Thankfully, I have yet to actually see a scenario that standup comedians often describe: a child (usually a white one) telling his or her parents to go fuck themselves. What I’m seeing an alarming increase in, however, are children telling their parents what they will or will not do. For this, and many other reasons, children need to fucking die.
As time marches on, you can see the crumbling of American personal character on a macro scale pretty much everyday. Nobody believes there should be real consequences for breaking the rules (ask Florida and Michigan). Married couples are getting divorced at the first sign of trouble. Moral relativism is steeply on the rise. NIMBY applies to virtually everyone. People think that stupid ass ‘going green’ campaigns that really don’t inconvenience them in any way is going to head off global warming. MTV is allowed to exist.
All of this can be attributed to the fact that we don’t give our children enough discipline. By ‘discipline’, I don’t mean ‘beatings’ - I mean ‘persistent psychological trauma.’
Figure 1: Character Building
I don’t think you necessarily need to beat your kids to get them in line or to help them build character. You’ll see many proponents of ‘old-school’ parenting bragging about the frequency and severity of the beatings they received as a child, and how it shaped them into a functioning adult. While I’m not against laying the corporal smackdown on a small child, I do believe that its effectiveness is limited. Children eventually get used to beatings. Their pain tolerances increase. They learn to meditate the pain away like Shaolin Monks. Eventually, the beatings go from being a source of genuine fear to merely being a nuisance.
But you can use a beating to kickstart a lifelong program of emotional terror. Here’s an example from my life:
In all the years of my childhood, I was officially beaten* only one time. It happened when I was five or six years old as a result of me mouthing off to my mother in front of her friends. My ass was beaten until the slur ‘redskin’ could applied to me literally. I think I remember my mother laughing the whole time. The memory of my one and only beating is so seared into my memory that I can recall the pattern on the bed spread (yellow background with orange stenciled butterflies), the time of day (near high noon), and the fact that the curtains in the room were drawn shut.
It wasn’t until years later that I understood the reason my mother whooped my ass so severely: it was to make me fear my father for the rest of my life. My mother was a relatively small woman during my youth at 5′ 8″ and weighing about 115 lbs, with small wrists, thin fingers, thin neck, etc. My father, on the other hand, was a monster to me. As a boy I wasn’t really sure what God’s plan was for my dad, but with him towering at 6′ 2″ and weighing well over 200lbs, I was pretty sure it involved smashing things. So if my mother could kick my ass, then I could only imagine what would happen if my father was turned loose on me:
Figure 2: Actually, I could imagine exactly what would happen
From that point on, my parents kept me in line with a two-part disciplinary strategy. One part was a combination of verbal threats and groundings for minor offenses**. I never committed any major offenses** because of the second part of the strategy - an ever-increasing fear of my father. Over the years, my father would send me subtle hints about his power. He made me aware that there were guns in the house and he knew how to use them. He convinced me that he could look at my tongue to determine if I’d been playing with matches. He would often relate his hunting stories to me, so I knew he was capable of killing things bigger than people. He would ‘playfully’ pluck me in the back of the head (this hurt like fucking hell) with one finger…making me implicitly afraid of the pain he could inflict with an entire arm.
So you see, you don’t actually need to beat your children to keep them in line - you just have to constantly scare the living shit out of them. This is a good thing for two reasons: 1.) it removes the threat of children calling child services (kids can’t substantiate claims of terror if they can’t prove you’re beating them), and 2.) scaring children is fun.
Terror is the best medicine for raising children, which leads me to believe that Osama Bin Laden is (if he has kids) the greatest dad since Abraham:
Figure 3: Parenting techniques, as recommended by God Himself
*a beating is only ‘official’ if the parent interrupts what they are doing to beat you for the distinct and sole purpose of beating you. In other words, the beating is an event in and of itself with a clear beginning, middle, and end. This is different than, say, the casual swat a parent will give to calm a child that’s acting like an asshole in a grocery store.
**the difference between a major offense and a minoroffense involved whether or not what I did embarrassed my parents publicly
Who wasn’t scared of their parents back when they were coming up? My mother made sure to inflict that fear on me early. She said “You may be towering over 6 feet, but ill take a frying pan to your skull with the quickness.”
My mother used to carry the wooden spoon around the house in her back pocket…any time I started to cut up or act out of line, she would turn around and point at the wooden spoon. That act alone saved my butt-cheeks from many a whupping.
That’s some pretty solid stuff Beta. I was from a family where my father, or poppa back in the day, wore his leather belt with his shirt tucked in. It took me and my little brother to watch our older brother take a whoopin one time to know what was really good. He always wore that belt when he was home, so we knew we were always a few belt notches away from a beat down if we were out of line.
I must say that I do agree with most of the points made in this post… bravo stuffblackpeoplehate… bravo. However, I think you pointed out, but did not elaborate enough on the fact that every child reacts to various stimulus different than others, and I’m sure… no I know you can agree. For instance, let us take my brother for example… let us call him… the Unkle. Throughout his childhood he consistently managed to scurry himself into every different kind of mischief known to man and was therefore punished with the following techniques: threats, beatings, woopings, forcing to fix whatever he’d done (will touch on that later), groundings, evil eyes, and everything in between that is just short of… well murder. In other words, the Unkle was/is one of the most stubborn, hard headed ass children you will ever meet. Now, I must also interject that somehow someway my parents managed to push him into being a successful physicist, who is now (at 26 years of age) working towards his PhD while developing some of the nations leading equipment. Now, I’m sure most of you are wondering: what does his PhD have anything to do with the topic at hand? Let me tell you. There came a point in time when my parents finally threw up their hands with my brother and essentially let him either sink or swim when it came to life. My brother is one who consistently believes that it’s his way or the highway (an awful genetic trait that all of the family members on my dads side of the family have) and sometimes seriously believes that the consequences of his actions should not be held against him. Well… since my parents were born yesterday and their mental capacities and abilities were obviously far inferior to his, my brother believed that he was king of the world… until he got into college. That was when reality started to sink in… and proceed to kick his ass. I must say, he’s learned from experience, but he’s still lacking in many areas. In it all though… I believe he’ll be just fine.
