mentally toughest people I know. They don’t let anyone or anything stand in the way of their happiness and their family’s happiness and they know where to go to get what they want/need for themselves and their family.
Pray that you meet the right people in power. People in power only care about making money for their company and hiring people who will make money for their company. If they meet the right person, regardless of the name, believe me, they will hire you. Whomever makes fun of your name is a _______who can kiss your _______ (fill in the blanks). If they butcher it, forgive them, it’s just plain ignorance.
NOOOOOOO!!!!!
I believe each of us has a responsibility to work to make the world better. Everything about us should help to produce a positive personna, including our names. It is important to give a newborn a name that has meaning, not just something that is unique or sounds pretty. I explained to my children what their names mean and why I thought those names were appropriate. I believe having a name that has meaning is important, but I also believe that even if a child has a name that many consider outrageous, he or she can still excel in life. With a positive self image and accompanying drive, he or she can propel him or herself to any desired destination. Just look at Condoleeza Rice. What an odd name for someone born in 1954 when most black females had names like Theresa, Karen and Deborah. I heard a white female commentator say that Barak Obama should change his name to Barry if his aim is to appeal to middle America, but here he is with his non-European name, successfully running for President of the United States! So I wouldn’t write the Shaniquas and Lalaishas off just yet!
I used to be a high school teacher. I loved having 3 girls in a class named Unique, and none of them spelled the same way:
Unique
Uenique
Uneeke
There was also an Imunique, pronounced “I’m Unique.” *barf*
I know a girl named Francoise. Don’t dare pronounce it like the French version however, because it’s pronounced “Fran-KOY.”
It’s so funny because more than 25 years ago, I went to school with an Ameeka, Rushanah, Carleesha and Sylenthia. There’s probably more names I could mention, but my age is getting the best of me and I can’t remember them.
In high school and college there were more unique names. My college was a very small private college and it had a large international population, so I had the chance to meet African, Native Puerto Rican, Eastern Asian and Arab people with “unique to an American” names. There were also the unique African American names. All of the people I’ve met were good natured people with good personal character. What a joy!
Many of the young people on this forum have not lived life enough to realize that as you age, a simple thing, like the name of a person, doesn’t really matter. If the name just so happens to bother you, you have to be mature enough to accept it and not persecute a person for it (in front or their face and behind their back).
This thread was interesting, very interesting, when it seemed like the “core issue” was traditional versus invented names. I kept reading to see if anyone could suggest WHY people make up names for their children and WHY some of those kids have regrets. The ethnicity (race, whatever) of the people doesn’t matter so much, nor does their social standing etc.
Any ideas about the motivation? I don’t think that “expressing their creativity” is a viable explanation, nor is “simple-mindedness” or “stupidity”. I know some highly educated, intelligent women with names like Maria who’ve named their daughters after a perfume!
Like I said before, my sons’ names are unique, but to be safe, once I chose the names before they were born, I looked them up in several baby books just to make sure the meaning of their names were suitable. All of my children’s names are in the baby names books and their names have some kind of biblical root, which is o.k with me.
Before my daughter was born, I wanted to name her Kaylen or Taylen, but they weren’t really “known” names at that time. At that time, I was afraid of being different. Ten years later, I had had the pleasure of meeting a black young girl named Kaylen and a white young boy named Talon. I kind of kicked myself for being fearful of what others might think.
Do you remember when Keisha and Kendra used to be unique names or when Sydney was primarily a man’s name? Who would have ever thought of naming their children Paris, Roman or Shiloh?
Each baby is it’s mother’s own precious one-of-a-kind jewel. Naming the baby a unique name makes the baby that much more unique, special and precious. Who gives a damn about what the world has to say?
The motivation could be (especially for the girls) putting the dad’s name in somewhere in the name so he can always know that the child is his (you can’t name a girl XYZ Jr.) Also, honoring one’s relatives – I don’t know.
As far as naming them gemstones, days of the week, fruit, perfume or even various drinks, it could be hormones! Mom just thinks it’s a good name at the time and when the baby comes out, the name actually fits! So the name “Apple” could be that this baby will always be the apple of mommy and daddy’s eyes. It’s a very personal thing.
As for the woman you know who named her child after a perfume: maybe your friend was wearing the perfume at the time the baby was conceived. Maybe she received the gift from her man. Maybe the perfume was the favorite perfume of her deceased mother or grandmother. Who knows?
Please check one of the baby names websites. You’ll be surprised at the names you find and their meanings. John, Bill, Bob, Mary, Joan and Ann have a little competition! Also, the name might not be popular now, but give it a few years and a couple of celebrities and it will become a more common name.
OK, I know I’m long winded, but this topic has struck me for some reason. I will not comment anymore after this because I’ve made my peace (unless, Jen [the uselessly cultured, well-read and high-minded, but still ignorant, angry black chick who refuses to enable herself to think outside of the box, thus she will spend the rest of her life inside of that dismal box] has something to say).
Anyway, the best way to explain it…There’s a movie called ‘Where the Heart Is”. It’s about a young, pregnant, homeless woman who lives in a local Wal-Mart during after hours. The rest of the story is meaningful and intriguing. Moses, one of the employees, told her to name her child a strong and meaningful name, so she named the baby, whom was delivered in the store, Americus. I know this sounds stupid, but art imitates life and many times vice versa.
Pregnancy sometimes can be a very lonely struggle with mother and baby against the world. That’s when a name begins to take on a new meaning.
My first child: I was in college, living in the dorm and determined to graduate. After she was born, I lived with my husband two hours away from school. I commuted during my last year and a half and I graduated. My daughter’s name stands for victory.
My second child: I was married, settled, loved and content. My son’s name stands for rest.
My third child: I was almost 33, I no longer was afraid of the world and I was on my way to becoming the mom, wife and woman I am today. My son’s name stands for strength.
It’s funny because I chose the names before I knew their meanings and somehow they fit, even to this day -14 years later.
Peter I hope this helps you!
I understand this reasoning perfectly. I’m not a cultured classy lady with a privileged upbringing, absolutely not. I was raised in poverty. I had wonderful options like getting gold teeth thrust upon me. It was a status symbol. In my inifinitely wise youth I said absolutely not will I have any gold teeth. I wanted beautiful white teeth just like I saw in the commercials. Today, I have as I’ve always had beautiful white teeth and I”m complimented on my smile all the time it’s my best feature. I manage to escape the poverty stricken mindset in terms of boisterous behavior and the new status marks, tattoos. lol
However, woo to me, I was unable to escape the name, I almost typed it but I better not. I changed that name many years ago. I was working at a computer company, my first really good job and no one could pronounce it. It always stood out. My personality is a tad reserved and I really hate to stand out from a negative perspective in any situation. I have a beautiful name. It’s not traditionally white but it’s simple. It’s ideal. It fits me. Leave it up to my great people to mess up such a simple beautiful name like Crystal because now they want to spell it with a K. That’s our ghetto poverty stricken influence refusing to be silenced. The sad part is that it doesn’t have to be silenced but simply toned down sometimes. But heaven forbid you suggest that, I’m not keeping it real. I find it really ridiculous.
