My life hit a new low point last Friday.
I was at a club called The Park with a Vietnamese friend of mine who I call “Chicken Jon”. He earned this name after displaying, over a period of several years, a disturbing affinity toward fried chicken and red/purple Kool-Aid - especially for an asian person*.
Figure 1: Chicken Jon
Chicken Jon and I were on the second floor of the club (the only one that plays hiphop, if you’re thinking about going) when we noticed a pair of women behind us dancing at a table. Both of them were fairly drunk and neither of them was being very subtle about trying to get our attention, as they were both doing some weird strip-tease type dance on their chairs while constantly looking at, in particular, Chicken Jon.
Most heterosexual men in this position would’ve sauntered over to the table and started chatting the girls up with the intention of getting their phone numbers or even going home with them. Not Chicken Jon and I. No - we started making downright Byzantine plans to steal their juicy and delicious chicken tenders, which come free with cheese and grapes whenever you order a bottle at a table.
You heard it correctly: our desire to eat chicken trumped our desire for sex in a battle of internalized primal urges, and the contest wasn’t even fucking close.
Figure 2: Better than sex
Chicken Jon and I spent the next thirty drunken minutes off and on trying to figure out how to chat the girls up in a way that would lead to us getting their chicken. Of course, we were too drunk to actually decide on a course of action, and instead spent most of the time pointing and laughing at Indian people (they amuse Chicken Jon to no end, and for God knows what reason) and dudes wearing stunna shades. The night ended with the girls and their chicken disappearing, and Chicken Jon and I exiting the club both angry and hungry.
Some years ago, Dave Chappelle did a skit about black people being afraid or embarrassed to order chicken in the presence of white people because of the stereotypes involved. They’re even afraid to profess their love for it, as in StuffEBPLike.com’s claim that educated black people love baked chicken more than fried chicken - a claim which, with all love and respect to Charlee, is bullshit. Charlee even told me later that as she wrote the baked chicken post, she was gnawing orgasmically on a fried chicken drumstick like a half-starved badger**. All in all, our collective shame regarding fried chicken has never actually stopped us from eating it when we wanted it (which is all the fucking time), and has even prompted a few of us to eat it in inappropriate places out of spite.
The following is an abridged list of poultry-pertinent idiocy indulged in by my friends, family, and self:
- Snuck an entire box of Popeye’s chicken into a movie theater (my cousins and I)
- Walked along a beach in Spain eating a bucket of KFC per person (myself, Chicken Jon, and a friend we call ‘The Puppy’, see figure 3)
- Ordered $300+ table/bottle service at The Park twice, looking forward more to the chicken than the liquor (me)
- Swore loudly in front of old folks at a family gathering upon hearing fried chicken would not be served (my father)
- Sent his youngest son 20 miles away to buy three buckets of chicken upon hearing fried chicken would not be served at a family gathering (my father)
- Stormed into a tiny African chicken joint dressed in full native dance regalia and smelling like a stack of sweaty man-asses angrily demanding copious amounts of fried chicken (Admiral Furious and I)
- Bludgeoned her youngest grandson with a rolled up newspaper for ‘eyeing her chicken sideways’ (my grandmother)
- Demanded his friends take 20+ pictures of him downing, by himself, a 12 or 18-piece chicken box from Popeyes(?) (Chicken Jon)
Figure 3: You thought I was kidding…
Fried chicken makes us do stupid fucking things, and that’s why we hate it. We’ll pass up sex, risk getting kicked out of movie theaters, swear in front of family matriarchs, scare the shit out of unsuspecting Africans, and beat our grandchildren with heavy objects to get it.
It’s fried crack and we know it’s bad for us - but if you try to take it away, we will fucking murder you.
*This, combined with his love of old school hiphop, BBQ, Hennessy, Alize, Ben’s Chili Bowl, big-booty Filipina women and, notwithstanding the items above, a general hatred of everything, makes Chicken Jon legally black.
**This almost certainly did not happen.
Oh my gosh i was Vegan for a couple of years, the college years of course. The first time i bit into chicken after our long separation, I thought I’d died and gone to heaven. I apologized to the chicken and promised never to leave it again. Oh it was indeed orgasmic!
See, this is why I couldn’t be vegetarian…The Chicken, and seafood, but mainly The Chicken. Those PETA freaks try to convince us that chicken are treated inhumanely, and they’re stressed, blah blah blah. They taste so fucking good. I have cut down on it though, and meat in general, I miss it
But every now and then I need a fix.