MEANWHILE… I do agree with the author on the sheer and utter fright that was ingrained into thy soul when the words “I’m going to tell your father what you’ve done” flowed from the lips of anyone older than thou. I must admit there came a time when my mothers reciprocating physical discipline fell to be nothing but an utter annoyance, since she too was a small woman at 5′5″ 120 (at best)… thus feeling like nothing to me since I was starting adolescence. But the “can I get the number to that truck,” single swing, enough said anvil drop from my fathers hand gives me shudders to this day. I remember vividly, one of my father’s friends (my godfather actually) mentioned to my father one day after seeing me cringe as I walked past my dad (don’t ask what I did to have that fear when crossing his path because one never knew when they had pissed him all the way off) “Man your kids are terrified of you. Damn!” My father’s ensuing response was… “Damn, right. And it will stay that way.” Though I’m pushing 30 and I could certainly out guile my father in a physical contest, I still fear the mighty blow from the original Big Black.
Meanwhile, I’m all for spankings… and I truly don’t care what the law says. MY MOTHER… the same woman who believed in striking me multiple times with a wooden spoon until it broke and then following up with two strikes from a metal spoon… DOES NOT! She is prepped and in line to spoil grandchildren upon their arrival.
In closing, I would like to throw out something that is certain to become a huge debate and probably get my rear end in hot water with possibly both the men and the women here… but I really just don’t care, because it needs to be discussed. Part of the problem that exists with the children these days is the lack of cohesiveness and collaborative discipline between their parents. Quite often (if the parents are still together) a divide exists between parents on discipline… where one parent scolds the other during a disciplinary session with their children. This then makes the child believe that they can utilize such a divide to their advantage and therefore disrespect the other parent… which could then ultimately lead to them disrespecting other adults as well. Single parent households are even worse… as this attitude continues to flow like the river Nile. Now I understand that some people believe that they can raise a child on their own without problems, and maybe they can. Most likely however… No. I’m not claiming to be the worlds expert on raising children and I’m sure most people will say… “Oh you don’t have any children, so who the fuck are you to tell me how to raise a child.” Well, if that statement was said to me in front of the child, then the problem has already begun… because now that child believes they can do anything to me that they want without consequence because they’re momma or poppa will fend for them regardless. WRONG THING TO DO.
This is where I have to revert back to the past. I grew up in the late 70s, early 80s…. which was the dawn of the child abuse laws. My parents and their family… didn’t believe it in one bit. Now when I say that I’m afraid of my father… that fear doesn’t just stop there. It extends all throughout the 12 other brothers and sisters he has… and on into his cousins etc. I believe I was only beaten by my aunts about two or three times… and it was then that I realized that they were just as powerful… if not moreso than my father. The fear started there… and was then elevated when I witnessed two of my cousins get their shit rocked by three of my aunts all at the same time. They never had to beat me again. Of course when my brother came along… something had happened to my aunt and uncles heads such that they refused to beat him. (sigh) Maybe it was the child abuse laws. Ronald Reagan? God? I don’t know.
I’m a big advocate on the term it takes a village to raise a child… and to an extent it is really true. IN my opinion, two parents are needed in a collaborative effort to bring a child up… and all of the environment MUST compliment their teachings. Otherwise the child will be ruined.
I’m a fuckin ruined child @ admiral furious. The worst part is I know it too
I used to get beatings, its required man, you gotta beat ya kids
“I’m a big advocate on the term it takes a village to raise a child… and to an extent it is really true. IN my opinion, two parents are needed in a collaborative effort to bring a child up… and all of the environment MUST compliment their teachings. Otherwise the child will be ruined.”
I got nothing to say about this other than I agree with each and every single word.
I’m a father who doesn’t believe in beating his kid. Getting beatings from my folks exposed them as the first hypocrites I ever met. Not hitting my kid gives me moral authority, I can always ask, “Do I ever hit you? What makes you think it’s OK to hit someone?”
I’ve found that a three minute timeout is just as traumatic to my kid as any kind of corporeal punishment I could give her.
I think you’re right. On its face, beating children is hypocritical. For example: Beating a child because he / she got into a fight at school or because he / she hit a sibling demonstrates that might makes right…
What’s the answer? I don’t know…I was spanked as a child. And my husband and I spank our son; however, it’s usually the last resort.
I firmly believe that once the child is able to reason - that is- beyond a certain level of cognitive ability, spanking does more harm than good because of the hypocritical factor…
I also notice that blacks and other minorities have way too many ass whuppin’ stories.
It CAN’T be healthy.
I know I write way too much stuff on here and I certainly do apologize to each and every other commenter out there as well as Chris… the author. But these are real issues and creates real anger within me when I see these idiot parents not properly raising their children.
Now… again, I know that I am going to get hit from every angle on this one, particularly by the ladies because of the example… but once again these are things that need to be put out there and solutions MUST be devised to save the parents and save the children.