And now this…
“(CNN) — A New Zealand judge has made a 9-year-old girl a ward of the court so that her name can be changed from Talula Does the Hula From Hawaii, the country’s national news agency reported Thursday.
Family Court Judge Rob Murfitt listed a series of unusual names that New Zealand parents had given their children, and said he was concerned that such strange monikers would create hurdles for them as they grew up.
“It makes a fool of the child and sets her up with a social disability and handicap,” the New Zealand Press Association quoted the judge as saying.
Among the names Murfitt cited: twins named Benson and Hedges — after a brand of cigarettes; Violence; and Number 16 Bus Shelter.
Some parents had named children after six-cylinder Ford cars, the news agency reported.
The Registrar General of Births, Deaths and Marriages said in a statement that it had rejected names including Fish and Chips, Yeah Detroit, Stallion, Twisty Poi — a staple food in Polynesian cuisine — and Sex Fruit.
A lawyer for Talula Does the Hula From Hawaii said the girl is so embarrassed by her name that friends know her as “K.”
Last month, an judge in the U.S. state of Illinois allowed a school bus driver to legally change his first name to “In God” and his last name to “We Trust.”
But an appeals court in the state of New Mexico ruled against a man — named Variable — who wanted to change his name to a two-word phrase that contains a four-letter expletive and expresses opposition to censorship”
Source:
http://edition.cnn.com/2008/WORLD/asiapcf/07/24/odd.names/index.html
LOL Peter… I just came in here to post that story!
“I manage to escape the poverty stricken mindset in terms of boisterous behavior and the new status marks, tattoos…
That’s our ghetto poverty stricken influence refusing to be silenced.”
I think it has absolutely nothing to do with poverty because new money folks and celebrities do the same thing. It’s the mindset of those who aren’t or don’t want to be part of the white-collar, middle to upper-class, and conventional lifestyle. On both extremes of the socioeconomic class system, you find people naming their children less traditional names more than the norm. You will also find those who abandon traditional values and religions (70s flower children) doing the same. So essentially, it seems to be mostly an expression of one’s desire to abandon convention. A way of saying fuck the system… or of expressing that you have enough money not to conform and be part of the system.
Ken wrote:
“plenty of Blacks elsewhere, specifically Africa and the Caribbean, have European names since they were colonized. How many us of know West Indians named Ethan and Nigel? Or how about Africans named Pierre, Dieudonne, Guy, and Francois?”
That’s a good lead-in to the possibility that there’s some self-caricature / self-portrayal aspect involved in naming children. I’m no psychologist but the thread here and the examples given (black, Asian, polynesian etc.) look as if people choose names for their children with the intention of portraying something of themselves – for which the child’s name is a caption – figuratively, like the title of a painting. Even names like Peter fit the bill, given that in the British colonial Caribbean past, a black boy might have been named Livingstone or Carlisle, which are now obsolescent other than for middle names that are used to distinguish one Ethan Clarke say, from another.
JJ makes a compelling case that most of it may be “an expression of one’s desire to abandon convention.” I’d only argue that we choose one convention over another based on whatever the perception of value is. Are we here thinking that it’s hard enough carrying the label ‘black’ without having a stupid name to go with it? I can agree with that, but to explain why might take a separate blog or thread.
Just thought I’d share this article on stupid names.
When I was in Junior high I wished I was another race.
I got over it. Kids can be very cruel (they get it from their parents).
I soon learned that there are good and bad people of every race.
I am prejudiced against arrogant, rude, selfish, ignorant, lazy, cruel people.
I will do everything in my power to make sure people like this do not succeed.
I won’t invest in the neighborhoods where they hang out. Can you blame me?
I don’t need to understand them. I don’t need to feel sorry for them.
I only need to not be like them. If I go into your store and get lousy service, that will be the last time I patronize your store. I vote with my wallet.
I don’t need YOU to approve of me because if I did, that would mean that what YOU think about me is more important than what I think of me.
God is my judge, not you or anybody else. I will treat you as I want to be treated by you. If you don’t reciprocate, I won’t hate you, but I won’t associate with you any more than is absolutely necessary.
This is basic stuff and has nothing to do with Funny names or nationalities or races. This has to do with common decency and spiritual priciples that transcend Race. I’ll get off of my soapbox now…
My name is African because my parents are African. I also consider myself African American (literally representing that I am from both cultures) despite the complaints I’ve gotten from black Americans that I am just black because I was born in America. Ijeoma (pronounce E-Joe-Mah), which is my name, is a traditional Igbo (Nigerian) name. I learned very early in life that Ijeoma was not going to fly in America. The nick name for Ijeoma is Ije which is pronounced EJ. Ije also proved to be an issue, so I shortened my name furhter so that I wouldn’t have as much trouble fitting in.
You can only imagine my dismay when I meet chilren who have these ignorant names.
For example: I have a friend who was pregnant. Her boyfriends other daughter’s name was Heaven … she decided it would be cute to name her daughter Destiny so their names would match. Realizing her mistake two years later, she is now calling her daughter by her middle name, Sidney. I guess she wants her daughter to be able to obtain employement outside of McDonalds.
Oh by the way, I have a brother named Okwudili – pronounced as its spelled. My mom’s name is Florence and My dad and older brothers names are Peter. I can feel these kids’ pain …
My ex was named Klevelandria…take a guess to what her dad’s name was? You guessed it Cleveland! Go figure…
^ what the FUCK?
Oh, Troll
I’m white and from rural Australia, and I’ve never met an African, African- American etc. However we get a lot of American TV here and I see a lot of the black Americans with strange names, but it seems more of an emerging culture thing happening, not necessarily a bad thing. I can totally accept black Americans either mixing African names and English names, or even making up names. What I can’t stand are young white Australian mothers, with easy access to names from their English, Italian, French or eastern European heritage, calling their children names that don’t sound too unique on a black American child, but sound completely ridiculous on a white Australian.