I can relate to being viscerally upset when they’re no fried chicken, ESPECIALLY at a gathering of Black folk, WTF! If there’s a Black wedding, Black family reunion, Black repass - and no chicken? That qualifies as evil, sorry.
there is no problem that a chicken wing (fried hard) can’t fix.
dammit… now i’m hungry
I quit chicken in 2003, minus one delcious buffalo wing slip up in 2006. I’m not a PETA supporter (HATE THEM!), I just don’t want to eat meat anymore. Being officially weaned from the delicious breast of the bird makes watching Black folks poutry induced madness sooooo much more entertaining!
I will beast the hell out of chicken-substitute products, however, especially the “wings” at Red Bamboo in Brooklyn. And sadly, my love for chicken has simply transferred over to salmon, shrimp and catfish, that oh-so-succulent bottom feeder.
Oh my gosh i totally did the red bamboo chicken wing substitute when I was a veggie. Ah man now I want chicken fried or bbq’d, Chris how could you do this to me?
Oh Sista if you can stay away be strong girl be strong
question -
Mambo sauce - yay or nay?
Now I am craving some Cluck-U Atomic wings pretty bad!
NAY! Mambo sauce tastes like blood with sugar in it!*
Exception: Howard China on Georgia Ave.
Sister Toldja, I knew you would mention HoChi!
If for some reason my ability to eat fried chicken was threatened I am pretty sure there are some body parts I’d sacrifice.. I eat chicken about three to four nights out of the week, at least ONCE the chicken is fried. Baking be damned, the flavor just isn’t the same.. as I sit here and think of the smell, my mouth waters..
KFC & Popeye’s are good but… what you know about that Kennedy Fried Chicken.. oh and Church’s can go to hell.
LMAO, That was funny as hell. The Dave Chappelle skit is hillarious. I tried giving up chicken for lent. That lasted all of one entire week. I had that jones in my bones. BTW my Buffalo wings are SLAMMIN!!!
@ Knatural- Hecky yeah! I remember freshman year, ordering something from HoChi and being surprised to see what I thought was sweet and sour sauce in the bag and thinking “Wow, how did they know how much I liked sweet and sour?” LOL! Man, HoChi fries with mambo sauce and hot sauce was the truth after the club!
Kennedy Fried fish is horrible! What y’all know about Harold’s Chicken Shack in the Chi! Chicken to die for and the catfish is off the chaaaaain!
I didn’t even know Kennedy fried fish… hell I always have chicken on the brain when i go in there… whatever that lil’ Arab dude does behind that cardboard wall, I don’t want to know, though i have been tempted to look through the slit, I’m afraid I’ll see something I don’t need to see.
In NYC (Bronx), I’ve never seen a Harold’s.. all i know that my Kennedy’s has a piece of my heart..
Even them giant alien yellow chicken wings the Chinese food man cooks up are pretty good..
No wonder NYC’s obesity rate is growing
my love for fried chicken knows no bounds….fried chicken is one of the most important food groups…i’ll get rid of fried chicken when they pry it from my cold dead hand…
Oh well for Diabeetus.
Best place to get a chicken box: Sequoia Road and Cold Spring Lane in Northwest Baltimore City. It used to be run and operated by Koreans… now its just run by Koreans, and operated by Mexicans. Serving blacks the most tasty yet unhealthy food in the word.
4 Wings, Western Fries, Ketchup and Hot Sauce on everything. Oh and a half and half to go.
Ok, black folks have got to come and snatch the crown back. You have Arabs, Chinese and now Koreans making the ‘best’ fried chicken. Big mama would not be happy.
lol @ Diabeetus.. or as my grandmother (and a lot of older black people call it) ‘The Sugar’ *cues drastic music*
i can see u n the furious one murkin the chicken box… haha tight
@ Admiral:
Cold Spring & Sequoia? Is that by the post office, the funeral home and the car wash?
Some of the best chicken ever?
Green’s @ the corner of Greenmount & 32nd Street.
brran1… thats the one. Right across the street from the post office. I can’t remember the other cross street so I mentioned the major one.
Green’s…. that sounds like its over on the east side. Near Morgan? Is it on the east side? I’m a west side head, I don’t remember the east like that. I’ll have to check that one.