I know of someone who is a single mother, has been married three times, has four children (three boys and one girl) and is pretty much just a complete fuck up in terms of both parenting and being an air consuming human being. Pardon my french, but this woman makes my blood boil. She first got married at the tender age of 20 (with the convincing of her parents… who I won’t get into right now because this post would turn into a best selling 500 page novel) to a man who was only a year her senior. Welp, one day the newly anointed bride decided to take a night on the town with her girlfriends… which ended up with her cheating on her husband inside of a public bathroom. No protection was used and thus resulted in the conception of her first child. After a brief stint, her husband found out the truth and therefore filed for divorce. Out came baby number 1… fatherless. She quickly latched onto a second man (less than a year later) and within months of dating, they foolishly married without getting to know each other. The end results were: two more children (both boys), an abusive and alcohol laden 4 year marriage and divorce number two. Not a year later this girl was ready to get married again after meeting up with a high school sweet heart. Too bad this dude was heavy into drugs… but of course that didnt quite matter until baby number 4 came out and the husbands friends suddenly popped up. They were none too friendly and on came divorce number 3.
So lets recap… shall we? 4 Children from three different men; one of which is fatherless as he was conceived in a bathroom with a complete stranger. Only one of the ex husbands makes an effort to be in his children’s lives, but does not want to take on the responsibility for two children he does not father (can you really blame him to an extent?), and the mother refuses to take a full time job because of her complete and ridiculous reliance on the welfare system.
What does this have to do with children being disciplined? I’ll tell you. This mother runs her mouth about not having to spank her children… and therefore her kids are some of the baddest, most disrespectful little humans on the face of this earth. The oldest (14) and second oldest 11and 1/2 are not completely potty trained and she has done nothing to mitigate the problem. Meanwhile all four children back talk even the grandparents… who in turn want badly to incorporate punishment that sullied their own childhoods, but cowardly do not in fear that their daughter would abandoned them and never bring the children around again.
I on the other hand… do not give a shxx what the mother says. One day, I was at the house with the grandmother, my cousin, and the third child. The child was absolutely out of control… obviously under the influence of too much caffeine… and was jumping up and down on the sofa, swinging the sofa pillows wildly all while yelling a rap song that he’d recently heard on Viacom Run BET. The grandmother repeatedly told the child to sit his butt down, but of course the child didn’t listen and even said something along the lines of… ‘I’m lil wayne… I’m walkin it out!’
Eventually, one of the pillows flew out of the childs hand and smacked the grandmother right in her face while she was doing the dishes, her glasses clattering to the floor. The child decided to land face down on the sofa in an attempt to hide from any consequences he knew was coming… but nothing prepared him for what came next.
I, the Admiral, reached down and grabbed his left wrist with my right hand… and held the little 6 year old up above the sofa, his little feet dangling helplessly, his eyes wide with utter shock. In a commanding voice, I forced him to apologize to his grandmother in the tone and method I preferred… with him having to repeat it three times until he faced his grandmother and said it right. Before the third time… he gave me the look of ‘N*gga who do you think you’re holding up right now.’ But the winding open left hand and the look of ‘The hell do you think you’re going to do’ coming from me made him think otherwise. From that day forward, the child never disrespected me and ALWAYS wanted me to play with him from that day forward. The mother was informed of the situation, but never brought up an issue with what I had executed.
Now, despite the fact that I’m pleased with the child straightening up around me, I wish that such discipline was more consistent in his life and the lives of his siblings. Not long after the incident described in the previous paragraph happened, a family argument erupted regarding some unnecessary security controls that one of uncles had placed onto the grandparents network. My gf, myself, and the grand parents were all arguing with the 22 year old uncle… regretfully directly in front of the children. (Their mother’s bad for not removing the children rightfully… but equally our bad for not being mindful). Anyhow, eventually… the issue got heated and I happened to over hear the oldest child begin disrespecting his uncle. NOW… I don’t give a crap about how much I dislike my gf brother… NO CHILD will EVER disrespect an elder just because they’ve heard another elder says something bad about them. Again, an arm was grabbed, the finger was pointing and directly in front of the grandfather I scolded the child for saying such negative words. To my surprise the grandfather backed me up. I never heard the child speak badly of the man again. What did the mother do? Nothing.
Later on… the mother got into an argument with the single ex husband that was actually active in his children’s lives… and therefore prohibited him (with a symphony of expletives and colorful metaphors) told him he was no longer welcome to see his own children. After that, she gathered her girls to her parents house and began talking very badly about the man and that she was a strong black woman capable of raising her children on her own.
I have a mouth that continuously gets me in trouble… and that day certainly was no exception. I pointed out everything that was wrong with her parenting style and what was wrong with her kids… and made my point exceptionally clear that was actually an unfit mother to care for 4 children. (yes the kids were out of the house… frolicking with their grandparents). THis of course prompted the other women to take the mothers side… and I was completely appalled at the attitude until my gf pointed out that the three chicken heads all were single mothers with jammed up children as well. (sigh) Needless to say, my gf and I were chased out of the house by nashing teeth and claws (long fingernails)
Back to the lack of potty training. Long story short… the two oldest boys had wet the bed that their grand parents had in their room. The grandparents were livid. The grandparents finally exploded at the mother… who in turn said and I quote “Its not my fault that they can’t control their bladders at night! I’m a single mother trying to raise these kids on my own! I have no help.”
If I could rewind the previous two paragraphs I would.
First of all, it is her fault that her children are wetting the bed. Its her fault that she failed to properly potty train them at night (getting them up in the middle of the night while they were still young and having them pee in the toilet). Its her fault that she gives them glasses of kool aid within 15 minutes of their bedtime (which in fact exponentially raises the probability of soiled sheets and mattress). She’s the mother… its her job. Of course that job would be easier if she had a husband around… but her choices have been rather shabby when it comes to that topic. I needn’t reiterate.