Examples of some children I know:
La’Sette
Shanisha
Kortny Latifah
Maarkoyla
Toshia
An out- there name on an African American doesn’t sound that bad as it seems pretty common to give them one, and at least they can carry one with some attitude. These kids above, all white as snow, have no chance.
lol @ Aussie…
as an east african it really pisses me off when i see arabic names get murdered. we don’t name our kids these names just because they sound nice, we give them these names for personal value. i’d rather have a “regular” name than a name my parents came up with while playing scrabble.
my friend knows a grown man who’s first name is “our God reins”
now what would you call him for short?! thats not a name its a sentence.
Had a bud in the Air Force named Javelin. Thought that was either genius level irony or just stupid. I called him Chuck. He got it the frst time. We had many co-workers who never caught on. BTW- Japanese names have meanings, they are essentially hippy names. My wife’s name means beutiful freedom and her sister’s name means snow.
I knew a girl in elementary school named “Quantreka.” QQ.
Oh and I thought I was the ONLY person who knew a: Precious, Dynasty, and Treasure. I kid you not…I knew ALL three at some point in the last few years.
White, Black, green, whatever—the parents who put absolutely no thought or effort into naming their kids need to be slapped.
I knew a girl whose first name was Pleasure and last name was Gainer in high school—no lie. What were her parents thinking? Good grief.
I remember in the 90’s when HBO did ethnic retellings of the fairy tales: “Happily Ever After: Fairy Tales For Every Child.” They did one on “Beauty and the Beast.” From what I remember, there was some of that “naming your child what virtue/object you want him/her to grow up with” going on. The son was named “Tree” because his father thought he’d grow up to be big and strong like a tree, but the son grew up to be lazy. And the one daughter was named Precious because the father thought she’d be such, but apparently this didn’t come true. Name that was lived up to was Beauty, since she did grow up to be one.
I just find it so funny that art imitated life in terms of the thought process of naming kids.
stupidest name i’ve ever heard:
a white girl named ‘God’. pronounced “Gee-oh-dee”. whites, especially self proclaimed hippies give their kids really fucking stupid names too. i went to high school in rural maine with two sisters named Sunny and Summer Lovejoy.
I think Lovejoy is a historical last name, but still, if your last name is Lovejoy don’t name your kid after rainbows and happy things.
Oh, and one I forgot from my list: Miracle Blue.
Sounds like a toilet cleaner or washing detergent, but this poor kid’s stuck with it now.
I work for a grocery store chain and did an audit on our WIC checks and that’s where you see the most insane names black and white.
Keanu Djimon
Americus United
Jinatee Samuaria Intylyana
http://fox61.trb.com/news/wtic-0808-almighty-supremebeing-allah,0,400487.story
Almighty Supremebeing Allah Arrested
^^^^I think that goes into Bad Names Hall of Fame
I once taught a child named “Creonka.” A fellow teacher said: “I swear these niggas are runnin’ out of names.”
I work in a school and the worst was
VONNIQUISA
I though I was going to be tutoring a child from another country BUT…it turned out it was a little black girl that lived in the neighborhood, the same one her mother and father were raised in.
The name is pronounced Va-nisha, don’t know how or where but it is.
Once when I was studying abroad I got a list of the girls I would be rooming with and they all thought I was going to be a snobby white girl (it was just black girl me) and the Tashawnna was going to be a ghetto black girl (snobby white girl)
Re the comments from Chris the author vs. Chris the Vietnamese, I think the real issue is why are 2 of the biggest minorities in the US hating on each other when there is plenty of racism to go around already? The sad truth is, we Asians do make fun of Black people’s names, not just because they are stupid names, but because they are stupid Black names. Most Asians are horrible racists especially against Blacks. Similarly, many Black people don’t seem to realize that the Asian name they are mocking probably means something beautiful in a language that is thousands of years old. More importantly, that dismissive attitude is exactly the same one used by the white bossman when he passes on a Black-sounding name in the pile of resumes (and in a nice demonstration of reverse racism, hires the Asian guy who is presumed to be smart, hard working, etc.).
All I’m saying is, let’s make fun of people who deserve it, i.e., because they have done something stupid like making up a fake name for their kids, not because of their cultural heritage or the color of their skin.
You guys are killing me! LOL
XD
“We all know that asians get their name from throwing a pan down the stairs and listening to the sounds”
“ping pong pang motherfucka”
First of all I just thought this was the funniest comment!!! Anyway, (sighs) now I dont feel so bad about my name. I hated my name for awhile and I am now just starting to embrace it. YES YES A THOUSAND TIMES YES I’m glad there are people who express the same frustrations that I have about dumb-ass names for black children. I just wanna ask their parents what heck were you thinking?
*Prime example*
My 21 year old cousin has a one month old baby girl. Now her name is Au-nahjah…..Yes thats her name and I definitely did not know how to pronounce it and I’m taking a stab at the spelling. I am embarassed for my poor little innocent cousin. The day she was born, I talked to my cousin at the hospital and I was like “How do you say the baby’s name?” The first thing she says is “Ummmmm” ???????? Now that’s bad when the own mother doesnt know how to say her own child’s name. That is some craziness for you! We’ve got to do better black people!!!! Simplicity is key!
This girl I used to date told me this story of when she worked at a kindergarten. It sticks with me because it is both sad and funny and I can’t really tell which. I woman was bringing her daughter in for the first time. She asked what her daughter’s name was and the woman said what sounded like “Pah jah may”. She said “that’s an interesting name, where does it come from?” The woman said “oh, I saw it on a clothing label once and though it sounded so pretty so I named my daughter that.” That’s when she realized she named the poor girl Pajamas.
Oh and let’s not forget the stripper names that are given to little girls
Peaches
Diamond
Cinnamon
Co-Co
Cherry
Just to name a few. A hot mess!
The taking inspiration from random stuff to name your kids is a class thing. Swedish young, working class parents do this too – I knew one girl named Melissa, which I thought was sweet, so I asked her parents where it was from, to which they replied “our vacuum cleaner” (it’s a brand there.) Otherwise they go for a lot of American, tv-inspired names, Jim, Phoebe (unpronouncable there…)
I don’t know why it seems to be a class thing though, to seemingly think your kids’ names through less or take inspiration from random, more shallow things? I guess it shows a lack of pretentiousness which is nice, but, I don’t know… I guess it’s because they tend to have kids when they’re younger? The need to be unique probably wears off with age. I’m personally glad my mom didn’t name me Dirt Devil or something just because we were broke.
It’s all subjective, highly so. My name is English, but I was born and raised in Puerto Rico, so nobody knew how to say it… I hated it for the longest time, until I moved from New Jersey and everybody was ok with the pronounciation and the spelling. My husband (poor thing) has the middle name “de Jesus,” which in Spanish means “of Jesus.” Even his mom is regretting that one. She forbade him from naming a “junior.” We argued and thought and studied for months to finally arrive at our daughter’s name. We arrived at the English version of an old name, something everyone can spell and say correctly.
