Why You Shouldn’t Read This Blog
I’ve received enough “you’re an angry racist” emails to apply a disclaimer to my blog that I will simply assume, from now on, that any reader of my blog has read. Are you ready? Here’s the disclaimer:
DO NOT READ MY BLOG IF YOU DO NOT HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOR, OR IF YOU INSIST ON TAKING YOURSELF VERY SERIOUSLY. IF YOU READ MY BLOG ANYWAY, PLEASE SAVE YOUR EMAILS, COMMENTS, AND SINGING TELEGRAMS FOR SOMEONE WHO GIVES A SHIT.
As you can probably predict, most of the comments I get some from people who claim that I am a racist - a reasonable assumption given some of the things I write, especially about white people. Sooner or later, I will insult every ethnic group there is: asians, hispanics, blacks, native americans, arabs, and what have you. If I haven’t insulted your people yet, I apologize, and I promise that I will get to you just as soon as I can.
After reading my blog, people mount themselves comfortably upon their high horses and chastise me for this and that, telling that I’m full of hate, need to broaden my perspective, grow up, and any other number of bullshit that makes me laugh so hard I want to vomit.
It’s interesting, though, to be called a racist by so very many people whose own groups of friends and acquaintances are markedly homogenized racially. It’ll be the white girl with nine white friends and the token black and/or asian, or the asian girl with six asian friends and the token black or even hispanic - ::gasp:: maybe even two of em! I guess since these esteemed individuals have become culturally enlightened by way of fulfilling their social affirmative action requirement, it gives them license to pollute my aural receptors with a bunch of self-aggrandizing vocal vomit.
So to the ranks of the enlightened who would call me a racist because of the half-serious crap I write in my blog, I offer you the following facts about me that probably aren’t facts about you:
> My circle of CLOSEST friends spans every populated continent on the globe, and is not dominated by an overwhelming majority of any single ethnic group (3 whites, 4 blacks, 2 native americans, 3 asians, 2 indians, 2 hispanics, 1 persian, 2 arabs, and a partridge in a pear tree).
(Note: I define a ‘close’ friend as someone I’d happily lie to the cops for.)
> Whoever I marry will not have to deal with any political or familial bullshit (from my side) regarding their race, in any way, shape, or form, regardless of what their race is - even if they’re white
> My children will play with children of other races, and it won’t be something I have to consciously force or remind myself to do as a matter of course.
I don’t care how careful you are with your fucking words regarding race, nor do I care about your one or two black friends that ‘prove’ you’re not a racist. Racism, or a lack thereof, is proven by the three things that matter most to you: your willingness to have close friends of another race, your willingness to UNEQUIVOCABLY accept someone of another race as your spouse, and your willingness to let your children socialize and personally develop with children of other races. If any of those three things gives you any trouble whatsoever, you are a racist, and I don’t wanna hear a fucking peep out of you on the subject of race for as long as I live.
For anyone that knows me, I spout off at the mouth about race because my friends are ethnically diverse, and we routinely break each others balls about our races for no other reason than that it’s funny.
I know that people who don’t agree with me will speak up with deeply insightful questions such as “why can’t you keep these thoughts to yourself instead of posting public blogs?” or “you seem like a cool guy, but these comments/blogs are making you look like an ass” Here’s the easiest answer:
BECAUSE I DON’T WANT TO.
I simply don’t have the inclination to bow to the requests of people who take themselves so seriously that they get offended by statements that are so blithely hyperbolic that even a chimp could understand that it’s merely jest. And as for people thinking I’m an ass…I am not a politician, and I therefore find complete strangers’ opinions of my character to be quite fucking irrelevant.
So, you have a choice. Lighten up and enjoy the blog, or go do something else with your time and come back when you get over yourself.