These bad parents will rear bad children who will therefore become bad parents in the future. The problem is… we as a community need to stop bashing each other and come together to help our own children. I know it sounds like something you hear on the news when a child gets shot… but its compeltely true. And whats more is… we as a people need to help these parents raise their children properly…. while these bad parents need to HEED to such help and guide their kids in the right direction as EARLY as possible.
Unfortunately… children who have been exposed to years of improper training may not be saveable. But then again I don’t have ALL the answers and I hope I’m wrong there.
Theres more that I wanted to say here… but I’m losing my thought processes here and multitasking is a bitch.
lol @ admiral furious, i thought you were chris until you apologized to him - http://www.anythingblack.wordpress.com
Well, this website has some answers: http://www.medicinenet.com/child_abuse/page3.htm
My recommendation is: If you have children, you need to be aware of a few things….Most notably-how to be a fucking adult your damned self. That includes restraining yourself from lashing out at a child in anger - which seems to be the case with many of these lemmie tell you ’bout this ass whuppin’ I got tales that Blacks and other minorities like to tell.
And-sad but true: Many parents (well meaning and not so well meaning) have been brought up on charges of child abuse for a few interesting reasons.
Think it’s OK to beat your child in the parking lot of the department store after they misbehaved in the store? Think again…
http://archives.cnn.com/2002/US/Midwest/09/28/video.child.beating/index.html
I’ll bet if some of the folks here visit this link, it will take them back to their own childhoods…Well, guess what-today, such behavior is not considered to be OK: http://www.nospank.net/revallen.htm
“On its face, beating children is hypocritical. For example: Beating a child because he / she got into a fight at school or because he / she hit a sibling demonstrates that might makes right…”
Who says you can’t (or even shouldn’t) be hypocritical with your kids? Children need to be taught that they will be expected to be fair with other people even when other people aren’t necessarily fair with them. In short, they need to learn that life’s a bitch…and they need to have some hint of this before they hit high school and shoot everybody because they think life should be fair all the time, but it isn’t*.
Why do we think that a three minute timeout is real punishment? A friggin timeout to a child is exactly what it is to an athlete - a resting period where the taker of the timeout gets to plan their next series of shenanigans, and evaluate the events that led to the timeout in the first place. All a timeout does is encourage a child to become sneakier.
If you wanna avoid the beatings and the terror, fine. But get outta here with the timeout bullshit. Ground your child for weeks at a time, and I mean fucking GROUND EM:
Take the TV and the xBox outta that little fucker’s room, and fuckin’ sell em. Smash his cellphone and iPod before his very eyes. Restrict his network access to Wikipedia ONLY so he can do his homework, and check the computer’s security logs EVERYDAY to make sure that little chicken shit isn’t reinstalling the chat programs you deleted from the computer. Are the security logs inexplicably empty? The kid’s hiding something! Throw the computer off a bridge! A disconnected child is a miserable child. Apply the misery LIBERALLY.
MAKE THAT FUCKER PAY AND LEARN WHAT CONSEQUENCES REALLY ARE.
Or, just beat your kids. Then when you’re done beating them, beat someone else’s kids.
*They’ll also do it because they’re fucking nuts
Think beating your kid in the department store parking lot after a bout of bad behavior in the department store is OK? Think again: http://archives.cnn.com/2002/US/Midwest/09/28/video.child.beating/index.html
I am willing to wager that if some of the folks here visit this link, it will take them back to their own childhood….Today-such behavior is not considered to be OK: http://www.nospank.net/revallen.htm
Think that beating your child for bad grades is OK?…It may well be…but you can still be arrested for it: http://www.local10.com/news/14272481/detail.html
Admiral, perhaps you have difficulty focusing because you were beaten as a child.
Teaching kids about hypocrisy by being hypocritical …
I’ll pass on that particular parenting technique-thanks!
This ‘fair treatment’ B.S. is why kids run around calling adults by their first names.
@Uhura - You beat your kids, but only when it’s not a result of them beating someone else. To this effect, I can only assume you’ve told your children that violence is wrong…and yet you beat them.
I think you’ve officially NOT passed on that particular parenting technique, and I applaud you for it
Perhaps… Uhura.. perhaps. Or perhaps its because I have four computer screens in front of me with data flashing before my eyes that I have to process real time, all while writing these blogs.
Spankings were mainstay in society for centuries and only recently have they found their way onto the endangered species list… because of emotionally scarred children who didn’t want to get spanked have made their way into politics. It amazes me that since the 1970s, people’s attitudes on spanking has made an about face… while every generation before was an avid believer… and in turn allowed other people to beat their children… before they themselves got a hold of them. Even in the catholic church… nuns utilized rulers and paddles to enact discipline in the children who defied those in authority… all in the name of God. These people then grew up to be great leaders and pushed many countries into directions that made them soar into the greatness of success. Just this weekend, I saw a black and white movie where a child attempted to run away from his foster mother… who in turn caught him and applied at least six hand to the ass spankings before the camera faded to black.
Where are we now?
Spankings are a method of enforcement… and consequence. When a child does something wrong… pain might be an enforcement to keep the child from doing it again. Some children react to it… others ignore it (ie The Unkle).
Let me throw this out there. You tell your child… don’t touch the stove… you’ll get burned. You have to repeat that over and over and finally spank the child and they stop trying to touch the stove. Consequences of not listening.