On a different note… I work in HR and get to see all the ridiculous names given to EVERYONE. It’s universal… the younger the person is, the more likely they are to have a strange name.
And how about that family they keep showing on TLC (or one of the Discovery channels) that have 18 kids and all their names start with the letter J??? WTF??? They should have chosen the letter M, but that’s besides the point. Can you imagine less thought put into one’s name than having to choose one with the letter J? No thought or reason just “Oh, we have another one, let’s name it JIKES!!!”
I went to school in Silver Spring, MD, and I will say that the majority of the African-American kids actually had “normal” names (Adam, Brandon, April, Samantha, Carrie, Christina, etc.). There were a couple of ones who snuck in (I remember a girl named Keshaun, for instance) but they were rather few and far between (and my high school was more than 40% black, pretty high percentage for a Montgomery County public school). And even though I go to an HBCU, I still don’t come across that many stupid names (and Lord knows I expected to).
But when I DO come across a stupid name, it isn’t just a little stupid (like an altered spelling of an already existing name), it’s REALLY stupid (there’s a girl I know named Niecy (like Niece with an “E” sound on the end), but it’s her nickname. You wanna know her real name? Aquaneesha. I about fuckin’ DIED when I found that out! What were her parents thinking?!
People who know me already think I’m an Oreo, well just wait until they find out that if I ever have a daughter, I’m either naming her Rebecca (Becky), Madison, or Ava (three of the whitest white girl names you could think of), and if I have a son, his name with either be Maxwell, Aidan, or Shane.
When I was in grad school, I taught a freshman-level class at my university. On the first day, I went around the room, calling on people using the computerized class roster. I came across a young black lady with the name LaVreen, which I pronounced “luh-VREEN.”
She said, “No, it’s luh-VRIN.” (short ‘i’)
I said, “Oh, ok, luh-VRIN,” but she shook her head and said, “No, it’s LA (short ‘a’, emphasis on first syllable) -vrin.”
I said, “Ah, okay — LA-vrin.” She said, “No! It’s luh-VREEN.”
I said, “luh-VREEN.” She said, “No, it’s luh-VRIN!”
Starting to feel like I was in the twilight zone, I hesitantly said, “luh-VRIN.”
Exasperated with my obvious ignorance, the young woman huffed and said, “Mr. Smith! It’s FRENCH!”
She barely got a C- in the class (completely irrespective of her name).
What I don’t understand is why African-Americans who want to name their kids African names choose Swahili. First, don’t most have ancestry in West Africa, not East Africa? Second, Swahili is a language derived from the Arab-East African slave trade–ironic, to say the least!
I have to say, the most ridiculous names I ever came across were given to white children at a daycare where I worked in Richmond VA (old money south kids). I have watched children named Seegar, Hartley, and (my personal favorite) Slaughter. Yes, this kid’s parents named him after a synonym for violent murder. Personally, I’d take Shaniqua over that any day of the week.
Regarding Sarah. This is just a guess. It was Sarah in the Bible who threw out Hagar, the concubine who was forced to get pregnant by Abraham because Sarah couldn’t get pregnant. I believe this is supposed to be the source of the ancient Arab-Israeli conflict. Jealous Sarah was willing to let Hagar and her baby Ishmael die of thirst in the desert, and steal Ishmael’s birthright.
Maybe that doesn’t hold up because there are black men named Isaac, who was the favored son Sarah then had with Abraham.
True story:
In the 80’s at Landover Mall in MD, I managed a store. I was introduced to a salesperson named Cruzita (ok…). A week or so passes, and I have to process payroll for the 1st time. I pull the time cards and see that Cruzita’s name is actually spelled “Cru-T-i-Z-a.” Boy, do I feel stupid; I go find the girl and apologize — have I been mis-pronouncing her name all this time as Cruzita? Oh, no, she assures me, it’s Cruzita. But, I point out, it’s spelled C-r-u-T-i-Z-a — that’s “Cru-TIZA.” Why is she called Cru-ZITA?
She tells me “That’s how it pronounce.” Actual quote.
(PS, I am black, and my name is Kim.)
To be fair, Mercedes was a name before it was a car.
Also, Portia = fine. Porsche = not so much.
Reminds me of an article I read recently about the success of actual Africans who immigrate to the US. (40% of Ivy League blacks are of foreign extraction).
They were reported to feel estranged from American blacks in part because “American blacks are always angry…everything with them is race..”.
This whole odd-ball name thing is a rebellion against the dominant (Anglo-White) culture, but as is usual with such negativity it is self-defeating. Dr Cosby is right again. We whites who have hiring power do associate the oddball names with at a minimum low-class behavior. Additionally, it is part of the breakdown of the black family. Most of us give our kids mnames that belonged to grandparents, uncles, moms and dads- especially if they are passed. The black men I worked with were Henry, John, Robert, etc., I’m sure they had grandads with similar monikers. As to the Asians, the old style folks I knew out West had “American” names like Bruce, Ken or Mike- although their birth certificate might have family choices in the ancestral language. The last name was for the heritage, the first for the culture they lived in. With a country full of immigrants it was always a sign of respect and allegience to use an anglicized version of the foreign name . But then, that was from a time when people wanted to be Amerikaans. I do like Keisha though- she’s very sweet.
I was waited on at McDonald’s by a girl called Loreal. Since there was no accent mark, I can only assume it’s pronounced “Loh-reel.”
Aaaw. Without these names, we wouldn’t have a classic rap like “Shaniqua Don’t Live Here No Mo”.
In all seriousness, the asian and Indian kids are actual authentic names. What the blogger was railing about was bastardized Swahili names which don’t even improve upon the original.
Quite frankly, Shenaynay, Shaniqua all sound pretty ghetto.
As far as the tendency of some whites to give their kids stripper names, you got that right. What kind of fucking name is Paris Hilton. Or those hippy names like Leaf or River Phoenix. Or what about the continued use of Bubba as a nickname. Dick Trickle, yeah that’s a white name.
Great post and comments. But black folks can’t claim all the credit for atrocious made-up names. A friend of mine named her daughter Bodae, which is some sort of fossilized underwater bug. Ugh. But she thinks it’s just a bodacious name, and indeed Bodae went on to give her son an equally creative name. Sigh… And don’t forget JonBenet Ramsey (pronounced zhawn-benay, of course), who couldn’t have been whiter. Her father’s name was John Bennett Ramsey, so mom got creative.