Then again… what Chris was speaking of earlier… is the Chicken Basket… down in the whitest of whiteville… I mean Rockville… or Gaithersburg… whatever the fuck they call it down in that Rich area.
Then there’s Tyrones and the numerous NY Fried Chicken on almost every corner.
@ Lady - Kennedy’s is the truth… And they are open for those late nights post-bar hopping…
@ The Admiral - Ketchup and Hot sauce on everything…LMAO
I have to admit that the Chinese joint fry a mean wing… There’s a “Muslim” Chinese Restaurant (they serve lamb instead of pork) in E. Orange/Newark - some of the best wings I ever had… I crave for them now!
Love that chicken, LOL! I’m definitely guilty of sneaking a two piece into the movie theater, but now that diabetes looms over me like a shadow (yeah I got the Native American and Black genes working here) I’ve had to cut back.
I was doing good until I read this. Doggone you Chris!
*Goes to Weight Watchers books to check the points for a Popeye’s two-piece spicy combo*
LOL @ the thought of some racist White kid googling “Black people love chicken” and coming up with this post, which will inevitably hit 100 comments which can be summed up with “We lubs chicken!”
That said, even as a non-chicken eater, I can tell you that if you have never had Harolds Chicken (Chicago), you have not experenced life. You are still in your mother’s stomach, 1200 months overdue.
Fried chicken fixes nullify vegetarianis. That’s why it’s fried crack.
“Oh well for Diabeetus” Agreed.
“This, combined with his love of old school hiphop, BBQ, Hennessy, Alize, Ben’s Chili Bowl, big-booty Filipina women and, notwithstanding the items above, a general hatred of everything, makes Chicken Jon legally black”
He and I can definitely hang out
I’ve been reading this blog for a while now (thanks to Latoya @ Racialicious), and this is my first post here. You all have got to be the most foolicious folks, and I love you for it. LOL Yeah, as much as I want to get my EBP-sanctioned baked chicken on, it all melts away at the sight of Popeye’s and KFC. The skin alone makes me all…well, you get the point.:-D
This is so sad because just this past Sunday I rolled up into a Chinese Food joint and asked for chicken wings and french fries. I tried to be all quiet with mine by whispering the order and then the lady punked me and shouted it back to me in front of all the white people that were there. But it’s true. I do like fried chicken. KFC does chicken right. Ain’t no chicken like Popeye’s and whatever they say at Church’s, I’ll eat that too. I have an inner fat girl that loves fried chicken but the girl the rest of the world sees dines on chicken breasts and baked chicken to save face in front of the people. Thank you for helping me come to the light.
@ Admiral
Yea its over east. I live on the westside as well, but I go to Morgan so I’m pretty well acquainted with all the food spots along York Rd./Greenmount Ave.
Damn funny post! I just graduated from school in NC and I’ve been feinding for good fried chicken since moving home to MA.
I’m taking a trip to Charlotte in a few weeks and a trip to Bojangles will be the highlight of my weekend. You know you’re addicted when you even memorize the history of the chicken joint like it’s a bible: “Bojangles’ began in 1977 as the dream of operators Jack Fulk and Richard Thomas…”
This post reminds me of the movie “How to eat watermelon in white company (and enjoy it)”
lool and yes fried chicken is my kryptnite….haved not had any since grandm passed away from diabetes complications.
I love fried chicken as much as the next black person but I refuse to eat Church’s. I am so sorry. That my friend is not chicken! Just too damn big!
and greasy! Yuck!
Secretly I’ve never had Church’s, I just wanted to complete my fried chicken brand thought…
There is nothing better than peeling the fatty, greasy skin off of original recipe KFC chicken and then taking a huge bite out of the oh so moist flesh…mmm. When I was little and did not fear Diabeetus, I used to eat the skin first. By itself.
At my dining hall whenever there is fried chicken the line is out the door. I feel weird getting it too because there are always white people in line behind me breathing down my neck…”Is the black girl gonna get the fried chicken?” Hells yea and I’m gonna eat it right here before I leave the counter because it’s just that good.
FYI - July 6th is National Fried Chicken Day. . .
Sunday morning I went to a breakfast spot near my house and had watermelon. Before I took the first bite I looked around to see if any White people where watching. I was hoping a little old white woman - who probably knew Jim Crow first hand - would be watching me so I could deliberately chew the piece with my mouth open and my eyes closed, and let a little juice drip out my mouth. But, it didn’t happen. I always wanted to do the same with fried chicken.