Hey man I feel you. I have myself been accused of being a racist by people who fall into one of the 3 catagories you listed above. I always tell them “yeah I’m racist. My entire family is black, most of my friends are white and I spent most of my childhood hanging out in chinatown. Im a HUGE racist”
i think your site is hilarious. do you have anything else online that i can read?
You’re hilarious. I love this blog. And I think you’ve penned one of my favorite definitions of close friend ever.
I’m here via a rec from skywardprodigal. I, too, love this blog. It’s made me laugh a whole lot (ruefully at times). Imagine my dismay when I read this page. Here I had my singing telegram all ready to go and everything!
I love this blog! And I love your disclaimer.
I find your blog hilarious bruh. Keep it up.
I LOVE YOUR BLOG! I know I’m shouting, but it’s true, tee hee! It’s very cheeky and subversive without trying.
That’s rught - don’t ever defend your space. Don’t like it? Kick rocks. This site is awesome. Not passing judgement but its just a waaaaay bit funnier than SEBPL.
I am with you. Most of the Blacks on here get offended because they feel what is stated is true about themselves. If you dont like your conformity, do something dammit!! Following the masses is the shortest and least fulfilling route to go.
Keep it coming!!!
You are a half N*gger half feather headed fool and I hate you! Even though I come from the same origin? Damn…
Keep it up bruh.
Loving the blog!!!
Hooray for us finally doing sarcasm I wish I was still in DC. I would love to take you out to lunch. What else do you have?
Oi!
I love you man. This blog is AWESOME. You hit the hit on the nail with so much here. I died reading the posts. Keep it up! I’ll be anxiously awaiting the next good read. BTW if you need material/topics/rants..I got plenty.
Sheesh! I hate typos (I’m anal). I meant “You hit the head on the nail with so much here”.
i am gonna show this to my friend, brother
your wit is refreshing, your writing style is biting and acerbic and dammit, you actually have something to say. you provide me with chuckles for myself and my token asian, persian and white friends that ::PROOVE:: that i’m not a racist either *wink*
rock on wit yo bad self.
you’re my hero!!! keep on writing. i love your style and hail your “i don’t give a fuck” perspective. after all, that’s the beauty of blogging.
Glad I stumbled upon this site. You rock my world! You just took sarcasm to it’s highest peak with a huge finger to the rest of the folks that can’t handle “The Real.”
Keep up the awesome work!
I love your site, you are brutally honest. We need more of you.
Sarcasm and anger are a way to language one’s self. So, on here that’s how you have decided to communicate. I’m fine with it. It’s not about calling you a racist, and I’m not here to judge your character. What I hope does matter to you, whether this is just a blog for entertainment purposes, is that you care about what people think about what you say. I hope you can handle people disagreeing and asking you to consider their viewpoints on issues. In other words, do you respond to differing opinions wiht some humor but also respect. I wonder.
Lighten up and enjoy the blog, or go do something else with your time and come back when you get over yourself.
This is it in a nutshell. Love you humor, razor sharp wit and bluntness. This is one the most insightful blogs on the web. I will be a regular reader and poster.
Peace out!
Geraldine Ferraro is a racist. Hillary Clinton is a racist. Rev. Jeremiah Wright is a racist (while I understand his anger, he is a racist). You are not a racist.
I myself am what I like to call an “equal opportunity hater”. I don’t discriminate. I reserve the right to hate on everybody, usually in the form of crude humor. But hey at least I’m honest. There is so much truth in your humor.
1190one.com
I’m hoping people stop coming on here with their 3 english degrees and quit being smart asses.
Ken you really make me want to stab Q-Tips in my eyes. You are irritated by what dude has to say, but you still keep coming back. Whatever.
I however, LOVE this blog. Wish I would have met you before leaving DC. I was born and raised there too. Trippy place somstimes, but it’s home.
Too damn funny!!! Just discovered this site today. Love it! Love it! Love it!