Last time I bought a gym membership, the employee who was handling the transaction introduced herself to me.
Her name was Pillow.
She added that her father named her because she was a cuddly baby.
Whew. She’s only a cuddly baby for a couple of years; after that, she’s an adult who deserves to be referred to with a woman’s name. Of any language.
I know a child called Marqel. He will always have to tell people that his name is “Marqel. That’s M-A-R-Q-E-L. No ‘U’.”
To top it off, his middle name is that of a fashion designer. What happens if the desginer falls out of favor with the buying public?
[...] names, anyway?” Apart from being a generally well-done overview of the subject, it points to a March post on a blog called Stuff Black People Hate, titled “Stupid Names.” The category of interest to me is “Luxury [...]
I knew a woman from Azerberjian named Lala, for what it’s worth.
I am a white 57 year old employer. I have indeed read many resumes and grimaced at some of the fanciful names thereon. I have compassion for those so afflicted but I have to add that the first thing that goes through my mind when I see an obviously black name is ghetto. I have a knee jerk reaction to hiring people from that socioeconomic experience because it is so far from anything I can relate to. When I see ghetto, I don’t think individuality. I think deprivation. Violence. Drug abuse. Minimal language and writing skills born of a thread bare education. A lack of work ethic that is indigenous to that environment. While I recognize that this is stereotyping a whole group of people and is by definition and nature racist, I just can’t help it. That’s what is burned onto my furrowed brow. When I am hiring people, one of the main concerns for me is how will this person fit in with the rest of my staff? As a unit, will we have the necessary chemistry to carry off this endeavor? Will it work and will it be rewarding? I look at talent, initiative, work ethic and social skills every bit as heavily as their work credentials. It’s easier to fake the credentials than the underlying ability to communicate and communication is the key to successful group effort in a corporate environment. Don’t kid yourself, if you can’t spell or speak clearly, it will haunt you whatever your race. It is obvious to read my viewpoint as a racial comment but it is the cold hard edge of the employment reality. I owe it to my clients to provide the best effort I can. I don’t owe anybody a job, my wayward family members not withstanding. I realize this attitude of mine engenders apartheid roles for races in my country and when I do find someone who is black and has the necessary skills I am seeking, I do back flips to help them succeed. Which leads me to make the obvious comment about Barak Obama. Would I be more likely to vote for him if he had a white sounding name? At first, that might very well have been the case. However, I am more familiar with his background thanks to our generous media coverage. As you get to know more about someone, the more common ground you find that you can relate to. That is the case with everyone, I’m sure, across the racial spectrum. The trick is to get Neanderthals like me to want to know you. To that end, if you were nominally cursed at birth, you’re going to have to find a way to make your resume and your interview something special.
Any name is better than fucking Ashley and Brittany. Every other 16-to-25 year old female is either an Ashley or Brittaney. (or variations thereof: Ashlee, Britney, all so very cutesy and SO very unique)
I’m sorry Raven, but in Chinese we don’t make the sound “ching” or “chong”. There isn’t one character in all of the Chinese language that makes the above mentioned sounds.
Mercedes is actually a very common (and beautiful) name in Spanish (particularly in Argentina…) So I’d take it off your list… Peace…
Sorry about the Mercedes comment… had no time to look at comments… I get your point… Keep up the good work…
This is the problem with black people and our mindsets. Almost, everyone with these supposedly “white” names are saying their kids will get interviews with the white man while the asians, arabs, africans and every other foreign born person migrating to the U.S. immediately talks about owning their own shit.
Instead of inspiring our kids to be their own boss rather than hoping someone will give them an interview is akin to slavery of the mind. These names are not the problem in the black community its the mindsets of the people in it….
My pet peeve about naming children no matter what race or ethnicity is: naming all your children beginning with the same letter. My cousin named her daughters: Madeline, Meredith, & Molly. There is nothing more obnoxious than that.
I worked at an early childhood center: some of the more absurd names I came across: A’Taujanae & Diamond. The latter child would talk on the play phone and was quite endearing. I once heard her say (most likely mimicking someone at home): “Oh no, you ain’t goin’ to the Cluuuub”. I laughed out loud.
Speaking to all of you who have written, “white people name their kids f’ed up stuff, too!”
Don’t I know it.
I’m originally from a small town in central Texas. Stupid is stupid no matter what color one’s skin…the following names are proof…I actually know and/or know family or friends of all of these people.
When the middle name is key to the absurdity of the name, I’ll include it – so please know that if there’s a second name listed, it’s not that persons surname.
Ok, here we go with the bad WP names: Stormie Cee, Dailey Joye (the previous two are kids of two girls I went to high school with), Brooklyn Bridget (no joke – I worked with a guy who was hugely proud he’d named his kid this), Tommy Dick, Tanya Trenice, Carlos Bill (yes, Carlos is white), Summer Dawn, Brandy Dawn, Starla, Mendy d’Lynn, Dainty (who, thankfully, truly was a small person), twins – Contessa & Teleasha, twins – Karter & Kenedie (I guess their parents had an affection for democratic presidents…but not enough to spell their names correctly), AND, one of my personal favorites for twins – Taylor Jordan and Jordan Taylor (I am not kidding).
So, see??? There are stupid names everywhere. Why, just last month, a college buddy of mine named her son Jet.
Totally forgot to mention, but, a friend of mine teaches at a charter school in Houston and a couple of years ago had two sisters enrolled at the school: Princess Diana and Beautiful Princess. Their last name was like, Rodriguez. I asked her if they went by Princess and Beautiful and she said, “They prefer to be called by both names.” Can you imagine sitting in class with these two?? “Princess Diana, please turn around in your seat and pay attention!” LOL…
I’m white and very interested in names– I just found out about your post from a names listserv I’m on. I used to have the usual attitude about these names– that they just indicated stupidity in the parents (or, often, parent, since a good number are named by young single mothers, like the 18-year-old sharing my maternity ward who named her son Antwajuan, pronounced “Antoine”).
However, I’ve come to see these names as traditional in their own right– if you think of it as “traditional” to invent a name– which it is in this particular subculture of American life– that is what the mothers are doing.
Thinking of it this way, I have a grudging respect for the really wild names like Osiris, Davine and Keontyce.
All the same, it definitely handicaps the bearer in mainstream American society, which is not a really smart move on the parents’ part.
I once met a Jamario. Ja Mario. He was hitting on me at my work and I was thinking, “No. I can never introduce a Jamario to my parrents” And everytime I say it out loud, I giggle. This was about a year ago. And the name has stuck to me forever.