*were watching -
damnit
Me and one of my asian friends come to class regularly with a bucket of churches chicken and just beast on it infront of the class. shit be good. wash it down with some orange fanta and im set ya dig?
- http://www.anythingblack.net
Again, I asked this earlier and no one as yet to answer….
Has anyone been to Kennedy Fried Chicken? I heard it was better than Bojangles, Popeyes AND Kentucky Fried Chicken
I will drop kick someone in the spleen if I dont eat fried chicken once a week.
And I dare my coworkers to comment when I order the fried chicken at lunch or dinner if the restuarant serves it. You can spit the black jokes behind my back but your will get your ass kicked if I cant eat my chicken.
And in my house, daddy doesnt automatically get the big piece of chicken. The closest I ever came to karate chopping my husband in the nuts was over a piece of chicken that I had been daydreaming about all day at work. I couldnt wait to fry that mo.fo. til the skin broke.
We dont have Red Bamboo in SC…I cant even imagine eating vegan chicken. Is it greasy? Can it clog my arteries? Do I have to lick my fingers and wipe my chin? damn that.
The only chicken I will not eat is the fresh chicken off the farm, it tastes like bad breath. And there is something unnerving about watching someone wring a chickens neck and then serve it to you.
sigh you bastard, i skipped lunch today too, now i am extra-hungry.
good thing i didnt drink any water today, otherwise my mouth would be watering.
I might have to hit up the hispanic place, “Crisp and Juicey” on route7.
$$$
LMAOOO @ this post. I deluded myself for a couple months into thinking I only could eat baked chicken cause I was trying to be healthy (SEBPL, thank you) until this weekend when I had some fried chicken. It was like returning to a long lost lover… the taste was so familiar & comforting! Deliciousness in its highest form is good fried chicken.
Also, yay to the mambo sauce… I have said many a time that Philly would be a better place if only a mofo could get some damn mambo sauce. Everytime I come home to DC I have to buy fried chicken w/ mambo sauce.
i love the hot ghetto ass mess that are the comments on this post! seriously, i did not know that many people feigned for chicken like that. i mean chicken is good…but i wouldn’t kill someone for it. now a mango or some scrimp…woo buddy, watch out. one is about to come to your left temple if you don’t black off. that’s right, i said black off.
but i guess maybe it’s because i’m west indian…hmm.
“Again, I asked this earlier and no one as yet to answer….
Has anyone been to Kennedy Fried Chicken? I heard it was better than Bojangles, Popeyes AND Kentucky Fried Chicken”
I wrote about Kennedy in like two of my posts. IMO it’s the best
undercover brother!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
free range happy chickens for me…
and we tend to roast (bake) chicken over here.. we buy fried chicken from kfc and the like on nights out..
i do have my own recipe though… courtesy of my aunt and cousins in nyc and cook books… it keeps me going through the long winter months…
the chicken OF LIFE is jerk chicken …. a jerk chicken (or fish) done the jam down way beats everything you knew… you have not tasted food yet…
i have my made own jerk pit for the summer…
http://jerkshack.blogspot.com/
@ Mr Smith- From what I hear, the chicken is made with the same highly seasoned (READ: salty) batter as the fish. If that were the case, I’d assume it’s “Aaaaight”. The pizza is good, if you are drunk. There is one on my block, but for my health I have learned to stay the hell out.
i’m not a big fried chicken fan. i have it about once every few months. growing up in the black church, fried chicken was always around. i tired of it, so i dont eat it often, but nothing beats getting a wing or a thigh after a few month hiatus, with mambo sauce of course. Bojangles is the grossest i have ever tasted and i have managed to live in Bmore for four years, while in school, and have never had a chicken box.
Miss Ray, i hear you I’m Caribbean so fried chicken wasn’t big in my house, and…. Definately shouldn’t be a regular dish or else you’ll die. BUT America really found a good good thing when they discoverd fried chicken. YUM and Mac Cheese, yum yum. But like only 2-4 times a year people don’t go killing yourselves.
London, Jerk anything is wonderful. Best jerk chicken I ever tasted in my life i found on the side of the road in Jamaica. Not actually on the road but a man was selling jerk chicken sandwhichs. WOW that was a good samich.
Kennedy Fried Chicken was the spot in Bmore on the west side.