Meanwhile… lest look at it a different way. Child tries to touch the stove multiple times and results in a sit in the corner with a dunce cap. Child is unaffected by the method of humiliation and proceeds to touch the stove. Child burns themselves… and is therefore crying due to PAIN… more pain than they would if they were spanked. You take child to hospital. Hospital reports burn to protective services. Protective services deems you an unfit parent and takes your child.
I think spanking is more affective. But thats my opinion. And Uhura, please tone down the cursing. If you curse like this to us, I wonder what kind of mouth your child has.
Additionally, I’d like to point out that the idiot parents that are stupid enough to spank their children in public are stupid enough to get caught on tape. THis is something my mother would also profess. When we were younger… and acting up in a store… my mother would give us the look… the look of, ‘this is your last warning before you get tore up at home.’ My brother was a repeat offender at ignoring such a look.
On our way home, We would then forget all about our misbehavior and think everything is hunky dory. Little did we know that the woman operating the motor vehicle in the front seat was temporarily being invaded by the devil… thus planning various methods of pain application to our behinds and legs. The shock and surprise of her suddenly coming at us with her hand, belt, shoe, hanger, etc was horrifying then… but overly FUNNY now.
I digress… only recently have children become out of control… backtalking other adults, and disrespecting those who would NEVER have been disrespected in years previous. So what changed? Quite a bit. Times have changed most certainly. But so have these parents. They’re weak hearted and soft. And they allow children to participate in and therefore believe that they are allowed to speak as/in adult conversations.
Guilt.
Guilt.
Guilt.
I have never feared my parents, but they were always really good at keeping me in line solely using their disappointment with me. I would always asked to be yelled at, but no - they were upset and disappointed.
Guilt. Catholicism helps. “You like that? It must not be good. Go pray.” My parents used God to keep me in line. I feared hell fire. Simple as that.
Pardon me greenstuff, but I stated that we spank our son as a last resort. I never mentioned any specifics.
My other comments were for discussion / topic exploration purposes only.
I refuse to share the details of my life with some stranger on the Internet. And you have demonstrated the reason why.
My Dearest Admiral
1) Please refrain from any references to my son and what his vocabulary may or may not be. I could easily get inappropriately personal with you & talk about your parents and their inability to control your sibling….because we all know that a badly behaved kid can always be traced to bad parenting right?
2) Stop making yourself look like a sexist two faced jerk: Yes-I typed the word fucking but someone else here used the word FUCKER and that person was referring to a child as in
MAKE THAT FUCKER PAY AND LEARN WHAT CONSEQUENCES REALLY ARE.
yet…interestingly… you issued no “tone it down” request to them.
I will not even point out what happened on the Fashion Foibles discussion…But alas there was a distinct LACK of you requesting folks to tone down their vulgarity on that thread…
Yes-it’s your blog; however, hypocrisy and triple standards applied to visitors / participants is not the way to go if you want it to be a success.
Thanks!
A loyal supporter of your blog,
Uhura
Dude, I am not Admiral Furious. Why the hell does everyone think I am?
An FAQ page’ll be posted to the blog soon to clear this issue (and many others) up.
I am well aware that you are not Admiral Furious.
Admiral Furious asked ME to tone down curse words but gave your ass a pass.
And the fact that you used the word “dude” leaves me wondering what a teenager is doing on this blog during school hours.
You…do…realize that this is my blog and not the Admiral’s….right?
I think this was me…”Their pain tolerances increase. They learn to meditate the pain away like Shaolin Monks. Eventually, the beatings go from being a source of genuine fear to merely being a nuisance.”
Nothing hurts more than the Lecture.. Oh you disappoint me, how could you… all that stuff to really make you think about the “wrong” that was committed against humanity. Those were the worst because it took time. The beatings you’d get over, but the talking, shit I would ask if she wanted me to get the belt.
Admiral I was raised by a single woman and she was and still is NO JOKE!!!! She has a way with words like no other. Now I understand her, I used to say some crazy ish, back then, I wanted to call BCW lol. (shaking at the memories)…love ya mama
No-I did not realize that.
I thought it was Admiral’s Blog.
So-I can basically ignore his ass. Thanks for the clarification.
BTW-
“…open-hand spanking on the buttocks or extremities”
That’s my definition of ‘beating’. That’s all you need. I didn’t say parents should confront their children in the octagon or anything.
This guy thinks otherwise: http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=beat
Holy $hit-that guy is ultra funny…
Uhura,
1) Do not take personal stabs and me and I will gratefully respect your wishes.
2) In what way am I being a sexist two faced jerk? In NO way have I taken any shots at anyone other than stating facts and opinions.
But since you will now ignore me, I don’t expect you to provide an answer. Thank God.
I think it depends on the child honestly.
Some kids are just on chill mode 110% of the time and never get into trouble.
Some kids are ok but may fuck up a few times here or there.
And some kids just get in trouble for the hell of it.
All I’m trying to say is, you know your child better than anyone else. What works on one child may not work on another. If parents started disciplining their children when they were toddlers, everything wouldn’t spiral out of control and people wouldn’t be askin what happened to lil boo-boo when he gets locked up at 25 for armed robbery.
Think About It.
Admiral F-You have significant memory recall issues and this is probably due to the severe beatings you received as a child.
Fear not-everything you wrote is still here on the blog!
Thank you brran1. That is part of what I was trying to say WHILE justifying spankings. I agree with 100% of what you just said.
MEANWHILE… I’d like to know what people think of the corporal punishment that is handed down in countries like… oh lets say… Singapore. Remember several years ago when a teenager went out and spray painted a bunch of people’s cars… including those belonging to politicians. What happened to him? Do you remember? They took a bamboo cane and beat him.