ANd no. Even if I were black I would not name any of my kids Jamario.
F- (I wish I could curse) mainstream America. I know about mainstream America and you guys have more problems than weird names (I live amongst you, I work with you, I went to school with you and I’ve vacation with you – you’ve told me your secrets – but I’m definitely NOT like you). You’re able to hide it better than most people. Believe me, I’ve seen and heard it all from mainstream America and I’d rather my uniquely named children hang out with welfare mother’s children before I let them hang around the psyco/sociopaths in mainstream America.
Thank goodness for antidepressants otherwise the mainsteam Americans (i.e. some white people, but not all) would reek havoc upon our country. Just look at the Clinton crazies. They left their meds at home and now they’re freaking out.
LOL I had to respond to this one! Unfortunately, my husband and his brothers all have names starting with the letter “R.” Strangely enough, the name of their older sister ( who sadly passed on at the age of 3) began with a “Y.” Go figga…..
“Trig Paxson Van Palin”
WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
“Remy” is at least a respectable French name.
http://www.sportingnews.com/blog/the_sporting_blog/entry/view/11597/introducing_mr._ocho_cinco
Chad Ocho Cinco? Why?
I swiped this from the ‘net
http://notwithoutmyhandbag.com/babynames/12.html
Somewhere a few months ago I got an e-mail about a guy on an HGTV program named Timber Dick. Soon afterwards on my first, pop-up heavy bulletin board, intrepid reader Bob gave us the lowdown on Timber Dick, and I followed up with some research.
Timber Dick has a brother-in-law named Dick Swett, who has served as a Congressman from New Hampshire as well as U.S. Ambassador to Denmark. Each married a daughter of Tom Lantos, who represented California’s 12th District in the U.S. House of Representatives for 27 years, before passing away in Feb. 2008. Lantos, who was profiled in the Oscar-winning film “The Last Days,” escaped from a Nazi labor camp as a teenager and joined the Hungarian underground – he was the only Holocaust survivor to serve in Congress. Between his two daughters and their respective Dicks, he had 17 grandchildren. I voted for him twice.
And there’s even more political connections – Dick’s mother, Nancy, was Colorado’s first female lieutenant governor.
Sadly, Timber Dick passed away in April ‘08 from burns he sustained in a car crash.
Update!: Not one, but two of Timber Dick’s kids have contacted me saying yep, he’s real, and a great dad. Turns out he and his brother-in-law were roommates, and both families have a penchant for unconventional names.Included in their combined clans are Keaton, Levi, Chanteclaire, Tomicah, Charity, Kismet, Atticus, Kimber, Zenith, Sunday and Sunny.
I taught a young boy named (first and last) DaFinest Blackman
…yes his mother planned for that
Have a friend naming her son, Dereon (yes, like the clothing line)
…also plans to get the Dereon sign tattooed on her as a token of love to her son
[...] Stupid Names [...]
I wish I had a more interesting name than Dave… damn, I know about 20 different Daves.
Is the name “Dick” very appealing to see written anywhere? I don’t think so.
What’s next, are you going to criticize all the Chinese names that were evident during the Olympics? Names like Zheng (mine), Wang, Blung? What about East Indian names like Palminderjeet, Harveet, Rupinder, Sanjoti? How about Russian names, Greek names, Turkish names?
Sorry everyone in this world isn’t blonde haired, blue eyed, and named Bill. Why do Americans always think they run everything anyways? They weren’t the first ones here, the Natives were. Are you going to make fun of Native Indian names like Wampanoag, Chemehuevi, Wailaki as well?
Mia — a very pretty name. Meeiah — a very silly spelling. Poor kid; she’ll pay for her parents’ desire to be different.
Zheng, you might want to check up on your stereotypes – The author of this article is African American.
Dumbass.
all of the women in the second pic are ethiopian
Apparently this “bastardization” of names also happens in Asia. In the Philippines, there was a time when all names were supposed to have h’s on them to make them cooler, like Jhenny, Rhod, Abhi (short for Abigail), Mhelanie… you get it? Now parents name their kids with two names and really American-sounding – Ethan Carl, James Daniel… it would be ok IF your last name has a foreign sound into it. But if your name is John Micheal Mautakan – no, no, it’s not going to cut it.
Must we continue to let something as trivial as a name hold us down. Utter foolishness to read these comments, we are so fucked up as race we don’t know which way is up anymore. A parent can name their child anything they want to fucking name them, and if you think the names fucked up that’s yor prerogative, but to assume that said child will grow to be a person more affected by their name than their actual upbringing is foolish and just another example of Black people having their priorities fucked up.
The only thing black women hate more then stupid names, is men that are crappy in bed
Come check out Ancient Sex Secrets Revealed:
http://sexed.wordpress.com
Here is the thing 95% of black people hate white people and they will try to name their kids anything other than a white name, even black christians will name their kids weird names instead of using bible names, i know their are weird white names to but i almost guarentee you if a person was to ask 100 people “half the people black and half of the people white” their names almost all of the black names will be something that is totally off the wall.
Now i am not saying all black people hates white people but i bet if you were to look and talk to the parents who names their kids weird names they will most likely have something against white people because i have noticed that average hard working black people or real black christians names their kids regular names, and black people who kinda dislikes whites will name their kids something weird instead of giving them a name the resembles a white persons name.
Okay, my nephew was named Dakota Shyanne and is called Coty (which I think is the name of an old feminine hygeine product) and his sister was named Destiny Shyanne. Then I work with a woman called LaTrine’, I kid you not.
Re: Merri Lee’s comment about “the chick from the Steve Harvey Show named her son Kal’El, Superman’s birth name” … I’ll admit, I did laugh initially but I knew that the names from Superman had symbolic roots.
The co-creators of Superman, Jerry Siegel and Joe Shuster were both Jewish and the “Kryptonian” name, “Kal-El,” resembles the Hebrew words קל-אל, which can be taken to mean “voice of God”. The suffix “el”, meaning “(of) God” in Hebrew, is also found in the name of angels (e.g. Gabriel, Ariel), who are flying humanoid agents of good with superhuman powers.
This white girl has not laughed this hard in a long time! I say the hell with all of this politically correct crap – if we can learn to laugh at ourselves once in a while, we’ll be just fine. I work at a university and have also seen some weird-ass names myself. Not just for black students, but white ones as well (and I totally agree with the poster above who said that we have too many Britneys – also too many Ashleys, Ambers, etc. etc. etc. And what’s up with the gymnast from the Olympics named Chellsie? I guess “Chelsea” was too normal).