I’m not a big chicken eater but it was a staple in college. The best chicken place used to be the Citgo gas station a few blocks away from campus. It was run by Africans. You could get wings, potato wedges, and a roll for like $3 and feed four people. Plus they had the biggest bottle of Texas Pete and an almost always empty bottle of ketchup on the counter. Of course I’m too sophisticated to eat fried chicken now so I only enjoy it at family reunions, weddings, baby showers, and funerals!
BTW I had a friend that ate crap everyday of her life (fried this, fried that, micky these) and thought it was okay because she;s not fat. And she teased me about my eating everyday. She’s 28 and taking pressure pills, and had gall stones removed by the time we were in our sophmore year of college. Be very very carefull.
o yea i forgot about jerk chicken
jerk chicken sammiches are the bomb, but anything with ‘jerk’ in the name with ’special sauce’ on it, I am skeptical of.
I was a vegetarian for almost 2…days once. Call me strange but I like fried chicken after it’s been in the fridge a while.
When recommending out-of-the way, non-chain chicken establishments, can one include city and state please? You never know when you’ll be driving past some hidden jewel…which is why watching the show “Diners, Drive-in’s and Dives” is so popular.
Geese and Peace I can’t fight it anymore I’m having Chicken for dinner. Good night I’m leaving the dang work, now to get some fried chicken. God forgive me.
“Good night I’m leaving the dang work, now to get some fried chicken.”
DANCE, PUPPET! DANCE!!!!!
MWAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!!!!!
And so forth.
lol …SBPH readers party @ your local Popeyes.
im not a meat eater anymore( nor a Peta member or anything crazy like that) and chicken was the hardest to let go–its been 2 years…im from the deep south and my mama’s fried chicken wings will make you eat them before they’ve cooled enough–and you can hardly keep it in your mouth but its good….biting the bones good. i miss em but i just cant do it! …but now i settle for Morningstar chik’n fingers and this faked fried chicken at a local restuarant I like
super eye roll @ you friend being deemed black, Chris…come on now!!! dont be like that!!!
i did eat a howard china a couple of times before the conversion…could never get with that sauce lol
My dislike of veins, gristle and other unmentionables means I ususally hate any chicken requiring manual seperation of flesh from bone . But just last week, I tried the spicy fried drummettes at my employer’s cafeteria for the first time in 12 years and now I’m pissed cuz they only cook them 2x a week. And they place the tray in the back row farthest from the line, making your stretch wayyyy far to just barely grab a piece with the very tips of the tongs. The chicken is by the register of course, bringing the line to complete halt as people serve themselves.
Hahaha, how ironic. I’m frying chicken right now…
Omg Jerk chicken is bomb…My step grandma or w/e from Trinidad cooked some unrivaled jerk chicken
- http://www.anythingblack.net
been a vegetarian for four years now, and i still miss chicken. I don’t eat it…just miss it. worst day of the year? July 4 - there’s nothing harder than smelling barbecue all over the place [smellin so good you can taste it] and eating some veggie meat instead.
i love chicken almost any way you make it, but fried and bbq’ed are my favorite. i just don’t eat it anymore.
“DANCE, PUPPET! DANCE!!!!!”
bite me, like this juicy chicken tender i’m munchin… badumdum ching!
Moms is Jamaican..please don’t get me started on the Jerk Chicken! OMG!!!
I happen to enjoy chicken in all of it’s forms, particularly fried, and particularly Popeye’s fried chicken. Nothing beats a bucket of Popeye’s drumsticks with a side of red beans and rice washed down with a fruit punch.
What does anyone here know about Half and Half!
Great site, you’re fucking hilarious.
P.S. And no I’m not black even though my name is Felicia.
Holla! half Lemond Aide half Iced tea! I did half fruit punch back in the day. AF you real ghetto with that one. What chu kno bout dat!?!
seriously.
i’ll buy YOU the damn ring. hell, i’ll buy the set.
wanna set a date???
lmao…this is too funny. i’ve been veggie for yrs and don’t miss it (i know, i know…i had my “black” food card revoked LONG ago…just ask me what else i don’t like/won’t eat…), but i still know and understand the root of this post.
pure hilarity.