–Thoughts
Predictably-people will not be on board with that Singapore crap.
It may interest you to know that beating children is very common in Africa. I don’t think it’s doing any good though…
Uhura, I asked a question and you gave a smart assed answer.
Show me how I’m being a sexist. Quote it. I’ll be glad to retort.
If not, please… put a sock in it.
Admiral-are you actually the product of a finctional two-parent home? Just curious : )
functional –ooops!
You’re being sexist by requesting that I tone down language but not asking the same from males who are engaging in similar behavior. Then you wrap it up in a nice guilty mommy bow.
Considering both my brother and I have multiple advanced technical degrees and are successful contributors to society… I think its safe to say that our upbringing was and still is more than functional.
For you m’lady, I cannot say the same. Obviously your reading ability is most lacking as you claim (with possible cynicism) that you confused Chris, who is a friend of mine, with me. Being that we both happened to mention two different things from our pasts under the same blog, one with common sense would have been able to decipher the fact that Admiral Furious and the author stuffblackpeoplehate are two different people. You may or may not have… but one cannot determine how facetious another is being simply by reading words.
Uhura, I respect you… I’m sure you’re a wonderful black woman outside of this blog. But at this point, you’re making me yawn. You misinterpret what I write and you attempt to attack me with loose and irrational accusations. With that said, I’m certain that your childhood was unfortunately grim and gloomy… thus rendering the angry fire breathing, men hating woman you are today.
Good day.
Yikes Admiral, Remind me to stay on your good side. lol
First of all, no one said anything directly to me… you did. Second of all, there have been plenty of other women on this board who have used profanities that I have said nothing to.
So once again, please find a rational argument to throw at me or be quiet.
Sorry Kia, that was not toward you. That was toward Uhura.
OMG! I just stumbled on this blog today. I seriously have tears in the wells of my eyes. This is so funny! BTW -if you really want to see some kids destroy their parents in public try shopping in Dunwoody or Alpharetta. Mid morning is best. I was in Target in Alpharetta last Friday shopping for a close friend’s daughter and there it was…little “Julie” have a BF with her mom. As I ducked behind a rack of clearance Winnie the Pooh jammys, she said it. “Weave me alone you stinky bitch!!” Was she stinky? Not sure, but lets just say I think the mother could smell what “Julie” was cooking, so she left her alone.
I know, lol. That’s why I am gonna stay on the good side. But keep up the blows lol, it’s making my day go by a lot faster
Care to mention your one “successful contribution to society” Admiral? Or is that just the fact that you finished school and do not make minimum wage? You are starting to sound like one of those ppl described in “Master’s Degrees” sooo darn proud of themselves for not dropping out multiple times out of their multiple advanced programs, they just gotta shove it in everybody elses face.
Admiral you are one of the most rambling individuals I have ever met in my life…
LOL.
Hello
I am one of the women that use profanities all this site all the time.
That being said this shit can be simplified easily: Burlap
I have worked with children for many years and what makes for a lousy badly behaved child in my experience is a lazy ass parent. Meaning they are too lazy to actually put the energy into thinking of creative new ways to out think their children and to create miserable consequences for undesirable behaviors or actions.
Every child has a currency as parents you are to figure out that currency is and capitalize. Not all children are affected by beatings some are thrown over the edge by it and totally rebel. But they all have some shit they really love. You find out what is most precious to them and take control of their access to it. Works every time, tried and true. I’m so tired of having parental conferences where the mother or dad is complaining about their wit’s end (parents who yell and beat, I’ve seen it) and meanwhile their child is playing with a brand new PSP and adorned in the flyest new sneakers. I was on the train the other day with some friends and we all looked on in shock as we saw these 14 year olds acted the damn fool. The Damn fool! My friends quickly responded with the general these kids need they ass beat. First of all most of them are probably getting the knocked in the head as it is. They fight each other for fun, being able to take a solid hit only affords more street cred. and bragging rights (which is why we hear about vicious parental beatings all the time). My response to these children acting like human apes was: BURLAP. I looked at these children decked out in their expensive hood clothes and shook my head. If my children dared to behave outside of my will and good judgment they’d be wearing burlap pants with accompanying burlap Fred Flintstone tunics in front of all their little friends, hand crafted by me because I care enough to do the very best. Why? Because I’m only obligated by law to provide food, water, clothing. And best believe a humble kid will not be showing his or her ass.
There are a wide range of toys and special deserts and special outings that children love and their parents have power to give them access. But lazy and albeit tired ass parents ignore, throw things in anger without actually sitting down and correcting the child and they don’t take the time to figure out where to get them where it hurts if beatings aren’t cutting it. You know there was more than one model for slavery, so if something is not working go to plan B, then C. And if that ain’t working send them to live with a relative in the south (or where ever your people are from) away from their bad influences and away from the other kids so they don’t corrupt them too. Any good system must evolve in order to maintain control.
You know back in the days when children HAD to wear burlap sacks to school, they knew how to say good evening, please, thank you, yes sir, or no ma’am. This expensive Northface having children are rude as hell.
Yep, beatings are good. I say we return to a time when whippins were allowed. Back to the stern days of our grandparents.
Back to the 1950’s.
Back to where a white man could beat a nignag’s ass until he straightened up and got in line. These blacks today are unruly. They need a good assbeatin’ to make ‘em act right. Teach ‘em to respect. Once they fear the white man, they will respect and obey him.
when my parents spanked me, it didn’t make me fear them. It made me hate them. It made me LOSE respect for them, because, having many siblings, at least once every few months I’d get a beating for something I didn’t do. But frankly, they didn’t care. Even when they beat me for something I did do, it just made me not want to be around them. It put a distance between us. It made me afraid to express myself to them at all because they had the power to hurt me. I always felt most relaxed and most happy when I was not home.