The other thing I can’t stand is yuppie parents giving their kids names like Braden, Morgan, Madison, Taylor, Haley and Brady. WTF? The nursing homes now are filled with old ladies named Helen, Mary, Sophie, Mildred and Stella. Sixty years from now, they’ll be full of Heathers and Kayleighs (and some of the others mentioned before).
There’s also a three year old in my sister’s neighborhood named Schuyler. I feel sorry for that poor kid when she (yes, she) has to learn how to spell her name – I can barely spell it myself.
The best (or worst) name of all, though, belonged to a guy I used to work with about ten years ago. His name was Richard Head…. ouch!
Mercedes Mcambridge was a Hollywood actress from the 50s. Mercedes Ruehl is a current actress. Mercedes Sosa is a Brazilian singer. I never think of the car when I hear that name – it’s a beautiful name.
Up here in Montreal, the Quebec registry recently banned parents from naming a (white) girl Spatula. Nonetheless, a few crazy French names here. Océane, anyone?
My mother originally was attempting to make me a stripper. She wanted to name me Amber Topaz(because that’s my birthstone) or Topaz Mariyah (Pole anyone?). Thank god 2 things happened: I looked like my father when I was born and she didn’t decide to ghetto up his name to name me for him-his name is Lawrence Miller and I ended up with Lori Marie….not too bad….I couldn’t imagine running around here with one of the made up names….but I can’t expect anything else from my mother really….she has ‘Allyze’ tattooed on her chest…she’s 56…..
I know a little black girl named Chardonnay Jodeci…..
a little white girl named Abcde-pronounced Ab-si-dee
a girl named Evian…..like the water.
I went to school with a Shelonne-her dad’s name was Shelton, mother’s Yvonne….
a friend sister graduated with a girl named ImUnique….seriously…
and let’s not even get started on all of the girls named Special, Beauty (Thanks Dru Hill!), Satin, Gorgeous, Honey, Peaches…..it’s like a pre stripper convention in these classrooms sometimes.
And I also know a man named Paris and one named Precious…..and no, they’re not gay.
Wow…what a post! What is incredible is that this post is exactly what nonblacks think about black names for the most part.
You made some great points!
Also, my best friend in high school is Chinese and her parents named her….Ding Ding.
Not surprisingly, she preferred to be called Dee.
Also, a friend of mine who is orginally from Japan is named Saico…that is pronounced Phyco.
I’m amazed that no one mentioned the name Nevaeh. This name has shot up on the popularity charts and was the 5th most common name for Black girls in 2006 in New York. Oh, sure it sounds lovely, but the name has no real meaning, except that it is Heaven spelled backwards. WTH?
“Lala” is the name of a character in the play “The Colored Museum.”
Yes, but Lala is also the name of a Teletubby.
ConfusedKenyan said, “What I don’t understand is why African-Americans who want to name their kids African names choose Swahili.”
The problem is, many of us Black Americans are completely clueless about our African ancestry. It is nearly impossible to trace it back (yes, I have tried, and successfully documented 8 generations on my family tree…all in the USA so far). Africa is a huge continent, with many many languages and cultures and…names. Imagine trying to hazard a guess at which language is an accurate reflection of my ancestry. Perhaps it would be akin to choosing a name from Spain when my actual ancestors are from Norway. Very very different! I don’t think that naming is an easy process. Our family pretty much sticks with traditional names…like the English language version of Biblical names, etc. Our country, after all, is the USA, so it seems most appropriate to choose names that reflect country’s mainstream culture and language.
This is why we have Deed Polls … only problem is – you should be able to change your name before you turn 18. Imagine if I couldn’t change Lucretia as my middle name? I changed my name and the name still tramatizes me – I would hate for anyone to find an old yearbook from my high school. I used to think it was damn idiots from back in the day that did this shit but people are still ruining their kids – black kids don’t need anymore of a low self esteem than they already have – someone just named her kid Nachurel Destiny … for christsake. The child is just 2.
I live in Ireland and we have this, but in a different way. A lot of the nouveau-riche and middle-classes (none of whom speak the Irish language) are very keen to give their children Irish names. But they are also keen to be idiots, so they just invent pronunciations for existing names, or just choose a word from the dictionary and pretend it’s a name. For example: Siofra. “It means fairy!” No it doesn’t, it means changeling.
My father-in-law had to work with a woman named “Ragina” prounounced like vagina. He NEVER said her name for fear of actually saying the va-jay jay word.
And I swear this is true, I knew a girl named Clitoris sounds like Delores. But the spelling is the same as the body part.
I mean COME ON people.
Well, i have come accross some really stupid names. Such as, tomprameneesha (top ramen + eesha) and shi-thead. I have also come accross amnidectrous and caoslaw. And also, song, that was an occward conversation.
Some names do really push the limit, but it all depends on where your from and what the meaning is. My children are Eritrean….
Adiam-Girl
Aryiah-Boy
Trahas-Girl
Esias-Boy (like the eritrean president)
I’m a white chick and I hate hate my name so I have no room to talk I think it’s screwed up, my sisters got the names Holly (beautiful name) and Jennifer (common and boring!). Anyway, I go to a college with mostly black people and I hear these crazy names all day long. I was thinking about this and googled it and found this page. I love a lot of the people I go to school with, a lot are nice to me but damn their names! Anyway, one of my group partners is name, get this, Zipora! Wtf is that? At first I thought it was sephora like the store, so i was kinda like neat i love that store. But then i found out it was zipora and i thought really, where did that come from? I can understand all those categories except for the one where they just makeup names. And i’m pretty sure Zipora is just made up. I hate those types. I can understand mercedes or african names, etc. But geez, stuff like zaquisha? come on!
I was mad at my mother for years for naming me Nishauna (na-sean-na) but I got used to it after people kept telling how pretty it was. I perfer for peopel to call me shauna because when they try to peonounce my whole name they call me everything but my name. I have been called shana, shannon, sheena,etc. now my middle name is worse, Rayshieda(ray-she-da) where my mother got this name from is beyond me. That why when I had my son I named him after his dad which I am so glad he had a what I deem to be a normal nem. Michael Edward. If I have any more children they to will have names that people don’t have to break down to spell. I have heard some names in my day. My 16 year old cousin wants to name her baby Blaze. why doesn’t she just put the drugs in his hand now and put him on the corner cause that sure sound like a drug dealer name to me.
I went to school with a girl named quentonya. My ex friend named her daughter Ty’Janae and got mad at any one that said something about it. her friend named her daughter Jayony. One of my friends cousin named her child Dijonay like the little girl on the proud family.