…damn @ brran & admiral. i didn’t know there were so many bmore folks up in here. i’m originally from northwest! lol
omigod. clearly, i was raised in a house where we had chicken once a week - on sunday nights. if we didn’t, i think my dad would’ve left my mom or something. chris talking about people doing bodily injury to family over chicken is the realest shit i ever read (well, okay, not really but you know…) because it def. goes down in my crib if you try to get at a piece of chicken early. my dad has left me to fend for myself in the kitchen many-a-time because he finished off the platter of wings (you know negroes love wings, esp. the “gristle”) with a piece of bread.
no sides. just bread.
and an orange soda.
while i don’t really love store bought chicken (i prefer to make my own…and its damn good) i will slap the snot outta someone for a KFC biscuit. this past Easter, i definitely got tackled from behind and got put into a headlock as a good 3/4 of my biscuit was ravenously devoured by my cousin in my own hand. it’s real out in these streets.
“…i will slap the snot outta someone for a KFC biscuit.”
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WAZEFLKEJGT;SLERIT
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WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO BISCUITS!!!!!
Look what you made me do.
Vegetarians,
Give in to the lightly breaded, juicy, crispy side. Not eating meat is a choice, eating meat is an instinct.
Personally, there’s this lil spot on campus called Pee Wee’s Pit BBQ (if any of you ever come to VT I highly recommend it) and their fried chicken is the closest thing I can imagine to drugs. Even when you’re stuffed full, you dare not leave any of that crispy skin or juicy meat left on the plate. It’s that good
OMG! Um Um Good, I went to WSSU too and Im soooooo mad I could ID the school based off your description of a chicken joint! LMA to Tears!!!
I used to refuse to eat there, ya know since its a gas station, but that Citgo chicken is the JUMPOFF! Specialy around 2am when the club let out!
Damn dude, you just made my month! I fucking love this site!!!
felled by nuggets: how chick-fil-a nearly destroyed me
in 2003, i was slowly progressing toward vegetarianism. when i wanted flesh, i ate fish & felt guilty, or ate some sort of faux meat to satisfy whatever that craving was. all was going well — exploring different cooking options, going to all kinds of new and funky restaurants and really basking in the glow of my vegetarianism. i felt better, and just knew i was making the right decision.
and then, i went to atlanta for memorial day weekend. where did i stay? sheraton midtown colony square, which is attached (via a skybridge if memory serves) to the colony square mall. and what’s in that mall? a chick-fil-a. the axis of evil itself!
i had managed to avoid it for most of the weekend, but i broke down after a full 24 hours of exposure. due to the worst case of AM munchies i’ve ever known in my life, i found my way back to the yard bird. it was like when nettie and celie were reunited at the end of the color purple.
i’ve said goodbye to flesh a few times since then, but that damn yard bird just won’t let me go . . .
Please don’t get me started on chic-fil-a….
Red lobster biscuits = starchy cheddar orgasm in the mouth. Sometimes I get full on them before the food comes. I once grabbed a waitress by the elbow ala that annoying negro at the club who won’t take no for an answer for another basket of biscuits.
It’s not a game.. you can get forked in the hand over those things..
dead @ the mention of mambo sauce.
As a native New Yorker [attending school in the DMV area], I had no idea what mambo sauce when I moved down here. But once I was introduced, I was hooked. That ish is delicious. I don’t even care if it they have to kill puppies to make that joint. That ish is delicious!
And I am guilty for being a grown woman [still] ordering 4 chicken wings and fries from the Chinese spot like I’m 14 and paying for my food with quarters [times was rough back in the day].
Oh, and Lady I definitely co-sign with you about the Red Lobster biscuits. You definitely can get stabbed/shot over them joints. That’s only thing my 8 year old sister eats when we go there. Gotta get them hooked when their young.
Damn shame.
I’M WITH CHRIS…
I’m pretty sure I’d give sucky sucky for at least 2 cheddar bay biscuits from Red Lobster. DAMN.