To top it all off, the hypocrisy of my parents lead to true resentment. Every once in a while my parents would *make us* do things we all knew were wrong. Then when we stole food cuz we were hungry, we got a beatin.
It’s like parents get off on this power they have over children. More than once, my parents laughed at my pain while being beaten. Nice. That made me feel AWESOME. Is this what Gitmo prisoners feel like?
thank you AnMarie, you hit it. Control access to what the child loves for negative reinforcement. And on the flip side:
GIVE THE CHILD WHAT HE NEEDS for positive reinforcement!
I took food cuz I was hungry. Feed me.
I spray painted the bridge cuz you weren’t home at 1am to stop me. Pay attention to me.
I looked at your porno tapes cuz I was curious. Educate me.
I ran away to that older dude’s apt. cuz I needed a hug. Love me.
Ok, I was waiting for this little back and forth to be over. I think we do have to realize the difference between discipline and child abuse. Spanking your kids is nothing, hell taking em behind the woodshed may seem a little extreme but that’s far more acceptable than say pulling their hair, smacking your toddler in the face MULTIPLE times at the Verizon center (this was horrifying to be honest) just because they ran off, or punching them to the point the bruise or bleed.
THAT is beating your kids, but I guarantee you the kids who know nothing about discipline are the ones who were allowed to back talk, scream at, and even strike their parents with no thought of consequences. Quoting my allies up top, these are the little fuckers who deserve harsh discipline. If you don’t they become the ones who stay in their garage all day building God knows what then taking that unrelented sonofabitchism to school.
Reading your latest entry gave me an idea for my next topic for Stuff White Parents Like: Time Outs!
LOL!
http://stuffwhiteparentslike.wordpress.com/
Mr. Smith, Kids only become horrible talking back monsters when they are already spoiled into behaving that way, in that case harsh spankings are only a temporary bandaid fix for the public embarassment. And it might not even work, that kinda kid only gets louder and more insane. You have to put into work of systems of consequence and rewards for all their behavior and be strong enough to be consistant. If there’s consistant structure in their lives and they are aware of your expectations then they won’t even be an issue in the store. But who takes the the time out for that, people just knock the shit out of their kids as things come up. Parenting is not some kind of video game in which all problems can be solved by wacking and smashing, you’re trying to train a decent human being into existence. That’s alot of freaking work that requires tons of thought and even just a tiny bit of wacking and smacking here is not a sub. for a plan and thought out lessons for your children.
Har D. Har - Definately Love and attention should be a given parental requirement, true that, and rewards of positive reinforcement for good behavior, always ness. BTW I’m sorry that you had that experience.
Wack-a-mole parenting does nothing but teach your kid to not get caught, if they’re smart and lucky enough to figure that out. You have to put some real thought into tormenting them or you’re doomed to getting hauled in Protective Services. When they act up in public, you just have to grab a handful of underwear and lift them up on their toes. Works every time and really, what’s a bystander going to do? Call and say that they saw you giving your kids wedgies in public?
Get creative people.
They are basically adorable little savages that need to be tricked and manipulated into behaving in a civilised and intelligent manner. If you put some thought into it, you can have a lot of fun. A lot more fun than whacking them or putting them into time out will ever bring either of you.
Perhaps it was just me, but unlike most of the people who’ve commented, I had a unyielding fear of my mother growing up. True, she was a single parent, so there was no one else to fear, but, she was just as intimidating. I wasn’t beaten much. Instead, she used ‘persuasive dialogue’. Example: As a child one day I became fidgety while waiting for the bus and decided to go buy a soda before it came. I missed the bus. Rather than go home and hide/call mom’s, I ran to school. She never knew about it until 2 years ago (and I’m 24 years old). Granted, I don’t know much about parenting, and I’m not quite sure if I want children, but I think a good deal of stern dialogue and a wee bit of spanking’s in order. I do agree that once they reach a certain age, dialogue should be relied more heavily upon, if not as the sole form of discipline.
Well as a Dominican (who make their kids kneel in rice under the hot sun) who went to Catholic school from K-12 the beatings and yokings were relentless. My mom had the flying chancleta (slipper), the rice spoon, and the belt ready and the nuns always had the rulers poised. Because I was a chicken, I feared the beatings and would try to keep my smart-ass/witty repartee, rolled-up uniform skirt, and sneaked cigarettes in check -but that shit was scarring, I loathed everyone and planned their methodical iron maiden exceutions in my head. I thought nuns and priests were evil godless people, I had no reverence or respect for those fuckers.
All that taught me was to be sneaky, crafty, and learn how to earn my degree at Grifter U. I never became “good” and I never stopped doing the shit my ass would get beaten for! Take that Sr. Maureen!
Punish them. Lock up the video games like I tell my students’ parents to do. Don’t buy those blood suckers shit. Make ‘em wear sneakers from Payless or even worse - the horror - last season’s Jordans! The inhumanity! Arizona jeans from JCP! A Coby walkman! You heartless bitch!
Restriction always worked wonders on me when I was past the “spanking” age…you mean I’d lose my Nintendo controllers for a whole quarter of school until I got my shit together in the classroom?
Talk about long study hours…fuck!
Furthermore, Uhura should read the “Why You Shouldn’t Read This Blog” section and then commit seppuku.
Geesh seriously, we agree again. I didn’t want to go here what the hell was that shit about Africa: “…beating children is very common in Africa. I don’t think it’s doing any good though…” Hell does this mean?