If anybody is on here from baltimore and they listen to 92Q its a chick on there that gives the entertainment breakdown and her name is Shaneka Shawanna Malika Tawanna Brown. That is like the highest level of fuckery I have ever heard in all my days. or like these celeberties who name their children shit like Pilot Inspecktor or Apple or Honor
It’s a funny post, but why you gotta drag the Asian shit back in?! You must hang out with a lot of Asians, since you have so much racist beef with us!!!! At least our names are real, and have some hereditary background, unlike “Shaniqua” names.
I know I’m well late, but In reference to London’s story about Sarah not being a black girl name. Please note, this poster is from London and in the UK it is very uncommon. Sarah is the equivalent to Becky – Rebecca aka Becky is a common name for black women and as I understand it not so much in the US.
As we are talking about cultural significance of names, this is essential to the blog.
No lie, I know three kids named Beautiful, Handsome and So Fine and they are the ugliest three kids I’ve ever met.
well I for one love my name. dont really have no regrets about it. sure its ghetto but oh well. my first name is laquanda and my middle is shantae. i think that as long as you are comfortable with your name then thats all thats matters. yea my name may be ghetto but so what…..i’m not. people sometimes call me oreo. so what cause i speak good english. hell i met plent of people with “white” names that are just as ghetto. now im not jocking this post….just simply stating. now with that said and done here is my list….
Cinquanta
Sunkesha
Chinquita
Chanel
DaToryanna
LeTavious
Shandrika
Precious
Cherry
Now funny story…I wanted to name my daughter DeTashianna….ha ha. Now I’m actually glad that the doctor asked her what her name would me. He named her Shania Nicole. Some people tend to think that that is a ghetto name. How is Shania ghetto?
I once met a girl named “Ralphalette” Come on! How about LaRalph? Names mean something. We need to be serious when we name a child and think about that name for the next 70-80 years.
We have a reporter in my town who is named “Porcha”. They pronounce it “Portia”, but can you imagine having it spelled like the porch? Does she have a sister “Verandah”. She is a lovely young woman. What were her parents thinking?
Andora is the name(Most people know me by Annie[[over the years I've come to hate my nickname more than i hated my real name when i was younger]] some people like to call me andy! No thanks). It’s about 2 months into school and some people are still finding out my name in my classes(I’m a senior in high school) I have a portfolio for art class with my name on it(required) and people read it and they’re like “what does that mean!?!!?!?” “It’s my name” “REALLY??!?!?!” [no you dumb shit i just told you that to see what you'd say] “Yep that’s my real name.” “That’s really pretty!” My father named me(My mother couldn’t have been half as creative. I probably would have ended up with Michelle or some shit after her drinking buddy). I was named after(so he says) Pandora the Greek mythological woman created by the gods and given some of their personality traits(beauty, power, etc.). She was also given curiosity and a box that she was told never to open(i bet no one can guess what happens next!) she opens it one day[SURPRISE!] because the curiosity was just eating away at her. She unleashes unspeakable evil into the world but at the bottom of the box is hope(oh shit yes, bring on the hope!). There is also a country named Andorra(I told my father about it in like. . .9th grade? he had no idea it existed.) And there you have the origins. I enjoy googling myself only to find that Google thinks I’ve spelled my name wrong and need assistance. Life is exciting when you have a name that pretty much no one has ever heard before even though there’s a country with the same pronunciation.(shows how much people know about third world countries.) Sometimes when people see my name and try to pronounce it they say “Andrea” Oh really? I don’t see an e anywhere. . .hmmm. . .OH AND WOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT NIFTY LITTLE O? WHERE DOES HE GO? Oh he switches places with the r and turns into an e? How fabulous! Let me teach you how it goes, ready? article, preposition, article. Three simple little words you use in your everyday language that seem to baffle you when smashed together in a ‘no silent letter tricks’ name.
Ugh I hate this. Why can’t people go.. “I wanna name my kid heaven! but that sounds retarded..” and look up an actual name that MEANS heaven?
Like with my name, it means Angel or Little Angel…though I’m anything but.
i’ve never met anyone with a ghetto name. I knew a girl named Nigeria and thought it was a little strange, but not as bad as Shanequa. My other black friend’s name is Garett and Kevin (I can’t spell Garett’s name so it’s not spelled stupid, I’m just stupid myself).
I am a kindergarten teacher and I have had in my class
Shardonaa
Khrasmia
Darshunah
Tajaunea
Tavien
and finally unosha
I teach in an upper middle class area, and most of these children are the children of professional people; but there is a disconnect in reality of the names they are giving their children. I suppose no one read Freakonomics.
I enjoy the blog! Keep up the good work.
had a patient named Lemonjello (pronounced lem-awn-jilo) and another named Urine (yur-een)
on second note, WP are just as guilty:
Nicholas Cage named his son Kal-el (supermans real name)
Courtney Cox named her daughter CoCo
Gwenith Paltrow named her daughter Apple….come on now!
Nicole Richie named her daughter Harlow Winter
and LOOK AT SARAH PALINS KIDS NAMES!!!!! Piper and Trig?????
anyone mention Nevaeh (pronounce Neviah) which is Heaven backwards?
I always liked the comic book name Harley Quinn, thats just me.
I know I’m late to this party, but I made (initiated, whatever) one AKA whose name was Willaura JosephLynn.
WTH?
I rolled for days and asked her why her parents named her like that. Turns out her mom and dad couldn’t decide and named her after both of them. She was the sweetest girl, but that name had me rolling for days.
Mercedes is a spanish name derived from Mary, which means the compassionate one. So not everyone named Mercedes is named after the car….
got grandkids in elementary school.. if i hear another keisha.. or raheem…or kahlid…or a niesha…..taheera…. rayquan….basheera….. i’ll scream!!!!
My uncle’s step-daughter named her daughter Neveah…
But what I really wanted to post about was this: In high school my boyfriend knew a girl that was named, no lie, Shithead. It was pronounced “shi-theed”. Apparently around the time she was born at a certain hospital the nurses were convincing young black mothers to name their children things like… Shithead, and telling them that it mean “african princess” or some other bullshit.
(Boyfriend’s sister is naming her daughter “Adrianna Wyanet Janae” (father: Adrian))
And as for Sarah Palin’s kids? The oldest, pregnant one is named Bristol.
And I forgot this part:
A good friend of mine’s name is Cheme’ (pronounced: “Shi-mee”), but my dad seems to think it’s pronounced Kimi.
Oh, and that step-cousin who named her daughter Neveah? Yeah, she’s white.
Did you leave out a category for creatively-spelled names? I’ll bet money we are going to see a ton of kids named “Burrock” and “Obomma” with birth dates in 2009!