I love hearing black folk discuss their friend chicken love… I don’t really like it from fast food restaurants myself but homemade… BOMB. As for Baltimore City and their NASTY ASS CHICKEN BOXES… Ugh. I’m glad I’m originally from Louisiana.
i have been know many times to sit with a roast chicken carcass and be picking the bits of chicken from the bones for dessert… it’s only right
there’s nothing like carving a bird then turning that baby over and finding the oyster… hmmmnnnn..
i can pick a bird like no other…!
i call it finger lickin pickin chicken time…
the phrase ’save the carcass for me’ is well known among friends and family…
my best friend and i have wantonly ordered a 20 piece bucket to share and gone back to it over and over during the course of an evening… got up the next day and made chicken sandwiches for breakfast…
and am fondly remembering the nights when coming home very drunk with a kfc and only eaten the coating off the portions….
do you guys have kebab shops? a chicken shish.. oh damn…
am going to be at work thinking which chicken i will have tonight when i get home…
a good day…
Sister Toldja, I know about that Harold’s Chicken Shack in the Chi, and the day I found it after I started going to school there, I was done. Best chicken(to me) in the city. And there was one located where my school was at in the south loop, I was always in there and I would do work like I’d never eaten before.
OMG I luh fried chicken!
But I live in Kentucky and all we have is KFC and I miss my Popeyes!!!
you know what (i’m probably going to get stoned for this) but, i had my first cheddar biscuit like 2 months ago.
…i wasn’t that impressed.
maybe it was the particular red lobster that i was in but… it didn’t live up to the hype for me.
but, give me a KFC biscuit with some honey sauce on it and i’ll get to dancing.
something i forgot: chick-fil-a breakfast.
that shit tastes like salvation.
Did somebody say biscuits? OOOOOH wee! That’s half the reason intitally gained weight when I first stopped eating chicken. My dumb ass would go to the Popeyes on Georgia Ave (RIP) for biscuits and Pepsi. Now that is a meal!
Popeyes biscuits > Red Lobster Biscuits > KFC Biscuits
Popeyes biscuits are crack. KFC biscuits are okay only if they are hella fresh. They have a life span of 3 minutes.
I was an indentured servant at Red Lobster for a second in college (I quit because of “Endless Shrimp…..I hate Black people, btw), and we got all the biscuits we could eat. Needless to say, I O’D and I can actually go there for dinner now and eat half a biscuit. They take up room in my tummy that I am saving for shrimp and Lobsteritas anyway.
But you know what else: I KNOW THE RED LOBSTER BISCUIT RECIPE! MWAHAHAHHAHAHA!
Dead @ KFC biscuits 3 minute lifespan.
You HAVE to eat them things as soon as you get em. They cool off or harden, then they suck. Hot pipin fresh n soft? Down em.
“…KFC biscuits 3 minute lifespan.”
To resurrect a cold or hard KFC biscuit:
1. Coat biscuit with small amount of water
2. Wrap biscuit in paper towel
3. Microwave for 30 seconds
4. Good as new
CAN YOU PLEEEZE DO A POST ABOUT RED LOBSTER AND HOW THERE IS MOST DEFINITELY A CONSPIRACY TO ERADICATE THE BLACK/BROWN SPECIES THROUGH SLOW POISONING. I HAVE SEEN NEGRO WEDDING RECPEPTIONS IN THAT BITCH! HELL, MY COUSIN GOT ENGAGED THERE AND WE FILMED THE WHOLE DAMN THING LIKE WE WERE AT TAVERN ON THE GREEN–ALL THE WHILE FIGHTING OVER ENDLESS BASKETS OF CHEDDAR BAYS AND GHETTO COLORFUL DRINKS (ALSO A GENOCIDINAL TRAP).
HERE IN SUFFOLK COUNTY, lONG ISLAND, WE HAVE A SPOT CALLED “SPICYS.” NO MATTER WHERE THE LOCATION, YOU GOTS TO ORDER YO’ SHIT AND KEEP IT MOVIN’ BECUASE IT IS A DANGEROUS PLACE TO BE: A BONAFIDE HOOD WITH A CHICKEN PLACE AS THE CENTRAL LOCATION. BUT THE CHICKEN AND SIDE SAUCE IS WELL WORTH THE FLYING BULLETS AND OCCASIONAL FEATHER PATCH ON THE WINGTIP.
I LOVE CHICKEN!
AND RED LOBSTER
TOLDJA—LOL@ “INDENTURED SERVANT.”
NOW LISTEN CAREFULLY: POST THE RECIPE FOR THE BISCUITS WITHIN THE NEXT 45 MINUTES AND I WON’T HURT YOU. IM ABOUT POSITIVE YOU’LL BE GETTING THREATENING POSTS IF YOU DON’T.