This is my first visit and I must say I am definitely intrigued. I think I am going to get fired today for laughing out loud to many times! (well that and coming to work when I feel like it but hey, its easier to blame this site). I grew up with black parents that were traditional sunni muslims but the rest of my family (aunts, grandparents, etc) where devout baptists…. so I think I can relate a little bit to being a switch hitter when it comes to topics concerning black people. I have sent this to all of my friends, several of which are described at length in some of your articles. Whats really funny? My master’ degree persuing, HBCU graduate friend has sent me an essay detailing the importance of good grammer and why your stance is ridiculous and I am the one with an English Degree and yes, I have found it pretty useless except when playing scrabble….
that’s not a good black definition of friendship. most niggas i fucks with would lie to the cops for any old reason because fuck them, that’s why.
-j-bo
Best blog ever. Way better than SEBPL, the topics (not necessary the people) on that site are a little to snobby for my taste.
How the hell do you manage to get 200+ comments per post on your blog in THREE months?
Absolutely stand by the racist issues. Pisses me off when the only defense some white ppl have when asked if they are racist, is that they have black friends. Well fucking done! I’m thumbsucking, but i’d guess that about 70% of the worlds ppl are non-white… chances are you are gonna meet one of them sometime or the other bright-spark!
See…here’s the thing…. I dont consider myself a racist but I failed one of the three point test. I willingly and openly associate with people of a different races all the damn time and when I have children I will expect them to do the same. But then there’s the third thing. It’s not so much that I WONT accept someone of a different race as my spouse…It’s that I’m generally not all that attracted to our other races in that way…I cant help it, I had a white boyfriend in 4th grade who picked his nose and wouldnt let me use his markers (bastard) and ever since then….I dunno all I’m saying is that maybe we can broaden the spectrum on what makes you a racist allowing for people like myself who are just generally attracted to people of color. Thats it.
What the hell is up with the flood of these stupid people bringing nothing but their stupidity and ignorance on the other topics? I’ve noticed that a lot lately
Mr. Smith… I second that.
I had never read this one before, LOL. I don’t think that the three point test is a fair system for determining racism. I actually subscribe to the Beverly Tatum definition of racism: a system of opression/power based on race. The only real American racists are Whites; all others who have hatred or issues with others are simply prejudiced. I’d like to think of myself as not prejudiced, but rather, a cultural elitist. I don’t look down upon or hate anyone (short of racists White, useless Blacks and prejudiced others), I just prefer certain things about my own folk to the cultural markers of others. I also believe that racial solidarity amongst Black people would give us the opportunity to improve our status and global identity as a people, which would improve the country as a whole. I think that we should, or at least most of us, hold off on dating interracially until we have healed the relationship between Black women and men significantly. Black love is a powerful thing, we need more of it. I just have a hard time with people crying “racism” at work, “racism” at the police, “racism” at the government, then giving the most basic, fundamental thing they have to give to someone else. You’re my brother when your down or when you need my support, but when you want to love somebody, then I’m not good enough? Fuck you! (Thats for the brothers and sisters who refuse to date Black, or who rarely date Black folk and have a laundry list of reasons why they don’t want to date one of their own. The equal opportunity daters, I’m trying to make peace with in 2008).
I love you Sister Toldja..I do.
THIS BLOG IS AWESOME.. I SO CAME FOR ONE POST THAT CONNECTED TO SOMETHING ELSE I RESEARCHED ON GOOGLE AND ENDED UP BEING ON HERE FOR THE LAST 4 HOURS.
I discovered your blog maybe a month ago and I’ve been hooked ever since. I luv your take on things. Keep up the good work and just toss the hatas the deuce Baby!! lol
Hi there!
I never knew that this blog existed and I am cracking up that you referred to OJ as “Edward N____hands”!! Now THAT is just tooo funny!! PLEEEEASE STOP IT before I call the police ! *LOL*
Peace, blessings and DUNAMIS!
Lisa
http://blackwomenblowthetrumpet.blogspot.com