I definately haven’t been all over the continent, huge as it is, but i’ve been to 3 African countries and I guess people spanked ( didn’t see it) , but anytime I spent alot of time in a particular village or community people treated their children as treasure. Even if they do use spanking they took time to actually teach and hug their children rather than trying to buy love with materials. In Ghana traditional education even including how to wash your butt was a structured part of home life. I taught in a village there for a bit and those kids were the best kids ever i loved them and so eager to learn. Now I haven’t been every where in Africa but every child I met was cool with me, can’t say that about American kids.
as a teacher of students with emotional disabilities, i see the decline of parenting year after year. the kids are running the parents!
it’s sad when over the past twenty years the concept of behavior self-contained classrooms have increased. what is the world coming to?
not to mention parents coming up to the school disrespecting the staff, cussing and what not. i’ve witnessed a parent tell her child not to listen to principal! i can go on, but i’m sleepy! great blog!
Admiral F: I have multiple degrees too-including an MBA; however, I don’t need to channel my degrees in an online entertainment blog in an effort to give weight to my opinions.
And the other respondent was quite correct-you are one rambling mofo.
Why don’t you try not revealing every detail of your wacky personal life in the blog?
I realize that you don’t like me or my opinions… but unless the owner of the blog bans me from this spot - I’ll be here.
Annmarie-It mens exactly what it looks like it means.
Spanking is very common in Africa (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spanking)-and it ain’t doing a whole lot of good: That continent is a hot mess.
LoLo is on to something that I believe strongly in terms of parenting.
I want to give my son the tools to make good decisions in my absence because I will not always be there.
Parenting by Terror or Whack-a-mole Parenting is only as effective as 1) an authority figure’s presence or 2) the possibility of an authority figure discovering the wrongdoing.
I feel like childhood training based on this will translate into an adult who only does the right thing when there’s a good chance of getting caught doing the wrong thing… Not an adult who does the right thing because it’s the right thing to do.
Now that my son is old enough to think certain things through, my first choice is talking about what happened and then taking away privileges / subtracting from the weekly allowance.
Anmarie,
I don’t have kids I’m still in college, but the whole disciplining them well before they’re at the point of being candidates for those british nanny shows is what I’m talking about. There is seriously nothing wrong with spanking your kids if they have done something WRONG or have been blatantly disrespectful, which is what I’m pretty sure most of the beating stories are talking about. We’re not talking about a New Orleans police or LAPD style smackdown or round house dragon kick to the child’s face.
Angry ver. 3.2 brought up a great point about restrictions along with grounding, not only telling your kids they can’t play video games, but taking the controllers, games, memory slots whatever (Oh snap they knew about those!? My parents were on point with that stuff).
Subtracting their allowance or taking the car keys away work too. They drive all their friends to school and lug their sports gear around? Too bad, they should have thought about that before they decided to cross you.
I have wondered, although very briefly, about just how it came to that it was once acceptable to whip a child with a belt. Seriously, anyone who has ever gotten the belt knows just what I’m saying about how warped that shit is.
My mom was truly creative about her corporal punishments, even when she was being brutal. Being sent out to the tree to cut your own switch for your asswhippin used to be at least half the punishment for me. And oh yes, she was also a wielder of the flying shoe. I actually have been tempted to let loose with a shoe at times with my own kids but noooooo, I’m one of these enlightened parents that hope my kids will take care of me in my old age.
Those of us who teach know that the students who get beat mercilessly tend to have the most behavioral problems while those who have parents that are actively involved in their children’s education in a positive way tend to be the best.
Just sayin…
Anon -Those of us with eyeballs know that…
@ Mr. Smith as Oprah would say to people who love spankings; “you just don’t know how damaged you are”. Next time you find it difficult to relate to someone positively in a relationship, or have major issues with someone giving you orders at work although the person is your boss (just some examples not ness. you) it can all be traced back to your parents beating the crap out of you. Maybe not but I thought it was perfectly fine too untill I learned better. And if you can do better…
@Uhura. Africa the whole continent is a hot mess not because of the history of Colonialism, Arabic Slave Trade, Eurpean and American Slave Trade, not because of religious genocide and ethnic genocide fueled by European evil genius not because of the world bank and corruption. etc… But because of spanking, right…
My how I love the First Amendment.
It’s a hot mess because of all those things and the whole situation is made worse by a nation of adults who were abused as children….who grew up to think nothing of physical brutality and who continue to abuse their own children.
In your first paragrapg you spoke about the damage that spanking does. So drop the PC crap OK?
Man, for a split second here I wanted to spank half the people on this site.
Next!
If someone actually loved the First Amendment, they wouldn’t be constantly telling folks to shut up.
I smell Bullshit.
Need I say that I love this blog. People with thought provoking conversation. People willing to agree to disagree. It’s just great. I don’t have children nor do I see them coming anytime soon but I know that when we were growing up and had a whooping or two, we would always say that we would never do that to our kids. Maybe it was just me… lol. Either way, these kids today for the most part do need some restrictions, but what we fail to realize is that a lot of these kids are being raised by kids themselves. I believe that my generation had a high teen pregnancy rate. They don’t know any more than our parents did when they were raising us. I have seen with my own eyes kids no more than 10 years old hustling (not drugs) on the train. Why the hell do they need money, oh because they want those new kicks. What about an allowance? Some of these kids curse worse than a sailor. Why are these babies out here on the train hustling? And if you think that I am making this up ride the A train in NYC from Harlem to BK. It’s serious. Some parents are lacking the patience that is needed to raise children. A spanking every now and then is needed, physical torture is not.