BLACK PEOPLE ALSO HATE:
GERMS
COOKING IN THE MICROWAVE
EATING AT WHITE PEOPLE’S HOUSES
DIRTY HOUSES
mmm, cheddar bay biscuits… you right about KFC biscuits. they don’t have enough trans fat in them, so they suck when they arent warm.
BTW Chris, i thought food at The Park was free. whenever we went after work (cause its across the street from my office) they kept bringing plates of food to our table.
“BTW Chris, i thought food at The Park was free. whenever we went after work (cause its across the street from my office) they kept bringing plates of food to our table.”
I’ve never gone there during happy hour or anything, so I have no idea. The cook may have had a crush on you or something
DEAD @ the ressurection of a dead biscuit and DOUBLE DEAD @ the idea of a Red Lobster wedding!!!!!!
Negroes will come to Endless Shrimp and order the shrimp and a “water with lemon”. Then, they will eat 417 servins of shrimp in 3.5 hours and tip you two dollars, which may be accompanied by a “Here baby, this is for you”. This is why I was sent home one night for yelling out “I’m glad I put my two weeks notice in. Fuck this shit!”. Luckily, I was not caught the time I yelled out “Why don’t Black people tip? They don’t know we make $2 an hour?” in the dining room.
mmmmmm….biscuits (in Homer Simpson voice)
Another hint for leftover biscuits, don’t refrigerate ‘em.
And yeah, that should be the next topic, TIPPING.
Black women, especially, do not tip, and everytime I eat out I try to fight that stereotype. When I go out with my Asian friends, there’s never an issue, we rarely even have cash, just pay with card. But if I know Black folks are there, I always have cash and tip. So sad.
Best place to get a chicken box: Sequoia Road and Cold Spring Lane in Northwest Baltimore City. It used to be run and operated by Koreans… now its just run by Koreans, and operated by Mexicans. Serving blacks the most tasty yet unhealthy food in the word.
4 Wings, Western Fries, Ketchup and Hot Sauce on everything. Oh and a half and half to go.
You realize you got me ready to hop on the bus and find this joint, right?
Speaking of tipping, I drive my family crazy at restaurants because I always tip at least 20%. I took my mom out once and saw her taking money from the tip pile as I returned from the bathroom. She didn’t even put money in and argued with me for 3 minutes, trying to make me take some money back
@ my people from The Chi’ - Can you send a sister a care package of mild sauce???
My boy used to have a chicken shack here in Nashville but they went out of business when they graduated… He got me hooked on the Mild Sauce and I’ve been a fiend ever since…
LMAO at all the chicken and biscuits banter… Especially at Chris’ method to Frankenstein the KFC biscuits… TFF…
Oh yeah and Chic-Fil-A is the devil… because they are not open on Sundays… But that lemonade is the truth!
This post has literally made me hungry for home two days in a row…
(I’ve got to get back to the East Coast.)
I am a great tipper, but I think it’s only because I have friends who are waitresses/waiters. I knew they didn’t get paid much, but what I didn’t know is that usually they have to split the tip with the people who bus the table, sometimes more people than that. So now I feel guilty if I don’t tip, and I always will unless the service was totally horrible and I know for sure it was the waitresses/waiters fault.
I have a white friend who once came to IHOP with me. Someone left a tip on the table and the host sat us down with the money still there. No one came to get it so she pushed it to the side of the table and left that for our waitress (who was actually pretty good) when we left. I acted like i left something inside and gave her a better tip. I can’t stand that people like to think it’s mostly black people who don’t tip. I admit it’s hard to come up off that green sometimes, but I find 8/10 times the people who are the worst tippers can afford it better than the people who are the best.
can someone please explain what mambo sauce is?
It’s red, and it’s delicious. That’s all you need to know.
@benjie
i don’t know either… i’m tempted to google it since knatural is being all mysterious
duck sauce mixed w/ ketchup…maybe
Blood+ sugar= mambo sauce.
Yea…it can’t be denied that chicken is one of the main things crippling everyone…it’s unhealthy, makes us look ignorant, and will frankly contribute to a lot of deaths. It’s HORRIBLE!!!!! A PLAGUE!
**says this after munching down on 8 DELICIOUS FRIED chicken wings yesterday!!! And wishes he had more today!**
My mom’s feelings about tips: “If they want to make money, they should get a better job.”
My thoughts: “They could be doing all kinds of shit to the food backthere–encourage kindness.
More importantly, I can well remember the days when a sliced hotdog in my ramen was a luxury.